The Second Time Around (20 page)

Jabarie dragged his leg to his chest and watched as she toweled off her body. “I did love you. I still do. I just…” He wasn't sure what to say.

Her hazel eyes clawed him like talons. “You couldn't have loved me because if you had, you would have trusted me, and that's what hurts.”

There was along pregnant silence. “I was a fool…a damn fool.”

“Yes. You were.” Her words cut him like a razor. He felt it, and knew from the pain on her face she felt it, too. What was it going to take to make this right?

Wrapped in a towel, she stormed into the bedroom. Jabarie hurried out of the tub, reached for a towel and followed. He walked into the room just as she was slipping her dress over her head. “Do you still love me?” he asked while securing the towel around his waist.

Brenna's hand stalled. How could she answer that question, not that it really mattered anymore because it was too late for them. “It doesn't matter because it can never be the same.”

His eyes narrowed. “You didn't answer my question.”

“And I'm not going to.”

Jabarie's lips curled upward. “You don't have to say it. I know you still love me.” He closed the distance and pulled her to him then gave her a kiss that was both urgent and exploratory. Easing back, he stared down at her. “Do you know how much I still love you?” he asked between breaths.

“No.”

“I never stopped,” he whispered then took her mouth again.

She released a soft moan. “It's too late.”

“It's never too late,” he crooned as he ran kisses up along her cheek and neck.

Brenna pressed a hand against his chest and tried to hold on to her resistance. “We can never go back. That part of my life is over. I have changed.”

“So have I.”

Somehow, she had to find a way to get through to him. “I'm serious. My life doesn't include you.”

Jabarie pulled her tightly into his arms and whispered near her ear. “It can if you let it.”

She just wasn't ready to risk her heart again. Brenna pushed against him. “I don't want to.”

“Now we're getting somewhere.” He stared back at her, challenging her with his eyes. “Why not?”

“Because I've moved on.”

He cupped her chin, leaving her no choice but to look at him. “Then tell me you don't love me and I'll leave you alone.”

“I can't do that. I love you,” she admitted. “Probably always will, but love just isn't enough. It wasn't enough to keep us together and it isn't enough to bring us back.”

“I think it's a beautiful start,” he replied and she felt his lips touch her like a whisper. “Will you have dinner with me tomorrow?”

Damn, his lips were more persuasive than she cared to admit. “Jabarie, I—”

“I know you're leaving on Sunday and even though I'm not happy about it, I respect your decision. However, until you leave I want to spend every second I can with you.”

“Then what happens?”

He paused then said, “I'll let you decide.”

“I'm not changing my mind,” she said stubbornly. “I'm still leaving after the parade. When I leave, I'm also closing this chapter of my life.”

“Okay,” he agreed. “If that's what you want then I won't try to stop you. Now, how about dinner?”

She didn't know what to say because a part of her didn't believe he was accepting defeat that easy. But, in the meantime what was wrong with her also spending every second possible with him? “Okay, I'll have dinner with you.”

T
he next afternoon, Brenna and Aunt Nellie worked side by side marking down books for the big sidewalk sale on Sunday. She could hardly focus and several times marked down the same book twice.

“Dear, are you okay?” she heard her aunt ask.

Blinking, she focused on her concerned face then nodded and moved to the other side of the store. She hated lying to her aunt, but the truth was too much like putting an ad out in the
Sheraton Beach News
.

Picking up a children's book, she reached for a felt marker and neatly wrote the reduced price on the cover. All day she had barely been able to work. But then how could she with Jabarie constantly running through her mind? Like a merry-go-round, again and again, round and round the last two weeks had been playing through her mind. Every touch, every kiss, every blissful shudder. She was in way over her head and she wasn't sure how she was going to survive losing him a second time. The only consolation was that this time she had made all the rules and it was she who was ending the relationship. Only leaving was going to be harder the second time around.

Shaking her head, she forced her mind back to the present and focused on labeling the last of the books. Sunday's sidewalk sale would also include a parade down Main Street. It was in honor of the first day of summer.

The bell rang over the door and she looked up to see Jabarie walking into the store. Her pulse raced and she tried to bite back a smile. He winked then moved over to where her Aunt Nellie was putting books on the shelves and exchanged a few words with her before making his way over to where she was standing.

As he drew closer with each step, she felt as if the air had been sucked from her lungs. He was wearing navy blue slacks and a white button-down shirt, and his tie hung loose around his neck.

“Hey, sexy.”

“Hey, what—”

Before she could get her words out he pulled her against him and met her lips in a searing, toe-curling kiss. “I came to steal you away for lunch.”

The kiss had her mind swirling. “But we're having dinner tonight.”

Staring down at her, Jabarie lightly stroked her back. “I know, and I want lunch and dinner and breakfast in the morning if you'll let me.”

“We're busy.”

“Aunt Nellie said it was okay.”

Before she could object, he grabbed her hand and led her out the store and down to the sandwich shop on the next block.

They moved to a booth and took a seat and it wasn't long before a waiter came and took their order. Brenna leaned over staring down at the menu. Jabarie noticed the waiter staring down at her breasts that were threatening to spill out of her shirt.

“Are you going to take my order?” he snapped.

Startled, the young boy swung around to meet his angry eyes. “Yes, sir. What would you like to eat?”

“We'll each have the special and two iced teas.”

“Yes, sir.”

“You can leave now.”

“Yes, sir.”

Brenna opened her mouth to scold him for being rude but she waited until the young man had scurried off to the kitchen to place their orders.

“Did you have to be so rude?” she hissed.

“He was looking down your shirt.”

“Only way you would know that is if you were trying to look yourself.”

“Why don't you try wearing more clothes?”

“What's wrong with what I got on?” she said defensively.

“It's not enough.”

“I never remember hearing you complain before.”

That's because he loved her body, every luscious curve. “Things were different then.”

Her arched brow rose. “How were they different?”

“You were my fiancée then. Everyone in this town knew you belonged to me.”

“And now they know that is no longer the case.”

“I don't want to fight with you.”

“Then don't,” she challenged.

Reaching across the table, Jabarie placed a hand on hers, tightening his hold. She closed her eyes and shook her head. When she opened them she gave him a direct stare. He eased his grip but did not release her hand.

“You know you're gorgeous when you're angry.”

“I'm not sleeping with you tonight.”

“Can't I give you a compliment without you thinking I am insinuating something else?” he asked innocently.

“Thank you, Jabarie.”

His lips curled upward. “You're welcome.”

“But I'm still not sleeping with you.”

Tossing his head back he chuckled openly. She was definitely a piece of work. Being around her conjured up feelings and emotions he hadn't felt in years. That's why he was doing everything in his power to show her this was where she belonged.

“You planning to do any shopping on Sunday?”

“If I can get away from the store long enough.”

“We have a lot of visitors in town.” During Sunday's parade and sidewalk sale, people would litter the streets. There would be snow cones, cotton candy and some of the biggest sales of the year.

He watched as she nibbled nervously on her bottom lip and before he realized what he was doing, Jabarie raised out of the chair, leaned across the table and pressed his lips to hers. As always, their union was explosive, powerful and he wanted more. Reluctantly, he pulled back and returned to his seat and stared across at her moist parted lips, tempted to grab her in his arms and carry her home with him. She was gorgeous, and having her sitting there staring at him innocently had him hard as a rock.

“What was that for?” she asked.

“Just because,” he whispered then shifted on the seat as their waiter returned with their iced teas. This time, Jabarie was pleased to see his eyes didn't even stray over in Brenna's direction.

That night she dressed with care. Jabarie was picking her up and they were going to catch a movie and have dinner. She put on a pair of dressy red gauchos, a black halter top and low-heel black sandals. Her hair, she pulled up in a ponytail.

“How about we go ride the Ferris wheel instead?” he said as soon as she opened the door.

Her lips curled with excitement. She hadn't ridden the Ferris wheel in years. “Sounds like fun.”

He drove over to the amusement park that was at the edge of the town, back off near the ocean. He climbed out, took her hand, and guided her through the park. The next hour was amazing. They played games and Jabarie won her a stuffed bear. Eating funnel cake, they moved over to the Ferris wheel line and waited their turn. By the time they tossed the plate in the trash, they were instructed to take the next seat. As soon as the bar was safely locked against their waists, the ride began to move.

She giggled.

“Having fun?”

“Yes.” Too much fun. In fact she was forgetting her vow not to get too close. She was having so much fun, it would be so nice if she had the courage to take a chance and let herself go back to the way things were, but it was impossible to go backwards. All she could do was move forward with her life. She was too afraid to risk her heart again no matter how badly she wanted to.

“You remember that time we rode this thing and we got trapped at the top?”

How could she forget? It was the first time he had ever kissed her. Staring over at him she saw a look in his eyes that said he planned to kiss her again. Reaching over he cupped her chin and tilted her head back slightly then leaned forward. The kiss sent the pit of her stomach into a wild swirl. She felt like she was flying!

Each kiss. Each touch threatened to weaken her resistance but she had to stay strong and guard her heart. By doing so she could enjoy every second they had left.

After their ride, Jabarie took her back to his condo and carried her to his room where he undressed her and they made slow, passionate love. Hours later, she lay curled in his arms.

Brenna couldn't catch her breath. She felt as if the air had escaped her lungs and had yet to return. Jabarie cradled her close and she clung to him, not wanting this moment to end. But she knew what they had could never last. Or could it?

Jabarie was the perfect man for her and with him she felt everything in her world was so much brighter and though she'd never admit it, she'd spent the last five years hiding from her feelings because she didn't want to love him anymore. She wanted the hurt to go away.

But Jabarie had a way of making her feel things even when she didn't want to. Which was the reason why she'd never wanted to come back to Sheraton Beach. Why she didn't want to start something that she had no intentions of finishing. And why she wasn't ready to take an even bigger risk trusting him again with her heart.

Saturday morning arrived and she felt as if she had just fallen asleep when she felt Jabarie's warm, wet kisses on her face.

“Get up, sleepyhead. You need to get ready for work.”

“Not yet,” she purred. “Make love to me.”

As much as he'd love to spend time twisting in the sheets with her, he needed to settle some things before they went any further. He needed to know if she was going to break his heart again or help him find the land of happiness he'd stopped believing in a long time ago. Before he made love to her again, he needed to try one more time.

Cupping her face with both hands, he lowered his mouth and kissed her. “I want to ask you something.”

“What? You want to try something new?” she asked then wagged her eyebrows suggestively. He loved the way her hazel eyes twinkled when she teased him.

“Maybe later.”

Brenna trailed kisses down his chest and shoulder and his eyes fluttered closed. He loved her and just couldn't get enough of her.

“Brenna, you're leaving tomorrow and we need to talk,” he said and just as he suspected, she shifted away.

“I thought we had come to an understanding.”

“The only one who understands is you.”

She sighed then rolled over and sat up in the bed with a frustrated look. “Okay, go ahead and talk.”

“I don't want you to leave. I want you to be my wife and live with me here.”

He expected her to yell and get angry; instead her face became sad and distant. “Why can't you just leave well enough alone? Things were going so well between us.”

“Because I love you. I don't understand why it is so hard for you to accept that I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” He cursed under his breath then moved abruptly from the bed and reached for his shorts.

“And a part of me will always love you, too, but I'm not ready to go down that same road again,” she said as she reached for his shirt on the floor and slipped it on.

“It doesn't have to be today. We can take things as slow as you want. All I need to know is that you're willing to try.” He moved around the bed and sank down next to her.

“I can't,” she said, facing him.

“You can't or you won't?”

She hesitated. “I won't.”

Reaching over he took her hands in his. “Baby, I know you're scared, well so am I, but I'm willing to do whatever it takes for it to work between us this time.”

“Can you guarantee me that we'll stay together forever?” she asked and he noticed her bottom lip tremble.

“Brenna, you are my soul mate. Nothing is guaranteed, but I promise you I'll try to do everything I possibly can to see that we have a wonderful life together.”

“That's not good enough,” she snapped before he noticed the sheen of tears glistening in her eyes. “I'm not willing to risk my heart again and lose. Love hurts too much. My mother turned her back on me when I needed her most and so did you. I can't go through that again.”

“What's it going to take for you to understand how much I love you?”

“If you really love me Jabarie, then, please, let me go.” She climbed out of bed, gathered her clothes and hurried off into the bathroom. As soon as the door was closed, she lowered onto the floor and allowed the tears to fall freely. Deep inside, she was dying. She was so tempted to run back into the room and throw herself into his arms and pledge to spend the rest of her life with Jabarie. With him, her world was more vivid and alive and once she left she would return to her dull, restless existence. But at this point in her life, she truly believed that happiness just wasn't meant for her.

Rising from the floor, she moved over to the shower and immediately stepped under the water. She would never forget the look of hurt and pain on Jabarie's face. But hopefully in time he would find someone else. The thought of him being with someone else made her stomach ache but there was no way she could face her fear of being hurt again. She was a prisoner in her own soul.

Large sobs raked her body and she cried freely. Everyday was a game of tug-of-war for her. A struggle not to remember, while also trying not to forget that what she and Jabarie had was special. His love for her touched her deeply and she knew this time he wouldn't be so easy to forget, if at all.