The Tome of Bill (Book 6): Half A Prayer (34 page)

Fuck me - was it happening
again?
For over three years, I’d worked for Hopskotchgames, pining for Sheila every day. I’d thought I’d been sly about it, but apparently, it had been a running joke in the office, at least according to Harry Decker. Great; would I have to relive all of that in the supernatural community as well? Those fuckers had slightly longer memories than most cube-mates.

I let out a humorless chuckle at the thought of being reminded for the next thousand or so years of what a gutless loser I was.

“What?”

“It’s just that, right now, my social life is probably the least of my worries and definitely the least of theirs. Sally’s been mind-wiped and Sheila...well, if we don’t do something...” She’d been building a life for herself and, once again, I had to go and fuck it up. Maybe Alex was right about that. Maybe a Freewill and Icon pairing was more of a curse than anything else.

Even so, regardless if she was destined to marry that accountant of hers and have ten kids in the process - hating me every day that went by for the monster I’d become - there still was no way I could let her die.

Unfortunately, that was the extent of my brainstorm. “Fuck!”

“Doesn’t sound good, does it?”

“It’s about as far from good as it gets. We’re surrounded by enemies a shitload more powerful than us. Alex has one of our friends enthralled and has pretty much threatened the rest of you unless I play nice. Hell, I don’t even know where the fuck we are even if we were to somehow escape.”

“NORAD,” Tom replied.

“What?”

“I got bored when they were bringing me in, so I started chatting with my guards.”

“And they didn’t threaten to kill you if you didn’t shut up?”

“Hell yeah, they did that about a dozen times, but I wore them down.”

“Fate truly does smile upon you, does it not?”

“Only if nobody is playing with my stuff while I’m stuck here.”

“So what did you mean by NORAD?”

“Oh, that. One of the vamps got to yapping. Apparently, this is part of the whole bunker system that used to house it. According to them, this place is so fucking massive there are parts of it even the US government doesn’t remember.”

Wonderful. So not only were we in some sort of bunker, but it was a nuclear bunker as well. That didn’t exactly help our odds of escape. “I don’t suppose they happened to give you any key codes or such for the doors.”

“No such luck. I did ask, though.”

Of that, I had no doubt.

* * *

Try as I might, I couldn’t get my vampire side to quiet down. My fangs and claws were still out, and I was pretty sure my eyes looked more like a shark’s than anything resembling a human’s. Sadly, the more Tom talked, the less I found myself listening. The beating of his heart began to drown out his voice in my ears.

I even started to formulate a little fantasy in my mind. I’d bite him, taking just enough to clear my head. Then, if he started to turn, maybe I could get Sheila to lay her hands upon him and...

Yeah, I was sure the assembled masses would love to see that.

Oh God, what was I gonna do?

Just as I began to succumb to the idea that at some point I’d start chewing on my roommate, the door to our cell opened. I was on my feet in a second. If Alex was coming back to rub it in some more, I would go directly for his throat. I’d never make it, but being put out of my misery was preferable to killing my best friend.

Multiple figures stood in the doorway, but I pounced anyway. Something must have gone wrong with my trajectory, though, because somehow I landed on Tom.

“What the fuck, man?”

Likewise, I’m not really sure what I was thinking, but “Don’t worry; it’ll only hurt for a second,” slipped out of my mouth as I tried to force his head to the side.

A couple of powerful hands grabbed hold of me and began to drag me off.

“No harm to any of the prisoners,” a familiar voice growled. Hey, it was my pal from Pandora’s Box - the guy who’d helpfully beaten the snot out of me and loaded us into a truck.

Maybe he wanted to share. “It’s okay; you can have whatever’s left.”

“Restrain him.”

“Sorry about this, sir,” another voice said. I turned and saw the face of my old buddy Farley.

“Yo, Farl, maybe you’re up for a bite of sweet human...”

I didn’t get a chance to finish. Farley’s reply to my kind offer was to stick the end of a cattle prod into my side and hit the trigger.

Bright blue light arced in my vision as I fell to the floor twitching. Okay, so maybe they didn’t want to share.

A good jolt of electricity could do wonders to take one’s mind off their stomach. Should I ever get seasick. I shall have to remember that...assuming I’m not drenched in salt water at the time.

Anyway, once the uncontrollable twitching stopped, I was able to get my feet beneath me and walk rather than being dragged. That was good because, by this point, I needed every little bit of dignity I could muster.

Tom and I were marched back in through the huge blast door. As we entered, I noticed that, if anything, the auditorium looked even fuller than before. Maybe word had spread, or perhaps some had just decided to skip the arraignment for the main event. More vampires milled about, as well as some four-armed flying things, something that looked like a miniature dragon on two legs, a couple of living slime molds, and...huh, that was interesting.

A couple of older suited gentlemen sat off to one side. At first, I thought they were vamps too, but then I noticed their guards wore military dress and held M16s as opposed to silver stakes. Holy fuck, they’d even invited some humans to this? No doubt these were some of the crème de la crème - people in power who knew about us and signed off on the so-called treaties I had heard about.

Or they might have just been thralls, brought here as a buffet. I, for one, could dig that concept.

Oh great, and now I was drooling too. Between still wearing my burnt clothing, smelling of the sewer, and not having had a shower in the past couple of days I...

Oh, fuck me with a rusty cheese grater.

Tom shook my shoulder and pointed at the same time I noticed the asshole sitting just a few seats away from the Draculas’ dais as if he was trying to be as close to that bunch as possible, despite being a two-time loser.

“Is that Francois?”

“Unfortunately.”

Speaking of unfortunate, the walking twatsicle apparently heard my comment as just then he turned to face us. His expression was mixed, as if he wasn’t sure whether to enjoy our predicament or just outright loathe us. What can I say? I inspire complex feelings in others.

Either way, all of a sudden, I was really glad for our guards. I had little doubt that had Francois come to visit us in our cell, the walls would now be stained a bright crimson - probably my and Tom’s blood.

Once again, we were marched to the center of the massive auditorium where our guards spread out, this time leaving us unattended and unshackled - the meaning was clear. With all the firepower in this room and a ridiculous amount of concrete between us and freedom, there was little to no chance of escape.

I glanced once more toward Francois, then turned away, not liking the way that his eyes were boring into mine. I needed to take my mind off of him and keep occupied with other, more important things, like those succulent humans sitting over there...or maybe my friends now being escorted into the room.

Yeah, paying attention to how they were doing would probably be the decent thing to do.

Ed and Christy looked okay - tired, but okay. I didn’t see any signs of visible scarring or beating, though, which was good. Ed walked freely, but once more, Christy’s hands were bound with those magic-stifling manacles. I wanted to rip the damn things off and strangle someone with them, but I had a feeling our current company might frown upon that.

As they reached us, I stepped forward. “You guys okay?”

“Peachy,” Ed replied. He took a look around and furrowed his brow. “Where’s Sally?”

But I had already moved on from him, giving Christy my full attention. “And how are you?”

“I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

I’m not quite certain what she replied with, for all I could hear was the rush of blood through her veins and the beating of two hearts in her body - her own and the rapid flutter of her unborn child’s. Hadn’t Gan once told me the blood of pregnant cows was the richest of them all? I wasn’t sure what a witch’s blood would taste like, but surely it was compatible with...

“...and then the fucker took her.”

“He did?”

Huh? I looked up to find Tom and Ed staring at me, as if expecting some sort of response.

I turned back and found a mixture of pity and horror etched on Christy’s face. Her hands instinctively went to her stomach, but she held her ground. “What did they do to you?”

Tears welled up in my eyes. Had I really just contemplated the unthinkable? Was this what happened to monsters like me the moment they skipped a meal - or several? “It’s...” My voice cracked. “It’s been a long couple of days.”

Thankfully, I was spared from openly weeping in front of the crowd. Voices began to murmur in the packed courtroom, for surely that was what this now was. I immediately saw why. The blast door still stood open and another contingent of guards approached. It was that same column as before, with their black-bladed weapons pointing inward.

Sheila was joining us. For better or worse, although in my gut I knew it was worse, things were about to get started.

* * *

The assembled masses were all fixated on Sheila’s entrance and I knew that as soon as I caught sight of her, I would be too, so I quickly turned back to Christy and said in a low voice, “I’m not a monster.”

“I know that.”

“Let me finish. If things go bad...if I lose control, don’t hesitate to kill me.”

“Oh, don’t worry, I won’t.”

“Could you maybe sound a little less chipper about it?”

She smiled. “Sorry, but your answer tells me I won’t need to.”

I was going to say more, but the contingent of heavy infantry reached our position. They parted into two columns, revealing a girl who, even now - after dying, coming back to life, and dumping my ass for an accountant - took my breath away, as cliché as it might have sounded.

Sheila wore slacks, a t-shirt, and a light sweater. She might have looked like she was just running to the store had it not been for the scorch marks and rips that were indicative of a struggle. Her hands and ankles were bound in shackles made with that same oddly colored metal as the weapons her guards carried. Her hair was disheveled and hung down in her face, but it still wasn’t enough to conceal the bright silver gleam of her eyes. She may have been bound and beaten, but the look in them said she was still unbroken.

Even restrained as she was, her guards were still not quite brave enough to physically touch her - probably smart of them. Behind her, one spun his weapon around and used the hilt to nudge her forward toward our merry bunch of prisoners.

For a moment, she looked ready to turn and fight, but then she stepped forward to join us. I was right there to greet her, momentarily forgetting the hunger as well as the hundreds of eyes glaring down upon us. She met my gaze and raised one side of her mouth in a lopsided grin. Whoa. Had Alex passed judgment right at that moment, I’d have died a happy vamp, gladly letting her be the last sight I saw in this world.

We stood there staring at each other for a couple of seconds before we both burst into chuckles. We had a habit of meeting up in the damnedest of situations.

“Aren’t we a pair?”

“Are we?” she asked, the grin growing ever slyer. Damn, was it getting hot in here or was it just me?

Thankfully, some
helpful
multi-tentacled thing in the audience spared me from saying anything overly stupid. “Behold! The Freewill proves his guilt!”

Almost at once, the crowd started to chant, “Guilty!”

I spun in a circle, raising my voice and trying to address them all. “Oh, go fuck yourselves!” As far as last words went, I could’ve done worse.

Sheila broke eye contact with me and moved on to the rest of the group. She nodded at Tom, exchanged pleasantries with Ed - as well as a joking threat that her company had better be okay, then she turned to Christy.

For a moment, I wasn’t sure how that would go. Christy’s eyes widened, almost as if uncertain whether Sheila would bite - a prospect I personally wouldn’t have minded at all - then finally, she relaxed and smiled. “How have you been?”

Sheila looked down at her manacles. “I’ve been better. Boy or girl?”

“We’re letting it be a surprise, but I’m thinking it’s a boy by the way he’s kicking the crap out of me.”

“Don’t be so sure. My mom said the same thing when she was carrying me.”

“I guess we’ll see soon enough. Can I ask you a question?”

“Now’s as good a time as we’re probably going to get,” Sheila replied.

“Why is it only the girls are handcuffed?”

Sheila let out a musical laugh, her eyes flashing. “I guess they’re smart enough to know who the real threats are here.”

* * *

The comradery amongst our group might have just been gallows humor, but it definitely didn’t endear us to the crowd. More jeers were thrown, some for all of us - except maybe Tom. He alone seemed to be spared their bile, almost as if they didn’t know what to make of him.

“Go figure,” he said to me. “No love for the token human.”

“Don’t worry. Maybe after they hang the rest of us, you’ll get to be the main course.”

“That works. I was gonna tell these fuckers to eat me anyway.”

I was about to continue our banter when a hush fell over the crowd. The majority of the beings in the audience rose to their feet. Some, mostly of the nastier variety like Druaga, just looked bored. Death gods, can’t live with them...

The reason for the hush soon became obvious: the Draculas had arrived.

Alex led the way through one of the other entrances. Every vampire he passed bowed his or her head reverently - mostly. Francois lowered his gaze, but I could still see murder painted in his eyes, especially for James, who brought up the rear.