The Vow: Dangerous Suggestions Book 1 (20 page)

“
That makes no sense,
Larel. Your abilities don’t effect werewolves,” he said, sounding
confused as he watched me.

I looked away, trying to hide my
guilt. I’d never told him I could control werewolves, or that I’d
used my abilities on him and Mason. I was afraid of what he would
do. I worried he would make me leave. I didn’t want to leave him,
but part of me knew I didn’t belong with him.

“
What aren’t you telling
me, Larel?” he asked impatiently, as he stepped toward me. He
didn’t seem angry, he seemed upset.

“
Dawson, I…” I started,
but I couldn’t find the words.

He moved closer to me and cupped my
face in his hands. I looked up into his worried blues eyes and my
heart wrenched at the thought of never looking into them again.
“Tell me, Larel. I don’t care what it is. It won’t change how I
feel about you. You just have to tell me,” he said
desperately.

I looked away, unable to meet his gaze
any longer. I walked away from him trying to give myself more
space. The further away from him I was, the easier it would be for
me to speak. “I can control werewolves, and I am afraid everything
you feel for me might be because of what I can do.” I said it
quickly, so I wouldn’t lose my nerve.

He watched me without speaking. His
silence was a little unnerving. He was being careful to keep the
emotions off his face. “How long have you known this?” he asked,
sounding calmer than I expected.

“
I realized what I could
do for the first time when I was at the bar with Mason. He was
drunk, and he was irritating me. I gave him an order and he
complied. I thought it was because he was drunk, but…” I hesitated
and looked at him.

“
But what?” he asked,
stepping forward. He straightened a little, and his tone was a
little more threatening than it had been a few minutes
before.

“
When you and Mason
started to fight in Selena’s house, I ordered you to stop and you
both listened,” I said softly. I watched him, terrified of his
reaction.

He looked confused. He looked away, as
if he was trying to remember what I was talking about. The problem
was he probably wouldn’t remember much of the incident. “Have you
done it since then?” he asked, defensively. The look he was giving
me hurt me more than anything he could say. He was looking at me
like I was a monster.

“
No,” I said quietly. “Now
you understand why I am afraid to let you close to me.”

“
You should have told me.
What was your plan, to let me go on thinking I was immune to
whatever you are?” he asked angrily.

“
No, my plan was to let
you go. My plan was to go back to the life I knew before you, but
you keep stopping me. I never wanted any of this to happen. I don’t
belong among your people. It is obvious I was meant to be alone. I
never wanted to hurt you or Mason. So please, just let me go. Let
me leave you and your pack in peace,” I said, matching his tone. I
didn’t mean to sound so harsh, but the words came out so fast I
couldn’t stop them.

Anger and sadness glittered in his
perfect blue eyes. His sadness made my heart ache. I hated that I
felt so vulnerable. I hated feeling emotions. I hated feeling
human. In fact I was angry - extremely angry - that I felt this
way.

He looked away from me, and ran his
fingers through his hair. “You’re right. Maybe everything I feel
for you is just an illusion created by you. I honestly don’t see
how I could care about someone so selfish,” he growled; then he
turned and stormed out of the motel room.

I stood staring at the door Dawson had
just walked through. I was frozen in place. I felt such an
incredible sadness wash over me. He walked away after learning the
truth, just like I thought he would. The fact that I knew what was
coming didn’t make it hurt any less.

I left the cheap motel as soon as I
could gather my thoughts. I wasn’t even sure how much time I’d
stood staring at the door. I had no choice but to move on, now.
Dawson was gone, and I doubted I would see him again.

I walked to the office and handed in
my key. I looked around, trying to decide how I would make it back
to the city. I was going to need a car. A nice black sedan pulled
up to the hotel. It would suit my purpose. I just wanted to borrow
it to get back to the city.

A man stepped out of the car, and I
started toward him. “I need your car,” I said, as soon as I was
close enough to him. His expression went blank, and he offered me
the key. I quickly took the key and hurried to the car. The sooner
I was away from this place the better off I would be.

I sped toward the city. I hoped the
pain would ease the quicker I got away from Dawson. I wanted to
believe that distance would ease the pain, but I knew better. There
was nothing that would change what I was feeling. I reminded myself
of why I always made it a point to avoid forming relationships.
Nothing but pain awaited me if I interacted with others. I’d gotten
too close to the fire, and now I was burned. I would slink back to
my old life and avoid the fire completely. I didn’t think I could
handle much more of what I was feeling. Before meeting Dawson I’d
never understood what humans went through, but now I did. The
difference between me and the humans was that I’d learned my
lesson. I couldn’t see letting myself ever be so vulnerable
again.

I was back to the luxurious hotel
rooms and wandering the street aimlessly, watching life pass me by.
I tried to tell myself it was better this way. I felt like there
was something missing from my life. The void wasn’t there before
Dawson, but it was there now.

I sat in front of my favorite coffee
shop. I usually spent my time contemplating life happening around
me, but now all I could think about was Dawson. The feeling of loss
and rejection was stifling at times. I didn’t understand how humans
did this to themselves over and over again. Nothing I believed made
sense anymore. It had been almost a week since he walked out of the
cheap motel room. All I could think about was the way he looked at
me. The image of him, the expression on his face, was burned into
my memory. At times like this I tried to push the feelings away and
focus on something less painful. I looked across the patio at the
others around me. They were all going on with their lives; I was
the only one stuck.

“
You look lost,” a
familiar female voice said, sounding slightly amused. I knew that
voice; in fact, that voice annoyed me.

I looked up at Selena as she pulled
out the chair across from me and sat down. I considered mentioning
that I did not invite her to sit down, but decided against it,
choosing not to start the conversation out on a bad note. “I am
fine,” I said curtly. I was unwilling to share anything with her,
and she knew it.

She sighed like she knew better, like
she didn’t know why I was even denying it. “Let’s just say I
believe you - which I don’t, by the way. This isn’t about whether
or not you are fine. In fact, I could honestly care less how you
feel. My concern is for Dawson. He is hurting, and I don’t like
it.”

“
What do you want me to do
about it?” I asked testily. I didn’t like that she was getting
involved in my life. I really didn’t like that she was coming to me
about Dawson.

She narrowed her eyes, like she was
ready to smack me. “You know what you can do about it. You could
start by being a little less stuck-up,” she hissed.

It was my turn to raise my eyebrows.
It was really amusing, considering she was just as stuck up as me,
if not more so. “I don’t think you are the correct person to judge
me,” I said softly.

She waved her hand in annoyance.
“Again, this is not about me and you. This is about Dawson, and
only Dawson. I have never seen him like this. He is withdrawn, and
he won’t answer his phone. As much as I hate the idea that a woman
other than me gave him joy, I want him happy, and it is obvious you
made him happy.”

“
We barely knew each
other,” I said, trying to brush her off. I just couldn’t believe
Dawson was as hurt over me as she claimed. We’d only known each
other a short time. I didn’t see how his feelings for me could have
been that strong. I will admit my own feelings were incredibly
strong, but I had a feeling it hit me harder because he was the
first romantic interest I’d ever had.

“
You can be as stubborn as
you want, and you can deny whatever you want, but I saw how he
looked at you. He didn’t even look at Lena like he looks at you.
You two had a connection, and it is sad that you are refusing to
fight for it,” she hissed. She was getting extremely upset at me.
To be honest, she was the last person I’d expected to fight for me
and Dawson.

“
How do you know that
connection wasn’t an illusion? Something built by me, and my
feelings for him. I don’t even know if he truly cared for me, or if
I made him feel that way,” I said, matching her tone.

She looked a little startled by my
fear. She watched me for a minute, then she burst out laughing. Her
laugh attracted several curious looks. It was one of the most
irritating displays I had ever seen.

“
What the hell is so
funny?” I growled, growing impatient with her.

“
The fact that you think
Dawson would be that easily controlled is ridiculous. You might be
able to command him around, but you cannot make him feel for you.
His feelings are his own. He offered himself to you, and you
squashed him. You know what; forget I ever came here. You don’t
deserve him,” she snapped. She stood abruptly and stalked
off.

People were watching me curiously. I
couldn’t believe how much attention one woman could attract. She
was ridiculously loud, and her dress was so bright it hurt my eyes.
After a few minutes, I decided I was tired of the curious looks. I
decided to head back to my hotel room. It was starting to get late
anyway. I didn’t stay out much at night anymore. Hell, I didn’t
even go out as much as I used to. It all seemed pointless to me
now.

I sat on the bed of my hotel room,
looking out the window. The bright lights of the city was an
incredible view from so high up. The TV was on behind me, but I
could barely focus on it. I’d started watching more TV after
leaving Dawson behind. It eased some of my boredom and loneliness.
Loneliness; that was a feeling I didn’t think I would ever get used
to. Maybe I would with time, but it was more like I was hoping I
would.

I sighed as I got to my feet. I walked
over to the minibar. I’d also started enjoying alcohol. I now
understood why people drank it so much. It eased the pain there was
no cure for. I took a sip of the strong scotch, and winced. It
still burned going down, but the warm tingling sensation I got was
a vague reminder of how Dawson made me feel. I pushed the thought
away. I didn’t want to think about Dawson right now; it hurt too
much.

A knock on the door caught my
attention. I rarely got knocks on the door. When I did, it was
either room service or maids. It was too late in the evening for a
maid, and I hadn’t ordered room service.

“
I know you’re in there,”
Mason said, from the other side of the door. He jiggled the knob as
if it would open for him.

I wasn’t in the mood for Mason, but I
wanted to know what he wanted. I walked to the door and unlocked
it. As soon as Mason heard the lock click he opened the door and
stepped into my room. He grinned like he was happy to see me. It
surprised me a little; the last time I saw him he was angry at
Dawson for kissing me. At least he made it seem like he
was.

“
What are you doing here?”
I asked, as I walked back to the bar. I filled my little glass back
up with scotch. I had a feeling I was going to need it if Mason
planned on sticking around.

He shrugged as he walked over to the
couch and plopped down. “I am here to see how you are
doing.”

“
I am fine, just like
always,” I said, careful to keep the emotion from my voice. I
didn’t want him feeling sorry for me. Everything was my fault
anyhow. I didn’t want pity.

“
You look it. I bet you’re
a lot better after a half bottle of scotch,” he said,
amused.

I glared at him. “Is it a crime to
drink?”

He laughed. “No, but you don’t drink.
I recall you saying something along the lines of your reality isn’t
bad enough that you needed to escape it like us simple-minded
folk.”

I sighed in annoyance. “Did you just
come here to pester me? Mission accomplished. Go away now,” I said
impatiently as I focused on my drink. Mason watched me for a few
minutes without speaking. I looked over at him and raised my
eyebrows in annoyance. “What?” I growled.

He smiled, like he thought I was
amusing. “He misses you as much as you miss him,” he said
softly.

“
Well, I don’t miss him,
so I guess that means he doesn’t miss me,” I said defiantly. I
didn’t want to talk about Dawson. I couldn’t believe that was the
reason Mason came here.

“
Yeah, okay. Since when
did you start lying?” he asked, as he got to his feet.

“
I never said I didn’t
lie,” I countered. I never claimed to be a saint. I just had my own
way of doing things that in many ways was different from humans and
werewolves.