The Saxon Bride (The Norman Conquest Series) (25 page)

Beside himself with angst, John paced
Emma's chamber.

"Be calm. The king would certainly not abuse your wife."

John stopped to glare at his friend. "Think you he cares whose wife she is?"

"Ah!"
Emma slapped at his arm, a small smile playing on her lips. "John, you are being ridiculous. William would never be so cruel."

"She is a Saxon." Finally voicing his concerns aloud, John was hit with an overwhelming wave of fear for Rowena. William did not value the Saxons
. "I have to go to her."

The woman rounded her eyes. She pulled at his arm. "Do not take leave of your senses! The king will have you flogged if you burst in there like this."

John wrenched his arm away, turning toward her. "Do you think I do not realize what the king will do?" His voice boomed but he couldn't help himself. "That is my greatest fear."

He jerked the door open and came up against two of Wil
liams' own guards about to knock on the wooden door.

"Oh, Sir John, we have come to take you to the king."

John glanced beyond them. "Where is my wife?"

"John."
Emma's warning tone cut through John's fear.

Taking a stead
ying breath, he dipped his head in acquiescence. "Then lead the way."

With every step John's body tensed but he fought his panic. He could do nothing to protect Rowena if he was thrown into William's dungeon. How could he have been so foolish? He had to obey the king's summons but he should have come up with a plan to
avoid being separated from her. He prayed she was safe.

"Ah, John." The king stood just inside the empty room, the door open as he apparently awaited John's arrival.

"My lord." John bowed respectively and clenched his jaw shut. He needed to be careful with what he said.

The king motioned for the guards to close the door
, but one remained stationed inside. His hand not far from his sword. Did the king anticipate trouble?

"Please, sit." William indicated a chair to the right of the one he'd taken. "It has been a long time since last we've seen each other. How fare you? Or more specifically, how
fares your lovely wife?"

John breathed slowly through his nose and carefully unclenched his teeth. "I am well as
was my wife the last time I saw her."

Damn. The king raised a quizzical brow
.

Answer only what is asked.

"Then I would say you fare very well. She is a lovely Saxon."

The title bristled him. He dare not speak
of it.

"Have you won her over as she claims?"

Rowena said that?

"We have come to an understanding."

"Aye, as I knew you would." William poured him a drink from the gold pitcher on the table at his elbow. He offered it to John. "And what does she know of her cousin?"

Accepting the cup, John fought to give no indication of what he was thinking. "My lord?"

"Come, John," William threw back his drink in one swallow. "Surely, you've heard the rumors?"

John frowned in feigned concentration
.

"Her cousin Leofrid?"

"Ah, yes. Her cousin. She had many cousins."

Damn, William's eyes narrowed slightly. John's heart beat faster.

"Yes, John, but only one of them is still rumored to be alive." William raised one eyebrow in clear indication of his irritation.

"There have always been
rumors. I do not believe there is any truth in them." He swallowed his drink and took a chance. "Did you not wish to hear about Arthur?"

William tipped his head up, then nodded. "Yes, Arthur. Quite a disappointment, that one."

"How so?" A sinking feeling made its way into his gut. Could the king have had something to do with the brutality Arthur inflicted?

"He swore his loyalty but fell short of his duty." The king's eyes pierced John's. "I would not like to say the same of you, my son."

"I have been right alongside you, fighting every battle as my own. How could you compare me with that man?"

"Have you been accepted by your wife's
people?"

They are my people.
John dare not voice the thought. "Yes."

The big man breath
ed a sigh of relief and slumped in his seat. "Good. I knew I could trust you. Your loyalty comes from good stock."

All sound ceased.

"I do not understand."

William's eyes rounded slightly, then he glanced away. "Oh just the ramblings of an old man."

John searched his face. Did this man know who his sire was? Who his mother was?

Sitting forward suddenly, William cleared his throat. "So John, I need you to stay ready in case the rumors are correct. If Leofrid is still alive, he needs to be killed. Do you understand?"

"You want me to kill my wife's cousin?"

The king seemed taken aback by the question. "Of course, John. They're only Saxons. Their family loyalty does not run as deep as yours and mine."

He inclined his head.

William stood and John followed him to the door.

"Fare thee well, John. Enjoy your little wife."

John stood outside the closed door, facing the still crowded Great Hall. The king had taken time away from his duty to question him and Rowena. He must know that Leofrid was indeed alive. It would kill Rowena to lose her cousin.
John could not kill the man in cold blood. He headed back to Emma's chamber, going up the stairs two at a time.

"John." Rowena turned to him as he was bade entry
. She came into his arms, her body shaking slightly.

"Are you not well? Were you hurt?" John's need to defend his lady cut to the core of his being.

"Oh, no, John. I am fine." She turned back toward Emma who stood beside the window seat she'd just vacated. "We have been discussing the king and perhaps why he wanted our attendance at this wedding."

"Please, John, do not feel you must stay."
Emma stepped closer, her hand on his arm. "It has been a most trying time for the both of you. The king will not notice your absence. I assure you."

"Then we shall leave as soon as Rowena is ready."

"I am ready now." Rowena's enthusiasm for the long trip surprised John.

"Are you certain?"

"I wish to be home. All this pomp and circumstance makes me sad for old times. I do not wish to dwell on the past. I wish to start anew with you."

Emma
beamed her agreement in the smile she bestowed. "Yes, John, take your lady wife home and care for her."

"Aye. We will leave anon."

§

The roads were dark when they came to the first inn along the road. Creatures of the night offered their greeting as John helped Rowena dismount
.

"We will not be kept apart this night."

Rowena shivered at his whispered words.

There had been no time for them to be together in such a long time. She just wished to be held and cherished by this man she loved.

The only room available was gladly passed up by the rest of the group. They willingly chose other accommodations as if sensing the need for their lord and lady to have some time alone.

"John, did the king speak ill of me?"

The courage required to ask the question vanished as soon as the words were spoken. Why did she need to hear the answer? Better not to know for certain.

John
took her in his arms, holding her head against his shoulder. "My love, any ill spoken of you would be answered at the end of my sword."

Rowena pulled back to look up at him. His eyes twinkled with the mischi
ef of his words. "My lord, I prefer you alive. No words can touch me if you do not lose faith in me."

A dark cloud seemed to pass over his features and he released his hold. He stood by the small window overlooking the woods surrounding the small inn. He looked to have the weight of the world on his shoulders. Rowena suddenly feared what he might say.

"John, I—"

"No, Rowena, you must let me speak." John interrupted her, but did not turn toward her.

Her heart sank. After his words of love in the Hall, there had been no time for questions. She had been swept away for a private audience. Did he wish to take back his words?

"I have something I must tell you that may change your feelings toward me."

Nothing could stop her from loving this man. He was everything to her and with him by her side, she would be able to move forward in this land they now called England.

"I was at the battle where your uncle and father were killed."

John faced her. There was a darkness in his eyes she'd never seen before. As if he was revisiting the carnage again. She looked away. She did not want to relive that day. Her nightmares had been made up of those memories for so long. She just wanted happy memories now.

"Please, John—"

"I would not speak of it if it did not need to be said."

Rowena took a deep, fortifying breath. "As you wish."

"No, it is not my wish. It was never my wish. I had seen enough death in those days to haunt me for the rest of my life." He looked off into the distance.

A shiver of fear ran down Rowena's spine and she knew she did not want to hear his words.

"I had ordered my men to take as many of the Saxons alive as they could. I saw no reason to murder when they had clearly lost the day. Most of the soldiers continued to fight, pressing forward into crowds of my soldiers even though they knew they could not survive. They came willingly to die."

Tears filled Rowena's eyes at the picture his words created in her mind
.

"Your father was just as proud."

Her breath caught. He had seen her father killed?

"I begged him to yield."

He had spoken to him before he died.

"I repeated myself." John's voice got louder. "I begged him to put down his sword, Rowena."

No, no, don't continue.
She covered her ears and looked away.

John's hand
s were warm on her arms as he gently pulled her hands away from her head.

"My love, I wanted to give him leniency, have William work out...something so that the man could survive. He had fought so hard. He was an amazing soldier as was your entire family. I have never been up against anyone that I had feared as much as them. I wanted him to live."

The tears coursed down her cheeks, her face pinched with the pain of his memories.

"He refused to yield." His brown eyes were wide. "He advanced on me and tripped, and his body fell." A tear slipped down John's cheek. "My love, I couldn't move my sword in time. He died on my sword."

John gripped her arms, a look of imploring forgiveness on his face. She couldn't breathe. His pain was so acute that she felt it in her own heart. He had held this inside all this time, knowing that he had been the cause of her father's death—no, it was his unrelenting stubbornness that had caused his death.

Rowena looked down, closing her eyes. Would forgiving this man for his part in the loss of her people cause anyone else pain? Was there anyone that could profit from her withholding absolution when all she wanted to do was ease his
guilt? Was she a terrible daughter to know that war kills people, makes them throw away all that they have, disregarding all that they value, just to win the battle?

Lifting her head, she wiped the tears from her face, and faced her husband. Slowly, she wiped the tear off his cheek and moved in to kiss him where it had been.

"My love, my father is dead. I have mourned that loss for too long. I wish only to move on with you. You are my life now. You are what I treasure more than anything. If it is forgiveness you seek, you have it. Let us never talk of this again."

John's arm tightened around her, near to crushing her with the intensity of his emotions. She rubbed her lips against his neck.

"My love, I have missed you immensely."

He moaned into her ear and lifted her into his arms. The small bed groaned under their weight as he put her down and covered her body with his own.

He caressed her cheek and neck, sending ripples of anticipation where he touched. "My love, you are more than I could ever desire as a wife."

His lips were warm against her, becoming more insistent, and she opened her mouth to him. His tongue dipped inside, teasing her
. His warm hands slid down her side, stopping to cup her breast that ached for his mouth.

"Make love to me
," she said.

In the close quarters there was no room for secrets. Each breath was shared, each touch unit
ing, in every way he made love to her with not just his body but with the way he worshipped her.