The Season of You & Me (17 page)

“Oh, God, I have to go. Thanks, Bry.”

She leaned toward me, and it was field day all over again.
If I didn’t act, she’d kiss my cheek.
Now or never, Lakewood.

When the heat of her mouth was seconds away, I turned, changing her target without warning. Her lips grazed mine, soft, almost nonexistent. She was about to pull away. I touched her hair, raked it behind one ear, and whispered her name. She leaned into me, her fingers gripping my shoulder.

I was kissing Cassidy Emmerich.

I WAS KISSING BRYAN LAKEWOOD.

I’d meant to kiss him in a neutral place. His cheek, his jaw, his temple . . . as a thank-you for driving us home, for being cool about Emma. That’s where I was headed anyway, until he turned toward me, eyes wide, and my lips landed on his mouth. His soft, warm mouth. The shock of it should have made me pull away.

But it felt sooooooo good.

I closed my eyes, my mind on overdrive analyzing everything—the easy way our lips fit together. The kisses: soft at first, then hungry. His hand in my hair, my hand on his shoulder—a total rush. The world beyond his car disappeared, and it was just his lips, his arms. All I wanted to do was climb on top of him.

We finally pulled apart, foreheads touching, breathing heavy.

“Can I see you tomorrow?” he asked.

“You mean later?”

“Yes.”

We kissed as confirmation.

Emma hurled again—this awful retching, hairball-on-steroids noise.

“I better go, but yeah, I’ll call you when they leave,” I said.

He nodded. Pressed his lips together, smiled.

I finally slid out of the car and shut the door, barely aware of my feet hitting the pavement. I had to get Emma inside, but had no idea how to avoid my mother. Our room was tiny, the beds practically on top of one another. And Ems was stumbling without any obstacles in her way; I couldn’t imagine how she’d be in a darkened motel room. At least we weren’t late—we had that going for us—but I doubted Wade’s charm and chocolate soufflé would help us now.

Bryan stayed until Emma and I walked into the motel courtyard. Then he took off into the night. Two red taillights trailing down Beach Avenue. My lips still tingled from his kiss. I couldn’t wait to see him again.

“I’m sorry, Cass. You must hate me,” Emma said.

The courtyard contained a few round stone picnic tables with umbrellas and some lounges scattered about. I walked us over to a chaise.

“Ems, sit,” I said. She flopped back, arm over her eyes.

“I guess you lost at beer pong,” I said.

She laughed. “Ya think?”

“Do you think you can pull it together? My mom is probably awake,” I said. I saw the dim blue glow of a television screen between the cracks in the curtain of our room.

“I didn’t realize he was in a wheelchair,” she said.

“Oh, Bryan.”

“Yeah, when we came in and you introduced us . . . his shirt makes more sense now, ‘Keep Calm and Roll On.’ Cute.”

“Yeah, he’s cool. He’s been a good friend, we—”

“Good friend? Shut. Up. I saw you guys maul each other before you got out of his car.”

I covered my mouth to stop from laughing. Ems hadn’t been as out of it as I originally thought.

She sat up, pulled her knees to her chest. “And that doesn’t bother you?”

“What do you mean?”

“The wheelchair thing . . . you never thought, like . . . ,” she said, gesturing as if she could pull the words from the air. She leaned back, dismissing her unformed question with a wave. “Forget it, I’m drunk.”

I knew what she was getting at—was everything working? My cheeks flushed. The thought had crossed my mind, but it’s not like Bryan and I were that intimate with each other. Yet, anyway. Kissing him was a rush. I couldn’t wait to do it again. That’s all I cared about at the moment. Everything
else we’d figure out as we went along.

“Emma, I’m not going to dissect it right now. I’m having fun.”

She smiled. “Guess you’re officially over Gavin.”

Gavin’s name was a pin to my Crest Haven bubble. I felt the same flare of guilt that I’d had with Sugar Rush Nate—why, I don’t know. There was no reason to feel guilty. At all. I hadn’t kissed Bryan out of spite, or to get over Gavin. Maybe my feelings weren’t as resolved as I’d thought, but whatever was happening with Bryan was separate. This wasn’t a rebound. I kissed him because his lips were warm. He made me laugh. His arms felt good around me. What had I done, though? There was no going back to friendly flirting once someone’s tongue had been wrapped around yours.

“Did you have to bring up Gavin?”

“Why don’t we call him and share the good news? I’d love to see that prick’s ego deflate.”

“How about, no. Speaking of mauling . . . what happened? Why did you—”

“Maul Wade after you told me not to?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t know, Cass. Please . . . he just . . . I mean, look at him. He’s my first surfer dude.” She giggled.

“I know, but . . .”

“I wasn’t thinking. I’m a selfish bitch, okay? I miss Drew. I fucking miss Drew. And I hate what he said. And I try and be all tough about it, but I just don’t get why . . . why I’m not enough.”

Hearing Emma say aloud the thoughts that I’d been torturing myself with for the past few months was eye-opening. It was such bullshit—of course we were enough.

I sighed and sat on the edge of the chaise.

“You are enough, Ems. More than that. Being that far apart from someone for so long is hard. Probably next to impossible to maintain.”

“It just makes me sad. We were so happy, you know? Why does everything change so fast?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “C’mon, let’s go.”

Ems was able to stand by herself, but we walked arm in arm to the room. As I was about to slip my key in the door, my mother opened it and got an eyeful of us. She looked at Ems, then me, and sighed.

“Get in.”

When I woke up, Ems was still sleeping, facedown, diagonally on the bed. I pushed back the curtains and squinted. Mom was lounging by the pool in her yoga pants, cup of coffee in hand. I pulled my hair back in a ponytail and went out to sit with her.

“I didn’t expect to see you this early,” she said.

“Eight o’clock is midmorning to me some days,” I said.

“How is Emma?”

“Sleeping.”

She nodded, took a sip of her coffee. “Mm-hmm.”

I sat in the chaise next to her. Took a deep breath of the
ocean air. Gulls screeched. The sky was blue and endless. No clouds at all.

I kissed Bryan last night.

He was nowhere near, but I felt him all around.
Can I see you tomorrow?

“What time are you heading out?” I asked, hoping it didn’t sound too eager.

“Checkout is noon. I’d like to grab some breakfast before we hit the road. I certainly think Ems could use it.”

“Oh, that . . . are you going to tell her mom?”

“I haven’t decided yet,” she said. “I hope it was worth it.”

“We could probably stop by Ocean Whispers and have breakfast.”

“Or not.”

I realized I hadn’t asked my mother how she really felt about Leslie being pregnant. I’d been so caught up in the excitement of her and Emma being here that we didn’t get the chance to talk about it.

“Is it because of Dad and Leslie’s news?” I asked.

She turned her head sharply to me. “No, not at all. Although, two little ones and a business to run is a lot to handle. I’m happy for them. Your father always wanted a big family.”

I wrinkled my nose. “He did?”

Mom nodded and took another sip of her coffee as if she hadn’t just revealed a piece of the puzzle I’d been pondering my whole life. This was news to me.

“Was that why you split up?”

“Part of it, I guess.”

I let that nugget sink in—if my father wanted a big family, did that mean . . . ? “So wait, you didn’t want a big family?”

She inhaled, kneaded the spot where her neck met her shoulder and sighed.

“No. I didn’t. I don’t. One perfect kid is enough.”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me this before?”

“How do I explain it without sounding . . .” She paused, shifted in her seat to face me. Elbows resting on her knees, she held the coffee cup with both hands and traced the rim of the lid with her thumb as she spoke. “Marrying your father felt right at the time and we tried. I tried. And it worked for a while, but he wanted to have another baby, and I kept putting it off. Motherhood didn’t exactly come easy to me but I don’t regret it. I love being your mom. I know it sounds selfish—but I also love the freedom I have now. Not having to answer to anyone, keeping my house as I please. I’m happy. I know I might not be the best at this mother thing, I’m not exactly PTA material and I always order your birthday cake from the bakery, but you know, I try.”

Hearing her acknowledge her choice was powerful. Nothing had really gone terribly wrong between my parents—it wasn’t that they couldn’t make it work. They both wanted different things. Separating had been the right thing to do.

“You’re not that bad,” I said.

She smiled. “See, perfect kid.”

“So if that’s not it, why don’t you ever want to go there,
Mom? You know, I checked the ledger. There was a vacancy this weekend.”

“Cass, what if some couple came to town on a whim and stopped in? If I had taken that room it would be money out of your father’s pocket. Besides, I don’t want to make small talk with strangers. I’m not exactly a morning person.”

“We wouldn’t have to, and . . . sometimes small talk with strangers isn’t so bad.”

“Uh-oh, a few weeks down here and you’re a convert.”

“I just . . . You and Dad, I mean, you’re not like enemies. You get along with Leslie, I don’t get why—”

“It’s the couples, Cass. I know I just went on about loving my freedom, and I do, but where there are couples and small talk there are always questions about me being alone. And looks. I’d rather my breakfast not be that complicated.”

“Oh.”

“Maybe before the summer’s out, I’ll stay there, okay? Bring Nan as my date. Maybe when we come to pick you up.”

“Sounds good.”

She grabbed my hand. “For now, this is the only couple I need.”

The moment Ems and Mom dropped me off at Ocean Whispers I called Bryan. I knew exactly what I wanted to do for our first . . . was it a date? Make-out sesh? I didn’t care about labels. I just wanted to spend time with him.

He pulled up in front of Ocean Whispers at seven.

“Hey,” he said as I slipped into the passenger seat.

I leaned over and kissed him. Again, I’d intended it to be just a brush across his mouth, but it felt so new, different. Any time it felt like one of us was about to pull away, the other deepened the kiss again. We pulled apart, laughing.

“Where to?” he asked.

“Crescent Beach,” I said.

“Crescent? Why?”

“Well, Hunter asked me to find him some Crest Haven diamonds. And I want to see the sunset.”

We drove with the windows down, the air rushing through the car, whipping my hair around. When we hit the road that went toward Crescent Beach, he pulled on the hand control and I watched as the speedometer went up sixty . . . seventy . . . eighty. I put a hand against the dash to brace myself as the road came faster and faster underneath us. Bryan’s face was joy. He howled before finally pushing forward on the brake. We slowed gradually until we came to the lot where I first met him. He pulled into a spot and cut the engine.

“Do you want to go on the sand?” he asked.

“Can you?”

“I can try,” he said. “There’s a wooden path that goes past the dunes, then I could probably . . . let’s just say I have a way. It’s not pretty, but if the end result is sitting with you on the beach, then I’ll deal.”

“Okay,” I said.

Once Bryan was in his chair, I grabbed the blanket from
his backseat and we headed out to the sand. Halfway down the path, I had to push him. The beach was practically empty. The two old guys who’d been fishing the day I tossed my necklace into the waves were there again. A woman walked with her black lab. She threw a tennis ball into the water and he paddled out to retrieve it.

“What now?” I asked.

“Well, find a spot for the blanket, not too far.”

I kicked off my flip-flops and walked a few feet away. I fanned out the blanket and set it down on the sand.

Bryan eased himself off the chair and positioned himself so his back was facing me.

“I told you, it’s not pretty,” he said, propping himself up on his hands. “I call this the butt scoot, and the only people who’ve seen me do it are my family, and now you.”

I smiled. “I’m honored.”

He moved backward, putting his hands back, then scooting his butt through. When he finally got to the blanket he collapsed flat, big grin on his face.

“Okay, we’re staying here all night,” he said. I kissed him lightly on the mouth.

“Here, give me a hand,” he said. I entwined my fingers through his and pulled him up. He fixed each leg into a very loose crisscross applesauce, then leaned back on his hands.

“You’re okay sitting like this?” I asked.

He smiled. “Yeah, for a bit anyway. One wheelchair perk is if there’s sand in my butt I won’t feel it, but I’ll have to do a
longer skin check than usual, make sure it’s all out.”

“Skin check?” I asked. I pulled my knees to my chest and faced him.

He opened his mouth but stopped, turned his head to the side. “You sure you want to hear this?”

“I asked, didn’t I?”

“So has your butt ever gone numb from sitting too long?”

I nodded.

“Mine does too, only I can’t feel it. I don’t know if you’ve seen me sort of fidget during the day in my chair, or push up out of my seat for a bit? I need to make sure I don’t keep pressure in one area for too long—that can lead to skin breakdown. I have to sort of check myself with a special mirror to make sure nothing’s brewing, or in this case make sure I don’t have any sand in my butt. Probably not first date convo. . . . Sorry if it’s TMI.” He blushed a little, then laughed. I put my hand over his.

“I can handle it, you know,” I said. He smiled.

“You said you wanted to find a Crest Haven diamond? You might want to get one now before the sun goes down.”

“Oh, yeah, Hunter. They’re by the water?”

I got up, did a sweep, and found a few of the quartz pebbles along the water’s edge. I dried them off on the hem of my shirt and stuffed them into my pocket, then went back to the blanket. Bryan had his eyes closed, kind of like the blissed-out look he got when he floated in the pool.

“What are you thinking about?” I asked, plopping down. I scooted next to him so our shoulders touched.