The Silent Waters (48 page)

“Daddy, I thought you were really good tonight!” Haley said, yawning. She had those same blue eyes as her mama and the same beautiful smile which made me bend to her every need. Her arms were wrapped around my neck as I carried her to her bedroom. Even though I’d toured the whole wide world and seen so many sights, there was nothing better than being home with my loves.

“Yeah? You think so?”

She nodded. “Yeah. I think Mama sings better than you, but still, you were good.”

I cocked an eyebrow. “Oh, is that so? You think Mama’s a better singer?” I laid her in her bed and began tickling her. “Say I’m the better singer! Say it!”

“Daddy!” She giggled. “Okay, okay. You’re the better singer! You’re the better singer!”

I laughed and kissed her forehead. “That’s what I thought.”

“Daddy?” Haley asked.

“Yes?”

“Secret time?”

I nodded. “Secret time.”

She moved in closer, pulling me in for a secret, and whispered, “I lied about you being a better singer.”

The tickle war began again and continued until we were both out of breath. I picked up the cat roaming around the room and placed him at the edge of Haley’s bed where he slept each night. “Okay, it’s time for you both to get some rest.” I kissed her nose. “And, Haley?”

“Yes, Daddy?”

“The world keeps spinning because your heartbeats exist.”

I headed out of her bedroom after turning on her nightlight, and when I stepped into the hallway I saw Maggie coming from Noah’s room. We smiled at one another and walked downstairs together.

“Is Skippy in there with him?” I asked.

She nodded. “And Jam is with Haley?”

“Yup.”

When Maggie walked into the living room, I went over to the light switch and dimmed the lights. She smiled my way, bit her bottom lip, and moved over to the jukebox that Mrs. Boone had given us years ago as a wedding gift. She picked her favorite track—our song.

As the music began playing I took Maggie’s hands and pulled her closer to me. Our lips brushed against one another, and I gave her a light kiss before whispering, “Dance with me?”

She always said yes.

Moments.

Humans always remember the moments.

We recall the steps that led us to where we were meant to be. The words that inspired or crushed us. The incidents that scarred us and swallowed us whole. I’ve had many moments in my lifetime, moments that changed me, challenged me, moments that scared me and engulfed me. However, the biggest ones—the most heartbreaking and breathtaking ones—all included her.

It all ended with two kids, a dog named Skippy, a cat named Jam, and a woman who always loved me.

Okay, okay, I know I just told a story, but I’d like to tell another one right now. Don’t worry, it’s shorter. Nowhere near eighty-thousand words. This one’s a bit more real, and a bit more personal, but here goes. The Silent Waters was a tough book for me to write. Unlike Maggie May, I wasn’t mute as a child, yet I hardly spoke. In elementary school, I was super talkative. By third grade I was outgoing, and wild. I loved people, and they seemed to like me, too. Except for one girl, let’s call her Kelly. Kelly and I rode the school bus together, and one day Kelly said she was going to be eight feet tall some day!

Eight feet tall
! Could you imagine?

“That’s so tall,” I replied. “You’d be bigger than the whole world!” I exclaimed.

Kelly’s eyes narrowed. “What did you just say?”

“I said you’ll be bigger than the whole world!”

“Did you just call me a hoe?” she snapped, angered. Her anger threw me off—what had I said? What did I do wrong?

You see, I had a speech impediment. There were certain letters I couldn’t pronounce, and certain words came out of my mouth which didn’t sound like the words I held in my head. Still to this day, there are things I can’t pronounce correctly when I get nervous. It’s pretty embarrassing how fast this twenty-nine-year-old can feel like that third grader again in a blink of an eye.

I said
whole
—she heard
hoe
.

And she never let me forget it.

I didn’t even know what a hoe was. I was in the third grade. I pretty much only knew what
Boy Meets World
taught me, and Cory never said the word hoe to Topanga.

Kelly didn’t forget it, though. She made my life a living hell, talking about my speech, bullying me on the school bus, and pinching my ears saying, “I want to see how red the Cherry’s ears can get!” It was crazy how fast other kids joined in on mocking my words. It was awful. I’d go home crying, and my mom didn’t know how to fix it, other than marching to the school district and going Mom-mode demanding things be changed. P.S. It worked. (Thanks, Mama!)

But by that point, I already changed.

I lost my voice.

I became super self-aware of the words I used, therefore I hardly used any. I was a freak, a weirdo who couldn’t speak correctly. My voice wasn’t worthy of being heard.

In middle school, I was voted the quietest girl in the yearbook. When we had to read out loud in class, I remember having panic attacks and shaking. When I knew we were going to be reading out loud, I stayed home sick. If I couldn’t stay home, I’d go to the nurse’s office after splashing hot water on my forehead to fake a fever. If I did have to read out loud, I’d think about it for days and weeks after the fact, imagining the words I pronounced wrong, and the classmates who probably laughed at me.

I was shy to the point where teachers questioned if I had a learning disorder. My mother was told I’d never be able to communicate in a normal fashion due to my shyness and my speech, but she said she couldn’t afford to believe that. You see, I was so talkative at home. My home was my safe haven. Those walls were where my voice was heard. It was the only place I could be myself after spending eight hours in a school building trying my hardest to
not
be me.

My older sister, Tiffani, doesn’t know it, but she helped me find my voice. She was this amazing cheerleader who was popular and fun, and I looked up to her so much. One day, she told me I should try out for the wrestling cheerleading squad—yes, that’s a thing.

I tried out, and I made the team.

I was able to stand in crowds, and even though I was terrified of what people thought of me, I still gave it my all. I started talking more in school. I started laughing more, too. Putting myself out there was the best thing in the world. One day, during my senior year of high school, a boy turned around in his seat and said to me, “I liked you better when you didn’t talk.”

For a split second I wanted to retreat back to my mute cave, but instead I thought, ‘
Be strong like Tiffani
.’ So, I replied, “That’s funny, because I never liked you.”

Sass. I discovered sass.

My voice had sassiness sometimes! Which, later in life would probably get me in trouble, but that’s another story.

This is why The Silent Waters is so close to my heart.

I was Maggie May, and she, in a way, was and still is me. I still sometimes have panic attacks, mostly before I publish a novel, or before I fall in love, or before I make any big life decision, because in my mind I’m still that third grader who feels as if I’m being judged. What if I screw up? What if I’m not worthy of love, or success, or living my dreams?

But then I breathe and remind myself that it’s okay to be me. It’s okay to be scared some days, and fearless the next. It’s okay to be afraid of having a voice, and still using it each day. It’s okay to be a little cracked, and yet, still whole.

So, this book was written for me, yet not only for me. This is for all of the Maggie May’s of the world who sometimes feel so lost and alone. It’s for the ones who feel invisible. It’s for the ones who have panic attacks in their dark bedrooms at night. It’s for the ones who cry themselves to sleep, and wake up the next morning with tear stains still against the pillowcases. This book is yours. This book is your anchor. This book is proof that you, too, will find your voice. You are worthy of love, and success, and your dreams coming true. Never stop speaking, even when your voice begins to shake, okay? Never give up on yourself. You are important, you are loved, and your beautiful voice matters.

Brittainy C. Cherry is an Amazon #1 Bestselling author who has always been in love with words. She graduated from Carroll University with a Bachelor’s degree in Theatre Arts and a minor in Creative Writing. Brittainy lives in Brookfield, Wisconsin with her family. When she’s not running a million errands and crafting stories, she’s probably playing with her adorable pets.

Other novels by Brittainy C. Cherry include:
The Air He Breathes, The Fire Between High & Lo, Loving Mr. Daniels, Art & Soul,
and
The Space in Between.

You can find her on Facebook at:

www.facebook.com/BrittainyCherryAuthor

Writing a book is really hard, but writing the acknowledgements is the hardest. I always feel as if I’m going to forget someone, and then it will be in print that I forgot that person—which is terrifying.

But alas, here goes. Firstly, I’m going to thank Danielle Allen—my soul sister. Thanks for always being there for me. You’ve brought more tears from my eyes from laughter and appreciation than anyone I’d ever known. Thank you for being a true friend.

To my tribe. You each know who you are, and I am a stronger woman for crossing paths with you all.

To Allison, Alison, Christy, Tammy, and Beverly—the best betas in the world. This one was TOUGH. Thanks for the honesty and the support to help me make this story into what it is today.

Thank you to my editors Caitlin at Editing by C. Marie, and Ellie at Love N Books, and Kiezha for going above and beyond on this book. You make me sound better than I actually am, and I owe you the world!

To my proofreaders, Virginia and Emily—there are no words to describe your talents and your eye for detail. Thank you for catching those last minute mistakes.

A big thank you to Indie Solutions by Murphy Raw for formatting the novel, Staci Brillhart for the amazing cover design, and Luka Ditella for being an outstanding cover model.

To the readers, bloggers, family, and friends who not only support my writing, but speak about it to others without shame and embarrassment—thank you. Thank you for allowing me to live this wild dream and giving me reasons each day to smile. Thank you for hearing me, even when my voice shakes. Thank you for believing in me, even when I want to retreat and hide. Thank you for your love. Thank you for your energy. Thank you for being you. The world keeps spinning, because your heartbeats exist.