The Truth About Faking (29 page)

He exhales deeply before looking away at the creek again. “I hate this place,” he says.

I don’t know what to say. I’ve never heard anyone say they hate Shadow Falls. Everyone I know loves it here. It’s so clean and safe, with sidewalks and streetlights. And the adults are always saying how our neighborhoods are so well-manicured, and even though some of the newer residents in Shadow Creek have house alarms, it’s mainly for show. Ours is the kind of town where you can leave houses and cars unlocked most anytime and nothing will happen. People are always moving here to get away from whatever bothers them about the city, and they all agree it’s perfect. At least, it’s always seemed perfect before.

“
What will you do?” I ask softly.

He shrugs. “Tell my mom.”

“
You will? Are you scared?”

“
Not as scared as I was to tell you.”

“
Why were you scared of me?”

“
I don’t know.” He looks back at me. “You were always so nice to me. I guess I thought if you couldn’t take it, nobody could.”

I look down. It’s the second time he’s said that, and I have to come clean.

“
I wanted us to be together,” I mumble. “Like boyfriend and girlfriend. That’s why I acted that way.”

“
I know,” he smiles. “Ricky told me.”

My jaw drops. “Ricky told you?”

“
Yeah. He really wanted me to tell you the truth that first night.”

I think about Ricky and Trent at his house that afternoon. Then I remember his sad eyes when we talked about Ricky being gone.

“
Were you and Ricky…” I hesitate. “Together?”

 
Trent smiles and his cheeks turn a little pink. “No,” he says. “He’s too old.”

“
He’s not that old,” I say. Shelly had a crush on Ricky. Then again, Shelly’s had a crush on almost every guy.

“
Well, he says he is.” I watch Trent pull a blade of grass.

I can’t believe it. All this time I thought Ricky was
Dad’s
big rival. “So you wanted to date him?”

Trent shrugs. Then he shakes his head. “I guess he’s right,” he says. “There’s no way. But I liked talking to him. It made me feel… not so alone.”

I frown at that. I don’t want him to feel alone. I want to help him. He’s trusted me and we’re friends now, but I don’t know what I can do. He’s right about being different. No matter what the grownups say, people do put you in boxes and label you. And they do gossip and say mean things. And it does matter. Maybe not to everyone, but it will to Trent’s mom. And it will to other parents, to other kids.

He starts to get up. “Well, I’d better do it now,” he says. “Before I change my mind.”

I watch him stand and gaze out at the water one more time.

“
Do you want me to come with you?”

“
No,” he says.

“
You can call me.”

He looks back at me and smiles. “Thanks, Harley.”

I watch him leave and the urge to cry comes over me again. I lean against the tree and wish Jason were here. I want things to be right between us so badly. I want him to put his arms around me and kiss me. I want him to smooth my hair back, and I want to smell his warm, citrusey scent. Then I remember Stephanie, and what she said, how angry he was. I look back at the creek and bite my lip. It cannot end this way. I have to fix this. Operation Get Jason Back is still in effect, and this time it’s not based on a dream or a childhood list or a silly head-injury rescue outside the gym. I know Jason, and I know how it’s been between us. He cares about me, and I care about him. How we feel is real, and I’m not flaking out this time. I’m going to be assertive, and I’m going to win.

Sixteen

Dad’s sermon is on forgiveness. I can’t believe it. I’ve heard him talk about this before, of course. About how choosing not to forgive someone is like putting you and that person in chains. It ties you together and drags you both down, and even if you can’t forget, you can always choose to forgive.

I look at my mom, and think about how good it feels to forgive her. How hopeful I am that things are back on track with us. As usual, she’s looking at Dad like he’s saying the most amazing things, and I’m certain that she’s formulating her own philosophical spin on his sermon. Something they’ll discuss over lunch while I think about everything that happened last night and the night before.

The Doxology comes, and as I sing, I scan the room. Stephanie isn’t here. Trent and his mom aren’t here. Of course, Jason isn’t here. I think about the time I complained to Mom that it never seems like the people who need to hear what Dad is saying are present when he says it. She said something like God knows who’s going to be here before the day even comes. I’d said I wished God paid closer attention to what’s going on in the present.

I sing out the Amen, and on cue everyone stands and surges toward the back doors. I descend from my perch and quietly follow them out. I feel a flicker of hope as I reach the exit remembering last week. Jason was outside waiting by the tree. But he isn’t there today.

I think about him the whole ride home and wonder if I can skip lunch and go see him. But when we get to the house, I see Ricky’s car.

“
I’ve got to get those forms signed for Ricky,” Mom says, reaching for the door handle. “It’ll only take a second and then we can have lunch.”

Dad gets out and goes inside. Mom walks over to the car, and I watch her talking to him. Then she says something, and he gets out and follows her into the house.

He’s alone in the kitchen when I enter. Mom isn’t here, and he’s at the counter looking out the window. He seems relaxed and not at all uncomfortable. It feels like old times, but so much has changed.

I’m happy to see him.

“
Hey, princess.”

“
Hey, Ricky.”

“
You look beautiful as always.”

“
Thanks.” I feel a little embarrassed. That’s what Trent said, and I wonder if the two of them discussed me.

“
I wanted to thank you for what you did,” I say. “For Mom. You were really brave standing up like that. In front of everyone.”

“
It wasn’t that much,” he shrugs. “I’m just glad you told me or I’dve never known.”

We’re quiet again.

“
Your mom’s a really amazing person. I know you don’t get that now, but she is.”

I nod. I get it a little more than he thinks I do.

“
Anyway,” he continues. “It’s like I said. I’m glad you told me. She probably wouldn’t have said a word to me, and I’d have never gotten over it if something bad happened.”

I walk over to the bar and pick up one of the forms he’s brought. It’s his graduation paperwork.

“
It’s been strange not seeing you every day,” I say. “I’ve missed you.”

As I say the words, I realize I mean them very much.

“
Yeah, I’ve missed you, too.” I glance up and he smiles back at me.

“
I talked to Trent,” I say. “He says you were really nice to him.”

“
He’s a sweet kid.” Ricky looks back out the window for a second like he’s remembering something. “It’s hard being that age and going through all that…
stuff
.”

“
He says you told him to tell me right away.”

“
Ho, yeah,” he laughs. “When I realized who he was, I had to get you off the hook. I did not want to see you get hurt like that. Especially after all that concentrated effort.”

“
Thanks,” I say, glancing up at him again. “It’s funny because I guess I knew we weren’t supposed to be together or something.”

“
Yeah? How so?”

“
I don’t know.” I sigh, remembering how much I thought about Jason on my dates with Trent. How much I want to see Jason right now. The nonstop longing that crept in unexpectedly. “There was just… somebody else.”

Ricky grins. “J.J.?”

I bite my lip and look down.

“
It’s okay! The heart knows what it wants.”

I wrinkle my nose. “You sound like a greeting card.”

Ricky laughs. “I’ve been hanging around your mom too long.”

“
No doubt.”

“
Well, I kept texting him possible ways he could tell you,” he says. “But I guess he had to do it in his own time.”

“
That was
you
sending all those texts?”

“
Yeah.” Then he looks surprised. “Did it cause a problem?”

“
Oh!” I shake my head and exhale a laugh. “I couldn’t figure out who kept texting him on our dates is all.” Then I remember how happy Trent was when he got them.

“
I’m sorry,” he says. “I was just trying to be encouraging.”

“
No worries.” I go to sit down at the table. “I mean, it doesn’t even matter now.”

“
I guess not.”

“
He really likes you, you know,” I say. “He says you told him you’re too old.”

He glances at me then, “I am too old, Harley.” His voice is serious.

“
Still, if you like him…”

Ricky walks around the bar and leans against the side closest to where I’m sitting. “You’ve met his mom, right?”

I raise my eyebrows and nod.

“
After all that happened. Then all that stuff with your mom… I could see her happily having me arrested.”

We’re quiet a moment before he speaks again. “Either way, it wouldn’t be right,” he says. “You guys are just kids.”

Just then Mom comes back in the room carrying that silly magnets and menopause book.

“
I’m sorry. I misplaced it,” she says.

“
Thanks.” He puts it in his bag. “Well. I guess this is it!”

“
Yeah,” Mom says. Then she pulls him into a hug. “Keep in touch. And if I can help you with anything, let me know.”

Ricky smiles at her with so much warmth. It’s funny because before I’d interpreted that look as passion. Now I realize it’s something else entirely. He turns to the door, and just like that, Ricky’s gone.

At lunch Mom and Dad are engrossed in their discussion of Dad’s sermon. It’s nice to see them back to normal with each other, as if nothing ever happened. I can’t believe Dad was right about that, but I’m glad.

When I finally finish eating, I run back to my room and grab my phone. I’m not sure if Trent will respond, but I have to try.

U OK?
I text.

After a few seconds, I get his answer.

Yes.

How’d it go?

Not gr8. Not bad.

What now?

Leaving SF.

What?

Moving to G’ville.

No! :(

Yes! :)

Really?

Yes. Big :) Hate SF.

I know. :| Talk soon?

OK.

I lie back on my bed and breathe. I don’t even realize I’m tired, but when I open my eyes again, the sun’s going down. I jump up and grab my phone. I meant to do this earlier.

You there?
I text.

I wait several seconds. Nothing.

I don’t know if he’ll respond after last night or what he’ll even say, but I have to try. I need to see him. I can’t wait any longer. Not one more second. Finally my phone whistles.

What up?

Crk?

Hmm.

Pls?

OK.

It takes less than five minutes to get there. I ditch my bike at the road and run to where he’s standing by our tree on the bank. I only half-notice his car parked nearby.

“
Jason,” I pant when I finally reach him. He just stands there, watching me as I catch my breath. My heart’s thrumming.

“
Sorry I didn’t make it for church,” he says. “I kind of needed to sleep a little longer this morning.”

“
The head?” I ask.

He shrugs. “Somebody was a little hung over today.”

“
You really are a bad influence,” I smile.

“
I try not to be.”

“
You’ll have to try harder.”

I’m finally breathing normally again, but this small talk has to stop. I want him to kiss me. I take a step closer, but he doesn’t respond. He either isn’t getting the hint or he’s decided to make me work for it, which I guess is only fair after how hard I made him work.

“
So why’d you want to meet?” He asks, sliding his hands into his pockets. I watch him thinking how those hands need to be out of those pockets and pulling me close to him.

“
Well, I was thinking,” I hesitate. I know why I wanted to see him, but my carefully planned speech has gone out of my head at the sight of him.

“
What?” he asks.

I look around. He isn’t making it easier for me. “So how about that,” I start. “With Trent, I mean.”

He shrugs. “No biggie,” he says. Then he looks at me a second. “I guess that makes me, what? The consolation prize?”

“
No! I wasn’t thinking that at all,” I say, reaching for his arm. “I wanted to see you the other night at David’s party. I want you to…”

But he catches my hand and holds it back. “Uh uh,” he says. My stomach clenches.

He shakes his head. “I’m not here for that.”

“
But… I was hoping—”

“
I’m not some yo-yo, Harley.”

“
I know you’re not, but I just thought—”

“
That I’d be waiting for you? Just like always?”

I look down and shrug. “I guess.” My eyes are starting to burn again, and I’m afraid I might cry.

“
I’m sorry your plans with Trent didn’t work out.”

I hesitate too long fighting tears, and he frowns, turning to go. “Like I said, no more games.”

Then I remember the party. “But what about Stephanie? I mean, I don’t understand. Why her?”

It’s a dumb question. Anyone can see why guys want to date Stephanie, but Jason knows about me and her.