The Taming (21 page)

Of course, if something bad happened to her it really
was
my fault. I was the one who’d made her leave the car. I was the one who’d pushed my girl, my Katie, out the door and into the night. If something happened to her, they wouldn’t need to blame me because I was already blaming myself.

There was somebody up ahead at the side of the road! I slowed down and—it was just a man out walking his dog. I thought about stopping and asking him if he’d seen her, but there was no point. If he’d seen her, then I would have seen her too. There was only one thing to do. I had to get to her apartment and wait.

Chapter Thirty-Three

T
he man flashed a nice smile that reminded me of …

“You’re getting soaked. Let me at least drop you off at the subway station.”

I inhaled sharply.

“Look, you can sit in the back if you’re nervous.”

That was nice of him. I started to cross the street. Nervous? Wait.

“Honey, you’re going to catch pneumonia out there. You don’t have to tell me your story but at least get out of the rain.”

He reminded me of someone. A dad or—

“Come on, let me take you home.”

Nick? He reminded me of Nick Kormos. Could it be?

“Mr. Kormos, Nick?” I called out.

“Yeah, sure.” He smiled again. “I can be Mr. Kormos, if you want. Just get in, sweetie.”

With a ride I’d be home in ten minutes. I couldn’t walk home barefoot, that was nuts. I started to cross the street.

“That’s it, baby, you get in and Nick Kormos will take care of you.”

I was back on the sidewalk before either of us knew it. “What the … ? Hey, kid!”

I’d be on Queen in a couple of blocks with the bright retail store signage. Streetcars would go by, and surely even some people. I’d be safe on Queen.

“No thanks, sir.”

“Sir!?” The word seemed to make him angry.

“I live just around the corner. Thanks for the offer, but I’ve had enough Nick Kormoses in my life.” And with that, I hobbled off with as much dignity as I could muster in torn stockings, bare feet and a fake down Value Village ski jacket.

I heard him curse as he sped away, like a snake slithering into a hole in the night. I glanced back over my shoulder.

“Good girl, Katie,” I said out loud again. “Maybe you’re not so stupid after all.”

Chapter Thirty-Four

I
pushed the buzzer for her apartment again, for the tenth time. I wasn’t sure what the point was. Either she still wasn’t home, or she was home and wasn’t answering the buzzer. I was pretty sure her mother was away again or she wouldn’t have been able to stay so late at the party. For all I knew, Katie was sitting up in her apartment looking down at me on the lobby’s closed-circuit camera. Did that camera even work? If they could afford a camera, you would have thought they could have paid to get the smell out of the entranceway.

I looked back up at the camera in case she was looking down at me. I didn’t care if she didn’t want to talk to me, and I certainly didn’t expect her to let me up. All I wanted was to know that she was all right, that she was up there, that she was safe.

If it had been me up there, I wouldn’t have answered either. Not just because I wouldn’t have known what to say, but to punish the person who had left me in the rain, to keep him spinning in the wind. I’d never been left on the side of the road in the rain, but I knew what it was like to be humiliated, and abandoned. Made to feel like I wasn’t good enough, never good enough. That was how they made me feel in the end.

I slumped down to the floor and covered my face with my hands. If I’d believed there was a God who listened and answered prayers, I would have said one right there.

“I just want her to be okay,” I said, my words just a whisper, a plea … maybe it
was
a prayer. That was how desperate I felt. If it was, it would have been the first prayer of mine that had been answered.

Chapter Thirty-Five

T
he rain stopped the instant I rounded onto Queen Street.

There was more traffic and the odd fellow traveller. Safe.

Evan had asked if there had been anyone else. “How many others? How many, Katie?” Did Nick Kormos count? Maybe he did, and Evan had sensed it somehow. Maybe guys just knew these things. I had made him so angry. He must have known. Somehow he must have known that I was dirty and now he was punishing me.

I was exhausted and giddy with the cold by then. Evan thoughts chased each other around and around in me, in ever-tighter circles. I was talking out loud to myself by this point. If anyone noticed as I passed them by, they sure didn’t let on. We were an interesting species, we shoeless, homeless or just plain stoned people of the night. We were also pretty much a “live and let live” kind of folk.

By the time I got to Muldar and Queen I decided that Evan wasn’t punishing me. Maybe he was pulling a Petruchio.

Petruchio
breaks
Katherina, after all, and in a totally humiliating way. He
tames
her. In fact, in Act IV, scene 3—the one Evan and I had the most trouble with—Petruchio pretty much bullies, starves and manipulates her until Kate finally submits. She even stops arguing and comes around to agreeing with him that the sun is actually the moon.

Petruchio: I say it is the moon
.

Katherina: I know it is the moon
.

Petruchio: Nay, then you lie. It is the blessed sun
.

Katherina: Then, God be blessed, it is the blessed sun
.

Wow, there I was on Queen Street in the middle of the night, cold, shoeless and quoting Shakespeare out loud. Just me, the drunks, the crazies, the homeless and Bill.

My mind went back to that scene. Petruchio treats her so badly it’s breathtaking. By the end of Act V, scene 1, he’s making Kate kiss him in public to show the world that she is not ashamed of him. The thing is, in the name of love, Petruchio successfully torments Katherina into being a lover and a better human. Maybe Evan was trying to tame me or test me or … something. He was so angry. I must have hurt him so badly, flirting like that. I should have known what I was doing.

I got to my block just before 3:30 a.m. Thank God at least I had my key in my ski jacket pocket, my key and my lip chap. I wished I had remembered about that a little earlier.

I walked into the lobby, and I was so eager to get in and up to my apartment that I almost fell on top of him.

“Evan! Evan, what are you … ?”

Chapter Thirty-Six

I
felt so embarrassed being caught sitting on the floor, my head in my hands. It was humiliating. But then I saw her, really saw her, as I struggled to my feet. Katie was soaked to the bone, her hair and clothing plastered to her body, her stockings—those beautiful stockings she was so proud of—ripped and torn, the feet worn through and a rip down the side of one of them … I saw blood. Oh my God.

“I am so sorry,” I whispered.

She looked so sad, so stunned. Even through the wet of the rain I could see the tears she’d been shedding, staining her face.

“I went back to get you … but you weren’t there,” I said.

She didn’t answer. She didn’t even look at me. She had her keys in her hand.

“We need to talk—”

“I don’t want to talk.” She started to open the door.

I grabbed her by the arm and she tried to pull away. I dug my fingers in deeper. There was no way she could get away from me unless I wanted her to and—I let her go.

“Please … you don’t need to talk … could you please just listen … just for a few seconds … 
please
?”

She was biting down on her lip, fighting back tears. She looked up at me and nodded her head ever so slightly.

“I need to tell you how wrong I was, that there’s no excuse for what I did … it’s just that I love you so much and now … now I know that you probably won’t ever want to even see me again, or …” I burst into tears.

Katie looked shocked. I felt shocked. I tried to stop myself, but I couldn’t, the tears came pouring out.

“It’s all right,” Katie said. She reached out and took my hand. “I’m not going to leave you … I’m upset, but I’m not going to—”

The sobbing got stronger, rumbling up from my chest. I couldn’t stop it, I couldn’t control it.

I heard the door open again and a couple came into the entrance. They were staring at us—staring at me—but I couldn’t stop the tears. They turned away, trying hard not to look at me, trying to pretend that they couldn’t hear me. They hurried through the entrance and into the lobby.

“I’ve got to leave. I have to go,” I mumbled.

I headed for the door but Katie gripped my hand even tighter. “No, don’t go … please.”

“I have to leave … I can’t stay here … not like this.”

“Not here. Let’s go up to my apartment. Mom and Joey left right after I did, they won’t be back tonight.”