The Squirting Donuts (6 page)

“I can't imagine the dog on those posters with its poodle haircut eating garbage. I can't imagine her eating crusts of bread and licking sticky candy wrappers. And if Lollipop was right here, why wouldn't she go home?”

“Maybe she doesn't like Beatrice Cakel,” Calvin says. “Nobody really likes that woman.”

I shake my head. That's not it.

“There are a bunch of stores near here. I think one of them is a butcher shop. Maybe someone there is feeding her scraps of meat.”

“Lead me there,” Calvin says. “Ruff! Ruff!”

We walk farther from our block toward the shopping area. There are Lollipop posters on some of the trees, but not as many as there are on Clover Street. I take down one of them and put it in my book bag.

“It's so I can show Lollipop's picture and ask people if they saw her.”

We pass the drugstore at the corner.

“Look at that,” Calvin says and points to a sign in the drugstore window. “They're selling air conditioners for a dollar. We could use one.”

“That's
hair
conditioner.”

“Air conditioner, hair conditioner, what's the difference?”

“One keeps you cool and the other nourishes your hair.”

As soon as I say it, I feel stupid. I know he didn't think they're selling air conditioners for a dollar.

Of course, with Calvin, I can't be sure.

The third store from the corner is a butcher shop. We look in back. It's clean. There are no meat scraps or open garbage cans.

“Let's go inside,” I say. “Maybe they've seen Lollipop. Maybe they're feeding her.”

The man behind the counter is cutting meat for a customer. Calvin points to the many red stains on his apron and whispers, “Maybe he ate one of Mom's jelly donuts.”

He didn't. The red is blood.

“Can I help you?” the man asks.

“We're looking for a dog.”

“I don't sell dog meat.”

“We're looking for this dog,” I tell him and show him the poster with the picture of Lollipop.

He shakes his head. He hasn't seen her.

I put the poster back in my book bag. The man takes off his apron.

“It's closing time,” he says. “It's time for dinner.”

Dinner!

I look at my watch. It's six fifteen.

“I've got to get home,” I tell Calvin.

“Thanks,” I tell the man and hurry out the door.

“I'm late again,” I tell Calvin.

I'm running home and Calvin has trouble keeping up. I'm pretty fast. Maybe I'll join the track team in high school.

“I'll see you tomorrow,” I tell Calvin and hurry into my house.

“You're late,” Mom says. “Wash your hands and sit down.”

I wash and sit in my seat at the dinner table. Dad gives me a plate with a hamburger on a toasted bun and some fries.

“Where did you get that shirt?” Mom asks. “‘I dunt spel gud'!”

“His teacher probably gave it to him,” Karen says. “Did you fail another spelling test?”

I forgot I was wearing Calvin's T-shirt.

I tell my parents and Karen about Mrs. Waffle's donuts. I also tell them about our search for Lollipop and our idea to look for places a lost dog would get something to eat.

“It's good of you to look for Mrs. Cakel's dog,” Mom says. “Next time let me know if you're going to be late.”

“Lollipop!” Karen says. “That dog probably ran off to court to legally change her name.”

“I think Danny is right,” Mom says. “The dog has to eat, so places that might have leftover meat are good places to look. But you know, the shop you went to is not the only place in town that sells meat. Every supermarket sells meat, and we get our meat two blocks from that store, at the kosher market.”

We don't eat ham or anything from a pig. That's not kosher. We also don't eat lobsters, clams, or shrimp.

Dad tells me, “Restaurants sell meat meals and they have lots of leftovers that they throw out.”

“Here's a picture of Lollipop,” I say and show them the poster. “Let me know if you see her.”

“There's a reward for finding the dog,” Karen says. “Is that why you're looking for it? Maybe if you find her dog, Mrs. Cakel will promote you to the fifth grade.”

Mom says, “Stop teasing your brother. He's a good student.”

I put ketchup on my hamburger and bite into it.

Yuck!

I take off the top of the bun and look at what I'm eating. The meat is burnt on the outside and almost raw inside. I wonder if Lollipop would eat this.

I hope Dad gets a job soon and Mom cooks the hamburgers again.

Dad tells us, “I have two job interviews tomorrow. In the morning I'm going to Malcolm's Breads. They advertised for a salesman, but mostly it's a delivery job. If I get the job, I'd have to get up really early and deliver packaged breads to a whole bunch of stores. The sales part is in the afternoon when I'd make calls and try to get new customers.”

“What's early?” Mom asks.

“Four o'clock.”

“You'll have to be quiet,” Mom says. “You could leave your clothes in the guest room so you don't wake the rest of us.”

“The other job is at a bicycle shop. I'd sell bicycles and exercise equipment. The store doesn't open until ten, so I could get up at a regular time.”

I hope Dad gets that job. Maybe they sell unicycles. That's like a bicycle but with just one wheel. I've always wanted to try riding one. I also want to learn to juggle.

The next morning Calvin comes outside with my shirt on a hanger. All the jelly is off. I can't take it to school, so I drop it off at home. Now we have to hurry, or we'll be late.

We get to school just as the bell rings. We'll be late to class, but just by a minute. I expect Mrs. Cakel to be standing by the door to our classroom, but she's not there. Mr. Telfer tells us she's absent. Maybe she's too upset to come to school. Maybe she wants to spend the day looking for Lollipop. Or maybe what Mr. Telfer told us is true. Maybe she's sick.

Our substitute teacher is Mr. Jacobs. He used to teach here but then he retired. He got old and that's what people do when they get old. Teachers retire because they want to stop going to work and then they keep coming back to the school they worked in.

I don't get it, but I don't get lots of things old people do.

Mr. Jacobs hands out some math worksheets. After we're done with that he wants us to read. He brought along two large baskets of books. I think they're from his class library from when he was a teacher.

There are lots of problems on the worksheets and they're not easy.

The first is multiplication, 37 x 27 = ?

I work slowly. I want to get the right answer.

Hey!

The answer is 999.

Three nines.

How cool is that!

The second problem is multiplication, 37 X 18 = ?

The answer is 666.

Here's a word problem:

A bus is on its way uptown.

There are 12 passengers sitting on the right side of the bus.

There are 8 passengers sitting on the left side of the bus.

No passengers are standing.

How many people are on the bus?

It's a trick question. 12 + 8 = 20, so there are 21 people on the bus. There are 20 passengers and 1 bus driver.

“I'm finished,” Calvin calls out.

“That's fast,” Mr. Jacobs says and takes Calvin's worksheets.

Calvin doesn't really do math. He just makes up answers and writes them down.

Mr. Jacobs tells Calvin to find something to read.

Calvin looks through the two baskets of books.

Mr. Jacobs looks through Calvin's worksheets.

“These are all wrong,” Mr. Jacobs tells Calvin. “Mr. Telfer told me there were good students in this class,” he says as he puts a large red zero on the top of each of Calvin's worksheets. “I guess he doesn't know about you.”

Yes he does. Everyone in school knows about Calvin Waffle.

At lunch we talk about Mr. Jacobs. Everyone thinks he's nice.

“He lets us slouch and get comfortable when we read,” Annie says. “I forgot what it's like to have a nice teacher.”

I knew Mrs. Cakel wasn't there, but this morning I still sat up. This afternoon I'll try to slouch.

Mr. Jacobs already told us we wouldn't have homework, so after school Calvin and I will drop off our things at home and walk back to town.

Calvin has a bunch of broken cookies from his mom's bakery. He shares them with us.

“They can't sell these,” he says, “but cookie pieces taste just as good as whole ones.”

He's right.

We read some more after lunch. Then Mr. Jacobs tells us we can talk quietly for the last hour. I feel really relaxed when the school day ends.

I hope Mrs. Cakel is also absent tomorrow.