The Switched Baby Scandal (A Scandals of San Sebastian Novel) (Entangled Bliss) (17 page)

He wished it were that simple. He wanted to cry with Taylor, too, but the emptiness inside was immense. He was used up and cried out at the moment.

Taylor looked up, her face tear-stained and eyes puffy. “This makes it so real.”

He looked at her, while he kept his own emotions in check as much as possible. “Yeah, it does.”

“Did you put the flowers here?” she tilted her head in the direction of the small bouquet of baby pink roses against the headstone.

“Whenever I can.”

“Thank you…thank you for remembering my baby.”

Reece looked down into her eyes, fixing his gaze on her so she couldn’t mistake his meaning. “She was my baby, too. Just like Emily is yours and mine. That’s the way it will always be. Alyssa and Emily belong to both of us now.”

She hiccupped on a small sob and looked away in the direction of Becca’s grave. “Is that…?”

He simply nodded, his lips firmly pressed together. Her noticing had only made the situation more awkward for him. Here he stood literally between two worlds. At his feet lay his wife and flaxen-haired daughter, warm and shaking beside him stood the woman he loved, and in the distance his dark-haired little girl picking every flower she could find for her mother.

He could no longer compare the two. It didn’t help. They weren’t the same people. He wasn’t the same person. He held in his arms the beginning of a new life, but how could he forsake the old one, especially when he owed them so much?

Emotion, dark and deep, pulled at him. The burden of guilt from being alive while they were not was so heavy that it nearly drove him to his knees. Guilt became anger at himself, both for his inadequacy and his inability to just move on. Anger surged into resentment at the situation. Why him? Hadn’t he always tried to do the right thing?

He needed to back away from the situation for a moment to gain his bearings. Reece sensed that Taylor had settled down a little and he pulled away from her. “I’m going to check on Emily.”

She nodded. “I’m just going to sit and talk to her for a while.”

He glanced back at her as he paced toward Emily, watching as Taylor’s fingers trailed slowly over each inch of Alyssa’s headstone. Ahead, he could barely see Emily’s face for the mass of white and yellow in front of it.

“Hang on a second, sunshine. We’re not picking any more. These aren’t ours. They belong to the cemetery, just like the bushes and the trees.”

Emily peeped at him from between the flowers. “But flowers make Mommy happy,” she answered stubbornly as if she intended to pick every last bloom she could find.

“I know, but sometimes more isn’t better. Let’s just give her what you’ve already picked, okay?”

Emily gave him a disbelieving glare. “Okay.”

He walked behind Emily as she approached her mother.

“Mommy, I have something for you.”

Taylor spun around. For a moment her face dropped with dread at her daughter’s faux pas of stripping the landscaping. Reece shook his head furiously, trying to indicate how important it was for her to accept the gift from Emily.

Taylor winked in response. She took the bunch of daffodils from her daughter and wrapped her arm around Emily’s tiny waist.

“Oh, Emy. These are beautiful! Did you find them all by yourself?”

The little girl beamed. “Yes, I did. Do you like them?”

“I love them, and I love you.” She gave Emily a big hug.

“I think maybe we should go get some ice cream, don’t you?” Reece hinted.

Taylor caught his gaze and mouthed the words “thank you” to him.

“Can we have chocolate ice cream?” Emily begged, clutching her hands together.

He smiled at her. “Sure. We’ll be back in a little while.” Folding his hand around Emily’s small one, he walked out of the cemetery and helped her into the Lexus.

On the way back from the ice-cream parlor near Bella Nina’s he stopped in the florist shop and bought some red roses for Becca’s grave. He’d forgotten to leave them last time and he needed to make up for that now.

Emily strode beside him into the cemetery, to where Taylor waited for them on a stone bench beneath a twisted pine tree.

“Are we ready to go?” she asked.

He nodded. “Just give me a minute.”

He approached Becca’s grave with the roses and laid them gently in the stainless-steel vase beside her headstone. He’d been so busy dealing with the media and the court dates for custody the last few weeks he’d forgotten their anniversary. “I’m sorry I forgot our day. I was watching over Emily. Isn’t she wonderful? I knew you’d be amazed by her…” He took a deep breath. “She looks so much like you.” He paused again, stroking the velvety softness of the rose petals. “I got you red. I know it’s your favorite color…” Reece let his chin drop to his chest and placed a hand on the lifeless stone. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry you couldn’t be here with her…and Alyssa.”

…

Just a short distance away, Taylor listened halfheartedly to Emily’s prattle. She was more focused on Reece.

He sat at the headstone, his hand outstretched, touching the stone, deep in mourning. He must have loved her. No matter what he said about their relationship being platonic, it was obvious she had meant a great deal to him. Her heart sank deeper into her chest and began to ache.

There was nothing she could do. If it had been a flesh-and-blood woman, she could have done something to keep his attention fixed on her. But these were memories, too keen and too fresh to be brushed aside.

There was no way to compete with memories.

Reece stood, brushed off the knees of his trousers, and came meandering back to her and Emily.

Taylor twisted the handkerchief. Even though there was a fantastic chemistry between them, she had to let him go until he was ready to live again. She could love him and do no less.

The ride home in the car tightened the strained silence between them. Taylor looked down at the bright bouquet of yellow in her lap and glanced to the backseat, giving Emily a warm smile.

Her daughter offered a broad grin in return.

Emily loved Reece. She knew without a doubt that she loved Reece. She gazed at the dark, solemn man beside her. Was that enough?

He’d been crying. She noticed that red still rimmed his eyes. He was a strong man, but his emotions ran deep. Taylor pulled her gaze away from him and focused on the flowers. Whatever confidence she had that she could make their relationship work, despite any emotional hurdles they had, began to falter.

By the time the Lexus pulled into the parking lot of her complex, her confidence had crumbled away to a few meager blocks. They got out of the car together and Reece walked them to the door.

She unlocked it, letting Emily hug her daddy good-bye before shooing her into the house. “Are you coming in?”

Reece gave her a sad look. “I can’t right now. I’m not good company.”

She reached out, touching his sleeve with tentative fingers. She wanted to tell him, needed to tell him how she felt. But where to start?

“Reece…I know that we’ve shared a few moments together that have been wonderful. And I understand that you don’t want to get married again. I-I just want you to know that whatever we have is fine with me. We can still be good parents, even if we’re just good friends. We don’t have to have anything more than that.” She gave him a shaky smile, all the while beating herself up for having bumbled through what she wanted to say.

“Are you sure?” The strained look in his face pained her.

“I’m sure. We’ll still be friends, right?”

He nodded. “I better go.”

“We’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Sure.”

“I’ll be here waiting for you.” She knew keenly that she was letting him walk out of her life in ways she never expected to hurt so much.

Chapter Fifteen

The next afternoon Reece invited them over for lunch. He found his resolve stretched to breaking point as he sat watching Taylor playing Candy Land with Emily. Despite the conflicting mix of attraction and guilt Taylor brought to the surface, he desperately wanted to join in. He crouched down on the floor, watching Emily giggle with delight when she passed her mother on the colored squares of the game board.

Taylor caught his eye and smiled at him in a way that brought an instant surge to his blood. Reece stood up. He turned away from them, looking out the window. Guilt snuck in, eating away at him, making him feel less of a man for being able to love Taylor when he’d never given that to Becca.

It hurt to have them here. It hurt to have them gone. No matter what he did at this point, there was going to be pain involved. He couldn’t help feeling like this happiness he experienced with Taylor and Emily was somehow wrong while his wife and daughter lay buried under six feet of unsympathetic earth.

He heard Taylor moving behind him. She had shuffled Emily into the kitchen and turned on the TV before returning to the room. She was moving close. The air heated with her presence. Her hand settled on his back and the unmistakable zing of shock he experienced around her, raced through him.

He turned to face her.

“Maybe we should go,” Taylor murmured.

He grabbed her hand and held it. “Please don’t,” he pleaded, his voice soft. “It’s just that…”

She cradled his jaw in her smooth palm for a moment. “I know, Reece. I hurt, too.”

A hot tear seared down his cheek. He felt like a fool crying in front of her, but he couldn’t stop. He took in a staggered breath.

“I can’t fix it.”

She began to cry, too. “No one blames you for what happened except you.”

He looked her in the eye.

“How can you accept it?”

“I accept what can’t be changed. All the guilt in the world isn’t going to bring them back, Reece, no matter how much we want it to.” She took her hand away from his face to hold his hand. Her touch infused him with courage, with hope. “All we can do for them now is live while we’re alive. Becca wouldn’t have wanted you to spend the rest of your life mourning her and Alyssa. She wanted you to think of the future with your child. You have a child that needs you every bit as much as Alyssa did.”

He nodded. “That’s the part that hurts the most. I don’t like what happened, but how can I forgive myself? I should have been able to stop it. I should have gotten there sooner or driven that day or—” He gave a heavy sigh. “She died not knowing Alyssa was already gone…”

“She died knowing you cared about her and Alyssa. There’s nothing more you could have done.”

He leaned forward, his forehead touching hers, and closed his eyes. His throat ached and his eyes burned, but deep down her words had taken the edge off his roiling emotions. Her touch was soothing, and for the moment everything in him knew this was right.

She gave his hand a light squeeze, and he returned it.

“Let’s go see what our little girl is up to,” she whispered.

He nodded and walked with her hand in hand into the kitchen.

Emily sat kicking her feet back and forth under the chair as she watched cartoons on Nickelodeon. “When are we going to eat?”

“How about now?”

Emily grinned. “Good. What are we eating?”

“Grilled cheese sandwiches,” Reece supplied.

Taylor questioned his choice with her eyes.

“I haven’t eaten them in over a year. They were Alyssa’s favorite.”

She gave him a sad smile. “Grilled cheese it is.”

They ate their lunch listening to Emily. He smiled, watching her pull her cheese into sagging strings that she sucked up like noodles. Perhaps Taylor was right. Putting away the past had to start with him. He sighed.

Taylor laid her hand over his. “Is there anything I can do?” Her support and concern was evident in the bend in her brows and sad eyes.

Reece locked gazes with her. She shared this burden with him like no other person on earth. She alone would understand. “Yeah. Will you help me?”

“Of course. What are you thinking about?”

“I want to pack up Alyssa’s room.”

He saw shock flit across her features. “If that’s what you want. Sure.”

“You don’t want to?”

She shook her head. “No, it’s just a surprise, that’s all.”

Emily looked at them. “Can I come, too?”

They both turned to her at the same time. “Yes.”

“I guess this is going to be a family affair,” he said.

“Why not? That’s what we all are, family.”

He rubbed his thumb across the smooth underside of her wrist. “Thank you.”

She tilted her head to one side. “For what?”

“For being you.”

Taylor gave him a small smile. “Anytime.”

Together they cleaned up from lunch and Reece retrieved some packing boxes from the garage. They headed upstairs with Emily on their heels. He sucked in a breath as he placed his hand on the doorknob. Taylor’s hand came to rest with a reassuring touch on his back. He opened the door to Alyssa’s room.

He almost never came in here. He had left it exactly the same as it had been. It was his way of keeping Becca and Alyssa close to him. But things were changing. He was changing.

Reece glanced around. So many things, most of them too young for Emily to enjoy, sat unused in this room, but perhaps another child needed them. He picked up a large, stuffed, pink toy rabbit. It was the one he had gotten to celebrate Alyssa’s first Easter. She’d been so tiny he’d propped her up between the rabbit’s feet and taken her Easter picture.

“Are you sure you want to do this right now?” Taylor asked.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” He handed the rabbit to Emily, whose eyes widened with delight.

“For me?” she squealed.

He nodded and smiled, then turned to Taylor. “Toys are meant to bring children joy, not to make me sad. Alyssa would want to share them, so I will.”

He turned and looked at Taylor. “If there is anything in here that you would like to keep, you’re welcome to.”

She grasped his hand and gave it a squeeze. “I think it would be best if we sorted through things together.”

Working side by side, they packed most of the remaining toys into boxes and plastic bags.

“Are we going to put this all out in the garage?” Taylor asked.

“No. We’re taking everything but that box to the shelter.” He placed a hand gently on her shoulder. “If that’s all right with you.”

Taylor glanced at the single small box in the corner where they had placed a baby blanket, all the photo albums, and a few small clothes. She bit her lip, then looked at him. “I think that’s all we need to keep her memory in our hearts.”

All three of them carried the bags and boxes out to the car before Taylor and Emily said their good-byes and returned home. Reece watched the gates close as they drove away.

He felt tired and worn. The emotional hurdles of the day had taken their toll. He closed the door and listened. The achingly familiar sound of silence crept up on him, making him shiver. The house was too quiet.

An acute pang induced by memories hit his chest. He never wanted his home to be this quiet again. He missed the sweet sounds of childish laughter, the sound of a woman’s voice echoing in the hall. He missed Becca, Alyssa, Taylor, and Emily.

Reece walked over to the master control panel in the living room and turned on music throughout the house. The soothing sound of jazz beat and swayed, helping to fill the emptiness and keep him from lingering too long on his regrets.

In the gray light of early morning, Reece drove to the cemetery. He hadn’t slept most of the night and needed to make his peace with Becca before he could be free to move on.

He carried with him the flowers she had saved from her wedding bouquet. They were as dry and brittle as he felt in the cool ocean breeze that buffeted him. In his other hand were the new rosebuds for Alyssa. It was a balance he had to create between the crumbling past and the beautiful future.

Reece walked silently back to his car and climbed in to drive back home. He had made his peace with Becca and asked her for a sign. Somehow he needed that from her. A signal that letting his love for Taylor and Emily move his life in a new direction was the right thing.

He glanced at his watch and realized he’d spent far longer than he’d intended at the cemetery. Taylor and Emily were going to be arriving for brunch at any moment.

Reece hustled into the kitchen and started preparing the food he’d planned. He’d been so busy hunting for the cheese grater in the cupboards that the shrill beeps of the smoke alarm system startled him. He struck his head on the open cupboard door. “Ouch! What the…?”

He looked around to see what had set the annoying alarm off. A small curl of smoke came from the toaster. Before he could reach it to unplug it, flames ignited, singeing the wallpaper and sending up a thick column of smoke. Reece threw open the cabinet under the sink and grasped the fire extinguisher, spraying the slimy foam at the toaster from hell. The hot metal sputtered, but the flames died, leaving a disgusting mess on the counter and wall. Becca’s sunflowers were disintegrated where the toaster had scorched the wall and left the cabinet blackened.

It was obvious that he was going to have to repair the kitchen. It was one more thing he didn’t need on his plate at the moment.

The doorbell rang. “It’s open,” Reece yelled. He heard their footsteps coming through the house toward the kitchen.

“What stinks?” Emily asked, her tone nasal as she pinched her nose.

“That.” He jerked a thumb back at the offending toaster.

“May I suggest that perhaps toast isn’t your thing?” Taylor offered, trying to suppress a glib smile.

“Ha-ha. Very funny,” he said as he wiped the retardant off the counter and then his hands. “I think we’re going out for brunch.”

“I’ll second that.”

“I three it!” chirped Emily.

Reece threw the blackened towel in the sink. “Where shall we go?”

“Pancake House!” Emily sang.

Taylor shrugged. “She’ll order pancakes no matter where we go, so wherever you want to eat is fine with me. I think you need a break after your morning flame-throwing.”

Reece grumbled. “It wasn’t on purpose.”

“Sure, you say that now, but I know the truth. Those sunflowers made you do it, didn’t they?”

He smiled at her. “They weren’t my idea.”

“I know, I know, the wife made you do it.”

Reece tilted his head to one side. “You could say that.”

“I’m hungry!” Emily wailed.

“Okay, okay, keep your shirt on, we’re going,” Taylor said as she scooped Emily up and settled her on her hip.

…

They selected a comfortable booth at the restaurant and ordered pancakes all around.

“So what are you going to do with it?”

“With what, the kitchen?”

“No, your toaster—of course I meant your kitchen.”

Reece shrugged. “I dunno. I guess I’ll take down the paper and paint it.”

There was a distinct glimmer in Taylor’s eyes. Reece could see that her decorator’s mind was already at work on how to best turn his liability into an asset.

“You know…if we just—”

He put up his hand to stop her. “I don’t want to know. Just do it, whatever it is.”

Taylor pouted. “Don’t you want to even hear it?”

“No. Surprise me.”

“But it might cost—”

Reece placed his hands over his ears. “I don’t want to know. Just bill me.”

A smile grew on Taylor’s face, turning her into a veritable Cheshire cat. “Fine.”

They ate the rest of their breakfast in peace, and he suggested they spend the afternoon near the ocean in the warm sunshine.

They pulled up to the beach-access parking lot and as Taylor got out to unlatch Emily, Reece popped the trunk. Taylor peeked around the raised trunk lid to see him retrieving a big blanket and a pale pink shopping bag from Hilliard’s Toy Shop.

“Have you been doing a little shopping lately?”

Reece grinned and winked at her. “Perhaps.”

“Anything I’d be interested in?”

“Not unless you’re five.”

“Oh, I see, I’m too big for surprises.”

“I never said that.” He winked. “It’s just not your turn.”

She laughed and grabbed his hand as they walked together down the steep stairway that led to the sand and surf below.

They had barely reached the bottom when Emily went racing off. She was hopping about, wild as the wind, flapping her arms in delight. The little girl sprinted back.

“Can I go in the water, please?” she begged, hands clasped together.

“The water’s too cold, Emy.”

“Not for me. Pleeeze…”

Taylor bit her lip. “Fine, but if you turn blue, it’s not my fault.”

Emily squealed with delight as she plunked down in the sand and began stripping off her shoes and socks. She pushed up her leggings as far as she could and then shoved them up still farther.

“Ready!” she called out and dashed toward the rolling waves.

“Don’t go in over your knees!”

Emily waved an acknowledgement.

Taylor picked up her daughter’s shoes as Reece flipped out the blanket, then handed her the shopping bag. “No peeking,” he warned, then ruined the stern affect by giving her a lopsided grin.

He began pulling at the laces of his shoes and became unbalanced in the soft sand, hoping about on one foot.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m going down there with her.”

“To get in the water?”

He laughed. “Whatsamatter, afraid of sea monsters?”

Taylor chuckled, then leaned back on her arms. “No, just not fond of getting into cold salt water. Have fun.” She dug her toes into the warm sand, watching him run toward Emily and catch her up in his arms to swing her in wide circles. He set her down and together they held hands and jumped over incoming waves.

The sun felt warm and heavenly on her face. Taylor closed her eyes and tipped her head up to the lovely rays. She could hear the subtle movement and surge of the water as the waves came in, and the sound of Emy’s giggle echoed by Reece’s deeper laugh.

In the peace and stillness her curiosity prodded her. What had he gotten for Emily at Hilliard’s? It was an expensive toy shop full of handmade goodies to delight the eyes, minds, and busy little hands of a child. The shopping bag sat there, tempting her.