The Secret 05 Ella and Micha: Infinitely and Always (5 page)

Ella

Christmas tunes play from the car stereo, promising happy days of holiday joy ahead. I wonder if I’ll ever feel happy again after what was just revealed to me in one of the stale smelling rooms at the doctor’s office.

“Oh, my God, I hope it’s a girl,” Lila says excitedly as we drive down the freeway toward our subdivision. “Then we get to dress her up in cute, little dresses.”

I scrunch my nose. “No dresses.” I picture a little, baby girl with blonde hair and green eyes, punked out in black pants, boots, and maybe a shirt with a skeleton. Then I shake my head.
What the hell am I doing?

“Stop talking about the sex. I’m still trying to process what just happened.”

She bites down on her lip as she veers into the next lane and then down the exit ramp. “But you have to admit it, shopping for a girl would be so cool,” she sputters out, unable to contain her enthusiasm for more than five seconds. “We should totally stop by a store right now.”

“No way.” I chew on my thumbnail, trying not to panic, but suppressing my anxiety is becoming more complicated by the second.

The doctor confirmed the tests. I’m pregnant. My body is now home to a mini me.
Oh, my God, I think I’m going to puke again
.

I clutch at my stomach. “I just want to get home.”

“Oh, fine, you party pooper.” She sulks. “But I will shop for it sooner or later, even if it’s a boy.” She releases a deafening exhale then mutters, “It’ll probably be my only chance, anyway.”

“Fuck.” I suddenly feel like such a jerk. “I’m so sorry, Lila. I didn’t even think about how you were trying and then”—I motion my hand in the direction of my stomach—“this happens.”

“Ella, let’s get one thing straight,” she says, gripping the wheel. “I’m super happy for you, regardless of what’s going on with me.”

“But you’re sad,” I note as I slip my sunglasses on to block out the sunlight reflecting through the window. “I can see it in your eyes that you are.”

She sucks in a slow inhale as her gaze remains glued to the road. “I just worry that it’s not ever going to happen for me.”

“Having a baby?”

“That, and that I’ll end up a middle-aged, single woman living with my cat named Chester that I talk to out loud.”

“Lila, Ethan’s not ever going to leave you.”

She stares at her ring finger. “Maybe. But maybe not.”

“Hey.” I reach over and cover her hand, preparing to tell her how wrong she is, but I’ve told her it enough that I don’t think she’ll ever believe it. So, I decide to go a different direction. “I’ll tell you what. If Ethan decides to leave you, you can move in with Micha and me so you won’t be all alone.”

Her lips threaten to turn upward. “Really? Can I even have the guest bedroom near the attic? Because that’s my favorite room in the house.”

I nod. “And your future cat Chester can come, too, if you want.”

Laughter erupts from her lips. “Fine, you have a deal, but only if I get to help take care of little Ella.”

I frown as I slump back in the seat. For a moment, I almost forgot about being pregnant. “Sounds like a deal to me. You’ll probably be a better mother, anyway.”

She gives me a stern look that I shy away from. Without scolding me, though, she flips on the blinker to make a turn down our street. We zoom past the houses glammed up in Christmas décor, lights, Santa’s, and giant snow globes.

Christmas is in a week, and Micha and my house remains holiday-less. It’s not because I’m a Grinch; I’ve just never been into Christmas. It suddenly feels like I should be, though.

“When are you going to tell Micha?” Lila abruptly asks. “I mean, it’s great that I got to come to your appointment today, but he really should be a part of it. And, knowing him, he’s going to want to.”

“I know he will.” Shutting my eyes, I rest my head against the window and bask in the sunlight. “I’ll tell him. I just have to talk to someone first.”

“Who? Your dad or something? Because it seems a little strange to tell him before Micha.”

I open my eyes and look over at her. “No, not him. That would be way weird.” Honestly, I haven’t figured out who that person is. Realistically, my go-to person for my panic attacks is Micha, but this time, it can’t be him.

“Well, you have to tell me when you get ready to tell him. We’ll do something big and make it a surprise.” She pulls into the driveway of her house, pushes the button on the visor, and the garage door creeps open. “But promise me you’ll do it soon. It’ll wear you down, carrying this secret.”

“You know me too well,” I say as I unbuckle my seat belt. Once she gets the car parked in the garage and the engine is off, I reach over and give her an awkward hug. I’ve never been much of a hugger, but I need her to understand how much she means to me. “Thank you for coming with me.”

“You’re welcome.” She wraps her arms around me, embracing me back as she laughs under her breath. “I have to say, though, for you to hug me, those hormones have got to be intense.”

Shaking my head, I lean back in the seat and laugh with her. It seems absolutely impossible with how terrified I am on the inside and makes me aware of just how lucky I am, even with life’s curveballs.

Micha

“What are you doing?” Ella startles me as she appears in the foyer without so much as making a sound.

“What are you, part ninja or something?” I ask as I drop the box of twinkle lights that I was carrying. “I didn’t even hear you come in.”

“I came in through the garage.” She peers inside the box then glances at me perplexedly. “Are we decorating this year?”

My eyes pass over her. “We can if you want, but these aren’t for us.”

“Then who are they for?” She appears normal on the outside. Well, except for the fact that she’s wearing a tank top and shorts, and it’s cold as balls outside. Her eyes, though… There’s something different about them. But, I can’t put my finger on exactly what.

I cross my arms and stare her down. “Someone.”

She frowns. “What’s with the ‘tude, dude?”

I nonchalantly shrug. “Nothing. I just don’t feel like telling you my secret.”

Her bottom lip juts out into a full-on pout. She looks so damn adorable I have to remind myself not to tell her anything until she fesses up to me about why she went to the doctor this morning with Lila.

“But you always tell me your secrets,” she whines.

My phone vibrates from my pocket and I fish it out.

“Well, I guess I’m just not in a sharing mood right now.” I glance at the text message.

Ethan: We’re good. Sent her to the store.

Putting the phone away, I collect the box from the floor and dodge around Ella. “Now, if you want to tell me where you were this morning, then maybe I can spill the beans.”

“I was at the doctor.” She sets her purse on the end table and faces me. “I told you that this morning.”

I maneuver the box to my side. “But why did you go with Lila?”

“How did you know I went with Lila?” she asks suspiciously.

I shrug as I turn the knob and open the door. “I noticed the car was in the garage, so I went next door, and sure enough, Lila’s car was missing. Ethan told me he had no clue where you two went.”

“That’s because he doesn’t,” she mutters, biting on her nails.

Something’s definitely up. She’s nervous and twitchy and biting her nails. But, I know her well enough to realize that, until she wants to talk to me, she won’t.

So I step outside. “When you’re ready to talk about whatever it is you’re keeping a secret from me, let me know. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some stuff to not tell you, too.” I throw a winning grin at her and then shut the door.

An hour later, I start to leave Ethan’s backyard with an empty box in my hand. “Good luck,” I call over my shoulder as I reach the fence.

“Thanks. I’m going to need it,” he answers, sounding more nervous than I’ve ever heard him.

Even though I know I shouldn’t, I laugh at him. “You’ll be fine, just as long as you don’t let your dumbass side take over your mouth.” I lift the latch and push the gate open.

He flips me the bird as he stares down at the grass. “You’re an asshole, you know that?”

“No. I’m just paying you back for all the shit you gave me over the years.” I kick the gate shut behind me then walk down the fence line and up the driveway toward my house.

It’s the middle of the afternoon, the sun high in the clear blue sky. It makes me sort of homesick for Star Grove and the snow that always covers the yards during Christmas time. But, all thoughts of being homesick evaporate as I enter my bedroom.

“So what do you think?” Ella asks with her hands on her hips.

The box falls from my hands. “I think…” I’m struck speechless as she stands in the center of the bed wearing nothing except a lacey bra, matching panties, and knee-high socks. My cock goes rock hard. “I love it when you get like this.”

I enthusiastically cross the room, tugging my shirt over my head. Once I make it to the foot of the bed, I reach for her, but she skitters to the side.

I frown. “What are you doing?”

“This,” she says with her fiery, cocky attitude, “is for that shit-eating smirk you threw at me when you walked out the door.”

My cock gets so hard it actually hurts. “You always play so dirty.”

“That’s because you’re easy to play.” She crosses her arms underneath her chest, her cleavage nearly bursting from the bra. “Now tell me what was up with the twinkle lights.”

“Your tits look fucking amazing in that bra.” I dodge around her question, fixated by her chest. “I just want to grab them.” When I step toward her, she inches away, putting herself closer to the closet. “Ella,” I gripe, sucking my lip ring into my mouth. “It’s been two months.”

She wickedly grins at me. “Oh, I know, which is going to make me getting my way a hell of a lot easier.”

I’m getting antsy, needy, and downright horny. I need to come up with a plan here because I refuse to give up my secret until she divulges hers; otherwise, she might never tell me.

I glance from left to right, as if I’m searching for something. Like I guessed, she tracks my gaze. When she’s distracted, I lunge for her, catching her off guard.

“Micha!” she squeals as my arms circle around her. “This is cheating.”

“Cheating?” I question as I pick her up and carry her toward the bed. “This whole game of yours is cheating.”

I drop her down on the mattress and she laughs, unable to get mad at me. Her laughter silences, though, as I tear off her bra and cup her breasts.

“The bra was no fair,” I whisper as I dip my head toward her lips.

“So you’re really not going to tell me?” she asks in a breathy groan as I pinch a nipple.

“Tell you what?” I brush my lips against hers and then glance at the clock. “In four hours, I won’t tell you, but I’ll show you.”

“Oh, yeah?” She grins as her hand travels down the front of my jeans and her fingers stroke my hard-on. “Whatever will we do for those four hours?”

Laughing, I shake my head. “I have at least ten ideas.” Then I seal my lips to hers, kissing her fiercely, letting all my feelings for her pour out through that kiss: every second I’ve spent away from this house and her, every smile I’ve missed, every laugh I didn’t get to hear.

Not anymore.

Never again.

Minutes later, our clothes are off, and I’m sinking deep inside her. Her warmth engulfs me, calms me, lets me know I made the right choice. I nip at her lips, feel the softness of her flesh, the heat of her body as I thrust into her. She cries out my name over and over again as her head falls back against the pillow. Her glazed eyes, the halo of hair around her head, the want burning in her expression; they create lyrics and poetry through my head. When she starts moving with me, arching her hips to meet mine, the sensation is too much, and my head empties of all thoughts.

“I love you,” I whisper against her lips as I give one final thrust inside her.

She clutches onto me with everything she has in her. “I love you, too.”