The Shadow of the Wind (46 page)

'Fermin, it's half past midnight, and I'm dead on my feet.'

'Please forgive me, Daniel. It's just that your father insisted I come up and have dinner with him, and afterwards I felt terribly drowsy. Beef has a narcotic effect on me, you see. Your father suggested that I lie down here for a while. He said that you wouldn't mind. ...'

'And I don't mind, Fermin. It's just that you've caught me by surprise. Keep the bed and go back to Carole Lombard; she must be waiting for you. And get under the sheets. It's a foul night, and if you stay on top you'll catch something. I'll go to the dining room.'

Fermin nodded meekly. The bruises on his face were beginning to swell up, and his head, covered with two days of stubble and that sparse hair, looked like some ripe fruit fallen from a tree. I took a blanket from the chest of drawers and handed another one to Fermin. Then I turned off the light and went back to the dining room, where my father's favourite armchair awaited me. I wrapped myself in the blanket and curled up, as best I could, convinced that I wouldn't sleep a wink. The image of the two white coffins was branded on my mind. I closed my eyes and did my best to delete the sight. In its place I conjured up the image of Bea in the candlelit bathroom, lying naked on the blankets. Abandoning myself to these thoughts, it seemed to me that I could hear the distant murmur of the sea, and I wondered whether, without my knowing it, I had already succumbed to sleep. Perhaps I was sailing towards Tangiers. But soon I realized that the sound was only Fermin's snoring. A moment later the world was turned off. In all my life, I've never slept so well or so deeply as I did that night.

Morning came, and it was pouring. Streets were flooded, and the rain beat angrily against the windows. The telephone rang at seven-thirty. I jumped out of the armchair to answer, my heart in my mouth. Fermin, in a bathrobe and slippers, and my father, holding the coffeepot, exchanged that look I was already growing used to.

'Bea?' I whispered into the receiver, with my back to them.

I thought I heard a sigh on the line.

'Bea, is that you?'

There was no answer, and a few seconds later the line went dead. I stayed there for a minute, staring at the telephone, hoping it would ring again.

'They'll call back, Daniel. Come and have some breakfast now,' said my father.

She'll call again later, I told myself. Someone must have caught her phoning. It couldn't be easy to break Senor Aguilar's curfew. There was no reason to be alarmed. With this and other excuses, I dragged myself to the table to have breakfast with Fermin and my father. It might have been the rain, but the food had lost all its flavour.

It rained all morning. Shortly after we opened the bookshop, there was a general power cut in the whole neighbourhood that lasted until noon.

'That's all we needed,' sighed my father.

At three the first leaks began to appear. Fermin offered to go up to Merceditas's apartment to borrow some buckets, dishes, or any other hollow receptacle. My father strictly forbade him to go. The deluge persisted. To alleviate my nerves, I told Fermin what had happened the day before, though I kept to myself what I'd seen in the crypt. Fermin listened with fascination, but despite his insistence, I refused to describe to him the consistency, texture, and shape of Bea's breasts. The day wore slowly on.

After dinner, on the pretext of going out to stretch my legs, I left my father reading and walked up to Bea's house. When I got there, I stopped on the corner to look up at the large windows of the apartment. I asked myself what I was doing. Spying, meddling, or making a fool of myself were some of the answers that went through my mind. Even so, as lacking in dignity as I was in appropriate clothes for such icy weather, I took shelter from the wind in a doorway on the other side of the street for about half an hour, watching the windows and seeing the silhouettes of Senor Aguilar and his wife as they passed by. But not a trace of Bea.

It was almost midnight when I got back home, shivering with cold and carrying the world on my shoulders. She'll call tomorrow, I told myself a thousand times while I tried to fall asleep. Bea didn't call the next day. Or the next. She didn't call that whole week, the longest and the last of my life.

In seven days' time, I would be dead.

36

Only someone who has barely a week left to live could waste his time the way I wasted mine during those days. All I did was watch over the telephone and gnaw at my soul, so much a prisoner of my own blindness that I wasn't even capable of guessing what destiny had in store for me. On Monday at noon, I went over to the literature department in Plaza Universidad, hoping to see Bea. I knew she wouldn't be amused if I turned up there and we were seen together, but facing her anger was preferable to continuing with that uncertainty.

I asked in the office for Professor Velazquez's lecture room and decided to wait for the students to come out. I waited for about twenty minutes, until the doors were opened and I saw the arrogant, well-groomed countenance of Professor Velazquez, as usual surrounded by his small group of female admirers. Five minutes later there was still no sign of Bea. I decided to walk up to the door of the lecture room and take a look. A trio of girls were huddled together like a Sunday-school group, chatting and exchanging either lecture notes or secrets. The one who seemed to be the leader of the congregation noticed my presence and interrupted her monologue to fire me an inquisitive look.

‘I’m sorry. I'm looking for Beatriz Aguilar. Do you know whether she comes to this class?'

The girls traded venomous glances.

'Are you her fiance?' one of them asked. 'The officer?'

I smiled blankly, and they took this to mean yes. Only the third girl smiled back at me, shyly, averting her eyes. The other two were more forward, almost defiant.

'I imagined you different,' said the one who seemed to be the head commando.

'Where's the uniform?' asked the second in command, observing me with suspicion.

'I'm on leave. Do you know whether she's already left?'

'Beatriz didn't come to class today,' the chief informed me.

'Oh, didn't she?'

'No,' confirmed the suspicious lieutenant. 'If you're her fiance, you should know that.'

'I'm her fiance, not a Civil Guard.'

'Come on, let's go, the boy's an idiot,' the chief said.

They both walked past me, eyeing me sideways with disdain. The third one lagged behind. She stopped for a moment before leaving and, making quite sure the others didn't see her, whispered in my ear, 'Beatriz didn't come on Friday either.'

'Do you know why?'

'You're not her fiance, are you?'

'No. Only a friend.'

'I think she's ill.'

'Ill?'

'That's what one of the girls who phoned her said. I must go.'

Before I was able to thank her for her help, the girl went off to join the other two, who were waiting for her with withering looks at the far end of the cloister.

'Daniel, something must have happened. A great-aunt has died, or a parrot has got the mumps or she's caught a cold from so much going around without enough clothes to cover her backside - goodness knows what. Contrary to what you believe, the earth does not revolve around the desires of your crotch.'

'You think I'm not aware of that? You don't seem to know me, Fermin.'

'My dear, if God had wished to give me wider hips, I might even have given birth to you: that's how well I know you. Pay attention to me.

Throw off these morbid thoughts and get some fresh air. Waiting is the rust of the soul.'

'So I seem absurd to you.'

'No. You seem fretful. I know that at your age these things look like the end of the world, but everything has a limit. Tonight you and I are going on a binge to a club on Calle Plateria - apparently it's all the rage. I hear there are some new Scandinavian girls straight from Ciudad Real who are real knockouts. It's on me.'

'And what will Bernarda say?'

'The girls are for you. I'll be waiting in the hall, reading a magazine and looking at the nice merchandise from afar, because I'm a convert to monogamy, if not in mentis, at least de facto.'

'I'm very grateful, Fermin, but—'

'A young boy of eighteen who refuses such an offer is not in his right mind. Something must be done immediately. Here.'

He searched in his pockets and handed me some coins. I wondered whether these were the doubloons with which he was going to finance the visit to the sumptuous seraglio of Iberian nymphs.

'We won't get far with this, Fermin.'

'You're one of those people who fall off a tree and never quite reach the ground. Do you really think that I'm going to take you to a whorehouse and bring you back, covered with gonorrhoea, to your dear father, who is the saintliest man I have ever met? I told you about the girls to see whether you'd react, appealing to the only part of your person that seems to be in working order. The coins are for you to go to the telephone on the corner and call your beloved with a bit of privacy.'

'Bea told me quite clearly not to phone her.'

'She also told you she'd call you on Friday. It's already Monday. It's up to you. It is one thing to believe in women, and another to believe what they say.'

Convinced by his arguments, I slipped out of the bookshop, walked over to the public telephone on the street corner, and dialled the Aguilars' number. At the fifth ring, someone lifted the telephone on the other end and listened in silence, without answering. Five eternal seconds went by.

'Bea?' I murmured. 'Is that you?'

The voice that answered struck my stomach like a hammer.

'You son of a bitch, I swear I'm going to beat your brains out.'

It was the steely tone of pure, contained anger. Icy and serene. That is what scared me most. I could picture Senor Aguilar holding the telephone in the entrance hall of his apartment, the same one I had often used to call my father and tell him I would be late because I'd spent the afternoon with Tomas. I stayed where I was, listening to Bea's father breathing, dumb, wondering whether he'd recognized my voice.

'I see you don't even have the balls to talk, you bastard. Any little shit is capable of doing what you've done, but at least a man would have the guts to show his face. I would die of shame if I thought that a seventeen-year-old girl had more balls than me - because she hasn't told me your name and she's not going to. I know her. And since you don't have the courage to show your face for Beatriz's sake, she's going to have to pay for what you've done.'

When I hung up, my hands were shaking. I wasn't conscious of what I'd done until I left the telephone box and dragged myself back to the bookshop. I hadn't stopped to consider that my call would only make things worse for Bea. My only concern had been to remain anonymous and hide my face, disowning the person I professed to love and whom I had only used. I had done this before when Inspector Fumero had beaten up Fermin. I had done it again when I'd abandoned Bea to her fate. I would do it again as soon as circumstances provided me with another opportunity. I stayed out in the street for ten minutes, trying to calm down before returning to the bookshop. Perhaps I should call again and tell Senor Aguilar that yes, it was me. That I was crazy about his daughter, end of story. If he then felt like coming by in his general's uniform and beating me up, he had every right to do so.

I was on my way back when I noticed that somebody was watching me from a doorway on the other side of the street. At first I thought it was Don Federico, the watchmaker, but a quick glance was enough to make me realize this was a taller, more solid-looking individual. I stopped to return his gaze, and, to my surprise, he nodded, as if he wished to greet me and prove that he didn't mind at all that I'd noticed his presence. The light from one of the streetlamps fell on his face. His features seemed familiar. He took a step forward, buttoning his raincoat to his neck, then smiled at me and walked away towards the Ramblas, mingling with other passers-by. It was only then I recognized him: the police officer who had held me down while Inspector Fumero attacked Fermin.