The Unquiet Mind (The Greek Village Collection Book 8) (20 page)

Chapter 25

‘Yes, tell me more about this Yanni.’ Juliet uses her tongue to dip into her cup, curling around the side of the glass at the caramel syrup sticking there. ‘Oh sorry.’ She stops and licks her lips. ‘That must have looked disgusting.’

‘Were you a wild child, Juliet?’ Sophia asks, smiling.

‘What’s with the “were”?’ But she lowers her chin and looks up at Sophia as if she is a little ashamed.

‘At least you didn’t get sent to a convent.’ Sophia laughs, encouraging Juliet to do the same. The huskiness is contagious, and Juliet joins her despite herself. The people at the next table give slightly disapproving stares, and one of them tuts, the leaves of the plane tree dappling all their faces.

‘I think life always tries to find a way to chip the edges of the fiery characters.’ Juliet finally stops laughing long enough to speak. ‘I think if it fails, those are the people who have the energy and enthusiasm to make big impacts on the world, business creators, charity organizers, stars.’ Sophia nods her agreement. ‘The rest of us have been through the mill to such a degree, we are just happy to be alive and no longer wish to climb to great heights. We just appreciate what we have.’ Juliet uses her little finger to get the last bit of caramel sauce from inside her glass. She licks it off her nail, then uses a serviette to wipe her hands. ‘I’m such a pig,’ she says.

‘An appreciative pig,’ Sophia agrees.

‘So. Yanni.’ Juliet slides down into her chair again.

‘Yanni. How do I tell you about Yanni? He was a man, well a boy then, I suppose, who appreciated what he had, and he didn’t have much. When we started school, he shone. He was the fastest at learning. He knew the alphabet before anyone else, he could read before anyone else, and then he was gone.’

‘What do you mean “gone”?’ Juliet turns her head, the static in her hair making it stick to the seat, curling up behind her where she slouches.

‘He was a shepherd. His baba had a huge flock of goats and sheep, and come lambing or kidding time, he would have to help out. So he would start school in September, be there a few weeks, and then he would be gone, turning up for a day here and there when he could take the time off work.’

‘Yes, but at what age did you start school? Six, isn’t it here in Greece? Are you telling me he was working as a shepherd from the age of six?’

‘Sure, why not? What choice does he have? What choice did his family have? He was lucky; there are children in the mountain villages at the other end of the island who have never been to school. How would they get there? Who would take them when it takes three hours to walk in to town? Greece is still an agricultural country; the seasons dictate our lives. Oh look!’ She points to a boy on a skateboard who jumps and flicks the board over before he lands.

‘So Yanni was bright but never got to go to school? So how did you see him?’ Juliet shows very little interest in the boy with the skateboard. It’s all new to Sophia, though, and she is fascinated.

‘Do you think he would let me have a go?’ she asks, and Juliet throws her a dark look. Sophia watches the boy on the board a little longer before she continues. ‘I would go up through the trees after school. It was about an hour’s walk all the way up, but often he was on his way to meet me. We would climb trees, or take the goats to the far pasture if they needed it. Wherever we were, we were alone. It would have been considered an engagement if we were older, and had we been caught. But we were kids, and no one knew.’ She pauses, watching another balloon that has escaped a tiny grip, this time leaving a child crying. The metallic colours flash as the sun catches its surface, floating higher and higher.

‘He had a quality like no one else.’ Sophia speaks slowly, dreamily. ‘This peaceful, sure quality that made me feel safe. It’s funny because against the likes of Hectoras, he was the one in the corner or on the floor. But you know, it was as though he let himself be bullied and chose not to fight back. Rather than a lack of physical ability. I mean, he was built with lean muscle on lean muscle, even though he was only a child. But it was as if he had made a choice not to use his strength, or as if it hadn’t occurred to him to use his strength in that way.’

‘He sounds very noble.’ Juliet says.

‘Noble doesn’t quite fit; it was not for effect. It was something very personal to him. But I also sensed this fear. Not like the world scared him, more as if he was scared what he could do to the world if he responded, if he just let go. He was a non-conformist in every way. He never took what anyone said for the truth without questioning it, even if it was the teacher. The teacher in the first year loved his attitude and did everything she could to explain all he asked. We had her the next year as well, but he was not there for much of that year. In the third year, we had Kirio Polikouto, and he taught by rules and verses and he had no time for Yanni, who came less and less anyway. I would take my books when we met up. We would learn together.’ Sophia’s head tips right back, looking at the speck of the balloon which drifts higher and higher. Down in the square, the mother of the crying child is trying to buy her another, but it seems there are no more of that colour and the child will not be consoled.

‘Fear’s a funny thing.’ Juliet says. ‘It can take so many forms and so often, we don’t even notice it. It has taken me a lifetime to work out that my mum was scared of being close to me, scared of her own feelings. It wasn’t just me either, she pushed away my dad too. I didn’t always go to school as a result. I would skive off, couldn’t see the point. I wasn’t a swot like you!’ She laughs. ‘The long-term effect was that I chose my husband, Mick,’ she looks to Sophia who is nodding, ‘who also was afraid of being close. Sure, he was super attentive in the beginning, but I think we recognise tiny signs that our subconscious deciphers to let us know what a person is all about. I think I saw all the signs of his being a person who was afraid of being close and instead of it being a warning, it felt familiar.’

‘You think Yanni was afraid to be close?’ Sophia asks.

‘Oh, I don’t know. Just something you said made me think of my own experiences. Maybe, who knows? Have you heard anything from him recently? Is he married?’

Sophia partially stands up, straightens out her skirts under her, and sits back down. She folds her arms and one hand raises to her mouth to push against her bottom lip, which she chews.

‘Sophia? Tell me,’ Juliet invites.

‘It’s stupid, and now I suppose it doesn’t matter,’ Sophia says. ‘A few days after I started working at the sandwich shop, I thought I saw him.’

‘No!’ Juliet gasps.

‘Well I haven’t seen him since he was thirteen and people change a lot, but there was something about this man that just made me think of Yanni. I was almost sure. I thought if it was him, he would come over and talk to me, but then I suppose I have changed, too.’

‘So did you not go to talk to him?’

‘When I saw him, he was with Babis. You know Babis the lawyer, right? Well, he was with him at Stella’s, so I guessed they were talking business and I didn’t want to interrupt. And then, after he was gone from Stella’s, I doubted myself. How could it be that the boy from my childhood would be over here the same time I find a way out of the convent? It’s all too perfect. So I told myself I was making it up, that I was imaging the things that made me feel safe.’

‘Did you ever find out if it was him?’ Juliet’s eyes are fixed on Sophia.

‘The next time, and the last time I saw this man, was up at the convent. I was still living there, even though I was working down here and it was the
panigyri
, so the whole village was up there. I had sat down to eat with Stella and a crowd from the village when he came in. He was looking around the room like he had lost someone, or something, and I can remember thinking “I am here. I’m here. Can’t you see me?” I was so excited. But he just kept looking around and his eyes fell on a young nun at the back of the hall and he could not take his eyes from her. Then someone said his name. “Yanni, he’s in the church.” Or something like that, and that was the moment I knew it was him and my heart reached out.’

‘Oh my goodness! What did you do?’

‘Well I was going to stand and rush to him, but one of the older nuns said something to him and even as he was talking to her, he could not tear his gaze from the young nun. He just stared at her. He didn’t go up to her or say anything, he just stared. Then he glanced back at our table, I think Stella said hello, and he looked right through me. I had to look away quickly. I could not control myself. Tears were in my eyes.’

‘Oh you poor thing.’ Juliet’s hand slides across the table and takes Sophia’s.

‘So I never spoke to him. All I know is that he saw me and he ignored me.’

‘But how was he to know who you are? He has not seen you for twenty years, and in that time, you have been through things that will show on your face. Did you see a wedding band?’

‘I didn’t look. It was over in a second.’

‘So you know nothing, just that he is alive and he is, or was, here.’

‘I know he saw me. I know he walked away.’

‘And that’s it then?’

‘Just because I stood still in my convent glass bubble doesn’t mean the world also stood still. It goes on, Juliet. I accepted that years ago. To dream that I would walk out of there and find everything as I left it would be a ridiculous notion. Half the girls at school would have married him in a heartbeat if he had noticed any of them, and they have had twenty years to get his attention. He will be married with children, and, as events have shown, he doesn’t even remember me.’

‘And the young nun he was looking at?’

Sophia shrugs, looks away. ‘It’s none of my business.’

Chapter 26

With a shrug, something dark flickers through Sophia. One arm contracts across her chest. She bites her bottom lip so hard, she can taste iron. A stream of unleashed thoughts rages through her, unwholesome, black, and more damning than any thoughts she has had at any other time. She is half-inclined to cross herself, but all that symbolism seems like make believe and superstition in the moment. All she can think are that her thoughts are justified. Thoughts against Hectoras, her mama, the abbess, and all the nuns who had nothing better to do than to seek out the evil in her. Thoughts even against Yanni, who should have been more than he is, but mostly thoughts against herself for living in fear: the fear of walking out of those convent doors. It is just a shadow and it passes, but it leaves a trail behind it.

If she had just walked out, of course it was possible that many, many bad things could have happened to her, but there was also a chance that good things could have come her way, too. Yanni might have not forgotten her if she had acted years earlier. What does it say about her own state of mind if her belief was so strong that only bad things could happen outside of the convent, that she would be better off staying where she was? Surely that is to think evil of people—just like the nuns had of her. Perhaps she is no better than any of them. Maybe that’s why Yanni ignored her, if that was what he could see in her face.

‘Hey, Sophia, I asked if you are alright.’ Juliet’s hand on her forearm shakes her gently.

‘Oh, what? Yes. No. Well, yes and no,’ Sophia says. ‘I just realised something, that’s all.’

‘What?’

‘I just realised that all these years of listening to the nuns, or praying and trying to fit in, all this time, a part of me has considered myself better than them. A part that believed that I was not the judgemental one, not as condemning as they were. The same arrogance I had when I was a teenager is still with me, I guess.’ The laugh is not warm and husky. ‘But I just realised that in that very arrogance of believing I was better than them, I am just the same, just as condemning, just as closed-minded.’

‘Best freedom in the world, realising you are human,’ Juliet says, and her laughter is real. ‘It allows you to kick your shoes off in public and lick the caramel off the inside of your cup and not to be embarrassed about it.’ Her laughter settles to a content smile. Sophia is pleased for her, but cannot help but feel a little envious at her ease.

‘You have absolute confidence in your survival, don’t you, Juliet?’

‘So far so good. But it’s like most things in life. You get most of your confidence by doing it. It’s the fear of failing that holds us back, well, held me back. I think …’ She is about to say more but they are interrupted.

‘
Yeia sas
ladies. I am glad to bump into you, Sophia. All the papers have come through now, so if you would like to come to the office, we can go through them. Or call me and we can meet at my house if that is easier.’ It’s Babis, and he pulls a card from the breast pocket of his short-sleeved shirt and puts it on the table. ‘Can’t stop, I have an appointment. Bye.’ With this, he hurries away, his shiny shoes clicking across the marble paving stones, a file under his arm.

‘The abbess suggested I get a lawyer to help with the paperwork of the will and so on.’ Sophia’s words come out in monotone. It is hard to pull away from the thoughts she was having. Juliet doesn’t seem to realize how big it all feels. Or maybe it isn’t so big. Maybe most people have this sort of realisation and she has just taken her time to get there. Perhaps that is reasonable, seeing as she has been locked in a convent so long.

The sun is following its path and has found gaps between the leaves. Sophia puts a hand up to shade her eyes. Being part of the world seems to be triggering hosts of chaotic emotions. Do people get used to it, or are they all more stable than her? Maybe some people need more alone time than others, or maybe being with the nuns all these years, all the contemplation and meditation alone in her cell has made that her norm. Maybe she will never fit into daily life amongst people.

‘Come on, let’s go down the main street with the touristy shops.’ Juliet stands and pulls a couple of crumpled notes out of her pocket.

‘May I?’ Sophia picks up the bill that sits in a shot glass by the ashtray. She cannot get the waiter’s attention.

‘Do you need change?’ Juliet asks.

‘No, it’s right.’ Sophia counts the coins in her hand.

‘Oh just leave it on the table then and let’s go,’ Juliet suggests, pushing the shot glass towards her. Sophia drops the coins in it and leaves it by the ashtray. She takes a last look for the waiter as Juliet starts to walk away, worried that he will think they haven’t paid. He sees her but doesn’t focus. It seems the place works on trust.

The tourist street is bubbling over with things Sophia cannot imagine the use of. The jewellery she understands, but what is a fridge magnet for, and why would you want a t-shirt with rude words printed on it? The miniature donkeys carrying ceramic pots on either side of their saddles are sweet, but pointless, and you would need a home to put them in. Her breathing becomes shallow for a moment with this thought, but Juliet, the woman who moved from England, is by her side. Sophia just needs to trust herself and everything will come out all right. Her breathing returns to normal; her heartbeat slows.

‘I think you need these.’ Juliet hands her a pair of orange sunglasses with mirrored glass. Sophia smiles and tries them on, looking in a plastic mirror. The reflection is distorted, which fits. She has no idea who she is anyway, and how she looks is all vanity. She takes them off and hands them back. Juliet tries a pair of glasses that wrap around the sides of her face and sniggers as she puts them back.

The next shop sells things made from olive wood. Smooth bowls, plain chopping boards. At Juliet’s house, she has noticed that all the wooden spoons are split and worn as if they are very old. She buys a new one whilst Juliet is playing with some bamboo wind chimes.

‘Here you go.’ Sophia gives her the wrapped spoon.

‘What? Ah, Sophia, you needn’t have. Is it a spoon? It feels spoon-shaped, and goodness knows I need a spoon. Do you know everything was just left in that house when I bought it, spoons and all? I boiled them, so don’t worry, but you are right, I needed a new one.’

They have reached the end of the touristy part. If they turn left, they will come out at the harbour front where the car is. They make this turn of one accord.

Juliet unlocks the car and they open the doors. The heat rushes out at them and they stand there, not daring to get in. After a minute, Juliet reaches in and puts the key in the ignition and gives it a half turn so she can open all the windows. They gingerly get in. Once moving, the breeze cools them down.

‘I really need to get the air conditioning fixed. The first year I was here, the air-con worked in the car but I had none in the house and I would go out for a drive just to cool down.

‘By the way, this is the street Babis has his new office on. Do you want to stop now? I can stay in the car if it’s private. Just that it will save you a journey.’

Sophia had been letting her mind go blank as the wind blew in her face. It takes her a second to answer.

‘Okay, yes, if you don’t mind. That’s a good idea.’

Juliet pulls up in front of a block of flats. Several plaques by the door announce the businesses that are run from inside.

‘I’ll wait for you here,’ Juliet offers.

‘Oh no, come in. I would prefer it, actually,’ Sophia says.