The Trouble with Emily Dickinson (22 page)

“So?”

“So, maybe she’s tutoring Kendal in more
subjects than one,” Jason snickered. “Get it?”

“Dude,” Kyan rolled his eyes, “Shut up.” He
began to pick at a loose thread hanging off the back pocket of his
jeans.

“What? You can never tell these days.”

Kyan fixed his eyes on him, “Does Christine
know that for sure? I mean, does she know if Kendal really
is—one?”

“One what? A lesbian?” Jason kicked a rock
off the cement path they were standing on. It disappeared onto an
adjacent patch of grass. “I don’t know. Does it matter?”

Kyan chewed on the inside of his cheek. “It
does now,” he said.

Jason’s eyes drifted from the library to the
school lounge, and then to a figure approaching the soccer
field.

“Hey, isn’t that—”

Kyan looked up. “I think it is,” he said as
he squinted into the darkness. They watched together as the figure
took a sharp left off the cement path that led to the soccer field
and cut over to the bleachers.

“Where is she going?” Jason wondered out
loud.

“I don’t know,” Kyan said. A devilish smile
broke out on his face. “But I’m going to follow her.” He handed his
gym bag to Jason. “Take this for me.”

“What are you going to do?”

Kyan rubbed his hands together in
anticipation. “I’m not sure. But I’m going to find out what’s going
on once and for all.

CHAPTER 31

JJ had just finished entering a new poem in
her poetry journal when Queenie had called. She reread the words
quickly.

Let’s not beat around the bush, so to speak.

I’m weak.

Heart open, mind bleak.

Thoughts reel. So real.

It’s impossible to hide how I feel.

I wear my heart on my sleeve

On my face.

I’ve never tried to deceive

Or pull an about face.

Don’t think I ever could

Ever would.

Want to?

Sometimes I do.

Sometimes it helps, to relieve in itself

The pain.

When I see the sun

I hope for rain.

I may be stuck at the moment . . .

But it’s just a moment.

A week from now I’ll laugh

At my dramatic, erratic, static feelings.

And I’ll think why?

Why all the fears and misconceptions?

I guess that happens when I lose direction

Or fall off my path.

Somewhere, deep inside

I know I’ll find

Courage, strength, and peace of mind

Put my faith

In time.

And move on.

The poem in its entirety was an affirmation
of sorts, one that would allow her to finally move on from her
thoughts of Kendal. The Dibble Syndrome had hit, only this time she
hadn’t let it take over. Sure, she’d moped around for a week or two
—but that was it. The first time she was struck by the Dibble
Syndrome, Queenie had to help pull her out of the bowels of
depression. This time, JJ had been able to do it all by
herself.

Perspective—this time she had put everything
into perspective: Kendal, stage fright, even basketball. All the
things that had sent her thoughts reeling over the past month
inspired her to write the poem that had just oozed out of her like
sweat from her pores and landed on the page. It made sense, every
word, every rhythmic phrase. It was therapy, only without the
expensive fee charged by an inquisitive stranger sitting across
from her and wearing wire-rimmed glasses.

Queenie had spoken to JJ about perspective
before their first basketball game, and though Queenie could take a
few things in her life a bit more seriously herself, she’d been
right about JJ taking life far too seriously. JJ knew that now. And
now she could accept that part of herself and move forward.

JJ wrote the word perspective at the top of
the poem, closed the journal, and tucked it neatly under her
pillow. Then she threw on some sweatpants and her favorite
sweatshirt. As she reached for her baseball cap, so worn that the
thread on the brim was coming undone, she began to wonder why
Queenie had asked her to come to the school lounge in the first
place.

JJ was even more curious when she spotted
Queenie sitting on a cushioned chair in the corner of the school
lounge that normally was reserved for reading or studying. A
meeting of some sort was taking place, and Queenie looked to be
completely absorbed in the topic at hand. JJ slipped quietly over
to the corner of the room, knocked Queenie’s feet off the small
table that sat beside the chair and sat down on top of it.

“What are you doing?” she whispered.

“Listening,” Queenie whispered back.

“What did you want me to meet you here
for?”

“Shhhhhh.”

They watched together as a tiny, unassuming,
dark-skinned girl, with glasses too big for her face, took the
podium. She spoke about tolerance, or lack thereof, at Sampson and
how it was the responsibility of the Cultural Awareness Society to
help spread understanding and acceptance of all cultures around
campus through activities and school-wide functions.

“And you’re listening to this because—”

“The girl has a point,” Queenie responded
without turning her attention away from the podium. “The lack of
tolerance at this school is downright insulting.”

“You do realize they are talking about
culture and not sexual orientation, right?”

“What’s the difference? It’s all about
acceptance. I’m thinking of making a hefty donation to their cause,
care of the McBride’s. What do you think?”

“Queenie,” JJ said evenly.

“Yeah?”

“Why am I here?”

“Oh, right. I forgot.” Queenie sat up
straight. “You’ll never guess who I just spoke to.”

JJ looked around the room. “A member of the
Cultural Awareness Society, perhaps?”

“Nice try. Care for another guess?”

“I have no idea.”

“You give up too easily.”

“Queenie.”

“None other than THE Kendal McCarthy.”

“What?” JJ stiffened.

“That’s right. I’m talking on my iPhone
outside, waiting for my ride downtown when she suddenly comes out
of nowhere, taps me on the shoulder, and says she needs to talk to
me.”

“What did she say?”

Queenie paused. She pretended to scour the
school lounge to make sure no one else was listening in on their
conversation. When she was satisfied that no other ears were in
sight, she took a deep breath.

“What’s with the theatrics?” JJ asked.

“This is a big deal for me,” Queenie
admitted.

“What is?”

“What I’m about to say. It doesn’t happen too
often.” Queenie closed her eyes. When she reopened them, she took
another deep breath. “Okay. I’ve got two,” she raised three fingers
forcefully in the air. “No, three. I’ve got three words for
you.”

“Which are—?”

“I. Was. Wrong.”

“You were wrong about what?”

“About Kendal.”

JJ stood up. “As much as I appreciate your
confession and the fact that you were even able to get those three
little words out of your mouth, I still don’t understand.”

Queenie opened her mouth to respond and JJ
covered it immediately with her own hand.

“And before you go on rambling like you
sometimes tend to do in these situations, I’d like to make it known
here and now that I am officially over THE Kendal McCarthy once and
for all. So if you plan on trying to convince me that you were
wrong about her for whatever reason, in hopes that I might go speak
to her, save your breath. I don’t know what she promised you in
exchange for your services, and I don’t want to know. Are we
clear?”

Queenie nodded slowly.

“Wonderful,” said JJ. She removed her hand
from Queenie’s mouth. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m heading back
to the dorm. Enjoy the rest of your, uh—cultural awareness meeting
or whatever.”

“She likes you,” Queenie said before JJ could
even take a single step. “And she wants to tell you herself.”

JJ sat down again.

“Are you through acting all high and mighty?”
Queenie asked. “Do I have your attention now?”

JJ didn’t answer. She could only nod.

“Good,” Queenie continued. “Before you go off
on another pride-fueled ‘I’m over her’ rant, you should know that
Miss McCarthy didn’t offer me anything in return for talking to
you. I asked, of course, but the charming cheerleading darling
somehow managed to convince me to do this out of pure goodwill. The
nerve of some people.”

Queenie sat back and swung a leg over the arm
of the chair.

“What I was about to tell you before you so
rudely shoved your grubby little hand over my mouth was that all
Kendal wants is an opportunity to explain to you what happened. For
some reason, one that I can’t quite put my finger on, she likes
spending time with you. I got the impression that she even missed
you. And she was devastated when you walked out of the gym the
other night without letting her explain her side of the story.”

JJ cleared her throat.

“Basically,” Queenie continued, “what I am
trying to say is that she likes you. And I’m not talking about the
‘I want to be gal pals’ kind of like either. I’m talking ‘like
like.’ The ‘I think about you way too often and it scares me’ kind
of like. And if you get off your high horse and remove the ‘but
I’ve still got my pride’ plugs that you’ve stuck into your ears for
just one second, you might hear her say it for yourself. She’s
waiting for you at her ‘special spot.’”

“She likes me?” JJ asked in wonder. “Did she
actually say that?”

“She didn’t have to,” Queenie said as she
leaned over and snatched the baseball cap off JJ’s head and placed
it backwards on her own head. “It was obvious. I mean, come on!
This is me you’re talking to. Queenie McBride. I can tell when a
girl wants to be more than just friends.”

“I can’t believe this!” JJ yelled. A few
members of the Cultural Awareness Society cast their eyes at her.
“Just when I’m over the girl, you turn around and tell me
this.”

“Funny—this wasn’t the reaction I pictured
you having.”

“No?”

“I was expecting a triumphant roar of some
kind.” Queenie fiddled with the baseball cap. “Man, you’ve got a
small head.”

“I can’t believe this!” JJ yelled again. A
chorus of “Shhhhh’s” fired at her from all directions. She grabbed
her baseball cap back, and slammed it down on her head.

“JJ,” Queenie whispered. “I was wrong about
her. You were right. She’s not like I thought she was. I think she
really cares about you. You have to believe me. I don’t admit to
being wrong for just anybody.”

“I know,” JJ whispered in return. “I
just—maybe I should just leave well enough alone.”

“That’s up to you, my friend. I did my
part.”

“And I appreciate that. I know how hard it is
for you to do things out of the simple kindness of your heart.”

“What can I say?” Queenie stood up and
stretched her long body. “You must be rubbing off on me.” She
watched as the Cultural Awareness Society began to wrap up their
meeting. “I think I’m going to make that donation after all. Then
I’m heading downtown.” She pointed at JJ. “Call me if you need to.
I’ll ditch everyone in a heartbeat to come and pick you up.”

“Thanks,” said JJ, standing up to give
Queenie a semi-hug. Queenie gave her an encouraging nod before she
disappeared out the door. There were three sets of doors to the
school lounge. One set led up the school campus to the dormitories.
Another led down the school campus to the library and dining hall.
And the one in the middle led to the path by the fountain, en route
to the athletic center and the soccer field. In front of the soccer
field were the bleachers and the scorers’ box. And under the
scorers’ box was the special spot where Kendal supposedly was
waiting. All JJ had to do was walk through a set of doors. Walking
through them would be the easy part. The hard part was to choose
which doors.

CHAPTER 32

Kendal sat on the blanket she and JJ had
shared the last time they had been under the scorers’ box together.
Her entire body shivered from the cold or maybe it was the
anticipation, she couldn’t tell.

The flashlight lay on the ground beside her,
casting a dim beam over the blanket. If Queenie had come through
for her, JJ would be there beside her any moment now and she could
finally explain her side of the story. The shuffling of sneakers
against the grass caused her to stand up.

“Well, well, well,” Kyan said smugly as he
emerged from the darkness. “What do we have here?”

Kendal’s sweet smile soured instantly. “What
are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” Kyan
returned, clasping his hands together and blowing hot air between
them. “It’s cold out here.” He approached the blanket.

“That seat is reserved for someone else,”
Kendal told him at once. She crossed her arms in frustration. “How
did you even find me?”

“I followed you,” Kyan said as he sat down on
the blanket despite Kendal’s protest. “Nice little set up you got
here. Perfect for a secret rendezvous, eh?”

“That’s none of your business,” said Kendal
as she scanned the darkness, worried that JJ would arrive at any
second. “Please, just go.”

“Why? Who is this person you are so eagerly
waiting for?”

“Why do you care?”

“I care because you stood me up not so long
ago and I’m curious to know why. We have so much in common. We’d
make a great couple.” He winked at her. “Think about it. We could
take this school by storm.”

“Look,” Kendal spat. “I apologize for
standing you up. But I specifically said I was meeting you as a
friend that night and nothing more.”

“Some friends come with benefits.”

Kendal pointed a hard finger at him, “You
just can’t take no for an answer. Don’t you get it? I don’t like
you. I’ve never even entertained the thought. The only reason I
even agreed to go to that stupid party in the first place was
because Christine begged me to go. And in the end, I found a much
better way to spend my night.”