The Truth About You (21 page)

‘I’ve heard from Tierney,’ Lainey said into Tom’s voicemail. ‘Apparently she left her phone at a friend’s, so she’s OK. She’s not thrilled about you being away again though, so I think you should speak to her.’

As she rang off she wandered outside to wave Nadia off, and as the car disappeared around the corner of the house she stood staring at the garden, wondering if they would ever enjoy it as a happy family again.

Hearing the phone ringing, she turned back inside.

‘It’s me,’ Tom announced when she answered. ‘What exactly have you told Tierney?’

Bristling, Lainey said, ‘I haven’t told her anything, why?’

‘She’s just accused me of having an affair,’ he said tightly, ‘and that could only have come from you.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous. She’s got her own imagination, and it doesn’t take much to leap to that kind of conclusion when you’re away so much. She’s scared, and this was her way of testing you. So what did you tell her?’

‘That it was nonsense, of course. What did you think I was going to say?’

‘Well, I’d hope you wouldn’t break it to her on the phone, but obviously you do need to tell her.’

‘Of course. I’d hoped we could do it together.’

She could already feel herself reeling away from it. ‘If I agree to it, it’ll be for Tierney, not for you,’ she told him.

His silence was as cold as the dread in her heart. ‘I’ll let you know when I’m coming,’ he retorted, and with that the line went dead.

Sitting down at the table she pressed her hands to her head, hardly knowing what to do with herself, where to turn or who to talk to. She knew Stacy would come soon, but right at this moment she was feeling such an urgent longing for her mother that she thought she might go mad.

‘The woman’s got cancer, Lainey,’ she could almost hear her saying, ‘so what do you expect him to do, just abandon her?’

Surely Kirsten had other family who could take care of her, but even if she did, it wouldn’t be the same for Julia as having her father around, knowing he was there to make things as right for her mother as he could.

It wasn’t as if she wanted to take him away from Julia, though actually she probably did, but even if she could, how would she feel then, knowing the child was trying to cope on her own? If anything Julia needed her help too, but it wasn’t likely that Kirsten would want that. Nor did she, really.

She just wanted Tom.

‘Are you sure you want a man who’s apparently been cheating on you all your married life?’ she could hear her mother saying. A man, she added to herself, who never tells you he loves you? She guessed she now knew why he didn’t, and the truth of it hurt so much that she couldn’t prevent herself from breaking down.

It had all been a sham. She’d never mattered as much to him as he had to her, and now she was losing him to the woman he’d really loved. How was she going to bear it? She couldn’t even begin to think of her life without him, while he was probably desperate to find a way to be with Kirsten for good. How scared he must be of what she was going through. He’d be asking himself all the time if she was going to make it, and no doubt punishing himself for not marrying her when he should have, sixteen years ago.

Suddenly realising that Sherman was barking, Lainey pulled herself together to go and see to her father.

Finding him standing at his bedroom window, staring out at the twilight, she put an arm around him and rested her head on his shoulder. ‘Are you OK?’ she whispered. ‘Did something disturb you?’

It was a while before he answered, but it wasn’t easy to make out what he was saying. It didn’t matter, he was calm, and simply being with him was calming her too.

‘Do you know where Mummy is?’ he murmured softly. ‘Can you see her, Lainey?’

Wishing she could, even if it was only to prove that the impossible could happen, Lainey said, ‘I wish I could, Daddy. Can you?’

He didn’t answer, only rested his head on hers and patted her hand.

‘
WHAT THE HELL’S
up with him?’ Tierney muttered the following morning, watching Max leap into his car and roar off across the gravel, before veering up on to the grassy bank and all but losing control of the steering as he left the house.

Keeping her tone even, Lainey said, ‘Dad’s been having a chat with him . . .’

‘Oh God, they are so immature,’ Tierney broke in irritably. ‘What does Max have to do to please Dad? He’s got a job now. Oh no, don’t tell me he’s been fired already.’

‘No, he’s not due in until twelve today.’ Lainey glanced down the hall to where Tom was emerging from the annexe. He’d rung while she was collecting Tierney from the station to let her know he was at the house and about to speak to Max. The call had left her feeling so wretched that she’d had a terrible struggle hiding it from Tierney. She just didn’t know how she was going to face her family being torn apart by the person they all loved so much.

Now she was feeling bad for not having been there to offer Max some support, since his relationship with his father was already troubled enough. It might have helped him to feel a little less alone in the betrayal if she’d provided a silent reminder that she was as affected by this as he was. Except how could that possibly help anyone?

‘Aren’t you going to open your present from Nadia?’ she said to Tierney, whose holdall was spilling over the floor as she tugged out her washing.

Presuming Tierney hadn’t heard as she went to dump her clothes in the machine, Lainey repeated the question.

‘OK, don’t keep on,’ Tierney snapped. ‘I’ll open it in a minute, all right? I’m trying to do this now. If I don’t you’ll just go on and on, nag, nag, nag. It’s all you ever do. I wish I hadn’t bothered to come back now.’

Finding herself wishing the same, Lainey swung the holdall up on to a counter top and was about to zip it back up again when a dress she hadn’t seen before caught her eye.

‘Wow!’ she said, taking it out. ‘This is pretty. Did you get it . . .’

‘What are you doing, snooping in my bag?’ Tierney seethed, snatching the dress away.

‘For heaven’s sake, I was just saying how nice it is. What’s put you in such a bad mood?’ A stroppy Tierney really wasn’t what she needed this morning, in fact it was so far from what she could take after a near sleepless night that she feared for her rapidly vanishing self-control.

‘I’m not in a bad mood, I’m just saying, that’s all. God, what is it about everyone in this house? I can’t do anything without someone having a go . . .’

‘Oh shut up,’ Lainey snapped.

Tierney’s eyes narrowed dangerously, but for once she didn’t answer back, simply slung the bag over her shoulder, picked up her phone and turned to leave.

‘What about the present?’ Lainey urged. ‘You can’t usually wait to open gifts from Nadia . . .’

Letting her bag drop to the floor, Tierney sighed irritably as she seized the prettily wrapped package as if it were some kind of punishment.

As Lainey watched her loosening the ribbon and peeling back the paper, she was experiencing an uneasy sense of disconnect from the people she loved. Tom and Tierney were both behaving like strangers; her father was in another world, her mother had gone and was never coming back. . . . What was happening to her life? How was she supposed to go forward from here when she no longer knew where here was?

Shaking herself as Tierney opened a designer box to reveal the most beautiful gold-tone bangle, she said, ‘Wow. Can I see it?’

Saying nothing, Tierney shoved the box and bangle across the bar.

Frowning, Lainey asked, ‘Tierney, what’s the matter with you? This is a
Chloe
bangle. Apart from being lovely, it probably cost a small fortune and it’s a really thoughtful gift.’

Tierney’s face was pinched, her irritation clearly mounting as she replied, ‘Yeah, all right, it’s lovely. What else do you want me to say?’

‘Aren’t you going to try it on?’

‘Not right now.’

‘Then how about texting Nadia to say thank you?’

‘I’ll do it when I get upstairs, OK? Why are you having a go at me? Just because I don’t want to put it on now doesn’t mean I’m not grateful. Honest to God, you’re so in my face all the time . . .’

‘Tierney.’ Tom had entered. ‘Don’t speak to your mother like that.’

‘Oh, so everyone’s going to have a go at me now!’ Tierney cried, throwing out her hands. ‘Great! Go for it. It’s so lovely to be home –
not
.’

Drawing her into an embrace, Tom said, ‘Shall we try to calm things down a little?’

As Tierney’s arms went round him Lainey’s heart turned inside out. What kind of relationship did he have with Julia? Were they as close as he was with Tierney?

‘No one’s having a go at you,’ he was saying, ‘but I’ve no doubt Nadia put a lot of thought into that present . . .’

‘And that’s my fault? I didn’t ask her to.’

‘That’s hardly the point, and you know it. So come on, what’s eating you? Why are you so grumpy today?’

‘I’m not, or I wasn’t until
she
got on my case.’

‘All right, that’s enough,’ Tom said, keeping an arm round her as she started to sob. ‘Why don’t you take your things upstairs and come back down when you’re ready? There’s something I need to discuss with you, and I’d rather you’d calmed down a bit before I get started.’

Apprehension instantly shone in Tierney’s eyes. She turned in panic to her mother.

‘It’s OK,’ Lainey told her, knowing it was anything but. ‘Go on up now, or would you like me to come with you?’

Tierney seemed unsure.

Picking up the present and her phone, Lainey started to lead the way, but came to a stop as Tierney shouted, ‘No, it’s OK, I can go on my own,’ and brushing past her mother she charged along the hall and up the stairs.

For several moments Lainey and Tom stood listening to her footsteps, the slam of her door and the abrupt start of her music. Lainey was no more sure of what was going on in her mind now than she was of what might be in Tom’s. She only knew that once again it felt as though everything was spiralling out of control and she had no idea what to do to bring it back.

In the end she was the first to move, going to pour herself a coffee. After the hours she’d spent awake in the night going over and over what she wanted to say to Tom, the reasoning, the pleading, the utter despair, she seemed unable now to summon anything more than, ‘Would you like one?’

Looking round to find out what she was offering, he said, ‘Thanks,’ and pulling out a stool to sit the other side of the bar, he buried his face in his hands.

‘Just in case you’re in any doubt,’ she began, ‘I want you to know that I treasure our marriage, our children, our life together more than anything. It means the world to me, because I love you, or I did before I found out . . .’

As her voice faltered he said, ‘You surely can’t think you mean any less to me . . .’

‘Actually, that is what I think, because I know I’d never be able to do to you what you’ve done to me.’

His eyes were fixed harshly on hers. ‘You just don’t get it, do you?’ he said. ‘You just can’t see . . .’ He broke off as the landline rang, but neither of them made a move to get it.

His eyes were still on hers and she began to feel as though she was drowning.

As though sensing it, he reached for her and pulled her into his arms. She shook as she sobbed, dryly. She needed him to go on holding her like this, to tell her that everything was going to be all right, that he would stay if it was what she wanted. It was, more than anything, but only if he wanted it too.

‘I’m sorry,’ he murmured, ‘I’m so sorry, I just need to get her through this chemo . . .’

‘But how long’s that going to be?’

‘A few more weeks, then we can . . .’

‘About time you made up,’ Tierney commented, coming into the kitchen. ‘It was going on just a bit too long, if you ask me.’

Tom’s tone was ironic as he said, ‘I don’t recall that anyone did, but thanks for your opinion.’

Tierney slanted him one of her more surly looks.

At least she seems in a better mood now, Lainey was thinking. She’s probably made up with Skye after some teenage row, or the time of the month blues were passing.

‘So where are we going for my birthday dinner?’ Tierney demanded, going to the fridge. ‘Is it tonight, or tomorrow? I need to know so I can tell Maudie when she can come over.’

Lainey tensed as she looked at Tom. He surely wasn’t going to let Tierney down over this.

‘Well, now you’re back we’ll go tonight if you like,’ he answered in as cheery a voice as he could muster.

Realising he’d probably intended to return to Kirsten this afternoon, Lainey moved away, furious that he could even consider leaving the house so soon after telling Tierney about his other life.

‘So, what’s the lecture about?’ Tierney asked, going to plonk herself in her father’s chair at the table.

Tom frowned.

‘You said just now that you wanted to talk to me,’ Tierney reminded him. ‘So here I am.’

He glanced at Lainey, who gave a brief shake of her head. If they were taking Tierney out to dinner tonight she didn’t want the occasion spoiled by his news. It would just have to wait.

‘OK, if you’ve changed your minds that’s cool by me,’ Tierney was saying. ‘So where shall we go tonight? I was thinking about the pub we went to for Stacy’s birthday.’

Leaving them to discuss it, Lainey ran upstairs to get her father ready for his visit to Age Concern, already wondering if Tom would stay the night or drive back to Kirsten in the early hours. She had to find a way to make him stay, but if even if he did, how was she going to feel knowing that he’d rather be somewhere else? She couldn’t even be sure he’d sleep in their bed, or that she actually wanted him to. Of course she did, she simply couldn’t bear the thought that they might never make love again, but on the other hand, if they did, how was she going to feel when he left in the morning?

Finding her father dozing in his chair, a photograph of her mother lying in his lap, she picked it up and felt more tears tightening her throat as she gazed into Alessandra’s beautiful eyes. She tried to imagine what she might say to her now, but there were no answers in the silence, no advice she could call on. There was only the fact that she was going to Italy, and that her mother would have strongly disapproved.