The Virginity Mission (3 page)

His lips are so close. Is he going to kiss me?

My voice is lost, again. I search for words, any words, while my fingers dip into the tight muscle of his well-rounded shoulder. Is he teasing me? His eyes keep flicking quickly away from me and back again, as if he's watching everyone else. I hope he's teasing. I know how to respond to teasing but I want him to kiss me.

Finally, something pops into my head. The words unblock my frozen body.

“It was good advice.” I grin as I look up into his eyes. His eyes have that dancing gleam of amusement. Little crinkles hover at the outer edges. I can tease right back. Have a bit of fun while wishing for a kiss. “Maybe even priceless.” My voice is husky when it comes out. It sounds like I want sex. Can he hear that?

His eyes darken, drawing me closer and giving me the confidence to grin. Just as I've decided he's only teasing, his lips meet mine. Warmth runs from them, igniting something within me even though his lips barely touch mine. I lean further into him. His lips capture mine, so lightly. The tip of his tongue slides against the seam of my lips and I shudder. He pulls away. Not far, but enough so I no longer feel drowned in him. Eyes still dark, lips still parted, he looks like a man deserving more.

What was his advice?
Don't let life pass you by.
I drag up every ounce of risk-taking I have in me. I lean forwards and touch my lips hesitantly to his. It's heady.

I've never initiated a kiss with an older man, let alone a professional soldier. It allows me the time to think, not just react. His taste is his scent magnified by a thousand. I can't get enough. So male, so strong, so
him
.

My lips dart, teasing with a soft kiss and a harder, more confident kiss. Imitating him, my tongue slides against the seam of his mouth. Dear heaven, I almost die. His taste is on my lips, my tongue. I'm filled by the scent of male, eucalypt and wood smoke. There's a contained strength to him I feel from his lips, like he's holding himself tightly, letting me explore.

Not being the most experienced kisser in the world, I'm not sure what to do next. I open my mouth to taste more. He pulls away sharply and my mouth is left tasting air.

I've been told many times I'm no poker player. Confusion has to be showing on my face. He's only a few inches from me, but I feel ridiculous.

When I take another look, he doesn't look horrified or scarred by the experience. Remnant moisture gives a sheen to the almost-smile I think I can see.

His eyes flick from me to the group of people beyond. Is he telling me something? I wish he'd say something. My brain isn't functioning. Frowning, I pull away, dropping my hand from his heated shoulder to the cool of the creek. Maybe the water will cool my blood.

“Sorry about that. I temporarily forgot. No fraternisation.” His tone holds little apology.

I'm dumbfounded. He lures me into a kiss then tells me that? “So why come down here? Why talk to me at all?”

“We can talk.” His hands lay open beside him but his eyes won't meet mine. Confusion is a perpetual state for me while I'm near him. Which are telling me the truth—his hands or his eyes? I can't snag his gaze at all.

I raise an eyebrow. A tiny flicker of anger grows in me. “Why did you kiss me?”

He grins that devilishly sexy smile. There's even a hint of colour to his cheeks. I hope he's ashamed by my question.

“I couldn't resist. I wanted to know if you could grab hold of life.” The cheeky grin dances across his mouth. There's no way I can stay cranky when he grins like that.

I laugh aloud. I like cheeky. A few people turn and look at us. Jason leans back from me. He seems relieved when we don't hold their attention for long. Then he leans closer.

I grin at him with the half lopsided grin I keep for when I'm being sarcastic. “So you lured me to break the rules, just to see if I could?”

“Yep.” He meets my gaze openly. “I couldn't help myself.”

I laugh again. “I could get used to the taste of that sort of rule-breaking.” I arch my eyebrow, not quite believing I'm flirting with him. But I am and I like it.

After my initial silent stupidity, I'm enjoying his company. Even though desire sometimes curls my stomach in a knot, his easy-going banter draws me into conversation. I like being twisted and unravelled. It's exciting.

His eyes sparkle as his teeth break past his lips. “I could be addicted.”

He squeezes my shoulder as he gets up, casting a wink before he turns away. My stomach chases my heart in a somersault. He winked at me. A wicked wink. And he flirted back. I shake my head. As if he'd be addicted, to me. But what if he is?

I can hardly contain myself. But who can I tell? I don't know anyone here, not well enough. I'll write it in my journal and tell Mardi when I get home. Mardi, the girl who pulls guys like she's a magnet. I always thought if I stood close enough some might stick, but so far they haven't. Yet without Mardi, he noticed me. The Panther Man. Jason. He noticed me.

He kissed me. I kissed him.

Me!

I bask in that thought for two seconds before Belinda splashes water to grab my attention. “Mac, come and join us.” She pats a space beside her. I can't ignore the invitation

“What were you two talking about?” She seems more concerned than curious, if the sharp edge hanging on her words is anything to go by.

“Just the trip, where we were going, stuff like that.”

“Be careful. He looks a bit rough or something. You know what they're like, army guys.”

I smile vaguely.
Yeah, rough or something.
There's no way I'm going to tell her that rough isn't the description I'd give him.

She definitely isn't the girl for me to pour my heart out to. I make a mental note that we have vastly different taste in men. She's definitely after Ed. Her eyes rarely leave his face. She hangs on every word he speaks, giggling at anything that vaguely resembles a joke. I hope it's not going to get tedious. I don't mind pairing up in a group, so long as the giggling stage is short.

Panicked, I replay my conversation with Jason in my mind. Did I giggle? Am I just as silly as the girls I've always scorned? I can't recall giggling, just being smart mouthed, laughing and mostly being unable to speak.

Ed and Jason have nothing in common. Their looks are completely opposite. Ed blond, Jason dark. They're both tall, muscled and lightly built, but Jason carries himself as if he's a bigger man. Jason's wickedly funny and a bit devious. Ed's straight and kind of dull. Yep, Belinda and I like very different types of men. Although Belinda is likely to get Ed whereas nothing will happen with Jason. He's against the rules and I don't break them.

We have a day to pack and organise ourselves for our three day orientation trip. The expedition consists of this short walk before Christmas, then a few days to recover before a longer walk of about three weeks, followed by almost two weeks in the mangroves before walking back. A heck of a lot of walking in six weeks.

You wouldn't think packing would take too long but there's extra gear. Each group on the expedition is assigned a particular area of research. There are archaeology groups, insect groups, animal groups, and we're the botany group. We have to lug two huge plant pressing frames filled with newspapers to press specimens we collect on our travels. They don't fit into a pack. Sam and Damien strap them to their backpacks while the rest of us take food, cooking utensils and the sleeping gear. Each person carries different meals and we divide equipment as much as we can. If any pack is lost, enough remains for everyone to survive.

We pack, go on trial runs with our loads and shuffle gear around until we're all happy. Just before the last meal together, Ed calls our group together.

“I have a request from the army guys.” His comment and seemingly significant pause makes my heart jump. “They'd like to send one of their men on the trip with us.”

Oh hell
. My knees almost give way beneath me. Can it be him? Would he wangle his way onto this trip, with us?

“I think most of you know Tim. Does anyone have a problem with him coming with us?”

Tim?

The breath eases from me and my heart resumes normal rhythm.

Tim's the youngest of the army guys. Nice, but not Jason. He's been hanging around with the guys in our group. He's easy going and friendly. If I hadn't met Jason, Tim might interest me. But after meeting Jason, no one measures up.

We have no problem with Tim coming and Ed makes it clear he's going to be a part of the trip but not a part of the group. “He'll have his own food and tent and be self-sufficient. He'll be walking with us. There's no fraternisation. We have to take care not to breach that.” Ed pays particular attention to us girls. “They are
not
part of this expedition.” His warning tone is serious, probably a little too serious for the moment.

There seems to be a real anti-army vibe amongst most people. I wonder if Ed's directive is meant solely for me. I'm sure no one noticed me do more than talk. I glance around but no one's paying extra attention to me. Phew!

Seeing Jason before we leave happens constantly. Being able to talk to him is a different story. I can't go up and speak with him. I just can't. And he hasn't searched me out. When I see him, I smile or nod my head and kick myself that I'm not braver.

We're leaving for our trip, loaded up and weighed down. Going into the rainforest with a bunch of strangers is not for the faint hearted, or anyone with paranoia, or even too much imagination. I've fought a lot of fears to be here. Not only my own but all the fears that my parents, younger brother, sisters and friends have for me. I keep Jason's advice at the forefront of my mind—well not
just
his advice.

On the morning we leave, he waves us off. I'm sure he is only saying goodbye to Tim until he brushes against my shoulder and whispers, “Chin up.” My chin flicks right up and a smile fills my face. His ‘good luck' call as we leave is followed by a wink for me. My stomach leaps and spins. I don't think it's only Tim he came to see. There's no way I'm going to fail. That wink will keep me company through any hardship. I wish I had the chance to tell him but maybe when we get back.

We walk all day, finding a rhythm that suits us all. As feared, I'm Tail-End Charlie but fortunately I'm not three miles behind everyone. Today is easy walking, not much different to bushwalking around Victoria. We reach the edge of the rainforest by nightfall, which is farther than our daily target.

Our food choices are good, so far. We all agreed that food's more important than excess shelter. We've skimped on sleeping arrangements, bringing just two tent flies and the outer covers to string over us rather than full tents. We each have sleeping bags. This first night determines we're right. We need cover in the rainforest—cover from rain and also cold. It's much cooler at altitude than at base camp. The tent flies are adequate but being on the end of the row of sleeping people is cold. On the first morning, we make a pact that no one will sleep on the edges for more than one night so a shifting sleeping allocation is devised. We'll stick to this plan for the next six weeks.

It takes a bit of getting used to new people; well, I take time to get to know others. Some people walk into a room and feel happy with the crowd. I feel uncomfortable until I find someone I connect with. If I don't connect with anyone I drift. In this group I drift. Belinda's a giggly fun girl but with her sights set on Ed. If I hang around with her too much, I cramp her style. Annie and I often walk together. Neither of us says much as we're both quiet people. The boys jostle for position. Harry, being the youngest, has the lowest position and he can't change that. Ed is challenged constantly by either Sam or Damien. The presence of Tim changes the dynamic subtly and there's less jostling for top position. Maybe he subtly sides with Ed, or reinforces the leader's authority, which means Sam and Damien have no chance of ousting the leader. I'm not sure how he influences it but the dynamic changes.

The second day out, I'm surprisingly refreshed considering sleep was a while coming in the pitch darkness. When it's totally dark, sounds are magnified. When you're camping with strangers, every sound is foreign. Sam's snoring is annoying, Belinda talks in her sleep and I'm not comfortable wedged between Sam and Harry. I'm not used to sharing my sleeping space so intimately and there's something about being asleep next to others that stirs my sleep into restlessness. And then there's Jason haunting my thoughts. Does he snore? Would he annoy me when he slept or would I curl into his body, soak up his warmth and feel a deep sated pleasure from being close to him? If I was near him, would I be able to sleep? The night brings me visions of him—his deep cocoa eyes, his moist kissed lips, the bulging muscles of his shoulders. It's a wonder I was able to sleep at all.

Throughout the day I mostly walk alone at the end. The rainforest is dense so it's easy to follow where we've cut and pushed through it. Right now I'm walking with Tim and we're out of the rainforest and on a dirt road, probably a logging track. He's dropped back to keep me company I guess. The guys seem to take turns at doing that every few hours. It doesn't annoy me too much but I wish I could keep up. I hope Tim doesn't want too much of a conversation because I'm using all my breath to keep up the pace the others set.

“How are you going, Mac?”

“A bit slow, I'm afraid.” I puff my response between strides as we route march up the dirt road scaling a hill. This road is luxury walking so we're pushing a good speed. According to the map we can follow the road before we cut back into the rainforest.

“Just stick to the pace you can do. Don't bust yourself.”

“I know, I have weeks of this to survive.” I'm tired, trying not to be crabby, but I can't help it. I know what I have to do to keep up and keep my dignity.