The Song Remains the Same (59 page)

Deflating under his words, I had to agree with him.

“I’ve spoken with his dad, and I’ve talked with Da. He thinks you fell, by the way, so stick with that story. If he knew Phil pushed you, even accidentally, he’d go ballistic. I told him you tripped over your feet and smacked your head into the wall. It’s what we told the paramedics, too.”

“All right.”

“We’re insisting Phil goes into rehab. It’s not like he’s a hard-core addict, but alcoholism runs in his family, and he needs to take care of all his demons now before we let him back into your life.”

Say what?
“Excuse me?”

Connor nodded. “He needs to get a handle on himself,
by
himself, and if you’re around, he’s going to let your love for him justify his actions—”

“I just told him I’d never leave him!” I cried.

“We’re not asking you to end the relationship. But he needs to get well, in his head, in his body, everything. Louis knows a good rehab center. Phil will be getting better in the lap of luxury with all sorts of therapists and other shit. Jason, Flipper, and I will see him every day. We’ll be able to get him back into music. He needs to heal himself and not rely on you to do it for him.”

“What about me?” I asked in a small voice. “Can’t I go see him, too?”

Connor shook his head. “You won’t be here. You and Alys are going to visit Gran and Gramps in Scotland. You need to get away, clear your head, and heal, too. They already know you guys are coming, and Da’s real happy about it.”

“For how long?”

Connor’s jaw clenched. “Rehab takes ten weeks.”

The air rushed from my lungs, and I felt the room spin.
Ten weeks! Ten weeks without seeing Phil?

“You know that this is the right thing, Kenna,” Connor said softly. “For
both
of you.”

Alys was silently telling me she would support me in whatever capacity. She, too, needed to heal, still reeling from the loss of her husband. If not for me, then I could certainly do this for her.

Most of all, I could do this for Phil.

As I looked into my brother’s handsome face, he saw what was churning inside my head.

Reaching out, he took my hand and squeezed gently. “Don’t take the easy way out by doing this for them. You need to admit that you’re doing this for you.”

My throat closed up, and tears filled my eyes. I nodded. “Okay. But I get to say good-bye.”

Seven hours later, I was discharged, and Connor and Alys led me to Phil’s room.

Fluids and oxygen had Phil’s pallor looking much, much healthier than it had when we first arrived. He was no longer horrifically jaundiced, his liver and kidneys working hard to clean out his system. Bruise-colored shadows lay beneath his eyes, and his face was gaunt and heavy with his beard.

Before I could reach his bedside, Louis came up to me and wrapped me in a warm fatherly embrace. “Oh, Kenna…you poor little girl.”

“I’m okay, Dad. I promise.”

Clasping my upper arms, he took a step back, his eyes searching me over. “No…but you will be. You both will.”

All I wanted was to get close one last time to the man who’d made my dreams a reality. A few steps, and I was tucking a stray tendril of his thick brown hair behind an ear.

Louis steered my brother and Alys outside the room, giving us privacy.

“Hey, babe…” I whispered. “I don’t want to leave you, but I hope you’ll understand why I have to and that you’ll forgive me. When you’re all better, I’ll be back, and I promise, we’ll get married and start that life you’ve always dreamed of. You’ve made me want it, too, more than anything.”

Leaning forward, sniffing back my tears, I pressed a soft kiss to his lips. Somewhere in his brain, he felt the pressure and softly kissed me back.

“I love you,” I whispered.

His lips parted in response.

I had to leave. If he woke up, my resolve would crumble, and I wouldn’t be able to go through with it.

But I had to. His life and our future depended on it.

Phil

“I love you.”

With my whole heart, I wanted to tell my Baby Girl that I loved her, too. But I was stuck in a bizarre bile-colored fog, searching for a way out. Her voice had pulled me forward in the direction I needed to go. All roads led to Kenna, and Kenna was where I’d always be headed.

There were times when I was too fuckin’ tired, in so much pain, but if I stopped to rest, I could lose my way, so I kept at it, moving through the fog.

The first thing I was aware of was her scent. Clean, pure Kenna.

Fuck, I hurt.

That was the second thing I was aware of. My God, I had
never
hurt all over like this before. It was worse than having the fuckin’ flu. I was thirsty as all hell. My head felt ready to crack open, and the pain shooting through my eyeballs when I opened them made them water.

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ,” I groaned, my voice sounding like paper scratching on asphalt.

“Philip?”

It took a hell of a lot of effort, but I turned my head and saw Dad, looking older than I’d ever seen him. Surprisingly, the light in the room wasn’t so bright.

Then, I was shocked.

I’m in a fuckin’ hospital? Again?

“What the hell?” I had an IV drip in my arm and a fuckin’ mask over my face.
Am I still in Saskatoon?
“Where the hell am I?”

Movement caught the corner of my eye, and I turned my head to the right and saw Connor sitting in a chair.

“Hey,” I said to him, confused. “What’s goin’ on? Where’s Kenna?”

The look on Connor’s face…

Fuck
.

That look was both furious and sad, and it made no sense.

“What’s the last thing you remember?” Little Brother asked.

“Why do people keep askin’ me that?” I demanded, knowing I’d recently heard that question a shit-ton.

“Because, Philip, you keep losing your damn mind,” my father replied.

Shit, he’s pissed.

“Where’s Kenna?” I demanded again. “I swear, she was just here.”

“She was,” said Connor, standing up and walking toward me. “She was saying good-bye. She left about fifteen minutes ago.” He took a seat on the bed next to my knees. “What’s the last thing you remember?”

Starin’ at the wall behind his head—

What color is that? Taupe?
How benign
. It helped my head though.

Catching flashes of memory against the lack of color, I replied, “Alys got a phone call. I think it was Pygmy. She left…Jason came in…and that’s all. Will you fuckin’ tell me what’s goin’ on now?” I asked.

“You have alcohol poisoning,” Dad told me. “You’re still sick from it. I can’t believe…after your mother and everything…”

Guilt flooded me. No wonder he was pissed. “Dad…”

He shook his head. “It’s going to be okay though. Right? This…this was just a one-time thing. You were hurting because of X, and Kenna—”

“Is she all right?” I couldn’t help the panic in my voice.

“Yes and no,” replied Connor. “We need to talk to you, Phil. It’s important that you listen and do what needs to be done, or…”

“Or what?”

“Or we won’t let Kenna come back.”

“What?” I gasped in disbelief.

“Son…you hurt her. You were so far gone in the drink that you tossed her into a wall and busted her head wide open.”

“What?”

Connor looked grim. “She’s going to be fine, man. She was nearly scalped, and she lost a lot of blood, but she’s cleaned up, and she’s going to make a full recovery. But that’s not the only thing. If you want to have a relationship with my sister, I need to know that this shit ain’t ever gonna happen again. The only way I’ll believe you is if you go to rehab and get the help you need. Ten weeks. When you’re well enough to be discharged from the hospital, the guys and I will go with you straight to the center. Your dad already has one in mind.”

“It’s an upscale place for rich shits who keep fucking up,” Dad said, almost cheerfully. “The best care money can possibly buy. It’s like a retreat.”

I stared at both of them like they’d lost their fuckin’ minds.

“It’s not up for negotiation, man. If you don’t do this, I’ll tell Da it was your fault that his little girl was getting her head stitched up, and he’ll move mountains to make sure you never see her again.”

My jaw dropped.

Dad was nodding his head. “And I’ll help him.”

“What the fuck?”

If I wasn’t so fucked up, weak, and just plain fuckin’ sick, I’d be losing my fuckin’ shit all over this taupe room.

“Kenna and Alys are leaving. We’re sending them out of the country until you’re done,” said Connor.

“No! I can’t even see her?” I cried. Her Tattoo throbbed angrily.
She doesn’t want this either!

“We let her say good-bye before you woke up. That was all we were willing to do,” Connor—
fuckin’ traitor!—
said.

“Philip, you need to get your shit together,” Dad said. “You’ve hurt yourself, you’ve hurt your family, and you’ve hurt Kenna, both physically and mentally. Enough is enough. She tried so hard to help you—”

“She’s my fuckin’ fiancée! We’re supposed to get married—”

“Two weeks from today actually,” said Connor softly. “How were the wedding plans coming along?”

Two weeks? Where the fuck did the time go?

“I can’t…I can’t
not
see her,” I told him. “I’ll fuckin’ go apeshit.”

“You can, and you will because you love her more than anything, and this is the only way you’ll ever have her in your life again. She agrees. You need to do this, Phil.”

She agreed to this?
I thought wildly.

Kenna had said she wouldn’t leave. I remembered that. She’d made me promise not to either.

When the fuck was that?

“There’s something else,” Connor said quietly, shooting a glance at my dad.

“What?” I breathed, not sure I could take much more shit right now.

“Kenna was pregnant.”

A shocked charge of air ripped from my throat. Joy, so raw and powerful, exploded inside me. If I had been standing, I would’ve dropped to my knees.

Wait…

“Was?”

Connor nodded, and I felt sick.

“Did I…when she hit her head…”

“No, man. Three days ago. Kenna found you and Alys asleep on the couch—”

“What?”
my dad barked.

“It was an
accident
!” I snapped. I was close to having a fuckin’ heart attack.

“It was, and Jason was sleeping on the couch with them. But Kenna was pissed enough to storm out of there anyway,” Connor said.

Dad calmed down.

“But she knew, man…” Then, Connor continued to explain the whole deal to me, everything she had gone through on her own…

“She wouldn’t tell you because she couldn’t get your hopes up, only to have to lose it anyway. With losing X, she thought it might be too much,” he finished softly.

She was probably right because I was bawling my fuckin’ eyes out as Connor told me all of this.

We’d made a baby. We’d created a life. She’d had a part of me inside her, and I didn’t even know. If I had opened my eyes, if I had quit bein’ so fuckin’ selfish, I would’ve seen that. I had felt it, that there was somethin’ different about her. She’d been carryin’ a piece of me…

“She wanted it,” Connor told me, making me sob even harder. “She called it her Little Zephyr—”

“FUCK!”
I screamed.
This isn’t happening!
This shit—this is some fuckin’ diabolical fuckin’ shit right here!

Dad wrapped his huge arms around me and hugged me tight.

“Oh my God!” I cried, pressing the heels of my hands hard into my eyes. Bursts of colors and prisms of light shot around behind my lids. “Oh, fuck! Baby Girl…
fuck
!”

Through her pain, her loss, dealing with my shit, all the people she’s buried…she loves me so fuckin’ much that she held on to our Little Zephyr. She fuckin’ bled for it, for us. She’d carried it around in her for ten weeks, unable to destroy a piece of me…