The Sea Shell Girl (36 page)

‘That's better,' he said softly. ‘Your mother was a fine woman and, as I see it, didn't lie as such, she just didn't tell you who your father was. She was only doing her best to protect you.'

‘Maybe, but she should have told me,' she sighed. ‘If she did take her own life, then I'm to blame. She wanted me to stay here and marry Nicco, but I insisted on making
my own way. It was my dream to leave here and see something of the outside world.'

He gave a gentle smile. ‘The yen to travel, yes, I remember.' She frowned for a moment then recalled his parting words on his last visit.

‘You told me my life and love lay here in Porthsallos. I should have listened, then Mother …'

‘Your mother's time here on earth had come to an end, Merry. It's as simple as that. I agree the circumstances were tragic, but I can tell you it was quick and she didn't suffer. That's more than can be said for some. And if you cast your mind back to our last conversation, I never said you had to remain in the village, just that your future lies here.'

Merry frowned. ‘But why can't Mother let me know what happened?'

‘Because she isn't able to return, at least not as she was,' he said sadly.

Merry felt as if her heart had been sliced right in two. Never had she experienced such pain, and putting her head in her hands she wept as she never had before. She cried until she had no more tears left. As pent-up misery came gushing out in a storm, Cador sat quietly beside her. Then as her sobs subsided into hiccups, he leaned forward and threw twigs onto the dying fire.

‘Remember your sister in blood?'

‘Jenna? Of course, but what has she got to do with anything?'

‘She asks if you remember the day you went off with Mealy Mouth's box?'

Merry's eyes widened. How did he know the name they'd given the surly fisherman? But Cador was watching her and waiting.

‘We waited until he fell asleep over his fishing rod, then ran off with his maggots,' she admitted. ‘After hiding them in our secret hole in the old oak we forgot about them. When we finally returned and lifted the lid they'd turned into bluebottles. As they flew away we cheered because we'd set them free.'

‘Freedom,' Cador smiled. ‘That's what Jenna wants you to remember, for that is what your mother is experiencing now. Unbeknown to her, she fell in love with a married man and whilst you were her pride and joy, she never got
over that, could never move on. She was a prisoner of her past but now she is free and you must be happy for her.'

‘But if Jenna can speak to you why can't Mother?'

‘She's not ready yet, Merry.'

‘But you're a witch – surely you can cast a spell, conjure her up or something?'

He shook his head. ‘I am a Cornish Charmer and have certain powers that I use to help and heal. Charms work but not always in the way you might expect, and only when the time is right.'

‘But I need to know now,' she cried, tears falling unchecked down her face once again. Cador stared at her with those jade all-seeing eyes. ‘Get her to come back and tell me she's all right,' she pleaded.

‘That she is all right, I can assure you, and she will send that message,' he promised. ‘However, as I said, you will only recognize it when the time is right. Now close your eyes and imagine heaven is the wide open sky and earth a deep pond. Can you picture that?'

‘Yes,' she frowned, wondering what on earth this could have to do with her mother.

‘Now picture a nymph swimming in the water. One day she sees the shadow of a damselfly soaring free above and yearns to be with her. She can't, of course, for she has yet to grow the wings that will enable this. The damselfly can drink of the water's surface but cannot dive below, for it has evolved and moved on. Such is the way of life.'

Merry frowned, trying to take in what he was telling her. ‘So I'll never see her again?' she whispered, tears welling once more.

‘Remember damselflies and one day you will understand. Now take hold of my hands,' he instructed.

Hesitantly she reached out and placed her hands in his. Immediately a feeling of peace spread through her body. She gazed at him in surprise but his eyes were closed, his lips moving silently. After a few moments, she felt the intensity of his gaze boring into her.

‘Take comfort from the fact your mother is free from the guilt that plagued her throughout her time on earth. Rejoice that she is happy and know that one day, when you are healed, you will be too.' He stared at her for a long moment, his jade eyes seeming to peer into her very soul. Then, as if satisfied, he got to his feet and left.

As Merry sat mulling over his words, Grozen came bustling in, her basket laden.

‘That wind's blowing like blazes so no fish for us today. We'll have to make do with bread and cheese. Still, Pucky Pint says the pilchards should be coming in soon. There's been sighting of a shoal further round the point.'

‘Bread's fine, I'm not very hungry anyway,' Merry sighed.

‘But you need to eat and do some work,' her grandmother said firmly. ‘The money from our knitting has seen us through the winter but we've not done any since …' her voice trailed away. Sighing, she set the rest of her things on the table. ‘Anyway, we need to get back to it or Mr Fairbright won't be happy when he returns. Once we've eaten we'll settle by the fire and pick up our pins.'

‘Oh, I don't think …' Merry began.

‘Well, it's time you did. This food didn't just jump into
my basket, it needed paying for,' Grozen said as she cut into a fresh loaf. ‘If you're not going back to Plymouth then you'd better carry on with Kar … Karenza's … knit frock.' Grozen swallowed, her eyes suspiciously bright. ‘There'll soon be work at the pallace as well. I can't do everything by myself, Merry.'

As her grandmother stood there wagging her finger at her as if she was a child, Merry felt a wave of shame wash over her. Rushing over, she threw her arms around her grandmother.

‘Oh, Grozen, I'm sorry I haven't been much help but I feel as if I'm in some kind of cold, miserable fog.'

‘I know that feeling only too well but, like I said, you need to keep busy and you can start by making us some tea to go with luncheon. I'm fair parched.'

Merry gave a tremulous smile and did as she'd been asked.

‘So how did you get on with Cador?' Grozen asked when they'd finished their meal.

Merry shrugged. ‘He mumbled on about nymphs and damselflies. It was a load of rubbish, really. Said when I saw them it would be the sign I was looking for. I mean, what on earth could that have to do with Mother?'

‘He works in mysterious ways, does Cador. But I've never known him be wrong,' Grozen said, going over to the fire and jabbing it with the poker. ‘Come and sit down, Merry, the clearing up can wait.'

Merry nodded but no sooner had she sat down than her grandmother fell asleep.

As she sat listening to her gentle snores, Merry felt guilt sweep over her again. How could she have left everything for Grozen to do? It really was time she contributed
towards their upkeep. And as for that Cador, he was an oddball and she'd take his gibbering with the proverbial pinch of salt.

It seemed the pilchards would be reappearing soon and she would have to work at the pallace. That would mean seeing Nicco. The alternative was to return to her job in Plymouth, but that seemed a world away now. Her grandmother grunted in her sleep and Merry shook her head, knowing she wouldn't feel comfortable leaving her alone. She wondered how Freckles and Pru were and then, seemingly out of nowhere, a picture of Carey appeared in her mind. She smiled, remembering his tender looks, the fun they'd had. Then, like a blanket, the fog descended. If she hadn't met him her mother would still be alive, wouldn't she? She frowned into the fire, lost in contemplation once more.

‘Right, girl, I need to get on with my knitting,' Grozen's voice penetrated her thoughts, making her jump. ‘Honestly, girl, you're a bundle of nerves. Why don't you do some with me? It will take your mind off things and you might find the rhythmic motion soothes your nerves.'

As Grozen stared at her sagely, Merry couldn't help smiling, for hadn't she said the very same thing to her grandmother after Ma Somers had died?

Over the next few days, Merry made a supreme effort to pull herself together. Despite her best intentions to help her grandmother, however, she only succeeded in annoying her.

‘You're getting under my feet and on my nerves with all this fussing. I'm quite capable of preparing a simple meal,'
the woman snapped as Merry picked up the carrots she was about to scrape. ‘Why not go out for a walk or something?'

‘I went to see Mother earlier,' Merry sighed, for there'd still been no sign and, despite her reservations about Cador, she had secretly been hoping for one.

Slowly they picked up the threads of their old life. Mr Fairbright, whilst disappointed Merry wasn't returning to her old job, agreed she could go back to knitting her frocks with the shell pattern. She didn't feel up to joining the others in the shelter of the pig house. Their giggling and gossiping seemed infantile and frivolous now. Instead she spent her time sitting beside the fire with her grandmother. Occasionally the woman would mention her mother but mostly they would knit in companionable silence, lost in their own thoughts and memories. When pictures of a handsome man in naval uniform invaded her mind, she pushed them firmly away.

One day, she was on her way back from visiting the cliff top when Nicco fell into step beside her.

‘How are you, Merry?' he asked, his dark eyes serious for once.

‘All right, I guess. How about you?' she asked politely.

‘Missing you,' he muttered. ‘We begin salting the pilchards up at the pallace tomorrow. Your grandmother says you're not returning to Plymouth so will you come and join us?'

Her heart sank, but knowing they needed to make up for the weeks after her mother had gone when they'd not earned anything, she nodded.

His eyes lit up. ‘We could go for a drive in the trap at
the weekend, if you like?' When she remained silent he continued. ‘A trip out of the village would do you good, Merry,' he cajoled in the voice he used when wanting his own way.

‘I'm not ready for that, Nicco, but I will see you at the pallace tomorrow evening.'

‘It's good to have you back in the village, Merry. I would have visited more often but Father said you needed time to grieve.' Swallowing down the lump in her throat, she nodded. ‘Well, the boats are in, I see, so I'll see you tomorrow.'

Merry watched him go, then stared around the bustling harbour as if noticing it for the first time. Some men were busy unloading their catch, others sat on the wall overhauling their nets. The weigh machine was being prepared and children ran happily around. She looked up at the imposing house on the hill and shook her head. Everything was the same and yet her life had changed so much. She remembered the times she'd stood here dreaming of her future, planning how she'd escape from the village and make her way in the world. For a while she'd succeeded, yet here she was back again. As painful memories surfaced, the blanket of fog descended, engulfing her once again in its cold, dismal mantle.

Grozen was pleased when Merry told her she'd be returning to the fish factory. She felt strangely nervous as she made her way there but was joined by Ailla and Marya. Their friendly chatter helped her relax and, as if by tacit consent, no mentioned was made of Karenza.

‘We're going to be busy tonight for they are saying this is the largest haul they've ever had,' Ailla said.

‘They'd better be careful how many they net or one day there'll be no pilchards left in the sea,' Marya joked. Then her expression changed. ‘We've missed you, Merry. How are you?'

‘Surviving,' she said, trying to keep her voice light. ‘Everyone's been very kind. Oh, look, we're here already.'

The other women were already inside and spirits were high at the thought of the money to be earned. They greeted Merry warmly, then set about the salting process. She had forgotten how hard it was building up the bank to the required depth and before long her back was aching from the unaccustomed stooping. Nicco made a point of smiling every time he passed and even if she hadn't seen the nudges the other women were giving each other, it would have been hard not to hear their teasing comments.

‘Do you think they'll be walking out again soon?' Tressa asked.

‘Not if I have anything to do with it,' Wyllow muttered. ‘She can't just strut back in here as if nothing's changed.'

‘Don't know why you're worrying; Nicco made a point of ignoring your little invitations,' Kelys pointed out. ‘Quite right too. It's unseemly the way you've been throwing yourself at him.'

‘Things have changed since your day, old woman,' Wyllow pouted.

Merry shook her head. Nothing had changed around here – apart from her mother being gone, of course.

By the end of the evening her hands were red and sore, and she grimaced, remembering how Prunella had lent her the wonderful cream that had made them smooth again. With a pang she realized just how much she missed
her life at the store and the new friends she'd made. Still, she'd promised she wouldn't leave Grozen and now she'd just have to adjust to her life here. Perhaps she could make her own salve, she mused.

‘Walk you home?' Nicco asked, appearing by her side. Without waiting for an answer he fell into step beside her.

‘You did well tonight. It's almost as if you've never been away, but then this is your home.'

The memory of linking arms with her mother as they returned to the cottage popped into her mind and Merry swallowed down a lump in her throat.

‘Yes, and I must go and make sure Grozen is all right,' she said, quickening her pace.

‘I've really missed you, Merry,' he began. ‘Whilst I'm sorry about … well, you know, it's good to have you back. Now that you've got that travelling thing out of the way, I want you to know my offer of marriage still stands. I'm sure that you will see what a good opportunity I'm offering you.'