The Wall (The Woodlands) (36 page)

I
felt my heart beating faster and the blood rush to my cheeks. I took a step backwards. “Yes, it’s good to get back into it. It gives me something to focus on,” I lied, as I slapped imaginary dust off my pants. He looked at me doubtfully for a second but shook it free.

“
Yes, I suppose that’s true. I like getting back into working at the hospital… even if it is with Matt.” It was unlike Joseph to be so unforgiving but he hadn’t let go of what Matthew had failed to tell us. Also, as far as I knew, Cal was still under Matthew’s care in the hospital, which had to be hard.

After we put Orry to bed,
I took the opportunity to turn the focus onto him and let him talk my ears off about his day until we dozed off on our couch, carelessly intertwined like the gnarled roots of a Banyan tree.

I woke up
the next morning in our bed and realized Joseph must have carried me. The first day of training had been exhausting and I was sure it would only get worse. Pietre didn’t strike me as someone who would go easy on a beginner, especially not me.

This is how it started.

Every morning, I would see Joseph off at the door. He would take Orry every other day and I would drop the baby with Odval on my days.

If Joseph suspected
anything, he never said so. He was so preoccupied with his medical training. It had stepped up recently because they were preparing for the mission. People were getting checked out and checked off a list and preparations were being made for the incoming Spiders. Some of them had been injured during interrogations and there were also likely to be injuries during the rescues. Gus asked Joseph to go along as the medic but he said he felt like he didn’t have enough experience yet to be solely responsible for the groups’ health.

I did a good job of separating the two things I was doing. When I was with
Joseph, I stuffed the training Rosa in a box and locked it. I immersed myself in him and Orry. I intended to tell him… I just wanted to wait until I was stronger, trained better, so I would have more back up when he tried to convince me not to go. Well, that’s what I told myself.

I became friends with my lies. They wrapped around me
like curls of white smoke, whispering the necessary answers in my ears. When Joseph noticed a scratch on my arm, I told him I got it rushing through my work. When I appeared tired, I said it was the nightmares. When he questioned the pile of work that had accumulated in the corner, I said people were giving me more time to finish because of what had happened but they were still bringing things over. The lies came quickly and easily and it scared me. Inside, I felt like a coward. He knew what I’d wanted to do and I should have just told him the truth straight away. Instead, I slunk into a corner, made excuses, and let one half of me lie and the other half wrap my arms around him like nothing had ever happened.

FITNESS

As expected,
Pietre was a hard taskmaster. He had me running laps, climbing trees, and doing sit-ups and push-ups. But I didn’t mind it. I liked the way my body responded to the exercise. My stomach flattened and my arms became ropey and toned. I was never going to look like Careen, the terrible and formidable threat of a woman, but I had my own kind of fitness.

Tree climbing was my
favorite thing. Being light and agile, I could clamber up even thin-boughed trees quickly and quietly. I selected a tall Poplar tree. Its slim branches were low to the ground and stuck straight out at a 45-degree angle. The whole tree looked like it had been pulled through a water pipe and the branches hadn’t uncoiled. As I sat on a bendy branch to catch my breath, a vein of guilt ran through me. I’d strayed far from that busting, pregnant girl. I sighed. I grieved. I was so different to what I used to be. That girl slipped over a cliff when I wasn’t looking, a clatter of loose dirt spilling over rocks, the only evidence she ever existed.

Sitting here now, with the rough bark scratching my backside
, the spiky buds pressing into my head and arms, I couldn’t imagine how I had once been comfortable up here. But then I was with Joseph. He softened everything.

“
What are you thinking about?” a breathless Pietre asked. He was looking up at me between the branches, his eyes curious.

“
Nothing.”

“
You know, if this is too hard for you, you don’t have to go. You could give up,” he suggested.

“
You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” I snapped, wriggling around and trying to sway the tree. Maybe I could eject him from it.

“
I would.”

I glared down at him and jumped to my feet, sending scratchy bits of bark and
poplar buds towards his annoying face.

“
Why do you hate me so much?” I asked.

He wiped his face and squinted up at me. Pursing his
lips, he considered my question.

“
I don’t hate you. But my mother was one of the Survivors that didn’t make it out of the mounds. So for that… I feel a little bit of payback is necessary.” Leaves dotted his hair and he tried to shake them off without falling from his perch.

I shifted my feet to disperse my weight better.
I was shocked at this revelation but tried not to show it. My voice felt small, “So you blame me?”

“
No.”

“
Then what?”

“
She died so you could live. I guess I wanted to make sure you made it count.”

I was confused. I didn
’t understand where that left us. All I knew was I was trying as hard as I could. Grudging respect maybe? At least that’s how I felt. My lips curled a little as I realized I seemed to have a knack for having serious conversations in trees. I wondered if my life could get any more ludicrous. Of course it could.

I swung myself up to the next branch and muttered,
“I’ll make it count.”

And I
’m pretty sure I heard him respond with, ‘you better’ as he made his way down towards the sodden earth.

I
climbed to the top of the tree. No one could reach me up there. I gripped the trunk and moved like a monkey, never staying put for too long until I reached the uppermost branches. I stayed there longer than I should have, letting myself sway in the breeze, willing my body to become nothing so I could float over the Wall. The pressure was weighing on me and I considered the fact that I might fail, that I wouldn’t make it count. I was overflowing and just wanted to be empty—if only for a second.

Running my hands over the straggly
bark, I thought about Addy. Why hadn’t she come to visit me? I was sure Matthew probably told her what I was doing. Maybe she disagreed with my choice. It didn’t make any difference, I suppose, but I wanted her to support my decision. She of all people understood the importance of family.

Careen
’s voice pierced the silence. “Rosa, what are you doing up there? Don’t you need to pick up Orry?”

I scrambled down the trunk,
skinning both my knees in my haste. Odval would be waiting for me.

When I got home on day eleven
, Apella was in my chair. I would say sitting but that’s not what she was doing, everything about her was set on edge. She was like a porcelain figure, her legs folded neatly, her composure perfect, her whole existence looking out of place perched atop a pile of Addy’s crocheted rugs. She looked down at her hands, which were clasped lightly in her lap, and then up at me through a curtain of blonde hair. I tried to smile at her but it came out all wrong on my face. How could I lie so easily to Joseph and not to her?

“
Rosa, I’m concerned about you. You haven’t visited in a while. Is everything all right?” I could tell the words pained her. She was never one for sentiment and this was difficult for her.

I waved her off,
“I’m fine.”

She rose del
icately and wafted over to me, gently placing her cool hand on my cheek. “Please come see me before you leave,” she said sadly. I didn’t know what to say so I nodded.

SURVIVAL SKILLS

Finally I had something I could teach Careen and Pietre. Wandering through the forest, I picked out the various edible plants and showed them. The sun was sifting through the leaves and actually warming the earth slightly. Pockets of yellow pinecones moved like little, bearded faces poking out of the pine needles. The azaleas I’d pointed out to Orry had started to flower. It was beautiful but it was also a warning. If the weather was clearing, the Woodland soldiers may be ready to start their trek. They would begin their search for us.

Careen listened with interest
as I tried to educate them, Pietre quietly fumed.

“
See these?” I said, bending a branch towards their faces. “They’re sweet. A bit chewy but a good source of calories.”

Pietre eyed it with disgust. I let it snap back into place, hoping it would whip him as it returned.

“Why would I eat a pinecone if I can shoot a rabbit?” he asked, crossing his arms like a child.

Careen touched
him affectionately and he flinched. A devilish look spread across his face. “I think it’s time we showed you how to hunt.”

I
shriveled away from his stare. I didn’t want to hunt. Killing things was not in me. I knew that. I stood my ground. “I don’t need to learn to hunt; I survived out there for months, pregnant, eating only nuts and berries.”

He sneered at me
. “You want me to sign off on your mission? Then you’ll hunt.”