The Shoemaker's Daughter (36 page)

But at least she could try to patch things up with Emily, it would be good to forget the past and start again.

‘I’m glad you came,’ Hari said softly, ‘we both let Craig deceive us and there were wrongs done by the three of us, but perhaps we can put all that behind us now.’

‘Craig’s not so bad.’ Emily sighed. ‘I almost married him but realized very quickly that I was second best; I represented what Craig saw as a suitable union and, for a time, that’s what I thought too. We would merge the Grenfell fortunes once and for all.’

Emily smiled, ‘But it was never meant to be. I think he always loved you even though he wouldn’t admit it.’

‘Craig never loved anyone but himself.’ Hari said, ‘I was always beneath him, not good enough for the high and mighty Grenfells.’ Hari couldn’t conceal the note of bitterness that crept into her voice.

‘That might have been true once, but now I, at least, want to make amends,’ Emily said humbly, ‘you are the only real friend I’ve ever had. You cared for me when I was sick, if it weren’t for you I wouldn’t be alive today.’

‘I’m so confused, I can’t even think straight.’ Hari was unsettled by Emily’s belief that Craig was in love with her, could it be true, could Craig forget his background enough to love a working woman?

‘Look,’ Emily said softly, ‘it makes sense for us to support and help each other at a time like this.’

Hari rose to her feet. ‘You have the support of your husband, you love him and why should you need me?’

‘I have always wanted your friendship, Hari, and admired your talent, and, if you have problems, I can be someone to talk to when things get too much to bear on your own,’ Emily said reasonably.

Hari rubbed her eyes. ‘Let’s just take things slowly Emily, please,’ she said.

Emily rose to her feet and stood staring appealingly at Hari. ‘I’ll go now but if you want me please, Hari, just send a message and I’ll be here.’

She walked to the door in silence and when she put her hand on the shining brass knob, she turned.

‘Take care of yourself, Hari,’ she said softly, ‘I wish you everything you wish yourself.’

‘Wait,’ Hari said. ‘Thank you for coming, Emily, I’m not ungrateful, I just want time to think, that’s all.’

She stood in the window of the house in Chapel Street and watched as Emily made her way along the road. There was something different about her, even the way she walked was less arrogant somehow. It was clear that marriage suited her, clear that she loved her husband and Hari envied her. At least Emily had chosen a reliable, honest man to love instead of the charming deceiver that Craig had become.

And yet was that fair to Craig? When had he ever lied? He had promised nothing, offered nothing but a night of love and Hari had accepted it eagerly enough and she could blame no-one but herself for the consequences.

Will was suddenly framed in the doorway, his eyebrows raised questioningly. ‘Everything all right, Hari?’ he asked and she forced a smile.

‘Yes, of course,’ she said. ‘Come in, Will, tell me what’s happening down the workshop.’

‘I’m just finishing off those shoes for that snooty Lady Caroline,
duw
, she goes through more slippers than anyone I know and so fussy with it. Pearls she wanted this time, pearls to match the treble string she wears around her fat neck, there’s a woman for pomp!’

‘So long as there are Lady Carolines in this world we are kept in business,’ Hari said smiling more easily now, brought back to normality by Will’s down-to-earth bluntness.

‘That daughter of hers has set her cap at Mr Grenfell,’ Will said thoughtfully and Hari knew that this was no casual remark, Will was passing on information he believed she would want to know.

‘Walking out they are, though Mr Grenfell don’t look too happy about it if you ask me.’

‘Why do it then?’ Hari said sharply and Will leaned forward, his big hands hanging between his knees.

‘He’s a man, Hari,’ he said quietly. ‘He’s not a monk, mind.’ His words held a reproof and Hari acknowledged that reproof.

‘You’re right, of course, why shouldn’t he have a normal life.’ She sat straighter in her chair. ‘How are the lessons going?’

Will’s face lit up. ‘
Duw
, there’s a brainy man! Mr Grenfell knows all about the world and the seas and the skies. If I end up with half his knowledge I’ll be more than satisfied.’

This was a side of Craig Hari had never seen. She had known his passion, the stirring of the blood with his touch but she had never learned of the real man beneath the surface and she regretted it.

She noticed that Will was speaking with less of a Welsh accent since he’d been taking lessons with Craig, it was as though the boy unconsciously imitated the older man and it was no bad thing, if Will was to succeed in the world he needed all the advantages he could acquire.

‘Well, if you don’t need me for anything, I’ll be off out,’ Will said.

‘Go on out and enjoy yourself, Will.’ Hari spoke teasingly, ‘A little bird told me you were walking out with Sarah Miller, is that right?’

‘You can’t keep anything private in this house, I suppose Jenny couldn’t keep her tongue still, could she?’

‘Well, is it true?’ Hari asked resisting the urge to laugh at Will’s indignant expression.

‘Aye, I suppose so but it’s not serious, mind, just walking out, that’s all, not planning to get married.’

Hari wondered briefly if she should warn Will about the dangers of getting Sarah with child but on reflection, coming from a household of babies as he did, Will probably knew more about it than she did.

When she was alone, Hari pondered over Emily’s visit, it was a generous gesture, to come here to Chapel Street and try to heal the breech that had yawned between them. And it would be good to have a friend, a confidante who might one day share the burden of Hari’s terrible secret.

Perhaps in a day or two, she would take a cab to Emily’s Emporium, sit down quietly with Emily, try to rekindle a little of the warmth that had once been between them.

Hari allowed her mind to dwell on what Will had said about Craig walking out with Lady Caroline’s daughter. It was hurtful to know about his affairs and yet Will was right, Craig was no monk to sit at home and twiddle his thumbs. The day would come when he would marry, it was inevitable and, when it came, Hari must be prepared for it.

Will strolled along Wind Street whistling softly to himself. He looked forward to his meeting with Sarah with great anticipation, she was a fun-loving girl, warm and responsive, and Will felt it was high time he gave in to the manly urges that had plagued him of late.

He knew that he had grown from a scrawny boy into a well-built youth, his shoulders had broadened and his muscles were firm and strong. His one regret was that he had not achieved the six foot in height that his father had boasted.

Sarah was waiting for him at the gate of the park, their usual meeting place, her dark eyes laughed up at him as her firm young breasts rested against the wrought-iron work, tantalizingly thrown into relief by the tightness of her bodice.

Will took her hand. ‘Come on, let’s go over on to the sands,’ he said and for a moment, Sarah hung back.

‘I know what you’re after, you want to get me in the dunes, hidden from prying eyes and then the Good Lord only knows what you’ll want to do.’

Protesting feebly, she allowed herself to be drawn across the width of the Mumbles Road and there, the golden sands sparkled in the September sunlight like diamonds flung from the sky.

Will watched as Sarah sank into the sand and removed her shoes and stockings curling her toes into the golden softness with the abandon of a young kitten.

Will sank down beside her and fell back, his hands beneath his head. The sky was blue as a summer sky with the mellow sun turning the sea to azure. He sighed, on a day like this it was good to be alive.

Sarah buried her head in his shoulder. ‘Tell me you love me, Will, and I’ll be the happiest girl this side of Cardiff.’

He turned and took her in his arms, ‘Of course I love you, Sarah, you are the first girl I’ve ever walked out with but,’ he teased, ‘am I the first man in your life? I doubt it.’

‘Don’t be naughty, Will.’ She pushed away his straying hand, though he could see that she was pleased. Sarah, like him, was teasing the edges of life, she wanted to taste its pleasures just as much as he did.

He rested his head against the cotton of her bodice and smelled the soft woman scent of her with rising excitement. ‘Sarah,’ he said thickly, ‘don’t you trust me? You know I wouldn’t hurt you, just let me caress your beautiful breasts, that can’t do any harm now, can it?’

She was quiescent as his fingers traced the outline of her body through her gown, her breathing quickened and a pretty flush came to her cheeks.

‘I want to love you so much, Sarah,’ he said in a whisper, ‘I want to know all about you.’ He pressed close to her and, for a moment, his senses swam as she clung to him. Then she pushed him away and sat up laughing, teasingly.

‘You are shameless, would you take me here in the sunlight where anyone passing could see us?’ she said.

‘Yes, I would,’ he said, ‘what better way for us to learn the truth about life than under the sky and the sun and with the sea washing at our feet.’

He drew her down once more and this time she did not push him away. Her rounded arms clung to him and with a dart of joy he felt the bareness of her thigh against his hand.

He was heady with desire and the feeling of power that ran through him like wine. Sarah was his for the taking and the knowledge was like a starburst of happiness within him.

Later, he took Sarah back to the emporium and at the back door he held her gently and kissed her warm lips.

‘I love you, Sarah,’ he said and then he meant it, for gratitude to a woman is a powerful thing.

‘And I love you, Will, when shall we be married?’ she asked softly.

Icy fingers traced a line along his spine. With sharp wits he smiled down at her.

‘I won’t ask you to be my wife until I can provide for you properly,’ he said. ‘For now our love will be enough.’

‘But, Will, what if I get with child, the shame of it!’ she said fearfully.

‘Don’t worry,’ he said, ‘you won’t get with child, I’ve seen to it.’ And he had, at the last moments of his passion, he had taken himself away from Sarah and did as the Good Book said and cast his seed upon the ground.

Will could not endure the sort of life he had known as a child full of poverty and babies. No, he wanted more for himself and for the woman who would eventually be his wife.

Craig closed the account book and smiled at Will. ‘I don’t know what’s wrong with you but you are just not concentrating today. If I didn’t know better I’d say it was spring fever.’

‘Well, to be truthful,’ Will smiled, ‘it’s something like that.’

‘I see.’ Craig smiled, ‘Well, the first experience of anything is always to be savoured.’

‘I know,’ Will said, ‘but my girl thinks it just naturally leads to marriage.’

‘And you are not ready for that just yet?’ Craig wondered why he felt suddenly so old. He found himself almost envying William for though the young man had nothing of worldly goods, he was on the very threshold of life, ripe for new experiences and, if Craig was not mistaken, about to make something of himself.

‘Women are very special creatures,’ he said thoughtfully, ‘you must never make use of them and then cast them aside.’

Yet wasn’t that just what he had done with Hari? He had enjoyed one night of passion with her and had never declared that he loved her. He became aware that Will was speaking again.

‘I wouldn’t do that to Sarah but then neither do I want to commit myself to marrying her.’ He shrugged, ‘I suppose the proper thing to do is not to take advantage of a woman in the first place.’

‘Quite right, Will,’ Craig said, ‘if it were only that simple!’

He sighed. He felt exactly the same as Will did now, he wanted the warmth of a woman in his arms without the commitment it invariably entailed. ‘I don’t have all the answers, Will, indeed I continually surprise myself with my lack of understanding of womankind. You think you know what they want and then they confound you utterly. A man who says he understands women is a fool or a liar.’

William smiled. ‘I suppose you don’t feel like a nice cold mug of ale, that public bar we went to last time served a good strong brew.’

Craig nodded, ‘Good idea, you are learning, Will, when a man can’t answer the important questions in life, the way out is to spend some time drinking ale with a friend.’

He saw the look of pleasure cross William’s face and hid a smile, the boy probably thought him very old and sophisticated and quite wise. How wrong he was.

Later, as he sat in the cool of the bar with William maintaining a companionable silence alongside him, Craig thought about the mistakes he’d made in his life. He wished he could advise William how to avoid making the same errors but no-one could live Will’s life for him, his mistakes must be his own, how else would he learn?

‘How’s Hari?’ Craig couldn’t resist the question, he saw Will glance at him and hesitate a moment before answering.

‘Not too good,’ he said, ‘she has been feeling bad lately, got to rest in bed, the baby, you know.’

‘Oh?’ Craig felt a dart of alarm, ‘Is there something wrong then?’

William shook back his brown hair. ‘No, not really wrong, I think Hari is just tired, her spirits are a bit low, too.’

Craig felt so impotent, if only he could go to Hari, talk to her, tell her of his love. But it was all too late for that, much too late, he had made his mistakes and now Craig knew he would just have to live with them.

He picked up his mug of ale but suddenly the drink tasted like ashes in his mouth.

24

The pain woke her, it was like a vice clamping about her body and Hari sat up in bed, instantly awake. She stared at the pale dawn for a long minute, holding her breath, wondering when the pressure would subside.