The Wall (69 page)

“Yes, I’m doing well!” Otto also announced. “I’ve completely settled in here. I have a little pharmaceutical lab that produces a couple of special concoctions of my own, while I also analyze blood and urine samples, whatever comes along. Stool and sputum samples, should you need something. I do it gratis for old friends, cosmetics as well, though there’s too much competition in that, but I have a modest apartment with a native wife who is called Sylvia. We are happily married and have a child, who is called Sidney Keith. Sylvia passes on her regrets that she didn’t come along. She doesn’t speak any German, though she understands a bit and is a good cook, because she comes from the north. They cook better there than in the south. You will have to meet her, for she will be wildly pleased. She is musical and gives a few piano lessons. Otherwise she helps me a bit in the lab when Sidney is in kindergarten. I bet you’re still as musical as you used to be in school. Do you remember? You both have something in common.”

“That’s wonderful,” I said, feeling quite happy that I could carry on a conversation, no matter how little Otto’s family history interested me. “And all of you are friends?”

“Not really! I just met Mr. Birch and Miss Bergmann here today for the first time. It was just a lucky coincidence that I had heard something about your arrival and could be here. Just imagine, only a couple of days ago I met So-and-So on the street, and he told me you were coming. What a surprise! I didn’t know anything more about you. It’s been such a long time. Someone claimed that you had emigrated to Peru or Brazil. I don’t even know who it was, nor did I believe it, for someone also said, more authoritatively, that you had remained behind, and therefore I couldn’t help but think that you were dead. My God, how many are dead! My brother, for one, and his wife and two little children. I believe you knew him. He was two classes behind us at the gymnasium. Do you remember? And many in my family are dead.”

“Herr Schallinger is right!” Inge said with intense anger. “Dead, dead, dead—there’s no end to it, so much that I prefer not to ask after anyone I knew. And there are too many who are still alive, all of them having no right to be!”

“Inge, you can’t say that! No one has the right to wish anyone dead!”

“Really? And the murderers? Perverse. Oswald, you are perverse!”

“Let it go, Inge! You know my views. You must know, Arthur, that I’ve considered this subject. You can judge the murderer, but you must not wish him dead. He is a human being, certainly a horrid human being, but his life is also sacred, unique, and irreplaceable!”

“Nothing but the disengaged morals of an archaeologist!”

“Inge, now stop!”

“You and your squeamishness!” she said, dismissing her brother. “You have your sympathy for them, fine, but also with the murderers. Mine is for those murdered, only with the murdered, and even then not with all of them. You should just know, Landau, three of our aunts were killed—my and Oswald’s aunts! I loved one of them as if she were my own mother, and I loved my mother very much, that you can believe. But this aunt did everything for us, and really helped to raise us.”

Oswald was uncomfortable with Inge’s outburst.

“Why do you have to say the same thing to everyone? It’s not at all interesting, especially for Arthur. He’s experienced enough horrible things already.”

“Experienced, experienced—that’s a big difference. He experienced what he did, but our aunts and all the dead experienced much more, for they’re all dead. So he should be happy that he experienced only what he did. He’s lucky to be in the world and to be able to laugh about it.”

“Inge, enough already! That’s so offensive! You’ll have to forgive her, Arthur! Inge is sometimes so harsh. It’s her nerves, which really are bad. In actuality, she doesn’t mean it so.”

“I do indeed mean what I say. He should just know it.”

“Now cease this instant, Inge, or I’m leaving!”

Inge shook with laughter. Her brother looked at her angrily and then said something to her quietly, such that she finally reined in her extravagantly hysterical behavior and appeared a bit more measured. So-and-So, who until now had hardly said a word, smiled with annoyance at the controversy between the Bergmann siblings and turned to me.

“Did you see Dr. Blecha? Will something finally come of it?”

“He is a crook, and the government is even worse.”

“But my parents’ assets must be restored. The state can’t simply gobble them up!”

“The state can do anything it wants, and Blecha can do nothing but accept his honorarium.”

“Unbelievable! Am I entitled to nothing?”

“The question is too hard for me to answer.”

“What.… Well, let’s talk about something else. You look amazingly well, Arthur.”

“You, too!” I replied.

“Sharp as ever. The years haven’t changed you at all.”

“That’s much too flattering.”

“Don’t worry, I don’t flatter anyone. I just didn’t expect it. But, to switch topics yet again, you can’t stay with us. Karin is sorry.”

“Really? I had been so looking forward to it!”

“Me as well. But it just won’t work. You can come over often. We have all pitched in—Birch, myself, Haarburger, and a few others—and have arranged
for a nice room in a cheap guesthouse. We’ve already paid for fourteen days—”

“Yes, but the expense?”

“No worries. That’s all taken care of.”

“I mean, how will I pay you back?”

“It’s all taken care of. I told you, we all pitched in together.”

“Many thanks!”

“You don’t have to thank us. It’s the obvious thing to do. But you can’t move in right away. The room is still occupied.”

“That’s too bad.”

“For sure. But it doesn’t matter. You can move in the day after tomorrow. Maybe even tomorrow. We’ll check by calling them.”

“And in the meantime?”

“You’re not letting me finish. Everything has been taken care of. You can stay with Birch.”

“As well as with Inge?”

“No, not with Fräulein Bergmann. Just with Birch.”

“Naturally, Arthur, only if it’s all right with you. It would be my pleasure.”

“If it’s not a bother.”

“No, no, no bother at all. Naturally, but really, when it’s all right with you, Arthur. Otherwise, you could stay in the hotel. A room is already reserved. But it would be a real delight if you’d like to stay with me, for we could talk a great deal.”

“I’d be delighted if it’s not too much of a burden for you for one or two nights.”

“Of course, you’re welcome. Otherwise I wouldn’t have said anything. Three nights, a week—you can stay as long as you wish.”

“Shall I accept the offer, Fräulein Bergmann?”

“When my brother invites someone, then he must be fond of him, which is a distinction one must accept. It’s a great honor for you, a great honor. That’s what I say. For days Oswald has almost lost his head over you. Nothing but Landau. He’s totally smitten.”

“Inge, please!”

“Well, it’s only true!”

“I’m very touched, Oswald. I’m so pleased.”

“Not another word about it. But I have to to tell you, my place is extremely modest.”

“It’s lovely at Birch’s!” said So-and-So emphatically. “You could not possibly feel better or more comfortable.”

“Don’t believe a word Kauders says,” warned Inge. “But in this case he’s actually telling the truth.”

Thus I at last knew my next destination. Now what I really wanted more than anything was to leave the station. That’s what I wanted to ask to do next, but then Otto suddenly seized control of the conversation with another offer.

“I’m thinking you could also stay a couple of nights with me. I just have to ask Sylvia, but I know she’ll agree. I have a little room, which is really a bit small, for I use it mostly as a darkroom, but I can set up a chaise longue for you there. Many others have slept there already. I think that it even might be best for you, amid all this hustle and bustle, to stay with an old classmate, where you can almost feel at home while you get used to things. I can tell you everything about the city, what you need, and so on.”

This suggestion was not to my taste. I looked searchingly at Oswald.

“Naturally,” he said, “only what feels right to you. It will, however, mess up all the plans I’ve put in place.”

“Just let Landau decide,” interrupted Inge. “He’s old enough to decide for himself. One shouldn’t speak for him.”

“No one is speaking for him,” said So-and-So angrily. “The darkroom, Herr Schallinger, is a lousy idea. Nowhere can he be as comfortable as at Birch’s. It’s close by, and it means a lot to Arthur. That’s been the plan all along. Now, enough!”

Thus I was saved from having to make a choice and didn’t need to turn down Otto’s intrusive offer. But now I had really had enough of the station and was growing impatient.

“Can we finally go?”

“That’s not up to me,” explained So-and-So.

“Me, neither!” I responded indignantly. “That’s up to you, and you all finally need to decide. I cannot and don’t want to decide anything, and I’m
happy to leave it to you all, but I’m begging you to come to a decision quickly! Get me out of here before I collapse!”

“Are you tired, Arthur? Did you have a bad trip? A bit overwhelmed? Do you want to sleep? You can sleep at my place.”

“I don’t want to sleep, just to get away from here! I’m starting to feel irritable.”

“He’s irritable!” exclaimed Inge excitedly. “Irritable because his friends are only thinking of how to best take care of him! We should be irritable and not you!”

Oswald stamped his foot and threw his sister an angry look. Then he turned to me.

“Naturally, we want to leave. Not a minute more. The station is very stifling. Just say what you want to do. Or maybe Kauders has an idea.”

“I have no idea!”

So-and-So was frustrated. He had never liked taking on the least responsibility, and perhaps more so now than ever.

“Arthur should decide!” he suggested.

“You know what I want—to get away from here! How to do that is up to you. Certainly, you’ve made a plan.”

“We have,” Oswald agreed. “Only if it’s all right with you, Arthur. I don’t tell anyone what to do. You are a free man. You, of course, know that.”

“Oh, anything that gets me out of this station is fine with me. Just tell me finally what the plan is!”

“Well, there are several possibilities,” offered Oswald, “any of which you can choose from. We could leave the luggage here, then head to a restaurant, for you are naturally hungry and thirsty, and it’s time for lunch. Then we can look at my place so that you see where you will be sleeping. Afterward, we can pick up the luggage and then decide what to do next. Or—and this is perhaps the best idea—we can pick up the luggage first and then head over to my place. It’s not very far away. Or we could also go to my place next, with or without the luggage, so that you can rest a bit and sleep, or not—naturally, whatever you wish—and then afterward we can go to the restaurant. We can decide, as the case may be, what to do with the luggage.”

“Those are pretty simple possibilities.”

So-and-So said that, and I didn’t know if he was being ironic or not.

“May I decide?” I asked.

“Naturally, with pleasure!”

“If it wouldn’t be too much trouble, I suggest that we take the luggage to Oswald’s and then do what you would like. Perhaps we could do so without taking a taxi. I’m not so spoiled that I can’t schlepp the luggage myself.”

“Then my place it is. Excellent, but with a taxi. It’s really the simplest and the quickest way. And, as for the luggage, we will—”

“That’s out of the question!” said Otto, chiming in. “We can carry it ourselves. I’ll, I’ll carry most of it myself.”

I didn’t argue when Otto and the others took hold of my luggage. Even Inge lifted up my satchel, and I let her do it. Then I glanced back at the attendants in left luggage, in order to ask their forgiveness and to wave goodbye, but the men were unconcerned with me. I walked behind the others, who marched along like ducks in a row, weaving through the crowd and hardly noticing whether I followed behind or not. There seemed to be no end to the station’s main hall, but finally we did indeed exit it. Oswald engaged a taxi driver, who took care of the suitcases, and before I knew it all five of us were sitting in the car. I sat in the middle, between So-and-So and Inge; Oswald and Otto sat across from us. We didn’t drive fast, but I couldn’t even get a glimpse of the city, for there was no way to look out with all of us crammed in so. It also didn’t help that Oswald kept nattering on at me, pointing excitedly this way and that in order to explain the layout of the streets and squares and the significance of the buildings, about which I was not able to understand anything, since everything looked the same to me and this senseless talk only beleaguered me the whole way. Yet I said yes, yes to it all, for I didn’t want to undermine Oswald’s enthusiasm, my gaze appearing to follow everything that he pointed out, though the eyes didn’t register anything at all. We traveled only for a little while, but it felt like a long time to me. The car finally braked sharply, causing it to lurch, Oswald and Otto jumping out quickly and busying themselves with the driver and the suitcases, while So-and-So, derided by Inge, worked to extricate himself with slow awkwardness. I wanted to follow quickly, and not to be mocked as well, yet Inge was actually nice to me for once.

“Let the fools be; they’ll do it the way they need to do it. They’re taking care of it all for you today, so just get out.”

That was an unexpectedly comforting bit of advice, and that was the Inge I remembered, rather than the one who had shown up at the station. It was good advice, for my limbs were half numb, and I had hardly any control of my body, really wanting my friends to leave, for their welcome had overwhelmed me so. How easy it was to compare it with the send-off given me by Anna, Peter, and Helmut! I just wanted to be alone, and not see anything, hear anything, or feel anything! I almost said that to Inge, but I preferred to avoid any kind of intimate exchange.

“I’m not tired, I—”

“Not tired?”

“Believe me, it’s true—no, not at all! But I feel a bit shaky. That’s why I’m grateful to you for sympathizing with me.”