The Unconsoled (3 page)

Then after a few more minutes I felt my weariness engulfing me and decided there was little point in worrying myself further until I had had a little sleep. Indeed, I knew well from experience how much clearer things became after a rest. I could then go and find Miss Stratmann, explain to her about the misunderstanding, obtain a copy of my schedule and have her clarify whatever points needed clarifying.

I was just starting to doze off when something suddenly made me open my eyes again and stare up at the ceiling. I went on scrutinising the ceiling for some time, then sat up on the bed and looked around, the sense of recognition growing stronger by the second. The room I was now in, I realised, was the very room that had served as my bedroom during the two years my parents and I had lived at my aunt's house on the borders of England and Wales. I looked again around the room, then, lowering myself back down, stared once more at the ceiling. It had been recently re-plastered and re-painted, its dimensions had been enlarged, the cornices had been removed, the decorations around the light fitting had been entirely altered. But it was unmistakably the same ceiling I had so often stared up at from my narrow creaking bed of those days.

I rolled over onto my side and looked down at the floor beside the bed. The hotel had provided a dark rug just where my feet would land. I could remember how once that same area of floor had been covered by a worn green mat, where several times a week I would set out in careful formations my plastic soldiers -over a hundred in all - which I had kept in two biscuit tins. I reached down a hand and let my fingers brush against the hotel rug, and as I did so a memory came back to me of one afternoon when I had been lost within my world of plastic soldiers and a furious row had broken out downstairs. The ferocity of the voices had been such that, even as a child of six or seven, I had realised this to be no ordinary row. But I had told myself it was nothing and, resting my cheek back down on the green mat, had continued with my battle plans. Near the centre of that green mat had been a torn patch that had always been a source of much irritation to me. But that afternoon, as the voices raged on downstairs, it had occurred to me for the first time that this tear could be used as a sort of bush terrain for my soldiers to cross. This discovery - that the blemish that had always threatened to undermine my imaginary world could in fact be incorporated into it -had been one of some excitement for me, and that 'bush' was to become a key factor in many of the battles I subsequently orchestrated.

All this came back to me as I continued to stare up at the ceiling. Of course, I remained highly conscious of how all around the room features had been altered or removed. Nevertheless, the realisation that after all this time I was once more back in my old childhood sanctuary caused a profound feeling of peace to come over me. I closed my eyes and for a moment it was as though I were once more surrounded by all those old items of furniture. In the far corner to my right, the tall white wardrobe with the broken door knob. My aunt's painting of Salisbury Cathedral on the wall above my head. The bedside cabinet with its two small drawers filled with my little treasures and secrets. All the tensions of the day - the long flight, the confusions over my schedule, Gustav's problems - seemed to fall away and I felt myself sliding into a deep and exhausted sleep.

2

When I was roused by the bedside telephone, I had the impression it had been ringing for some time. I picked up the receiver and a voice said:

'Hello? Mr Ryder?'

'Yes, hello.'

'Ah, Mr Ryder. This is Mr Hoffman speaking. The hotel manager.'

'Ah yes. How do you do.'

'Mr Ryder, we're so extremely pleased to have you with us at last. You're very welcome here.'

'Thank you.'

'Very welcome indeed, sir. Please don't worry at all about your delayed arrival. As I believe Miss Stratmann told you, everyone present understood perfectly. After all, when one has the distances you have to cover, and with so many engagements around the world - ha ha! - such things are sometimes inevitable.'

'But…'

'No, really, sir, there's no need to utter another word on the matter. All the ladies and gentlemen, as I say, were very understanding. So let us put the matter behind us. The important thing is that you are here. And for that alone, Mr Ryder, our gratitude to you is unmeasurable.'

'Well, thank you, Mr Hoffman.'

'Now, sir, if you aren't too busy just now, I would very much like at last to greet you face to face. Extend to you my personal welcome to our town and to this hotel.'

'That's very kind of you,' I said. 'But just now I'm taking a short nap…'

'A short nap?' There was a flash of irritation in the voice. The next moment the geniality had returned completely. 'Why, of course, of course. You must be very tired. You've come such a long way. So then, let us say, whenever you are ready.'

'I'll look forward to meeting you, Mr Hoffman. No doubt, I'll be down before long.'

'Please come absolutely in your own time. For my part, I shall continue to wait here - that is, down here in the lobby - however long you care to take. So please don't hurry at all.'

I thought about this for a moment. Then I said: 'But Mr Hoffman, you must have so many other things to do.'

'True, this is a very busy part of the day. But for you, Mr Ryder, I will happily wait here for as long as necessary.'

'Please, Mr Hoffman, don't waste your valuable time on my account. I'll be down presently and then I'll come and find you.'

'Mr Ryder, it's no bother at all. In fact, I'll be honoured to wait here for you. So as I say, come entirely in your own time. I assure you, I will remain standing here until you arrive.'

I thanked him again and put down the receiver. Sitting up, I looked around me and guessed from the light that it was now the late afternoon. I felt more tired than ever, but there seemed little option other than to go down to the lobby. I got to my feet, went to one of my suitcases and found a less crumpled jacket than the one I was still wearing. As I was changing into it, a strong craving came over me for some coffee and I left my room a few moments later with something approaching urgency.

I emerged from the elevator to find the lobby far livelier than before. All around me, guests were lounging in armchairs, leafing through newspapers or chatting together over cups of coffee. Near the reception desk several Japanese people were greeting one another with much jollity. I was slightly bemused by this transformation and did not notice the hotel manager until he had come right up to me.

He was in his fifties, and was larger and heavier than I had imagined from the voice on the phone. He offered me his hand, beaming broadly. As he did so, I noticed he was short of breath and that his forehead was lightly coated with sweat.

As we shook hands, he repeated several times what an honour my presence represented for the town and for his hotel in particular. Then he leaned forward and said with a confiding air: 'And let me assure you, sir, all the arrangements for Thursday night are in hand. There really is nothing you need worry about.'

I waited for him to say more, but when he merely went on smiling, I said: 'Well, that's good to hear.'

'No, sir, there really is nothing to worry about.'

There was an awkward pause. After a moment, Hoffman seemed about to say something else, but then stopped himself, gave a laugh and hit me lightly on the shoulder - a gesture I thought unduly familiar. Finally he said: 'Mr Ryder, if there is anything I can do to make your stay here more comfortable, please let me know without delay.'

'You're very kind.'

There was another pause. Then he laughed again, shook his head a little and once more hit me on the shoulder.

'Mr Hoffman,' I said, 'was there perhaps something in particular you wished to speak to me about?'

'Oh, nothing in particular, Mr Ryder. I just wished to greet you and make sure everything was to your satisfaction.' Then suddenly he gave an exclamation. 'Of course. Now you mention it, yes, there was something. But it was merely a small matter.' Yet again, he shook his head and laughed. Then he said: 'It's to do with my wife's albums.'

'Your wife's albums?'

'My wife, Mr Ryder, is a very cultured woman. Naturally she's a great admirer of yours. In fact she has followed your career with close interest and for some years has been collecting press cuttings about you.'

'Really? How very good of her.'

'In fact, she has compiled two albums of cuttings entirely devoted to you. The entries have been arranged chronologically and date back many years. Let me come to the point. It has always been my wife's great hope that you would one day peruse these albums for yourself. The news that you were to visit our town naturally gave new life to this hope. Nevertheless she knew how busy you would be here and was insistent you should not be bothered on her account. But I could see what she secretly hoped, and so I promised her I would at least raise the matter with you. If you could find even a minute just to cast an eye over them, you have no idea what it would mean to her.'

'You must convey my gratitude to your wife, Mr Hoffman. I shall be very happy to look at her albums.'

'Mr Ryder, that's very good of you! Very good of you indeed! As a matter of fact, I did bring the albums here to the hotel in readiness. But I can guess how busy you must be.'

'I do have quite a busy schedule. However, I'm sure I'll be able to find some time for your wife's albums.'

'How very good of you, Mr Ryder! But let me stress, the last thing I wish to do is put extra pressure on you. So let me make a suggestion. I will wait for you to indicate when you are ready to inspect the albums. Until you do so, I won't bother you. Any time, night or day, when you feel the moment is right, please come and find me. I am usually to be found quite easily and I don't leave the premises until late. I shall stop whatever it is I'm doing and go and fetch the albums. I'd feel much happier leaving it on such a basis. Really, I couldn't bear to think I was adding further pressure to your schedule.'

'That's very considerate of you, Mr Hoffman.'

'Actually it occurs to me, Mr Ryder. Over the coming days I may give the appearance of being frantically busy. But I would like you to understand, I shall never be too busy to attend to this matter. So even if I look very preoccupied, please don't be put off.'

'Very well. I'll remember that.'

'Perhaps we should agree on a signal of some sort. I say this because you may come searching for me and see me on the other side of a crowded room. It would be very onerous on you to have to push your way through such a seething mass. And in any case, by the time you reach the point in the room where you first saw me, I may myself have moved off. This is why a signal would be advisable. Something easily distinguishable which you can give above the heads of the crowd.'

'Indeed, that seems a very sound idea.'

'Excellent. I am heartened to discover you such an agreeable and kind person, Mr Ryder. If only one could say as much for certain other celebrities we have hosted here. So. It just remains for us to agree a signal. Perhaps I could suggest… well, let us say something like this.'

He raised a hand, palm outwards, the fingers fanned out, and described a motion as though he were wiping a window.

'Just an example,' he said, putting his hand quickly behind his back. 'Of course, another signal may be more to your liking.'

'No, that signal is fine. I'll give it to you as soon as I'm ready to look at your wife's albums. It really is very kind of her to have gone to such trouble.'

'I know it has given her profound satisfaction. Of course, if later on you think of some other signal you prefer, please phone me from your room, or else leave a message with one of the staff.'

'You're most kind, but the signal you suggest seems to me very elegant. Now, Mr Hoffman, I wonder if you would advise me where I might get some good coffee. I feel just now I could drink several cups.'

The manager laughed rather theatrically. 'I know the feeling very well. I shall take you to the atrium. Please, follow me.'

He led the way to the corner of the lobby and through a pair of heavy swing doors. We entered a long gloomy corridor with dark wood panelling along both walls. There was so little natural light in the corridor that even at this point in the day a row of dim wall lamps had been left on. Hoffman continued to walk briskly ahead of me, turning every few steps to smile over his shoulder. About half-way down, we passed a rather grand-looking doorway and Hoffman, who must have noticed me looking at it, said:

'Ah yes. Coffee would normally be served there in the drawing room. A splendid room, Mr Ryder, very comfortable. And now further adorned by some hand-made tables I found myself during a recent trip to Florence. I'm sure you'd approve of them. However, just now, as you know, we have closed off the room for Mr Brodsky.'

'Oh yes. He was in there earlier when I arrived.'

'He's still in there, sir. I would take you in to introduce you to each other except, well, I feel this is perhaps not quite the moment. Mr Brodsky may… well, let us say, it may not yet be the moment. Ha ha! But not to worry, there will be many opportunities for you two gentlemen to get to know one another.'

'Mr Brodsky is in that room now?'

I glanced back towards the doorway and possibly slowed my pace a little. In any case, the manager grasped my arm and began firmly to lead me away.

'He is indeed, sir. Very well, he's sitting there silently just now, but I assure you, he will begin again at any moment. And this morning, you know, he rehearsed the orchestra for a full four hours. By all accounts, everything is going extremely well. So please, there's nothing to worry about.'

The corridor eventually turned a corner after which it grew much brighter. In fact this section of it had windows all along one side causing pools of sunlight to form on the floor. Only when we had gone some way along this section did Hoffman let go of me. As we slowed to a leisurely pace, the manager gave a laugh to cover his embarrassment.