The Tempering (The Mackenzie Duncan Series) (17 page)

“That we fell asleep watching a movie?”

“FAT CHANCE OF THAT!” One of the boys from the hallway called. “We heard the moans in the middle of the night!”

Mackenzie’s face flushed as she recalled her dream. It was very likely that they did indeed hear moans. She had always been very vocal in her sleep, either talking or crying or moaning. No one ever wanted to share a room with her.

Geoff looked to her and tilted his head to the side, silently mouthing the word moans at her in question to what they were talking about. Not wanting to admit to having those kinds of dreams, she shrugged her shoulders, hoping he would buy it. If she was flushed with embarrassment at the accusation, it didn’t mean she was admitting anything.

“Shut it, Rob! And mind your own damn business!” Geoff called out. Mackenzie could hear the groans of disappointment from the boys being told their fun was over and the retreating footsteps that followed signaling the coast was clear.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t worry about it, and I will have a talk with them about manners later. Ready for some breakfast?”

“I think I should change clothes at least.”

“You are probably right. Give me a minute to change and I will walk you out?”

Not wanting to leave him just yet, despite their argument, she nodded and watched him walk into the bathroom.

Wandering around his room, carefully treading as to not accidentally step on something or trip and fall flat on her face, she looked around, hoping to see something to tell her more about Geoff. He had pictures tacked to the wall and by the type of photos, she could tell he had been collecting for a while. One photo was placed inside a plastic zip lock bag before being tacked to the wall. It was sepia toned and faded. The edges were slightly damaged and the clothing Geoff and the other man wore in the picture screamed early nineteen hundreds. To say that freaked her out a bit was an understatement, but to look through them all and kind of see his life unfold, with the same people throughout, it was no wonder he felt that the bonds made were a gift.

The side of his bedpost had carvings into it. No pictures, just notches. If she didn’t know him better she would assume the worst and think the thirty-two slashes was evidence of former lovers. Her fingers traced the lines, feeling the rough wood on some and the obviously older and more worn marks on others.

“What are you doing?” Geoff asked from behind her, startling her enough to make her jump, then effectively, trip. He reached out and caught her in his arms, just before she hit the floor.

“Thanks. I was just taking a look around. That is okay, right?”

“Yeah. I told you we all make mistakes and have accidents when turned. Those are my mistakes. Thirty-two of them over my lifetime. You won’t ever forget who you have harmed Mackenzie, but you will learn how to manage the after math and forgive yourself. You wouldn’t blame a wolf for attacking a deer, or a bear for a fish. A Werewolf craves human blood. As a bitten Were, you will crave more than a born. It is just the way it is. Come on. Let's get you to your room.”

“I think I might go alone. I don’t need everyone on the girl’s floor watching my every move, too.” In all honesty, she just needed to be alone to think. Another bomb had just been dropped on her and she had no idea what to do with it. Had those mistakes been kills or new pack members?

Chapter 19

A week had passed since the night she had spent with Geoff. Seven full days of friendship that bordered on the line of something more and it was driving Mackenzie insane. They would hold hands one minute, and then he would find something more interesting and ditch her the next. He would walk her to her room and kiss her cheek goodnight, but would never allow himself to brush his lips against hers.

Mackenzie and Geoff sat on the couch in the den late one night, the only light filling the room was from the fireplace, the glow of the Christmas tree lights, and the television. Mackenzie couldn’t concentrate on the explosion of cars on the screen, only the ones going off inside of her, begging her to grab his hand. She was growing steadily more tired of only being his friend.

Perhaps with Christmas just around the corner she could get around the house’s no gift policy and give Geoff herself. But really, that would be more of a gift for her than for him.

Giving herself a mental pep talk, she bit her lip, held her breath, and reached out, taking his hand in hers. She waited for him to pull away and reject her as he had before when she attempted to be bold and kiss him first, but he didn’t. He looked over and smiled at her, squeezed her hand and turned back to the television. Letting out the breath she had been holding for far too long, she settled into the couch, and into his side.

They stayed that way for another hour, and while Mackenzie wished she could stay there forever, her growling stomach made Geoff chuckle and pull away.

“Mack, go grab some food. I can pause the movie. Can you bring me back a soda?”

“That’s probably a good idea. And yeah, gimme a minute.” Standing and stretching her arms above her head, she felt her shirt rise and expose a small expanse of her stomach. Geoff had not seen any more of her skin than the rest of the house since the day in her bedroom, but for whatever reason, she saw that he couldn’t pull his eyes from the little sliver of skin that had peeked through.

Quickly pulling her shirt back down, as she was still very self-conscious about certain aspects of her body even with the wolfy genetics making her leaner than she had been, Geoff turned back to the movie and Mackenzie left the room as quickly as she could. When he looked at her like that, the friendship boundary seemed ridiculous. They were adults, and it’s not like the rest of the house had a no sex rule. She heard more moans and bangs than she ever did living in the apartments back at college. She wondered if it were his position more than his honor that kept them apart. He may be from a different era, but he had lived through a good number of all the progressions, too. He had to have picked something up from that.

Mackenzie was lost in her thoughts of Geoff, and how to call an end to the friendship truce when the front door swung open, banging against the wall behind it. Without any lights on in the entryway, all she could see was the outline of a tall figure filling the doorframe and her heart raced with adrenaline at the possibility of a fight.

“YOU!” The figure bellowed. Mackenzie lost her fight in the ‘fight or flight’ mechanism in her brain and began retreating, hoping Geoff would hear and come out of the den. Most of the others were either playing video games or already in bed, but she would take anyone to stand beside her in that moment.

“Me? Who are you?” Mackenzie yelled at him. The footsteps coming from three separate directions let her know that she had been heard and wasn’t going to be alone for much longer. Thank goodness for family. If only Margret was there, but it was Alaska’s turn to have the pack leader residing with them.

Laughing without a bit of humor, he stepped into the house and flipped the light switch that was just next to the coat rack. When the light illuminated the area, Mackenzie had to hide her eyes before adjusting to the new brightness, but when she was able to pull her hand away, she saw that Liam had returned and he was standing directly in front of her.

She heard the others arrive behind her and instantly felt better about standing so close. He was angry and he had every right to be. She also knew that when she was getting used to her new body, there was no controlling the temper or the strength that came with it.

“I really am sorry, Liam. I know that isn’t enough. I know it doesn’t matter that I had no control over what happened and have no memory of it. You have every right to be angry, but everyone here can help you. I will be here if you need anything—need to just talk, or to yell and scream, even. I can answer what I know, but the truth is I am still learning, too.”

“Why would I want to talk to you?” His hand shot out faster than she had anticipated and gripped her neck. His fingers pressed into her skin so tightly that it cut off her breathing. Her hands went on top of his, trying with all her strength to remove them, but the fear inside her didn’t allow her to concentrate. “You bit me. You tore my flesh from my bones. You ate pieces of me! Then you bring me here to make me heal instead of letting me die like I should have—as a human! Why can’t I die?”

As he shouted, she felt herself being lifted up, when her feet no longer were on the ground, her air supply was completely gone. Knowing she wouldn’t die from strangulation didn’t help when her brain still told her that breathing was important. Finally, she fell to the ground and was pulled back by Teresa, holding her tightly in a hug while Geoff and Mason restrained Liam.

Rubbing her throat, Mackenzie finally realized what he had said. “What do you mean, why can’t you die?”

“Forget it, just let me go. I can’t be here around her without turning into a fucking monster and attacking a woman, if she is still even considered that.”

Completely insulted, she left the room to allow the boys to handle Liam. Teresa walked with her all the way to their room with an arm around her.

~*~

The next morning, Mackenzie stayed in her room. She didn’t want the looks and whispers as she walked by and she certainly didn’t want the questions. She wasn’t okay. She thought she was getting better. She was able to only think about Liam once a day until he stormed in the night before reminding her exactly how bad things were. Since then, she could only think of Liam and how to get to the point of being able to be in the same room together, without him trying to kill her. At least not until he learned more about werewolves and only then, if he didn’t try to off himself first.

While she despised everything she had done since turning, she never once honestly considered trying to kill herself. Just the thought of dying scared the bejesus out of her. The fact that Liam was so hateful of what he had become that dying was the better option dumbfounded her. But then again, she had considered the idea that he would have been better off if the sun had just waited another minute to rise, allowing him as he put it, to die as a human. She too hated what she was, but she didn’t want to die.

The door behind her opened and Natalie came in carrying a banana and a yogurt. She set it on Mackenzie’s desk then joined her in her little book nook, staring out the window at the trees in silence.

“He’s still here,” she said eventually without looking away from the window. Worry sank Mackenzie’s heart and stomach and tears tried to spring from her eyes. She deserved his hate, but it didn’t make it any easier to handle.

“Oh. Well, I guess that is a good thing. He can figure out how to handle everything from the start.”

“You can’t stay in here forever. He knows you live here and he chose to stay, just don’t be surprised if he is pretty quiet when you’re around. The strength and stuff kicked in pretty wicked this week, I guess. His little brother had to be taken to the hospital. Broke his arm by accident while arm wrestling. He was even trying to be gentle and let the little guy win.”

Mackenzie couldn’t help it. The tears flowed from her eyes and she wasn’t able to stop it. Wiping them away, she growled out and threw the book she was reading across the room.

“Damn it. His brother’s arm is my fault even if he is the one who did it. I bit him. So I guess I get to add that to the list of fuck-ups that are now piling up on my life list. I don’t want to keep crying. How did you do it? How did you forgive Teresa for changing you? How are you so put together after the last moon?” Mackenzie had yet to bring up Natalie’s wolf night, but she had to ask. She couldn’t control her emotions and Natalie seemed to be doing perfectly okay.

“It took Teresa and me a while. It really did. Margret made us share a room and you see how well that works, but more than that, I was able to see her remorse over time. Then I was able to realize that I had no control either, that I had no idea what I did while I was turned. It just takes time, and even knowing that she didn’t turn me on purpose, I still wanted to hate her for a long time. But I got to know her, and couldn’t.

“As for how I handle mistakes like the other night? I allow myself to grieve for them. I allow myself to be angry or hurt or sad. I cry in the shower and wash away the tears. It’s kind of symbolic for me. I have to forgive myself eventually. Until I have complete control, my wolf and I are not one in the same. She did those things and as the tears go down the drain, I allow the emotions that come with killing someone go, too.”

“So you think he will get it?”

“I do.”

“Guess I should be heading out for a run. Want to go?” The sun was shining and the trees looked to be standing pretty still. It was a beautiful day outside and perhaps it could help alleviate her ugly mood.

~*~

Natalie was right about one thing. Liam avoided her at all costs. For weeks, it was as if she didn’t exist to him. Not only would he leave if she was there, but he would completely act as if she didn’t exist if something forced him to stay.

He worked with Geoff regularly on controlling his strength and while Mackenzie was happy that he was getting the help he needed, she was jealous of the time she no longer had with Geoff. Christmas day came and went, and everyone kept to the no gift-giving rule. She had at least hoped to spend some time with Geoff, but he was busy with Liam. Why they put up decorations but didn’t do anything else was completely beyond her. But that’s just how it was.

Mackenzie was starting to feel the pull of nature. The full moon was approaching and all she wanted was to be outside. If only she could do so with as little as possible coming between her and the earth beneath her feet, the wind on her skin, and the sunshine on her body as she could. But the December weather wouldn’t allow it. Sure, she ran warmer than most and she would heal from anything, but that didn’t mean that she wanted to feel the sting of the cold.