The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus (6 page)

I have one inner lip that’s much bigger than the other, and I used to be really upset and embarrassed about it. But none of my lovers seem to notice or care, and since they don’t, neither do I anymore.

These kissable inner lips meet in two corners, just like the ones we usually think about kissing. The outer edges of each inner lip meet toward the anus at the perineum (the wall separating the vaginal canal and anus), and also toward the pubic bone, where they form a protective covering over the sensitive clitoris.

Illustration 4. Internal Anatomy (Front View)

The Clitoris

It stands to reason that a good amount of any oral effort is going to be focused on the clitoris, or very near it. Why? Because it’s richly endowed with nerve endings that, when stimulated, send trumpeting messages of pleasure to the brain—according to Rebecca Chalker’s
The Clitoral Truth
, eight thousand nerve endings, to be precise. It contains more nerve endings than any other part of the human body, male or female, more than the fingertips, tongue, anus—and, alas, twice as many as the entire penis.

Interestingly, this intense little mistress has only one job, one function in a body full of organs that perform up to five hundred different tasks a day: to provide pleasure. No river runs through it; the clitoris traffics neither urine nor sperm. Its impracticality is ludicrous, laughable, luscious. For most women, stimulation of the clitoris is essential to orgasm. The clitoris is often referred to as the “powerhouse of orgasm,” and though it delivers pleasure pure of purpose, touching it directly is almost painful. Luckily, the clitoris is shrouded by the clitoral hood, a little nub analogous to the foreskin on a man. It both protects the clitoris and diffuses the sensations of touching it; even so, some women find that having their clitoral hood touched is too intense and prefer indirect clitoral stimulation, or stimulation by way of the vulva.

The top corner of the inner lips (which meet in the direction of our art model’s mons) comes to an “A” shape underneath a skintight jacket of flesh covering the protruding tip of the clitoris, or glans. Though this word sounds like
gland,
the slightly bulbous, spade-shaped head of the clitoral shaft isn’t a gland at all.
Glans
means “a small, round mass or body” and “tissue that can swell or harden,” and both definitions are accurate, as we shall soon see.

The shaft of the clitoris is the portion that runs from the bottom of the inner labia’s A-frame housing to the tip of the glans (the bottom edges of the A being the lower boundary of the visible portion of the clitoris). The entire covering, the clitoris’s whole house, is called the hood. This protective covering encompasses the shaft in its A shape, and hoods can range in appearance from fleshy and full to barely there. Sometimes all it takes to expose the tip is pulling back the hood; or it may not become visible until she’s aroused. The glans is nestled in the hood and comes in a medley of sizes, from the size of a pen tip to larger than a fingertip. Revisiting the locker room, sensitivity has nothing to do with size, and you won’t find women at the gym with towels draped over shoulders comparing sizes.

My girlfriend’s clit is the biggest I’ve ever seen. She’s self-conscious about it, but I love it.

Beneath the Surface

The area of the clitoris is far larger than described in conventional anatomy texts and most sex guides. The external tip, or glans, is really the tip of the iceberg—and if you know icebergs, they’re like upside-down pyramids, and underestimating one can sink your ship. The glans begins at one end of the shaft and continues under the surface to where the other end connects to the suspensory ligament at the pubic mound. The shaft, like the glans, is very sensitive and responds pleasurably to stimulation. At the shaft’s connection to the suspensory ligament, the clitoris spans out underneath the vulva alongside the vaginal opening in a wishbone shape, forming two legs, or crura, whose underground real estate extends all the way to the back forty of the perineum. It seems that our gal clitoris quietly became a real estate tycoon—albeit one drunk on pleasure.

Illustration 5. Internal Anatomy (Side View)

The area occupied by the clitoris and crura is actually a complex clitoral system. The connecting nerves, tissues, muscles, and ligaments all react and engage with one another when lust comes a-callin’. The clitoris, the area underneath the inner and outer lips, the ring around the urethra (where urine leaves the body), and the wall of the perineum all contain erectile tissues that fill with blood and swell upon arousal—sometimes noticeably, sometimes not. Several layers of muscles line the pelvic floor, connecting the clitoris to the erectile tissues. An oval-shaped muscle of erectile tissue surrounds the inner lips and clitoris, where the vagina and urethra pass through it, and connects to another oval that surrounds the anal sphincter muscle, encircling the anus. This “figure eight” helps explain why anal penetration feels good.

The Sexual Response Cycle

I think part of what made the experience unpleasurable early on was not understanding the vulva and not knowing what to do.

Should our imaginary model become sexually aroused, her senses and her genitals would shift from the everyday to the superreal. Pleasure becomes a priority, and her entire body begins to respond physically to the chemicals and hormones flooding from brain to bloodstream. Her body begins moving in an unconscious symphony to the directions of an invisible conductor; blood rushes to the pelvis, filling the erectile tissues, and nerve cells in the genitals become excited. Her breasts increase slightly in size, and stimulation of the nipples may become desirable, because it causes production of the hormone oxytocin, which is generated during sexual stimulation and causes tingling sensations in the genitals. The skin on various parts of her body become hypersensitive, and her genitals flush and deepen in color.

The erectile tissue in a woman’s genitals is analogous to the erectile tissue in the penis, and it, too, swells when aroused. However, unlike in a penis, there are no muscles that compress the blood flow to retain stiffness, and perhaps that is where we women get our capacity for multiple orgasms.

During arousal, erection pushes the glans forward, and it may poke out from under the hood. The legs stiffen, elongate, and swell, expanding both inner and outer labia. In some women, this swelling is very visible, while in others it may not be visible at all or may be felt only with a sensitive fingertip. The clitoral shaft itself is a round segment of erectile tissue, and during arousal you can roll your finger back and forth just above the glans to feel it. In most instances, you’ll be able to feel a ridge one-quarter inch to one inch long, similar to a soda straw or a tight rubber band, which rises toward the pubic bone. You might also be able to feel where it bends sharply and divides into the legs of the crura.

Inside the inner lips there are two tiny ducts connected to two tiny glands called the vulviovaginal glands, which produce a few drops of thick fluid during arousal. This contributes to, but does not compose entirely, vaginal lubrication during the sexual response cycle. Pressure from dilated clitoral blood vessels inside the vagina during arousal forces clear fluid through the walls of the vagina, which is where the majority of vaginal lubrication comes from. However, lubrication is not a reliable means by which to measure arousal. A woman can be lubricated yet unaroused and can just as easily be chomping at the bit for sex and have a dry vulva. Lubrication varies depending on mood, stress, where a woman is in her menstrual cycle, whether she’s experienced menopause, medications and antihistamines she is taking, and any number of other factors.

I couldn’t believe how dry I was after menopause, and I kept thinking I’d get wet when my husband went down on me. We had to start using lube, and it feels so good now I wish we’d tried it before I dried out.

As arousal heightens, all the muscles and ligaments begin to contract, creating a delightful tension. The suspensory ligament shortens and pulls the glans inward, toward the pubic bone, and it remains beneath the hood until orgasm. The end of the round ligament tugs on the inner lips at one end and the uterus on the other, creating more pleasure and involving the uterus in the orgasmic process.

At this point, muscle tension is building: the clitoral tissues and perineum are hypersensitive, as is the skin on the face, neck, abdomen, buttocks, hands, and feet. Blood pressure and heart rate are increased. Her entire body is awash in sexual chemicals, and this potent cocktail is making blues bluer and lights brighter, all while sending messages of “more, more!” At the peak, muscular tension explodes in a series of short, rhythmic contractions. The walls of the vagina, and all the muscles on the pelvic floor, contract strongly and rhythmically, causing intense pleasure. This is orgasm, the standing ovation of the clitoral system, and with collaboration between brain and body, a woman can have several, or even several different kinds.

It’s sexy to see her get off. Her labia get all fat and red with blood and her face flushes and it drives me crazy! It’s probably my favorite thing.

The G-spot and Ejaculation

There’s nothing better than coming in the face of your loved one.

Both women and men have an identical ring of spongy erectile tissue surrounding the urethra (where urine leaves the body). Located inside the vagina, the urethra is a tube about two inches long, running from the bladder to the urethral opening. This ring of tissue—the famed G-spot—is located on the front wall of the vagina, toward the belly button, roughly two inches inside. It is an integral part of the clitoral system.

When a woman is unaroused, the sponge is relaxed and difficult to feel. But during arousal, the sponge swells and hardens, and it can be touched by inserting a finger and stroking with a “come hither” motion. Some women find that once this sponge is firm with arousal, touch and vibration are delightful, while others dislike the sensation altogether. Often the discomfort stems from an urgent feeling of having to pee, which can be too intense for enjoyment, and some women find it puts a damper on their arousal. However, according to women who flush and glow with happiness at the mere mention of the G-spot, the sensation of bladder urgency is false and just a gateway to your mind-numbing G-spot orgasm. Different strokes for different folks, I say; follow the rules of what feels good.

During orgasm, some women ejaculate a clear fluid from the urethral sponge. Embedded in the G-spot’s spongy erectile tissue are up to thirty or more tiny prostate-like glands that produce an alkaline fluid similar to male prostatic fluid. These glands are referred to as periurethral glands, and they are credited as the source of female ejaculation. Some women and their partners find ejaculation very exciting, while others (or their lovers) may be alarmed. If you (or your female partner) ejaculates and you feel uncomfortable about it, just remember that something that felt really good was happening—so good that you woke up the urethral sponge, and it wanted to feel good, too.

Some women ejaculate a little (a few teaspoons of fluid), and some women ejaculate a lot (up to a cup or more). When you know you’re going to be giving her head and she’s prone to ejaculation, think about what you plan to do when she comes—because she’s going to come on (and in) your mouth. If it’s something you’re just not sure about, or you don’t find it erotic, let her know before you begin cunnilingus. Tell her that you’d like her to give you a tap on the head right before she’s about to come, so that you can discreetly move your hand in front of your face when she begins to gush. However, the problem with this is that you’ll have to stop any licking you were doing—so to avoid interrupting her orgasm, plan on replacing the stimulation your mouth was providing with either your fingers or a sex toy. An interruption on the verge of orgasm could be very disappointing; be sure to have your toy and technique planned ahead of time so you don’t miss a beat.