The Sound and the Furry (8 page)

“I’ve had bad luck with dogs,” Lord was saying.

“Yeah?” said Bernie. “Why do you think that is?”

Lord screwed up his forehead. There was a pause—like he was waiting for some action
in there—and during the pause, Duke said, “Can we go inside, for Chrissake? I’m meltin’
out here.”

I watched Duke closely, ready for anything. Humans were capable of many surprises.
You never knew.

“I guess,” Lord said. “If you want.”

“Is that the best you can do?” Duke said. “We’re known for our hospitality down here.”

“Put that where the sun don’t shine,” Lord said.

I couldn’t quite keep up with that. The sun was starting to penetrate the steam now,
but was it actually shining? Plus the sun never shone at night. That was as far as
I could take it. Next thing I knew we were inside Lord’s crib.

I’d seen worse. The kitchen, which was where we ended up, was kind of nice. It had
one of those old stoves you sometimes see that stand on little feet, with space underneath,
and in that space, would you believe it? Practically a whole strip of bacon, presently—but
not for long, amigo—getting gnawed on by a nervous-eyed mouse. The little guy split
in a hurry—and tried to abscond with the goods, abscond with the goods being cop talk
for making off with the bacon. In the end, he barely absconded with himself. As for
the bacon? Delish, and not really that old at all. Still plenty of crunch left, which
is how we like our bacon, me and Bernie. This case, whatever it was about exactly,
couldn’t have been going more smoothly.

I looked around. Bernie, Duke, and Lord were sitting at the table, Lord pouring from
a big square bottle. Bourbon: an easy scent to pick up, and one with which I was very
familiar. Harder to pick up, but not what I’d call actually hard, was the scent of
Vannah, a human female scent mixed with coconut, pears, and honey that’s been left
out with the top off the jar for some time. Not a bad smell, but I preferred Suzie’s,
which was all about soap and lemons and those little yellow flowers that grow beside
the dry washes in the Valley. But back to Vannah. She’d left her scent in the room
quite recently. Was it even possible she was in the house at this very moment? I wondered
about that.

Meanwhile, Bernie was saying something about taking it from the top.

“Didn’t Vannah go over all this?” Lord said.

“Can’t have too much input in this business,” Bernie said. Whatever that meant, it
sounded brilliant to me. I went over and sat beside him.

Duke nodded. Then Lord nodded.

“Makes sense,” Duke said.

“I guess,” said Lord.

Duke stopped nodding. Lord stopped nodding.

“Where you want us to start?” Duke said.

“With the ankle monitor,” said Bernie.

Under the table, one of Duke’s legs started up again, and so did one of Lord’s, namely
the monitor leg. I felt the approach of an interesting thought about these two dudes.
It came right up to the very edge of my mind and stayed there, just out of reach.

“What the hell?” said Lord.

Bernie remained silent. He was great at that!

“Lord’s trying to say how come you wanna start with the tether,” Duke said. “Ain’t
that right, Lord?”

“No, it ain’t right. What I’m trying to say is it’s nobody’s goddamn business.”

“But at the same time a matter of public record,” Bernie said. “Kind of a contradiction
there.”

“Like how?” said Lord.

“Doesn’t matter,” Bernie said. “The point is your brother Ralph has disappeared and
you seem to be under house arrest. Anyone doing my job would look for a possible connection—that’s
basic.”

“Ain’t no connection,” Lord said.

“I can vouch for that,” said Duke.

Bernie put down his glass and stood up.

“Where you goin’?” Duke said.

“Home,” said Bernie. “We can’t help you.”

“Keep your shirt on,” Duke said. “Tell ’im, Lord.”

“Tell ’m what?”

“What you did, for Chrissake. Why you’re hooked up to that ball and chain.”

Lord gazed down at the ankle monitor. “That’s what it is, all right. Never realized.”
He pounded the table. “That goddamn judge. I’ll murder her.”

Bernie gave him a look.

“Uh, only in my prayers, kind of,” Lord said. And then he started in on the story
of the monitor, all about some crime he wouldn’t have even dreamed of committing,
no matter what his disloyal brother thought, a crime maybe involving stolen shrimp
and a grandmother with a sawed-off shotgun, but I missed most of it because of how
closely I was watching Bernie’s shirt, the one with the martini glasses and cigars
pattern. Was he going to take it off? That wouldn’t be like him in an interview situation,
which I was pretty sure this was.

“. . . your alibi?” Bernie was saying.

“Alibi?” said Lord.

Bernie rubbed his eyes, maybe a bit tired all of a sudden. “You must know the meaning
of
alibi
,” he said.

“Sure he do,” said Duke. “We all of us learned it at Mami’s knee.”

Then everyone was laughing and Bernie didn’t look so tired. “Let’s have it,” he said.

“Have what?” said Lord.

“Your alibi. If you didn’t steal the shrimp, you were elsewhere at the time, and as
soon as we verify that fact, you’re off the tether.”

“Elsewhere?” Lord said.

“Right. Where were you late on the Saturday night and early Sunday morning?”

“That’s a tough one,” Lord said.

Bernie sat down.

“See,” said Lord, “I might have had a drink or two.”

“You’re having a drink or two right now,” Bernie said.

“What’s that got to do with anything?”

“And where are you?”

“Sitting in my own goddamn kitchen. What’s your point?”

“Similarly,” Bernie said, “you were having a drink on the night in question. So where
was that?”

Lord gave Bernie a long look. “ ‘Night in question,’ ” he said. “You sound like a
cop.”

“But not the ‘similarly’ part,” Duke said.

“Huh?” said Lord.

“That sounded more like an educated guy to me,” Duke said.

Bernie raised his hand in the stop sign, also raised his voice just a little, and
leaned closer to Lord, actually getting his face right in Lord’s. “Where were you
when the shrimp were stolen?”

“Easy, man,” said Lord, leaning way back. “Think I haven’t racked my whatchamacallit
over this? The doc says I’m subject to blackouts. Happy now?”

“Only when you been drinking like a fish, fair to point that out,” Duke added.

Bernie nodded like things were now making sense. “Where did you wake up the next morning?”

“I didn’t,” Lord said. “I woke up the next night.”

“Where?”

“In the Robideaus’s goddamn police station. Second cell on the left.”

“How did you get there?”

“Bastards busted me, of course. Whaddya think?”

“Where?”

“Where what?”

“Where did the bust go down?”

“Who gives a shit?”

“I’m sorry?” Bernie said.

“Lord means the Robideaus coulda said it went down wherever they want,” Duke said.
“Lord being blacked out, and all.”

“You’re saying they framed you?” Bernie said.

“Square one, for Chrissake,” said Lord. “Wet behind the ears? What’s with Baron, thinkin’
we could use someone like you to—”

“Lord?” said Duke.

Lord went silent, although I can’t be sure about that because all I wanted to do was
give the backs of Bernie’s ears a quick lick or two, check out this supposed wetness.
He hadn’t just stepped out of the shower, but we had been out in the rain. Still,
I myself was completely dry. I shifted closer to Bernie, waiting for the right moment.

“Someone like me to do what?” Bernie said.

“Um,” Lord said.

“Nothin’,” said Duke. “Lord was just runnin’ his mouth. Tell ’im.”

“I was just runnin’ my mouth,” Lord said.

Bernie drained his glass, glanced at me in a strange sort of way, almost like . . .
like he wanted to see something real. What a thought! I couldn’t understand it at
all.

“Let’s move on to this grandmother of theirs,” Bernie said. “Alleged victim of the
crime.”

“What about her?” Lord said.

“Grannie Robideau’s a Robideau,” Duke said. “The Robideaus been enemies with the Boutettes
goin’ way back.”

“Even further,” said Lord.

“Meaning they’re enemies of your brother Ralph.”

“Wouldn’t say that,” Lord said.

“Why not?”

“Ralph’s got no enemies,” said Duke. “He’s a loner, keeps his nose clean.”

Keeps his nose clean? That had to be important. I checked the noses of everyone in
the room. All clean, if you didn’t count the long hairs sticking out of Lord’s. I
wasn’t sure whether to count them or not. Had this problem ever come up before? Not
in any case I could think of, and we’ve cleared a bunch. I licked my muzzle: totally
clean. So where were we?

“What about these patents of his?” Bernie said. “Patent disputes are commonplace.”

“Wouldn’t know about that,” Lord said.

“Ralph’s a genius,” Duke said.

“IQ like two fifty, two sixty.”

“Way up there, anyways.”

Bernie’s eyes were very bright, like he was maybe about to laugh. Was something funny?
Probably not, because instead of laughing, Bernie said, “What has he invented?”

“Gizmos,” said Lord.

“Vannah mentioned that. Can you be more specific?”

Duke and Lord turned to each other. “What was that funny-looking thing, sorta thick?”
Duke said.

“Had a special kind of steel, I know that,” said Lord. “Came all the way from Germany.”

“Japan.”

“Germany.”

“Japan.”

Bernie held up his hand and the Germany-Japan back-and-forth came to an end. “How
long has he been reported missing?”

“To who?” said Lord.

“The police,” Bernie said. “You can file a missing persons notice after twenty-four
hours in most jurisdictions.”

“The cops?” Duke said. “You mean down in the parish?”

“Isn’t that where he lived on the houseboat?”

“Yeah,” said Lord. “But we didn’t file no report.”

“Why not?”

“Why not?” said Duke. “Because the cops in St. Roch is all Robideaus.”

“And they’re our enemies,” Lord said.

“You covered that,” Bernie said.

Duke sighed, a long, weary sound. “There you go,” he said. “No matter what I do, I
always end up going through these things twice.”

“Hank Williams say that?” Lord said. “Still the best, now and forever.”

Bernie drained his glass real quick, like he needed that drink bad. He gave his head
a little . . . whoa! A little shake? Yes, he did. Wow.

“When was the last time either of you saw Ralph?” he said.

“Musta been before I got busted,” Lord said. “Let me think.”

While Lord was thinking, Duke said, “I seen him last week, maybe Thursday or so.”

“And when did he disappear?”

“More like the Sunday or so.”

“Where did you see him?”

“I paid Ralph a little visit over by his boat,” Duke said.

“Yeah?” said Bernie. “You do that often?”

“Whenever he’s runnin’ short on cash,” Lord said.

“Pot callin’ the kettle,” said Duke, losing me completely.

“Right back at ya.”

“Times two.”

Bernie held up his hand in the stop sign. “Does Ralph have lots of money?”

“He does all right,” Duke said.

“But no one knows exactly,” said Lord.

“Ralph playing things close the vest,” Duke said.

“Kind of a loner,” said Lord.

“Got that,” Bernie said. “Where does his money come from?”

“Gizmos,” Duke said. “Dint we mention that already? Fact is, he was workin’ on one
when I dropped by.”

“What was it?”

“Metal contraption, about so big. Had two of them, now I think of it. The other one
looked pretty much the same, but Ralph said it was a piece of crap.”

“What was it for?” Bernie said.

“Huh?”

“The contraption—what’s its purpose?”

“Search me,” Duke said. “But Ralph was pretty pissed off about something. Cussin’
and such, which ain’t him at all.”

Lord started laughing. “Meaning you came up empty.”

Duke glared at him. “None of your damn business.”

Lord kept laughing, slapped his knee. Bernie opened his mouth like he was about to
say something, then changed his mind. We hit the road, hadn’t gone a block before
I leaned across and gave him a quick lick behind the nearest ear. Totally dry, just
as I’d suspected.

Bernie laughed, gave me a pat. “You’re in a friendly mood.”

No, not that at all. But . . . yes, I was!

C
rackpot idea, quote unquote?” Bernie said.

We were back in the Porsche, crossing a bridge over a wide river, the widest river
in my life by far, the water shining in the sun. And so much of it!

“Is that what we are?” Bernie went on. “Someone’s crackpot idea, come to life?”

I couldn’t help him. When the quote unquote thing starts up, he’s on his own.

“Do those two birds actually think they can manipulate us?”