The Shells Of Chanticleer (26 page)

“Why do you ask about him so much?” I said when, as predicted, Bing asked what Sebastian was up to. Bing looked a little offended, but I didn’t back down. I was getting better at finding my voice when I was confused or upset. I wasn’t going to let Bing’s sad face stop me.

“I don’t know that I do,” was his reply.

“Yes you do,” I said. “All the time.”

“Okay,” said Bing. “So what?”

“He was mad that you took me to the shell museum. Did you get in trouble for that?”

“Not trouble, really. They just told me that it messed you up and not to do it again. I promised that I wouldn’t do that to another newbie.”

“Why can’t you be nicer to Sebastian? Let bygones be bygones?”

“You don’t really know him like I do,” Bing replied. “We go way back. Way before you.”

I looked at Bing with impatience.

“I know Sebastian was your shadow. He told me.”

“There’s no big secret in that,” he said, “but there are two sides to every story. Can you tell me what he said about me?”

“Just that you wouldn’t complete your coursework and refused to tip back home and that basically everyone gave up on you and figured it was easier to let you stay. Also that you have to help out in exchange, and that you are the reason they came up with the shells of Chanticleer.”

“So they gave up on me, huh? A naughty, petulant child, who is too much bother?”

“No, he didn’t say it like that,” I mumbled through the mouthful of deep delicious chocolate I was chewing on.

“He might as well have. It’ obvious that we are not friends. We used to be close but neither of us is crying over each other. Don’t take his side automatically. You know about Sebastian, don’t you?”

I could tell he wanted me to meet his eyes and have a deep serious moment of revelation, but I was preoccupied with looking at the inside of the chocolate covered chocolate ball I had bit into, marveling at the thin stripes of light and medium and dark chocolate, all layered together and leading to a solid dark chocolate core, like a cross-section of a planet. The candy was so much more intriguing than Bing’s constant harping about Sebastian.

“I know Sebastian is staff. He told me.”

“That’s not what I’m referring to.”

“What then? Is there something new you want to scare me with? Or are you and Sinclair still clinging to the hope that I will jump into that vat of water for fun and become your first pretty shell?”

“Very funny,” Bing said. “No comment.”

I didn’t respond. I just kept eating the chocolate. When I failed to take his conversational bait, Bing just shook his head and laughed. “Oh my. You really have no idea.” Bing whistled. “Let’s just say that your prince’s crown has cracks in it. He will always do what’s in his best interest.”

“I know that. He told me that himself. I can handle Sebastian.”

But Bing persisted. “I don’t want you to get hurt, chickie. He may be your best friend in the world, but in the end he will always do what Sinclair tells him to do. He is completely under Sinclair’s control. I don’t know if you are aware of that; that’s all I’m saying.”

I had no patience for Bing’s gossiping today and told him so.

“Alright, okay, I know my place here,” Bing replied. “Sebastian is not like us. You know he has been here so long that he doesn’t have a whole other life waiting for him to resume. But it’s not as if we can completely forget where we came from. For some of us, it is not all roses.”

Bing sounded strangely ominous. “What do you mean by that?”

“Nothing, except you don’t know me very well—not like I know you. I know what you are afraid of. I’ve been by your side the whole time you have been here. I have seen you change and grow. But all you know about me is that I was the rare student who got to stay in Chanticleer and I try to get others to stay too.”

He was right. I only knew him as a controversial shadow that encouraged others to stay. He never talked about himself, really. I was about to say that when the puppy darted off, fast, down the hill straight toward the deep dark loch.

“Oops! Macy, get her!” Bing yelled.

I scrambled to my feet and we took off running toward the loch, my heart pounding. How could I have let her go? I must have loosened my hold on her leash when I was eating and whoosh! Like that she was off. If she jumped in the water I might never catch up with her. I didn’t even know her name. I ran faster.

She stopped when she got to the water, her little paws making tiny imprints in the sand. Putting her tongue into the water, she lapped greedily. I sighed with relief as I slowed to a walk. She was only thirsty. Of course. She had walked a lot today too.

“Good one,” Bing teased as he grabbed her leash. “You know dogs need to drink, too, don’t you?”

I should have thought to lead her down to get something to drink. What was wrong with me? I was out of sorts and distracted and didn’t know why. Bing and I walked her around the loch and picked up our conversation. I realized that I didn’t know much about Bing.

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be ignorant. You are right. I don’t know your story. Tell me then, whatever you’d like.”

Bing smiled, seeming less agitated now. “Here’s one for starters. What’s my last name?”

“I don’t know,” I smiled back.

“It’s McKenzie.”

“Like that big computer company?”

“No, not like. The actual one. Alfred A. McKenzie is my dad, the genius that founded the company with his friends from college.”

There was a McKenzie computer store in almost every mall. I was impressed.

“Wow. Your family must be really rich.”

“Massively.”

“You must have anything you want back home.”

“Yes and no,” he said, and paused for a minute. Then he said,

“My home was my biggest challenge. I didn’t want to tip back home because that was what I was most afraid of. I was afraid of going back home.”

“Really? Why?”

“Because my home is empty. It’s a tomb. Everyone is always either away making their precious money or away spending it. You try being the annoying younger child left with a succession of disinterested hired help paid to watch you, paid to talk to you. Do you know what it’s like to eat every meal alone? To be sent away every summer? I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.” Bing sighed. “Even Sebastian. Although it would benefit him immensely to spend a day in my other life.” Bing laughed at the thought.

“So now you know my secret. I stayed at Chanticleer because I was afraid of going home and being alone. I stay here for the company, and partly because life in Chanticleer is the one experience that money can’t buy. It’s not so terrible, is it, to be afraid of being alone?”

His sad face softened my cranky heart. “Of course not, Bing,” I said, contritely. “I am so sorry. I didn’t know. Don’t you miss your family?”

“No. I feel nothing for anyone there. And why should I? Should I feel guilty that I was miserable in that home? Should I feel guilty for choosing this place over them, for cutting them off? No, I don’t bother looking back. That’s why I don’t talk about it. As for Chanticleer, this place is a blessing to me. I’d like it never to change. But I know it does, all the time. It’s a revolving door. I try to respect that. I really do. I mean I admit I used to be obnoxious, trying to convince everyone and anyone to avoid their coursework. I know I am responsible for some of the secrecy that goes on here now, and for the shells. I’m truly sorry that showing you the shells freaked you out. If I had known how it would affect you, I wouldn’t have taken that field trip with you.”

Bing laughed, “I’ve changed a lot since my deviant days. Heck, I encouraged some people to stay who I deeply regretted and then couldn’t wait to get rid of. So I’ve learned a few things, too. Now I just try and go with the flow. I don’t force people to look at it my way. I can’t help getting excited when I meet someone who understands me, like Violet, but I don’t hold it against someone like Zooey, who doesn’t.

“That’s why I truly hope you know that I am not for or against you staying or tipping. I’m just for you, and for me, here now, having a good time. Having our Best Day Ever. I’m just grateful, and they are kind here. I paid a terrible price to stay here, and they do not make exceptions. Of course, Crispin Sinclair is no dummy. He needed someone with computer savvy. There were things he wanted to achieve here and I had the brains to help him. He works me hard, that one. He used me as much as I used him, so I’d say it’s an even exchange.”

Bing smiled wryly at the deal he and Sinclair both benefitted from.

I asked, “So tell me, are you just encouraging me to avoid my coursework for your own fun?”

Bing looked at me sheepishly. “You know, when I wanted to come out from that dang computer room and work with people like you, they resisted. Sebastian objected the most. He has never been my champion. Eventually Miss Clarice gave me the chance to shadow and, except for a few screw-ups, I don’t think they regret it. Did you know that you are the first person that I’ve been a shadow for, the whole time, from start to finish? My longest student. It will be very hard for me when I take you to your last challenge, but in a way I’m looking forward to it. It’s important to me that you succeed, to know that I was part of your success. So I guess I am guilty as charged. It is tip or be dipped.”

“So Sebastian was right,” I murmured.

“He usually is,” Bing admitted.

Then I asked him the question I had been holding in ever since I first thought it.

“What was the price you paid in order to stay here? Is it something I could do too?”

Bing looked at me, his face a little shocked. I was determined to get the same chance he had but Bing didn’t play along and answered me somberly.

“I can’t tell you and you wouldn’t want to do it anyway, you are too young. Go home to your family and be glad they are good to you.”

I sighed in disappointment.

“Come on Bing,” I said, smiling sweetly. “You can tell me. I want to know.”

Bing shook his head and wrinkled his nose at me.

“I see what you are trying to do to me chickie but it’s not going to work this time. I’ve told you too many secrets already.”

Then he took my hand and squeezed it. “Just go home Macy. You don’t belong here with us, not yet.”

I squeezed his hand back to let him know I cared about him too and not just myself. I didn’t know that Bing wanted to stay in Chanticleer because his life at home was rotten. I was happy for him that they were generous and kind to him, when they didn’t really have to be. As for me, my life at home was good, not perfect, but I knew I was loved, and that I loved my family in return.

Unlike Bing, I had no legitimate reason to avoid returning home; Crispin Sinclair would not make an exception for me just because I loved a boy. For a brief moment I wondered if I could offer to be a maid in Crispin’s gorgeous home in exchange for staying in Chanticleer with Sebastian. Then I came to my senses. I had nothing to offer Sinclair; I couldn’t even look at the man.

I knew that when I tipped back home I would be a stronger person and, as Miss Clarice had assured me, would have a lifetime of opportunities ahead of me. Suddenly I missed the familiar faces of my mother and father and even my brothers. My life at home was good. I was blessed in a way Bing never had been. Who was I to ever judge him?

My afternoon at the loch with Bing changed me. It was funny how the person I had schemed with to put off my departure was the one who woke me up to the inevitable fact that the end was approaching. With a broken heart, I purposely let go of the hope that I could hang out with Sebastian indefinitely. There was no escape hatch. I desperately wanted to hold onto my best friend and to keep him from dissolving into nothing but déjà vu, but I couldn’t pretend anymore. I had to accept that he would always be the one that got away.

If they didn’t make a shell out of me first, then the powers that be would eventually make Sebastian turn on me, it was just a matter of time. He was their toy first, Bing was right about that. I was just one of many students who rotated through that world—I wasn’t special. I did not want to be on the receiving end of Sebastian’s change of heart and realize that he was pulling away from me. It would be safer for me if I stopped stalling and faced my imminent departure. I was ready to go home.

After that conversation with Bing, I went about my coursework purposefully. I didn’t say anything to Sebastian, but I read constantly, day after day, until my mailbox was empty and no more binders or texts arrived. There was nothing left for me to do but cry and wait for the inevitable. As for Sebastian, I hoped in my heart that when I went back I wouldn’t feel the loss. I hoped it would be dulled and blurred.

Sebastian was melancholy. Instinctively, he knew that I had lost hope and that our days together were dwindling.

“I’ll miss you when you leave. I’ll have to go back to hanging around with the old folks on staff again.”

It was hard for me to respond. “Don’t worry. Someone else will come along when I am gone,” I always said, hating myself for saying it. “You are used to this.”

“No I am not,” was his dispirited reply.

“You’re not allowed to mope and be sad. Remember when Paolo tipped back? You were the one to tell me that.”

“I don’t care,” Sebastian sulked.

“Well, there’s nothing we can do about it.” I paused. “Is there?”

I knew that Bing had paid a price to stay, that it was possible. I knew I had nothing to offer Crispin Sinclair, but maybe there was another way? I waited to see if Sebastian would bite.

He didn’t reply.

“You won’t tell me what I need to do to stay here, either,” I said.

“I can’t,” he said, with finality.

I sighed and said, “Well, let’s not ruin what we have. Remember we are just going to pretend up until the bitter end that, well, there is no bitter end.” He would cheer up and for a little while be his old self again.

But I never really knew what he was thinking in those last days we spent together. We would sit together in the town square and he would look at me as if deciding, and be lost in thought more than usual. There was a fog hanging over him, and I had to work hard not to let it take over me too.