The Sweetness of Salt (22 page)

chapter

53

I was still in bed next to Sophie when Jimmy returned. He was holding two plastic packages of cream-filled oatmeal cookies and a large container of orange juice. He stopped when he saw us, tears still running down our cheeks. “Should I come back?”

“No, no,” Sophie wiped at her face with the heels of her hands. “Come in. Where’s Aiden?”

“He went back into town to get something.” Jimmy walked in hesitantly, nodding at the items in his arms. “It’s all I could find this early,” he said apologetically, dumping them on the little table next to Sophie’s bed.

Sophie smiled wanly at the cookies, and then looked away, embarrassed. “I’m so sorry…,” she started.

I took her hand in mine. “No more apologies,” I whispered. “It wasn’t your fault.”

She stared past me, out the window.

“It wasn’t your fault.”

She sat motionless, her eyes empty and riveted.

“It wasn’t your fault.” I said it louder this time, and squeezed her hand.

She blinked.

Jimmy came over and took her other hand. We exchanged a look across the bed and I knew then that she had told him about Maggie, that maybe he was the only one in her entire life up until this moment who had known. And that he loved her anyway. Just as I did.

“It’s not your fault, Sophie,” I said again.

“It’s not,” Jimmy echoed.

She broke down all at once. Her body strained forward, even as her hands clutched ours, as if they were the only things left in the world holding her up. Moans drifted out of her mouth, and her thin frame shook under their weight.

We held her tight, Jimmy and I, and let her cry.

Afterward Sophie fell asleep. Jimmy walked over to the window across the room and stood in front of it. I pulled up a chair next to Sophie’s bed and just watched her for a while. Her face looked more peaceful than I’d seen it in a long time; the tight muscles along her jaw were relaxed. Her skin was regaining some color too; a little bit of pink had bloomed under her cheeks and her lips had lost that awful purple shade.

“Now what?” I thought. “Does this mean she’s all better inside? That things will be different? Is it all over? Am I supposed to go home now?”

Aiden walked in with a little white box in his hand. “Hey,” he said softly. “How’s she doing?”

I stood up. “Better. She’s sleeping now.”

“Can you come outside for a minute?” he asked. “I have something to give you.”

Jimmy was still looking out the window.

We walked out into the parking lot, which was starting to fill up with more cars. It was light out, the air pale and new. “This is for you,” Aiden said, pushing the little white box into my hands. “I wanted to make you something, after that day we talked about my mother. Open it.”

It was the tiny bowl, the one the size of an orange, the one I’d said was too small to eat out of. Except now it looked different. Before, it was just a pale brown color. Now it was a rich honey hue, the surface burnished and glossy, with a rough, pebbled texture. “You salt glazed it?” I asked.

He nodded.

“Thank you,” I said. “It’s beautiful. But I still don’t know what I’m supposed to eat out of this.”

“It’s not for eating,” Aiden said. “It’s for your earrings, so you don’t lose them anymore.”

I grinned and then moved in for a hug.

His arms tightened around my shoulder. “I’m gonna miss you, Julia,” he said softly.

“Me too.” I squeezed him around the waist, tucked my head under his chin. “I’m so glad I met you, Aiden. You have no idea—”

“Actually, I think I do,” he said, cutting me off gently. “Because I feel the same way.”

I took a step back, let my eyes drift over his face. “You do?”

Aiden nodded. “Being able to talk about my mother again…” He shook his head. “You know, I told myself that I was done with the whole grieving thing after that night at the gorge. It was time to move on, be a big strong man.” He shook his head. “But being able to talk about her again with you…” He took my hand. “It was something I didn’t realize I needed to do until I did it.” His thumb moved gently over the tops of my knuckles. “And I’m just so grateful. I feel like I can go off and really start the rest of my life now, you know? Without feeling like I’m leaving her behind.”

I moved in for another hug.

He was right.

We felt exactly the same way.

chapter

54

Jimmy and Aiden left a few hours later, Jimmy promising Sophie that he was going to get to work on a little stepstool for her to get in and out of bed when she got home, and Aiden promising me that he would put my little earring bowl in a safe place. I watched them leave from the window, Jimmy slinging his arm around Aiden’s shoulder, drawing him in close before they got into the red truck. I felt lucky to know them. Both of them.

“It’s none of my business,” I said to Sophie. “But I really think you should let the Table of Knowledge guys help you with the rest of the house.” I nodded toward her foot. “Especially now. I know you think you’re Wonder Woman and all, but—”

“I know.” Sophie cut me off abruptly. “I’ve been thinking about that a lot. It’s so stupid of me to push them away when they want to help so much. Besides, if I keep going the way I am, even with all
your
do-it-yourself expertise…” She stopped for a moment and laughed. “I’ll never open the place!”

I grinned. “Good,” I said softly.

Behind us came a light tap on the door. I turned as Sophie sat forward and then I stood up, almost knocking my chair over.

“Mom! Dad!”

Mom rushed in first, her face streaked with old tears. She clutched me to her wordlessly and held on, as if she might never let go. Dad waited patiently behind her, his hand resting lightly on her shoulder. Something twisted inside me as I watched him with new eyes, as I felt her, and I pulled away. Mom looked startled for a brief second, and then her eyes moved to Sophie. “Honey,” she said, her voice breaking. “We got into town this morning—we wanted to surprise you, both of you—and when we couldn’t find you at the house, we went across the street and they told us…”

“Who told you?” Sophie asked.

Dad shrugged. “Some big guy with suspenders,” he said. “But everyone in the place seemed to know that you were here.”

Sophie grinned. “It’s a small town.”

I took a step back. “I’m gonna go outside for a minute. I just need some air. I’ll be right back.”

“Honey,” Mom said, stretching out her arm. “Stay…”

I nodded. “We’ll talk. I just need a minute, okay?”

The sun was soft on my arms as I strolled outside and sat down on one of the visitor benches. I didn’t know what to feel about Mom and Dad, now that I knew everything. The only thing I did know was that it hurt to be in the same room with them. How was I supposed to move past the fact that they had kept so much from me, for so many years? Where, along a road so thickly shrouded with trees, was I supposed to take the next step?

I leaned against the trunk of a tree and flipped open my phone.

“Julia!” Zoe said when she answered. “How are you? Why haven’t you called?”

“Zoe, listen. I need to ask you something really important.”

“Okay. Shoot.”

“It’s personal.”

“Okay.”

“And you can tell me to shove off if it’s none of my business.”

“Are you
trying
to annoy me?”

I swallowed. “Do you think your mom is still cheating on your dad?”

I bit my lip hard as the silence reverberated through the phone. The sound of birds chirping grated on my ears, and for a moment I felt the urge to pee.

“Yeah,” Zoe said finally. It came out as an exhale, a breath. “I do.”

“And…” I hesitated, stepping on my toe. “And do you love her anyway?”

Another pause. “Yeah,” Zoe’s voice trembled. “I wish I didn’t, because it would be easier, but she’s my mom, you know?”

“Yeah,” I said. “I know.”

I stood in the same spot for a long time after hanging up with Zoe. I didn’t want to go back inside. Not yet. If I knew Sophie, she was probably telling Mom and Dad right now, right this minute, that she had finally told me everything. All of it. The
real
all of it. Who knew what would happen now? You either got through it, or you got stuck. We had moved through some of it. But there was a lot more to do. And I wasn’t sure about Mom and Dad, but I knew I didn’t want to get stuck.

Not again.

Not with so much ahead of me.

Maybe later, some night at dinner, we would be sitting around another table, talking and laughing, and wonder how we had gotten there from where we were now.

epilogue

The sound of feet came pattering down the hall just as I slipped on my dress.

“Aunt Julia!” Goober gasped. “Are you ready?”

I lifted her under her arms and swung her around as she screamed with joy. Her blond hair, cut in a pageboy style, floated like a little mushroom around her face, and the blue polka dots on her dress matched her eyes. “Almost! Are you?”

“Yes!” Goober shrieked. “Put me down!”

I obeyed. “I just need to fix my hair,” I said, picking up the brush from the bed.

Goober put her hands on her hips. Her shiny black patent leather shoes were planted firmly on the floor. “I don’t want you to leave,” she said suddenly. “I want you to stay in my room forever.”

I finished smoothing my hair into place and knelt down next to her. “I’ve been here all summer, Goobs. And now I have to go to school. But don’t worry. I’ll come back to visit on my breaks. And I’ll write you letters, okay? Would you like that?”

Goober nodded. “Yeah. I like letters. With pictures! Will you draw me pictures like the one you did in my room?”

I nodded. After Sophie and Goober had seen the finished mural on the kitchen wall, Sophie had offered to pay me to do one in Goober’s room. Goober—who was back for good—spent a long time telling me what she wanted me to paint. Finally, she settled on an underwater scene, complete with mermaids, dolphins, jellyfish, even a shark. It took me a lot longer to do the ocean wall than the kitchen wall, but when I was finished, I hadn’t felt that excited in a very long time. It was good. I knew it was good.

Goober threw her arms around me. “But I’ll miss you. Like to Pluto and back and around again to infinity miss you.”

I held her tight. Her hair smelled like soap and sunshine. “I’ll be back before you know it.”

Goober pulled out of my hug and grabbed my hand. “Mama needs help buttoning her dress.” She steered me down the hallway into Sophie’s bedroom. Sophie was sitting on the bed, fumbling awkwardly with the buttons in the back of her dress. Her walls had been painted a beautiful lemon color, and the curtains were pale and sheer, letting in a lake of light.

“Here,” I said, kneeling on the bed behind her. “Let me.”

“I’m so nervous,” she said. “I can’t do anything today.”

“Of course you’re nervous,” I said, finishing up the last few buttons. “You’re standing on the edge of a dream come true. You’ve worked your whole life for this moment. I’d be nervous too.” I leaned in over her shoulder. “Just don’t forget to enjoy it.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you, Jules.” She put her hand over mine.

I smiled. “I wouldn’t have wanted you to.”

A small crowd had gathered in front of 149 Main Street. I recognized many of the faces—Mom, Dad, Walt, Lloyd, Jimmy, Aiden, Miriam, Greg, the lady from Dunkin’ Donuts, even the guy from the delicatessen, still dressed in his white apron and biker shorts. And Zoe, who was on my right, wriggling with excitement, and Milo, who was holding my left hand. They had come up last night, as a surprise.

But there were some unfamiliar faces too, people I had never seen before. And I thought for a moment how unlucky they were, to see the beautiful building before them with its new roof and freshly painted siding, its new porch with a sturdy set of steps, and its freshly landscaped lawn, complete with rhododendron bushes and lilies-of-the-valley. They probably took for granted that the place had always looked like this.

It was the rest of us who were lucky, the ones who had witnessed the building before its renovation; the ones who had stayed in the broken-down mess of a thing until it turned into the proud, durable structure in front of us now.

And I was one of them.

The crowd erupted into cheers as Sophie and Goober appeared on the front steps. Sophie ducked her head shyly as the applause grew, but Goober beamed out at the crowd and hopped up and down. After a moment, the crowd quieted and Sophie lifted her head.

“Thank you all for coming today,” she said. “I’m so excited to be opening this beautiful little bakery, which, as some of you may know, is a lifelong dream of mine. And as long as I don’t mistake the flour for the salt, I think you’ll be very happy with some of the things that I have to offer you.”

Sophie’s face eased some more as a loud ripple of laughter came from the street. Goober began to swing her mother’s hand back and forth between them. “I could never have gotten here, though, without the help of my friends,” Sophie said. Her eyes began to tear up as she looked over at Walt, Lloyd, and Jimmy. I bit my lip. “The Table of Knowledge!” Sophie said, extending her arm, as the crowd cheered again. “Without whom this place would never have come together.”

She brought her hands to her mouth, forming a little steeple with her fingers. I could tell she was trying not to cry. I got a little teary myself. Walt, Lloyd, and Jimmy had outdone themselves over the last month or so, working every day until late at night until the place was finished. It was still as much their house as it was Sophie’s. Or so I liked to think.

“And my sister,” Sophie said. “My little sister, Julia, who came all the way up from Ohio and stayed with me all summer until we got this place done.” Her voice was strong. “Julia,” she said. “I love you so much.”

I waved to her and cried as Milo squeezed my hand.

Sophie bent down and whispered something to Goober. Everyone laughed as the little girl raced off the porch and stood anxiously next to a small sign covered with a black cloth. “Okay, Goober!” Sophie said. Goober reached up and pinched the edge of the cloth with two fingers. “When I count to three!”

“One! Two!” The crowd roared with her. “Three!”

Goober snatched away the cloth.

And there, in the sunlight, stood the Three Sisters Bakery.

I sat as close to Milo as the seat belt would allow. It was not close enough. His right hand was between us, holding mine tightly, while he steered with his left. I could smell the peppermint Cert between his teeth, and the heat from his skin warmed my palm.

“That bakery is gonna go through the roof,” Zoe said, popping up from the backseat. She leaned her long arms down between us and looked at me. “You know that, don’t you? Your sister is sitting on a total gold mine.” She shook her head and adjusted the barrette in her hair. “And I’m totally, totally digging the name.”

I grinned and glanced at her. “I still can’t believe you two surprised me like this.”

“We wouldn’t have been able to, if your parents hadn’t told us,” Milo reminded me.

“Yeah, how about that?” Zoe said, scooting forward a little more. “I almost shit a brick when your mother called. I thought for sure she was going to ream me out about something. And then she tells us about the whole deal about the opening, and that we could follow them up if we wanted to!”

Milo raised his eyebrows. “It was pretty nice of them.”

I ran my hand through my hair. “They’re good parents,” I said.

“Man,” Zoe said. “I woulda paid a million bucks to be a fly on the wall during the conversation you had with them about Pittsburgh.”

“It wasn’t nearly as dramatic as I’m sure you would have liked it to be,” I said, grinning back at her. “Besides, they both calmed way, way down after I told them about Plan B. They’re meeting us there, too, by the way.”

“Plan B isn’t exactly shabby,” Milo said. “Speaking of which…” He pointed out the window to a sign on the highway:
WELLESLEY COLLEGE—4
MILES
.

I shuddered with joy. I still didn’t know what my dream was, but I knew this was going to be the first of many steps toward finding it. Deciding to apply to the college of my choice, enlisting my major tentatively as art history, and taking out loans might not have been as practical as accepting a free ride and prelaw, but in a way, it felt like standing in a kitchen with a head full of ideas. More important, it was me.

One hundred percent me.

That night, as the five of us were sitting around the table inside the fancy Japanese restaurant Mom and Dad had taken us to for my eighteenth birthday, Milo looked up at Dad.

“Do you mind if Julia and I go for a little walk?” He dropped his eyes nervously. “I just…I want to tell her…”

Mom leaned forward, putting her hand on his wrist. “Go ahead,” she said softly. “We have plenty of time before the cake.”

She and Dad exchanged a look as Milo and I stood up, and Dad nodded slightly.

“Don’t be too long!” Zoe called out as we made our way to the door. “I’m not exactly on a first-name basis with these people, you know!” She looked over at Mom and Dad, held up a can of Dr Pepper, and grinned. “Just having a little fun, guys. Just having a little fun.”

It was dusk. Downtown Wellesley was abuzz with Saturday nightlife.

“So this will be home for a while,” Milo said. “This and your dorm room, of course. Which, by the way, I have to say I am glad we’re done with. I didn’t think we’d ever get your computer hooked up. I thought your Dad was gonna lose it when we had to start all over again—for the third time.”

I smiled. “He’s a big fixer-upper kind of guy. He gets frustrated if it doesn’t come together right away.” I paused. “He’s learning, though. And you two worked well together.”

Milo nodded. “Rachel seems nice.” He looked at me. “You like her, right?”

I shrugged. “So far.” My roommate had seemed nice. A little nerdy, like me. Quiet. A biology major. Awed by my shot glass collection. She had already asked where she could get a tiny bowl like the one Aiden had made for me.

“You’re gonna do great,” Milo said, slipping his hand into mine. I looked up at him briefly and smiled as the warmth of his fingers traveled up through me.

“You are too.”

After waiting until the last possible moment, Milo had finally decided to attend Boston University, which had not only offered him a scholarship but had one of the best English programs in the country. He was going to major in creative writing. It didn’t hurt that I would now be only twenty minutes away.

He shrugged. “I hope so.”

“You will. And you’ll come here? To visit me?”

Milo stopped walking and turned to face me. We were still on the sidewalk, facing Washington Street. I glanced at the couple walking toward us on my right, and then at the girl wearing a tight, bra-like top coming closer on our left. But Milo didn’t seem to see any of them. Instead, he cupped my face in his hands, holding it the way the sky holds the moon.