The Secret Life of Miss Anna Marsh (27 page)

J
ulia Rutherford paced her parlor. If only she had a little more time. She glanced down again at the empty space on her desk where she'd left the household ledgers before she'd gone to London. Rutherford had them. She knew it.

He'd be furious with her, and she couldn't blame him. Even if she'd taken the money for a good reason, it was still wrong of her. She tugged the bell pull. A footman answered. “Is his lordship at home?”

“Yes, my lady. He's in his study.”

Julia took a deep breath. Better to get it over with. A few minutes later, when she reached out to knock on the door, her hand shook. He'd soon know everything.

“Come,” he called.

She made herself smile and entered. “My dear, there is something I need to tell . . .” She flinched at the sight of Anna sitting next to her son. “What is Miss Marsh doing in here?”

Rutherford raised a brow. “We're going over all the accounts. Anna needs to be familiar with them.”

This was worse than Julia had thought. That her future daughter-in-law should know as well. She couldn't keep herself from stuttering. “Oh . . . oh . . . yes . . . of course.”

Rutherford stood. “What did you want to see me about?”

Anna started to rise.

“No, stay where you are, my love.” His brows lowered.

“Are you sure?” Miss Marsh said. “I mean . . .”

“Yes, please stay.”

She eased back into her chair.

“Mother.” He indicated a chair facing the desk.

It took all her bravery not to run out. She folded her hands in her lap and tried to calm herself. “It's about the household accounts. I've been using them—I've spent the money on myself.”

His lips thinned to a line. “We know. What we can't figure out is why. You have a generous jointure.”

Heat rose in her face, and she glanced quickly at Miss Marsh. Her expression of unruffled interest hadn't changed. Julia addressed her son. “I've been supporting someone. A man. He-he was injured in the war and didn't receive the pension he was to have got. He's been very ill.” Her voice faded.

“Go on.” Rutherford's face had grown hard, harder than she ever remembered it.

Flustered, she continued. “There were court expenses and lawyer's fees and medical bills as well as the rooms. I couldn't afford it all and my personal expenses as well.”

His voice was wintry. “What is this man to you?”

Tears filled her eyes, and she blinked, trying not to cry. After her husband died, she had thought never to hear that tone again.

Miss Marsh came to her. “Sebastian, that's enough. Leave us for a few minutes. Please.”

He gave a disgusted snort, but did as she asked. Once the door was closed, Miss Marsh pulled a chair over to Julia, handed her a handkerchief, and took one of her hands, chaffing it. “I know you haven't always liked me. But, I think telling me will be easier than telling Sebastian.”

Lady Rutherford wiped her eyes. “You have to understand, I never meant to hurt anyone.”

Miss Marsh nodded.

Julia took a shaky breath. Not able to meet the younger woman's eyes, Julia focused on the fire, blue flames mixed with red, yellow, and orange. “Years ago when I was first out, I fell in love. John was a third son of an impoverished peer. My father wanted more for me, and when John asked for my hand, Father refused to even consider him.” Her throat tightened. “We discussed running away to marry, but John was in the army, and his commander knew my father. It would have been disastrous. Lord Rutherford offered, and my father accepted for me. I-I was devastated, and I suppose foolish. Rutherford was so much older. I talked John into—well . . .”

Miss Marsh squeezed her hand. “I understand.”

“T-thank you. I didn't know then that things could be”—Julia lifted her head and stared out the window—“could be faked. And I was too stupid to stay quiet. I hated the idea that I would have to live my life with someone other than John.” Julia closed her eyes. “That I would have to give myself to another man. After Lord Rutherford and I married, I told him.” She met Miss Marsh's steady, non-condemnatory gaze. “I wanted him to leave me alone, you see. He was furious and said and did hurtful things. He said I owed him an heir. He didn't touch me until he was sure I wasn't breeding. After that, he demanded I do my duty until he got me with his child. You don't know how happy I was when Sebastian was born. His father never came to me after that.”

“Did John come back?” Miss Marsh asked.

Julia nodded. This was easier than she'd expected it to be, and she needed to tell someone. “Yes, he was posted in London for several years before the war. Old Lord Rutherford didn't know. I was discreet. I only went to my husband when necessary. My deception worked until the last time I was with child. By that time, he was incapable and . . .”

She broke down into tears.

“Yes,” Miss Marsh said. “I do not think the girls or anyone else will be helped by that knowledge. I take it that was when he was struck down by apoplexy?”

“No, his apoplexy came just before then. At least his illness is not on my conscience.”

Miss Marsh frowned. “The old Lord Rutherford provided for your daughters?”

“No. That as well as my jointure was in the marriage settlement.” Julia glanced at Miss Marsh. “We all knew unless I died in childbirth, I'd outlive him by many years.”

“John is now in London, I take it.” Miss Marsh said.

“Yes. I lied to him as well. He doesn't know I've been the one supporting him. He wouldn't have allowed it.” Julia swallowed. “You would not have wanted to see the slum he was living in when I found him. He'll begin receiving his pension soon, and his health is much better.” She had never thought she'd be thankful for Miss Marsh. It had been easier to talk to her than to her son. Sebastian's hard face looked so much like his father's.

Miss Marsh was quiet for several minutes. “How long have you been supporting him?”

“Over a year.”

“My lady, do you and John still wish to marry?”

“Yes, but he won't do it if he cannot support me.”

Miss Marsh worried her lip. “Does your jointure end if you re-marry?”

Julia glanced up. What was Miss Marsh thinking? “No, I have it for life.”

She stood and shook out her skirts. “I have an idea. If you agree, I'll talk to Sebastian. I suggest you and John marry and live in the dower-house so you're not separated from your daughters. You know, as the children's guardian, Sebastian won't allow you to remove them from the Priory. John will have his pension to help support you.”

“What about Emma?”

Miss Marsh smiled. “If need be, I'll sponsor her. I would like to put off bringing Althea out until the following year. Sebastian thinks she's too young.”

“If you're sure you don't mind?” This type of understanding was not at all what Julia had expected from Miss Marsh. Sebastian had indeed made a good choice.

Miss Marsh smiled warmly. “Not at all. If this is what you want.”

Julia dried her tears and straightened her shoulders. “Yes, I think it will answer.”

“Let me help you to your chamber, and I'll speak with Sebastian.”

She stood and turned to Miss Marsh. “Thank you,” Julia said shakily. “I am sorry I've not welcomed you as I ought to have. It—it wasn't that I didn't like
you.
”

Julia held the handkerchief to her mouth, forcing back another sob. “I couldn't bear to see you or your family. Your family had everything I wanted and could never have.”

Miss Marsh hugged Julia and smiled. “There's still time for you. Come, once you are in your room, I'll send your dresser to you.”

Anna accompanied Lady Rutherford to her chambers, then returned to the study where Sebastian awaited her.

“Well?” he asked.

She rubbed her forehead and prayed he'd understand. “In some ways it's complicated and in others so simple. Tell me, what do you know about your parents' marriage?”

He drew his brows together. “She was never happy. I couldn't understand why. She had everything.”

“Except love.”

“Did she want it?”

“Your mother was in love with a young man in the army. Her father wouldn't let her marry him and arranged a marriage with your father. She and the young man . . .” Anna waved her hand.

“I understand.”

“After they married, she told your father.”

Rutherford ran his hands over his face. “Oh, God.”

“My feelings precisely. Your father kept her here until she was pregnant with you. Sebastian, he almost never touched her again. Except when she performed as a wife, she's been faithful to the man she loved as a young lady.”

He stared at her, comprehension dawning in his face. “The girls aren't my father's?”

“No. Apparently when she discovered she was breeding, she'd go to your father. Except for the last time when he'd already had apoplexy.”

Sebastian stared out at the lawn. “He died shortly afterward. I wonder if he even knew she was pregnant. Still, he never paid attention to the girls. Any affection he had was lavished on me, and it wasn't all that much.” Sebastian turned back to her. “I never thought—I never understood my mother. I don't know what to do.”

Anna continued. “I do not know, and I didn't want to ask her. Your mother's lover's name is John. He was badly injured. All her money and the household funds have gone to take care of him. He doesn't know she's supporting him. He doesn't know about the girls either.” Anna paused and fixed her gaze on Sebastian. “I suggested to your mother that she and John marry and live in the dower-house. The country has got to be better for him than London.” Anna hoped she was getting through to Sebastian and that he'd go along with her plan. “Sweetheart, your mother heard he'd come back and searched for him. She found him in a slum.”

Rutherford held his hand out to Anna. She went to him. Cupping the back of his neck to bring his head down to hers, she touched his forehead with hers. “She told me the only reason she didn't like my family was because we had everything she never would. I told her it wasn't too late for her. Please don't make my words a lie.”

He shook his head. “I cannot imagine my mother in a slum.”

Anna chuckled lightly. “Well, it may not have been as bad as we think. Though it was probably worse than Bloomsbury.”

His shoulder shook as a small laugh escaped him. “Yes. You know, my love, I'm curious about him.”

“As am I. Your mother also agreed that Althea will not come out this Season.”

He kissed her. “You drive a hard bargain.”

“My love, Althea is just not ready,” Anna said. “Your mother spent the last year helping John and ignoring her daughter's domestic education.” Anna sighed. “Even if Althea wanted to marry, she doesn't have the skills to run a house. She's beautiful. She could make a very good match, but that comes with responsibilities.”

Rutherford grimaced. “I don't dispute you at all. I just dread telling her.”

Anna reached up to smooth his brow. “I'll explain it to her.”

He bent his head to kiss her and a knock sounded on the door. “Who is it?”

“It's us,” Harry answered.

Rutherford sighed. “Come in then.”

Harry and Emma walked in hand in hand.

Anna smiled. “How can we help you?”

Harry's eyes twinkled for a moment, and then he frowned. “We've decided to marry and don't know how to tell Lady Rutherford.”

Anna hugged Emma and her brother. “I'm so happy for you. I'll tell her. I don't think you need to worry. Lady Rutherford has agreed that I will be in charge of Emma.”

Emma's mouth dropped open. “O-oh, my.”

Harry gave a bark of laughter, and Rutherford poured brandy for them and sherry for Anna and Emma.

Anna sat on the sofa. “When do you want to wed?”

Harry glanced at Emma. “As soon as possible?”

She nodded. “Yes. There is no reason to wait.”

“Harry, tug the bell pull,” Sebastian said, as he went to his desk and pulled a piece of paper toward him, then scribbled a short missive.

When Griffin answered the call, Sebastian handed him the sealed letter. “Have this taken to Dover for the mail. It needs to go out tonight.”

Anna widened her eyes. “What was that?”

“That is going to bring a special license.” Sebastian grinned.

She smiled broadly. “Ah, I see.”

Emma frowned. “Well, I'm glad you understand. I do not at all.”

“A special license will allow you to marry without the banns being read.” Sebastian turned to Anna. “How would you like to share our wedding with Harry and Emma?”

How clever of Sebastian to think of it. “I'd love it. What could be better? Emma, do you mind?”

Emma beamed with delight. “No, it's a wonderful idea. We can help each other with the preparations.”

“Yes, and stand up with each other.” Anna was really looking forward to having Emma in the family.

Everything was going so well. Almost too well. She and Sebastian had worked out their problems, Lady Rutherford would finally be with John, and Harry was returned and happy. She glanced at the clock. “Oh, no, look at the time. We must change.”

She took Emma's arm. “I am so glad to finally have a sister.”

“I think we shall make a good time of it,” Emma said as they walked out the door.