The Victorian Villains Megapack (18 page)

“No, stop!” yelled the desperate Cater. “Don’t go. Don’t be unreasonable now—say five hundred and I’ll write you a cheque.”

“Won’t do,” answered Dorrington, shaking his head. “A thousand is the price, and not a penny less. And not by cheque, mind. I understand all moves of that sort. Notes or gold. I wonder at a smart man like yourself expecting me to be so green.”

“But I haven’t the money here.”

“Very likely not. Where’s your bank? We’ll go there and get it.”

Cater, between his avarice and his fears, was at his wits’ end. “Don’t be so hard on me, Mr. Dorrington,” he whined. “I’m not a rich man, I assure you. You’ll ruin me!”

“Ruin you? What
do
you mean? I give you ten thousand pounds for one thousand and you say I ruin you! Really, it seems too ridiculously cheap. If you don’t settle quickly, Mr. Cater, I shall raise my terms, I warn you!”

So it came about that Dorrington and Cater took cab together for a branch bank in Pimlico, whence Dorrington emerged with one thousand pounds in notes and gold, stowed carefully about his person, and Cater with the codicil to his uncle’s will, which half an hour later he had safely burnt.

VI

So much for the first half of Dorrington’s operation. For the second half he made no immediate hurry. If he had been aware of Samuel Greer’s movements and Lugg’s little plot he might have hurried, but as it was he busied himself in setting up on a more respectable scale by help of his newly-acquired money. But he did not long delay. He had the attested copy of the codicil, which would be as good as the original if properly backed with evidence in a court of law. The astute Cater, wise in his own conceit, just as was his equally astute cousin Flint, had clean overlooked the possibility of such a trick as this. And now all Dorrington had to do was to sell the copy for one more thousand pounds to Jarvis Flint.

It was on the morning of old Jerry Cater’s funeral that he made his way to Deptford to do this, and he chuckled as he reflected on the probable surprise of Flint, who doubtless wondered what had become of his sweated inquiry agent, when confronted with his offer. But when he arrived at the ship-store shop he found that Flint was out, so he resolved to call again in the evening.

At that moment Jarvis Flint, Samuel Greer, and Lugg the lawyer were at the house in Bermondsey Wall attacking Paul Cater. Greer, foreseeing probable defiance by Cater from a window, had led the party in by the wharf door and so had taken Cater by surprise. Cater was in a suit of decent black, as befitted the occasion, and he received the news of the existence of a copy of the codicil he had destroyed with equal fury and apprehension.

“What do you mean?” he demanded. “What do you mean? I’m not to be bluffed like this! You talk about a codicil—where is it? Where is it, eh?”

“My dear sir,” said Lugg peaceably—he was a small, snuffy man—“we are not here to make disturbances or quarrels, or breaches of the peace; we are here on a strictly business errand, and I assure you it will be for your best interests if you listen quietly to what we have to say. Ahem! It seems that Mr. Samuel Greer here has frequently seen the codicil—”

“Greer’s a rascal—a thief—a scoundrel!” cried the irate Cater, shaking his fist in the thick of Greer’s squint. “He swindled me out of ten pounds! He—”

“Really, Mr. Cater,” Lugg interposed, “you do no good by such outbursts, and you prevent my putting the case before you. As I was saying, Mr. Greer has frequently seen the codicil, and saw it, indeed, on the very day of the late Mr. Cater’s decease. You may not have come across it, and, indeed, there may be some temporary difficulty in finding the original. But fortunately Mr. Greer took notes of the contents and of the witnesses’ names, and from those notes I have been able to draw up this statement, which Mr. Greer is prepared to subscribe to, by affidavit or declaration, if by any chance you may be unable to produce the original codicil.”

Cater, seeing his thousand pounds to Dorrington going for nothing, and now confronted with the fear of losing ten thousand pounds more, could scarce speak for rage. “Greer’s a liar, I tell you!” he spluttered out. “A liar, a thief, a scoundrel! His word—his affidavit—his oath—anything of his—isn’t worth a straw!”

“That, my dear sir,” Lugg proceeded equably, “is a thing that may remain for the probate court, and possibly a jury, to decide upon. In the meantime permit me to suggest that it will be better for all parties—cheaper in fact—if this matter be settled out of court. I think, if you will give the matter a little calm and unbiassed thought, you will admit that the balance of strength is altogether with our case. Would you like to look at the statement? Its effect, you will see, is, roughly speaking, to give my client a legacy of say about ten thousand pounds in value. The witnesses are easily produced, and really, I must say, for my part, if Mr. Greer, who has nothing to gain or lose either way, is prepared to take the serious responsibility of swearing a declaration—”

“I don’t believe he will!” cried Cater, catching at the straw. “I don’t believe he will. Mind, Greer,” he went on, “there’s penal servitude for perjury!”

“Yes,” Greer answered, speaking for the first time, with a squint and a chuckle, “so there is. And for stealin’ an’ suppressin’ dockyments, I’m told. I’m ready to make that ’ere declaration.”

“I don’t believe he is!” Cater said, with an attempt to affect indifference. “And anyhow, I needn’t take any notice of it till he does.”

“Well,” said Lugg accommodatingly, “there need be no difficulty or delay about that. The declaration’s all written out, and I’m a commissioner to administer oaths. I think that’s a Bible I see on the shelf there, isn’t it?” He stepped across to where the old Bible had lain since Greer flung it there, just before Jerry Cater’s death. He took the book down and opened it at the title-page. “Yes,” he said, “a Bible; and now—why—what? what?”

Mr. Lugg stood suddenly still and stared at the fly-leaf. Then he said quietly, “Let me see, it was on Monday last that Mr. Cater died, was it not?”

“Yes.”

“Late in the afternoon?”

“Yes.”

“Then, gentlemen, you must please prepare yourselves for a surprise. Mr. Cater evidently made another will, revoking all previous wills and codicils, on the very day of his death. And here it is!” He extended the Bible before him, and it was plain to see that the fly-leaf was covered with the weak, straggling handwriting of old Jerry Cater—a little weaker and a little more straggling than that in the other will, but unmistakably his.

Flint stared, perplexed and bewildered, Greer scratched his head and squinted blankly at the lawyer. Paul Cater passed his hand across his forehead and seized a tuft of hair over one temple as though he would pull it out. The only book in the house that he had not opened or looked at during his stay was the Bible.

“The thing is very short,” Lugg went on, inclining the writing to the light.

“’This is the last will and testament of me, Jeremiah Cater, of Cater’s Wharf. I give and bequeath the whole of the estate and property of which I may die possessed, whether real or personal, entirely and absolutely to—to—’

“what is the name? Oh yes—

“’to Henry Sinclair, my clerk—’”

“What?” yelled Cater and Flint in chorus, each rising and clutching at the Bible. “Not Sinclair! No! Let me see!”

“I think, gentlemen,” said the solicitor, putting their hands aside, “that you will get the information quickest by listening while I read.

“‘—to Henry Sinclair, my clerk. And I appoint the said Henry Sinclair my sole executor. And I wish it to be known that I do this, not only by way of reward to an honest servant, and to recompense him for his loss in loan transactions with me, but also to mark my sense of the neglect of my two nephews. And I revoke all former wills and codicils.’

“Then follows date and signature and the signatures of witnesses—both apparently men of imperfect education.”

“But you’re mad—it’s impossible!” exclaimed Cater, the first to find his tongue. “He
couldn’t
have made a will then—he was too weak. Greer knows he couldn’t.”

Greer, who understood better than anybody else present the allusion in the will to the nephews’ neglect, coughed dubiously, and said, “Well, he did get up while I was out. An’ when I got back he had the Bible beside him, an’ he seemed pretty well knocked up with something. An’ the winder was wide open—I expect he opened it to holler out as well as he could to some chaps on the wharf or somewhere to come up by the wharf door and do the witnessing. An’ now I think of it I expect he sent me out a-purpose in case—well, in case if I knowed I might get up to summat with the will. He told me not to hurry. An’ I expect he about used himself up with the writin’ an’ the hollerin’ an’ the cold air an’ what not.”

Cater and Flint, greatly abashed, exchanged a rapid glance. Then Cater, with a preliminary cough, said hesitatingly, “Well now, Mr. Lugg, let us consider this. It seems quite evident to me—and no doubt it will to you, as my cousin’s solicitor—it seems quite evident to me that my poor uncle could not have been in a sound state of mind when he made this very ridiculous will. Quite apart from all questions of genuineness, I’ve no doubt that a court would set it aside. And in view of that it would be very cruel to allow this poor man Sinclair to suppose himself to be entitled to a great deal of money, only to find himself disappointed and ruined after all. You’ll agree with that, I’m sure. So I think it will be best for all parties if we keep this thing to ourselves, and just tear out that fly-leaf and burn it, to save trouble. And on my part I shall be glad to admit the copy of the codicil you have produced, and no doubt my cousin and I will be prepared to pay you a fee which will compensate you for any loss of business in actions—eh?”

Mr. Lugg was tempted, but he was no fool. Here was Samuel Greer at his elbow knowing everything, and without a doubt, no matter how well bribed, always ready to make more money by betraying the arrangement to Sinclair. And that would mean inevitable ruin to Lugg himself, and probably a dose of gaol. So he shook his head virtuously and said, “I couldn’t think of anything of the sort, Mr. Cater, not for an instant. I am a solicitor, and I have my strict duties. It is my duty immediately to place this will in the hands of Mr. Henry Sinclair, as sole executor. I wish you a good-day, gentlemen.”

And so it was that old Jerry Cater’s money came at last to Sinclair. And the result was a joyful one, not only for Sinclair and his wife, but also for a number of poor debtors whose “paper” was part of the property. For Sinclair knew the plight of these wretches by personal experience, and was merciful, as neither Flint nor Paul Cater would have been. The two witnesses to the Bible will turned out to be bargemen. They had been mightily surprised to be hailed from Jerry Cater’s window by the old man himself, already looking like a corpse. They had come up, however, at his request, and had witnessed the will, though neither knew anything of its contents. But they were ready to testify that it was written in a Bible, that they saw Cater sign it, and that the attesting signatures were theirs. They had helped the old man back into bed, and next day they heard that he was dead.

As for Dorrington, he had a thousand pounds to set him up in a gentlemanly line of business and villainy. Ignorant of what had happened, he attempted to tap Flint for another thousand pounds as he had designed, but was met with revilings and an explanation. Seeing that the game was finished, Dorrington laughed at both the cousins and turned his attention to his next case.

And old Jerry Cater’s funeral was attended, as nobody would have expected, by two very genuine mourners—Paul Cater and Jarvis Flint. But they mourned, not the old man, but his lost fortune, and Paul Cater also mourned a sum of one thousand and ten pounds of his own. They had followed Lugg to the door when he walked off with the Bible in hope to persuade him, but he saw a wealthy client in prospect in Mr. Henry Sinclair, and would not allow his virtue to be shaken.

Samuel Greer walked away from the old house in moody case. Plainly there were no more pickings available from old Jerry Cater’s wills and codicils. As he trudged by St. Saviour’s Dock he was suddenly confronted by a large navvy with a black eye. The navvy stooped and inspected a peacock’s feather-eye that adorned the band of the hat Greer was wearing. Then he calmly grabbed and inspected the hat itself, inside and outside. “Why, blow me if this ain’t my ’at!” said the navvy. “Take that, ye dirty squintin’ thief! And that too! And that!”

About THE ADVENTURES OF ROMNEY PRINGLE, by R. Austin Freeman and John J. Pitcairn

All stories first published in
Cassell’s Magazine
, 1902-1903

ORIGINAL PREFACE

In the course of the present year there died suddenly at Sandwich a gentleman who had only a short time previously taken up his residence in one of the curious old red-brick houses which, surrounded by large gardens, sleepily nestle in the shade of its venerable towers. He was reputed wealthy, his name given as Romney, being popularly supposed to denote ancestral, if not actual, connection with the town and district of that name on the South Coast. A man of highly-cultured tastes and of rare and varied information, he led a very retired life, divided between his books, the cataloguing of a valuable collection of antique gems, and cycle-rides into the surrounding country—for he was an ardent cyclist. A chance meeting on the Sandwich Flats, whereon he had lost his way one misty evening, was the commencement of a close friendship with the present writers, who, on Mr. Romney’s demise soon after, were found to be designated his literary executors. A series of MS. stories, apparently intended for publication, furnished the sole explanation of this somewhat surprising provision. Whether, as might be imagined from their intimate record of the chief actor’s career, they were derived from the notes of actual experience, or whether they were simply the result of imagination, they are here presented exactly as left by the author.

Romney Pringle in THE ASSYRIAN REJUVENATOR

As six o’clock struck the procession of the un-dined began to stream beneath the electric arcade which graces the entrance to Cristiani’s. The doors swung unceasingly; the mirrors no longer reflected a mere squadron of tables and erect serviettes; a hum of conversation now mingled with the clatter of knives and the popping of corks; and the brisk scurry of waiters’ slippers replaced the stillness of the afternoon.

Although the restaurant had been crowded some time before he arrived, Mr. Romney Pringle had secured his favourite seat opposite the feminine print after Gainsborough, and in the intervals of feeding listened to a selection from Mascagni through a convenient electrophone, price sixpence in the slot. It was a warm night for the time of year, a muggy spell having succeeded a week of biting north-east wind, and as the evening wore on the atmosphere grew somewhat oppressive, more particularly to those who had dined well. Its effects were not very visible on Pringle, whose complexion (a small port-wine mark on his right cheek its only blemish) was of that fairness which imparts to its fortunate possessor the air of youth until long past forty; especially in a man who shaves clean, and habitually goes to bed before two in the morning.

As the smoke from Pringle’s havana wreathed upwards to an extractor, his eye fell, not for the first time, upon a diner at the next table. He was elderly, probably on the wrong side of sixty, but with his erect figure might easily have claimed a few years’ grace, while the retired soldier spoke in his scrupulous neatness, and in the trim of a carefully tended moustache. He had finished his dinner some little time, but remained seated, studying a letter with an intentness more due to its subject than to its length, which Pringle could see was by no means excessive. At last, with a gesture almost equally compounded of weariness and disgust, he rose and was helped into his overcoat by a waiter, who held the door for him in the obsequious manner of his kind.

The languid attention which Pringle at first bestowed on his neighbour had by this time given place to a deeper interest, and as the swing-doors closed behind the old gentleman, he scarcely repressed a start, when he saw lying beneath the vacant table the identical letter which had received such careful study. His first impulse was to run after the old gentleman and restore the paper, but by this time he had disappeared, and the waiter being also invisible, Pringle sat down and read:

The Assyrian Rejuvenator Co.,

82, Barbican, E.C.

April 5th

Dear Sir—

We regret to hear of the failure of the “Rejuvenator” in your hands. This is possibly due to your not having followed the directions for its use sufficiently closely, but I must point out that we do not guarantee its infallible success. As it is an expensive preparation, we do not admit the justice of your contention that our charges are exorbitant. In any case we cannot entertain your request to return the whole or any part of the fees. Should you act upon your threat to take proceedings for the recovery of the same, we must hold your good self responsible for any publicity which may follow your trial of the preparation.

Yours faithfully,

Henry Jacobs, Secretary.

Lieut.-Col. Sandstream,

272, Piccadilly, W.

To Pringle this businesslike communication hardly seemed to deserve so much consideration as Colonel Sandstream had given it, but having read and pondered it over afresh, he walked back to his chambers in Furnival’s Inn.

He lived at No. 33, on the left as you enter from Holborn, and anyone who, scaling the stone stairs, reached the second floor, might observe on the entrance to the front set of chambers the legend, “Mr. Romney Pringle, Literary Agent.” According to high authority, the reason of being of the literary agent is to act as a buffer between the ravening publisher and his prey. But although a very fine oak bureau with capacious pigeon-holes stood conspicuously in Pringle’s sitting-room, it was tenanted by no rolls of MS, or type-written sheets. Indeed, little or no business appeared to be transacted in the chambers. The buffer was at present idle, if it could be said to have ever worked! It was “resting” to use the theatrical expression.

Mr. Pringle was an early riser, and as nine o’clock chimed the next morning from the brass lantern-clock which ticked sedately on a mantel unencumbered by the usual litter of a bachelor’s quarters, he had already spent some time in consideration of last night’s incident, and a further study of the letter had only served thoroughly to arouse his curiosity, and decided him to investigate the affair of the mysterious “Rejuvenator.” Unlocking a cupboard in the bottom of the bureau, he disclosed a regiment of bottles and jars. Sprinkling a few drops from one on to a hare’s-foot, he succeeded, with a little friction, in entirely removing the port-wine mark from his cheek. Then from another phial he saturated a sponge and rubbed it into his eyebrows, which turned in the process from their original yellow to a jetty black. From a box of several, he selected a waxed moustache (that most facile article of disguise), and having attached it with a few drops of spirit-gum, covered his scalp with a black wig, which, as is commonly the case, remained an aggressive fraud in spite of the most assiduous adjustment. Satisfied with the completeness of his disguise, he sallied out in search of the offices of the “Assyrian Rejuvenator,” affecting a military bearing which his slim but tall and straight-backed figure readily enabled him to assume.

“My name is Parkins—Major Parkins,” said Pringle, as he opened the door of a mean-looking room on the second floor of No. 82, Barbican. He addressed an oleaginous-looking gentleman, whose curly locks and beard suggested the winged bulls of Nineveh, and who appeared to be the sole representative of the concern. The latter bowed politely, and handed him a chair.

“I have been asked,” Pringle continued, “by a friend who saw your advertisement to call upon you for some further information.”

Now the subject of rejuvenation being a delicate one, especially where ladies are concerned, the business of the company was mainly transacted through the post. So seldom, indeed, did a client desire a personal interview, that the Assyrian-looking gentleman jumped to the conclusion that his visitor was interested in quite another matter.

“Ah yes! You refer to “Pelosia”,” he said briskly. “Allow me to read you an extract from the prospectus.”

And before Pringle could reply he proceeded to read from a small leaflet with unctuous elocution:

“Pelosia. The sovereign remedy of Mud has long been used with the greatest success in the celebrated baths of Schwalbach and Franzensbad. The proprietors of Pelosia having noted the beneficial effect which many of the lower animals derive from the consumption of earth with their food, have been led to investigate the internal uses of mud. The success which has crowned the treatment of some of the longest-standing cases of dyspepsia (the disease so characteristic of this neurotic age), has induced them to admit the world at large to its benefits. To thoroughly safeguard the public, the proprietors have secured the sole right to the alluvial deposits of a stream remote from human habitation, and consequently above any suspicion of contamination. Careful analysis has shown that the deposit in this particular locality, consisting of finely divided mineral particles, practically free from organic admixture, is calculated to give the most gratifying results. The proprietors are prepared to quote special terms for public institutions.”

“Many thanks,” said Pringle, as the other momentarily paused for breath; “but I think you are under a slight misapprehension. I called on you with reference to the ‘Assyrian Rejuvenator.’ Have I mistaken the offices?”

“Pray excuse my absurd mistake! I am secretary of the ‘Assyrian Rejuvenator Company,’ who are also the proprietors of ’Pelosia’.” And in evident concern he regarded Pringle fixedly.

It was not the first time he had known a diffident person to assume an interest in the senility of an absent friend, and he mentally decided that Pringle’s waxed moustache, its blue-blackness speaking loudly of hair-dye, together with the unmistakable wig, were evidence of the decrepitude for which his new customer presumably sought the Company’s assistance.

“Ours, my dear sir,” he resumed, leaning back in his chair, and placing the tips of his fingers in apposition—“Ours is a world-renowned specific for removing the ravages which time effects in the human frame. It is a secret which has been handed down for many generations in the family of the original proprietor. Its success is frequently remarkable, and its absolute failure is impossible. It is not a drug, it is not a cosmetic, yet it contains the properties of both. It is agreeable and soothing to use, and being best administered during the hours of sleep does not interfere with the ordinary avocations of every-day life. The price is so moderate—ten and sixpence, including the Government stamp—that it could only prove remunerative with an enormous sale. If you—ah, on behalf of your friend!—would care to purchase a bottle, I shall be most happy to explain its operation.”

Mr. Pringle laid a half sovereign and a sixpence on the table, and the secretary, diving into a large packing-case which stood on one side, extracted a parcel. This contained a cardboard box adorned with a representation of Blake’s preposterous illustration to “The Grave,” in which a centenarian on crutches is hobbling into a species of banker’s strongroom with a rocky top, whereon is seated a youth clothed in nothing, and with an ecstatic expression.

“This,” said Mr. Jacobs impressively, “is the entire apparatus!” And he opened the box, displaying a moderate-sized phial and a spirit-lamp with a little tin dish attached. “On retiring to rest, a teaspoonful of the contents of the bottle is poured into the receptacle above the lamp, which is then lighted, and the preparation being vaporized is inhaled by the patient. It is best to concentrate the thoughts on some object of beauty whilst the delicious aroma sooths the patient to sleep.”

“But how does it act?” inquired the Major a trifle impatiently.

“In this way,” replied the imperturbable secretary. “Remember that the appearance of age is largely due to wrinkles; that is to say, to the skin losing its elasticity and fulness—so true is it that beauty is only skin-deep.” Here he laughed gaily. “The joints grow stiff from loss of their natural tone, the figure stoops, and the vital organs decline their functions from the same cause. In a word, old age is due to a loss of
elasticity
, and that is the very property which the “Rejuvenator” imparts to the system, if inhaled for a few hours daily.”

Mr. Pringle diplomatically succeeded in maintaining his gravity while the merits of the “Rejuvenator” were expounded, and it was not until he had bidden Mr. Jacobs a courteous farewell, and was safely outside the office, that he allowed the fastening of his moustache to be disturbed by an expansive grin.

About nine o’clock the same evening the housekeeper of the Barbican offices was returning from market, her thoughts centred on the savoury piece of fried fish she was carrying home for supper.

“Mrs. Smith?” said a man’s voice behind her, as she produced her latch-key.

“My name’s ’Odges,” she replied unguardedly, dropping the key in her agitation.

“You’re the housekeeper, aren’t you?” said the stranger, picking up the key and handing it to her politely.

“Lor’, sir! You did give me a turn,” she faltered.

“Very sorry, I’m sure. I only want to know where I can find Mr. Jacobs, of the “Assyrian Rejuvenator Company”.”

“Well, sir, he told me I wasn’t to give his address to anyone. Not that I know it either, sir, for I always send the letters to Mr. Weeks.”

“I’ll see you’re not found fault with. I know he won’t mind your telling me.” A sovereign clinked against the latch-key in her palm.

For a second she hesitated, then her eye caught the glint of the gold, and she fell.

“All I know, sir, is that when Mr. Jacobs is away I send the letters—and a rare lot there are—to Mr. Newton Weeks, at the Northumberland Avenue Hotel.”

“Is he one of the firm?”

“I don’t know, sir, but there’s no one comes here but Mr. Jacobs.”

“Thank you very much, and good night,” said the stranger; and he strode down Barbican, leaving Mrs. Hodges staring at the coin in her hand as if doubting whether, like fairy gold, it might not disappear even as she gazed.

The next day Mr. Jacobs received a letter at his hotel:

April 7th

Sir—

My friend Col. Sandstream informs me he has communicated with the police, and has sworn an information against you in respect of the moneys you have obtained from him, as he alleges, by false pretences. Although I am convinced that his statements are true, a fact which I can more readily grasp after my interview with you today, I give you this warning in order that you may make your escape before it is too late. Do not misunderstand my motives; I have not the slightest desire to save you from the punishment you so richly deserve. I am simply anxious to rescue my old friend from the ridiculous position he will occupy before the world should he prosecute you.

Your obedient servant,

Joseph Parkins, Major.

Newton Weeks, Esq.,

Northumberland Avenue Hotel.

Mr. Jacobs read this declaration of war with very mixed feelings.

So his visitor of yesterday was the friend of Colonel Sandstream! Obviously come to get up evidence against him. Knowing old dog, that Sandstream! But then how had they run him to earth? That looked as if the police had got their fingers in the pie. Mrs. Hodges was discreet. She would never have given the address to any but the police. It was annoying, though, after all his precautions; seemed as if the game was really up at last. Well, it was bound to come some day, and he had been in tighter places before. He could hardly complain; the “Rejuvenator” had been going very well lately. But suppose the whole thing was a plant—a dodge to intimidate him?

He read the letter through again. The writer had been careful to omit his address, but it seemed plausible enough on the face of it. Anyhow, whatever the major’s real motive might be, he couldn’t afford to neglect the warning, and the one clear thing was that London was an unhealthy place for him just at present. He would pack up, so as to be ready for all emergencies, and drive round to Barbican and reconnoitre. Then, if things looked fishy, he could go to Cannon Street and catch the 11.5 Continental. He’d show them that Harry Jacobs wasn’t the man to be bluffed out of his claim!