The Trouble With Before (21 page)

“You’re saying I’m not fun?” I ask, surprised.

“You used to be. We both were. Now I feel like you think I’m a psychotic stalker, and you’re like this grumpy old dude who I’m bothering. I don’t want to feel like that,” she says, her exasperation apparent.

When I think about all the things I’ve done and how I’ve treated her, it’s a little exaggerated, but I can’t say that’s not an accurate description. “I never meant to make you feel like that. I’ve been kind of an asshole, I guess.”

“I know you don’t mean to, but you have,” she mutters.

“So you don’t want to see me again?” I ask a little confused.

“Of course you’ll see me again. Actually, I really like having sex with you and hope we can still do that when the need arises.” She giggles, and I can’t help but laugh.

“So you’re saying, like, we just date? No strings?”

“No strings, no titles. Let’s just go back to it being fun. If love is meant to happen, it will, and if not, we can be open to finding it with someone else without things being bad.” She shrugs.

“O-okay, if that’s cool with you . . . I guess.”

She brings her hand to my mouth, then climbs on my lap. “Don’t overthink it. You’re hotter with your mouth closed.”

TODAY I WOKE
up with a slight headache but definitely a smile. Nothing does that better than a night with Hillary. I told her I wasn’t weird about her staying a day or two if that’s what she wanted, but she decided to leave after we had sex. She joked about being able to enjoy her singleness again. I don’t know exactly how I feel about that, but I can’t say I don’t feel like a dog let off his leash. I haven’t been in this good a mood in a while. Hillary always puts me in the best or worst mood, but today, I feel as if I’m walking on clouds. I’ve finally got the Hillary I’ve been waiting for back, and I feel good.

When I get up, I already smell bacon and eggs, and I know it’s going to be a great day. What I’m surprised by is seeing Lisa in the kitchen, wearing a big smile and setting down the food.

“You’re cooking?” I ask, surprised.

“I’m in a good mood, and you look like you’re in a good mood yourself,” she says, sitting at the table.

I join her. “Well, you share your news first, my lady,” I tell her in my most chivalrous voice.

“Will wants me to take Willa this weekend,” she says, her face lit up.

“The whole weekend?”

“Yeah, he’s going to Chris and Lauren’s and doesn’t want Willa to take the long ride since he’s only going to be there two days . . .”

“That’s awesome, Leese.” I’m thrilled by how happy she looks delivering the news. Last time, she was like a deer caught in the headlights.

“So if you could pick her up Friday after school, that’d be great,” she says in a pleading tone. Except it’s not needed. I’d do whatever necessary to get her and Willa’s relationship back on track. “So what about you? Did you and Hillary work things out?”

“Yup,” I say, digging into my breakfast.

“Wow, so you’re officially official together?”

“Nope, we broke up actually.”

She looks at me in shock. “I thought you wanted to make it official, take the next step?”

“I mean . . . it seemed like the right thing, but Hillary felt like it wasn’t right and I think she’s right.”

“So you guys are just . . . done?” she asks, almost bewildered.

“No, actually we’re better than ever. We’re going to go back to how it was—no strings, just fun.” I take a gulp of the orange juice she poured.

She looks at me in disbelief.

“What?” I ask.

She shakes her head. “She said she’s in love with you,” she tells me as if my problem is obvious.

“Yeah . . . ?” I don’t get her point.

“Hillary doesn’t seem like the type who’ll be cool with seeing you without strings if she really is in love with you.”

“Ah, she’s totally cool with it. She convinced me all night.”

She gives me a disgusted look and laughs. “Okay,” she says sarcastically.

“It is okay,” I say adamantly.

“And you’re going to be cool with her seeing other guys?”

“I mean, I wouldn’t want it right there in my face, but yeah, why not?” I shrug, and she shakes her head again.

“This is going to be interesting,” she mutters.

I decide to ignore her . . . and the nagging feeling that she’s right.

“A
IDAN, YOUR PHONE’S
ringing.”

I wake up to Lisa falling asleep on my shoulder and Willa on my lap. I lazily grab my phone and see it’s Tara, a girl I’ve been on a date or two with. I hit Ignore and lie my head back on Lisa’s. She smells good, like strawberries and vanilla.

“Why don’t you answer?” she says groggily.

“I’ll talk to her later.”

“Aidan, you should go out,” she says through a yawn.

“Why?” I ask, closing my eyes again.

“Because it’s a Friday and you’re single and dating.”

I can’t think about anything but how comfortable I am right there. She shifts and stands, stretching. Her belly’s just starting to poke out. She’s wearing an oversized sweater and her hair is styled messily after Willa gave Lisa her best attempt at Elsa’s braid. I smirk at her.

“What?” she asks, picking up Willa.

“I got her, Leese.” I take Willa from her arms.

Lisa follows me into her room, where I lay Willa down.

“I think you should go out. What’s this one’s name? Tonya?” she asks, sitting on the bed next to Willa.

“Tara.”

She nods with a smile that makes my heart speed up. “We’re okay here.”

I don’t know if it’s the light or the myth of the pregnancy glow, but her eyes are bright and there’s a calm to her—a calm I’d like to be in.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re becoming an old man,” she says, squeezing a pillow in her lap.

“It’s just getting a little old,” I admit, sitting beside her.

She looks shocked. “You were ecstatic last month when you and Hillary went on a break.”

I nod. I think I had about seven one-night stands in two weeks between here and Chicago. “I was. To be honest, I felt like a dog that just got off its leash.”

She rolls her eyes at me dramatically. “And now . . . ?”

Her green eyes lock on mine, and I ignore the slight squeeze in my chest. I shrug. “Maybe I am getting old, but seeing multiple women is taking a lot out of me and trying to actually date one, starting over . . .”

“God, I don’t want to even think about doing that . . . well, I won’t be able to for a while, but . . .” She laughs awkwardly.

“Leese, after you have this baby, you’re not going to have any trouble getting guys. Shit, I bet some guys would even be into you with the stomach.” I laugh and cringe at the same time. I’d kill a dude who tried to come near her while she’s pregnant, and afterward . . . thinking of her dating . . . I ignore how my stomach drops.

“You know, after all that’s happened, the last thing on my mind is finding a boyfriend.” She shrugs. “I’m sort of happy now.” She gives me one of the most beautiful smiles I’ve ever seen on her.

It’s funny how much can change in a month. Lisa has started getting Willa some days through the week and weekends. Mr. Scott has been going back and forth to Chicago, and when he does, he lets Willa stay here. He’s not going this weekend, but Willa wanted to come over, so she’s all ours until tomorrow morning. I’ve gotten used to her being here. She’s such a great kid, and with her being here, it’s an excuse to keep all kinds of junk food in the house and watch cartoons without getting grief from Grams and Lisa. I’ve gotten used to Lisa being here too. I never realized how boring coming home to an empty house could be until Lisa started to take on evening work at the school. I look forward to the days she doesn’t work in the evenings, and I’ve gotten a little selfish with that time. Staying home with her and Willa over going out on a so-so date is a no-brainer.

“So what time is your appointment tomorrow?” I ask.

“It’s at nine forty-five, and it’s the ultrasound,” she says with a small grin. I can tell she’s trying to hide her excitement.

“Okay, you’ve got to let me come.”

She still looks surprised whenever I tell her I want to go with her to the appointments. “I’m not finding out the sex.”

“But it’s the first time you’re going to see him.”

She tilts her head to the side a little with a grin that makes me do the same. “Him?”

“Or her . . .” I laugh.

She nods. “Okay.”

The rest of the night, we follow our sort of ritual of watching TV while she eats BBQ chips and popcorn in handfuls out of one big bowl and I gorge on ice cream with almost a half a bottle of chocolate syrup. We watch
Step Brothers
and
Talladega Nights
because it’s Will Ferrell night on TBS. We laugh at the most insane parts and both quote the movie. She calls me a big man-child and I tell her she’s only one step away from being a teenage boy . . . aside from the kid inside her.

When she falls asleep, I pick her up off the couch, and she throws her arms around me and snuggles into my chest. I lay her down beside Willa on her bed and remind myself that she’s Lisa, my best friend, the big pain in my ass, and not just a beautiful girl. That’s why I don’t kiss her. It’s why I tell myself that tomorrow, I’ll go out with Tara even though I doubt a night out—even with a cute girl who will probably want pretty good sex—will measure up to this.

The next day, after we drop Willa off at school, we head straight to the doctor’s office. I can tell Lisa’s in a good mood because she sort of hums to the song on the radio. When one of her favorites come on—something by Selena Gomez—she starts to sing. I tell her she sounds like a dead cat and she swats me on the arm before singing even louder.

The nurses know her by name now, and they all smile at us as she checks in. It’s the third appointment I’ve been to with her. The last two were pretty boring, but I’m really excited about this one. The clinic is full of people today, unlike the other times we’ve come.

“It’s packed in here, huh?” Lisa says, reading my mind.

“Yeah, it is,” I tell her as we spot two open seats. We head over and sit down.

“I want to go to IHOP after this, if you’re free. I’m starving all of a sudden,” she whispers in my ear.

I ignore how my skin warms up when she’s so close to me. “I’m always free for IHOP.”

She smiles as if she’s hit the lottery.

“You two are so cute together,” a woman across from us says, rubbing her stomach. She has to be in her late thirties, and her stomach looks like a giant beach ball. “Are you two expecting?”

“We’re not—”

“You’re fifteen weeks, right, babe?” I ask, putting my arm around Lisa.

She stiffens at first, then relaxes and I ignore how right it feels to have her in my arms. We get asked this question at every appointment, and it’s always awkward when she has to answer. Today’s a good day, so I’m not letting difficult questions throw us off.

“You’re so cute together,” she squeals.

“Lisa Gregory?” the nurse calls.

We get up and walk to the door.

“You’re heading all the way to the back for the ultrasound. Are you excited?” she asks.

Lisa smiles weakly.

“She’s ecstatic,” I answer for her, and Lisa grins back at me.