The Sins of the Mother (27 page)

“I don’t love her, I don’t even like her. I hate to admit it, but it’s true, and I’m not sure she’s in love with me. I can’t live that way. I haven’t said anything to her, or done anything about it, and I don’t know if I will. And then you walked into my life yesterday. I saw you at the café, and all I want to do now is see you again. But I don’t want to get either of us tangled up in a bad situation. Do you suppose we could just meet for lunch for a while or have coffee until I figure out what I’m doing? I promise you, if I’m going to stay where I am, I won’t see you again. I just don’t know. It’s as honest as I can be with you right now.”

Taylor thought about it for a long moment and nodded. She didn’t want to get into a bad situation either. She had never dated a married man, and she didn’t want to start now. She liked him, but she had thought he was free. At least he had told her the truth. She respected him for it, and she knew it couldn’t have been easy to say.

“I guess that would be okay, if we just do lunch and dinner. I like you,” she said sincerely, “I think you’re a nice man. And no one should be with someone who doesn’t love them. You deserve as much happiness as anyone else.”

“So do you,” he said gently and took her hand in his own. “I promise I’ll figure this out as soon as I can. Maybe nothing will ever happen with us, but I’m grateful just to know you.”

She beamed when he said it. “Me too. And maybe we can just be friends.” Phillip didn’t say it, but that wasn’t how he felt about her. He wanted to make love to her and hold her in his arms. He had never felt about Amanda as he did about this girl. He felt as though he’d been hit by a bolt of lightning the night before.

“I give you my word, Taylor, I’m not going to drag you into a mess. If it’s going to be a mess, I’ll disappear.” She looked sad when he said it, and he brought her fingers to his lips then. “I’m not going anywhere,” he reassured her, “except with you.” He had the strange feeling that Providence had dropped an enormous gift in his lap, and he didn’t want to lose it. He felt like this was meant to be. He paid the check when they were finished, and then looked at her with deep affection. “When am I going to see you again?”

“I don’t know.” She was feeling a little overwhelmed. He was a powerful person, and this was a lot to digest. She would have liked to tell her sister about it, but she wouldn’t approve. A married man? No way. Even just as friends. But she could tell that Phillip wanted to be more than just friends with her, and she was attracted to him. He was a very handsome man, even if he was a little square. But she liked men who looked like him. Her brother was cut from the same cloth, and was a banker in Milwaukee, with a wife and three kids, and he was ten years younger than Phillip. Her sister was forty-three, and had four kids.

“How about lunch tomorrow?” Phillip asked her as they left the restaurant, and she looked up at him with a rueful expression. “Is that too soon?”

“Yes … no,” she corrected. “I don’t know.” He was so comfortable to be with, and so protective, that she was already falling for him, and they had only just met. This was crazy, for both of them. And even more so for him. He had a wife. He didn’t seem married to her, but he was. At least he didn’t have kids. She didn’t want to be a home wrecker, but in a way she was anyway. She felt guilty and happy and excited all at once. And it was hard to resist the attention he lavished on her. He had sworn to her he had never done this before, and neither had she. She had had a boyfriend for four years in college and grad school, and they had broken up the year before. She hadn’t met anyone she cared about since.

And then he remembered something else. “What’s your address?”

“You’re coming to my house?” she asked, looking nervous, and he laughed as he put an arm around her shoulders. He would have liked to, but he knew it would be the end of his good intentions, if he did.

“No, silly. I want to send you the bookcase.” She laughed too and jotted it down for him. “I’ll see what I can do, if we have it in stock.” If they did, he was going to get a private delivery van to bring it to her. It was all he could do, a small gesture, to give her something she needed, to make her happy.

“Thank you,” she said simply.

He looked at his watch then and realized he was half an hour late for a meeting. “Lunch tomorrow?”

“I—uh—yes!” she blurted out. She wanted to see him too.

“Café Cluny,” he said quickly before she could change her mind, and kissed her lightly on the lips. He hailed a cab, which came to a screeching halt beside them, and he opened the door and got in. He was smiling at her, and she looked dazed. “See you tomorrow, one o’clock,” he called out the window, and she waved. He called the warehouse on the drive uptown. They had the bookcase. Then he called his secretary, told her to get a delivery truck, and gave her Taylor’s address. It was all taken care of in less than five minutes, and then he called her and told her about the delivery, so she could be there. “I’m sorry I was so rushed. I was late for a meeting. Thank you for meeting me for lunch. I don’t know what I’m doing, but I think you’re the most wonderful woman I’ve ever met.”

“You don’t even know me yet,” she said, sounding confused.

“I hope I will,” he said, and meant it. “See you tomorrow, Taylor.”

He rushed into the building, and slid into the meeting nearly an hour late. His brother, John, was at the conference table, but his mother wasn’t. It was a finance and design meeting, about production costs, and she wasn’t expected to attend. When they left, his brother looked at him strangely.

“Are you okay? You look weird.”

“I am weird,” he said vaguely. “Amanda got appointed to the federal bench yesterday. She’s reorganizing the world.”

“Have you calmed down about Mom?”

“Maybe. I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it.” But in light of what he was doing with Taylor, or might be doing, or could do, and wanted to do, his objections to Peter Williams seemed strange even to him. Maybe this was how those things happened. He hadn’t allowed himself to think about it yet. But at least he hadn’t slept with her. And he wasn’t going to until he worked this out in his head.

And when he got home that night, Amanda was making lists. For parties, for social events she wanted to attend, committees she thought she should join, things she wanted him to do.

“Did you tell your mother?” she asked as she looked up from what she was writing.

He shook his head. “I didn’t see her today.”

“You could have called her.” As far as Amanda was concerned, this was big news, and the whole world was supposed to celebrate her. She had told her partners and everyone she knew with an e-mail blast.

“I have no idea where she was,” Phillip said honestly. And with that, she handed him a list of everything he was supposed to buy, sign up for, and do. It was quite a list. He felt like he had enlisted in the marines.

He opened a bottle of champagne for her then, because he felt guilty about his lunch with Taylor. Amanda didn’t know, but he did. He handed her a glass of champagne, and she looked pleased.

“Thank you, Phillip.” He toasted her, and tried to force Taylor from his head. The image of her refused to move.

“So where did you go last night?” she finally asked him. She didn’t apologize for her comments. All she wanted to know was where he went.

“I walked all the way down to the Village, had a burger, and took a cab back.” It was true. What he didn’t tell her was that he had met the most enchanting girl he’d ever seen.

“Sorry if I pissed you off,” Amanda conceded, “but it’s true. It would look a lot better for me, and my status, if your mother made you CEO. I’d like you to ask her to do that,” Amanda said simply. She saw no reason why Olivia wouldn’t step down in order to further her daughter-in-law’s career. She saw it less as an important step for Phillip than as an accessory for her, but of course it would benefit him too. It was a win-win for them, and Olivia was of retirement age after all.

“Why don’t you ask her yourself?” he said coolly. “I’m sure she’d be interested to hear your ideas.”

“I think the pressure should come from you. Maybe you should threaten to quit.”

“And then what? What if she lets me? We turn the whole company upside down so you can say you’re married to a CEO? What if she fires me? Then your husband would be unemployed. That might look worse.” He was only half-joking.

“She’s not going to let you quit, Phillip. You’re her son.”

“And my mother is not going to relinquish her seat as CEO, even for you. And I’ve told you, I don’t want her job. Mine is tough enough. Hers is a lot worse. I’m in no hurry to step into her shoes, even if you think that means I have no balls. She carries more responsibility than anyone I know, in any corporation, and she does it pretty damned well. I’m not sure I could do her job. In fact, I’m sure I can’t. So that’s a problem for you. If you stick with me, all you get is a CFO. I guess that’s bad news for you.” He was being a lot tougher than he had been with her before, and he knew it was time. She had been insulting enough.

“I didn’t realize you were giving me an option clause. ‘If I stick with you.’ Is that a message, Phillip?” Her eyes narrowed as she asked.

“You always have that choice,” he said clearly.

“Is that a threat?”

“No, but I’m not going to have my life, wardrobe, and career remodeled to suit you, because you just became a judge.”

“It’s a pretty big deal,” she reminded him with a surly tone.

“Yes, it is. And I’m proud of you. But I’m not going to pay for your induction with my balls, as you put it. They belong to me, not to you. They’re not part of the deal.”

“Then what is? Are you willing to use some of the Grayson money to make contributions for me, that would help my career? That’s the least you could do, if you’re not willing to ask your mother for a better job.”

“I don’t know how much ‘Grayson money’ I could commit. My mother makes those decisions, and the board. And if they don’t like the sound of it, they don’t do it. It’s not up to me.”

“That’s what I mean, Phillip. You have no clout there at all.” She looked disgusted by what she was hearing from him.

“I have some clout, but not much. I never said I did. One day, but not now. You’re a little premature. My mother is still very much in charge.” It occurred to him as he said it that he hardly knew Taylor, but he couldn’t imagine her asking him how much “Grayson money he was willing to commit.” Even twenty years down the road he couldn’t imagine Taylor having that kind of toughness. He was astounded at Amanda’s nerve to ask.

“I think we’ll need to talk about this again,” Amanda said, with a very chilly tone in her voice.

“We can, and I’m certainly willing to, but it’s not going to get you far.” Amanda said nothing to him after that. She finished her glass of champagne and went upstairs and took a bath. They were having dinner with one of her partners that night. And when they got to the restaurant, she made him feel like a nobody. She made it clear to everyone at the table that she was the star. And Amanda referred to him several times as “only the CFO.” She was having a good time, but he was seething when they got home.

“Is that what I have to look forward to now? Humiliation whenever we go out, because you’re now a federal judge, or about to be? It’s going to be a little wearing if that’s the case.”

“Then ask your mother for a better job,” she said coldly. This was war. It was Amanda after his mother, using him as the weapon of choice. It was a miserable situation for him to be in. She was trying to pressure him into demanding the job of CEO, by humiliating him until he did. Phillip had no desire to enlist for that. Amanda didn’t know it, but she was signing her death warrant with him.

And he realized that night, when they went to bed, that they hadn’t made love since they had been on the boat. Her attitude wasn’t conducive to his wanting to make love to her. He was examining everything now, scrutinizing it under a microscope, because he had met a girl at a café the night before, but also because Amanda had been out of line for too long, and now she was worse. His mother’s concern expressed on the boat hadn’t fallen on deaf ears. She had asked if Amanda was enough for him. He no longer knew. He was asking himself that question now. He just wasn’t sure.

They didn’t say a word to each other in bed that night. She didn’t try to seduce him, nor he her. He didn’t want to give her any “rewards” for her bad behavior, and she left him so cold now he wasn’t even sure he could get it up, and he didn’t want to try. And Amanda seemed satisfied the way things were. She had intimated that she didn’t want to sleep with him until he got a better job. And he wasn’t about to be blackmailed by her. They had come to an impasse. Phillip couldn’t sleep all night and left the house for work before Amanda got out of the shower.

He was looking tense when he met Taylor for lunch that day. The night before with Amanda had left him in a bad mood. But the moment he saw Taylor, it was dispelled, and within a few minutes he was laughing with her and felt like a boy again.

“You’re amazing!” she said as soon as he arrived.

“So are you.” He was smiling at her and reached for her hand.

“No, I mean
really
amazing,” she said to him with wide eyes. “The bookcase arrived at six o’clock last night. And it’s perfect. The delivery guy assembled it for me, and he put it in the right place. All my books fit, and they’re off the floor. Wow! You’re a miracle worker,” she said gratefully, and he smiled. It was such a small thing to do for her, in the context of his life, and he was glad he had.

They talked about her childhood over lunch, and her parents dying in a head-on collision when she was eight. Her sister had just gotten married and she went to live with her, and stayed there until she went to college. Her brother had been sixteen and had lived with them too until he left for college two years later. She said her brother-in-law was a saint to put up with them all. And she mentioned that their family was very close. And then she asked about his. Listening to her had put his life somewhat in perspective. His mother had been away a lot, but she wasn’t dead. They weren’t orphans, they had a wonderful life, and they’d been doted on by their father and grandmother. He realized now that in contrast to her life, his had been easy. The comparison embarrassed him.