The Wally Lamb Fiction Collection: The Hour I First Believed, I Know This Much is True, We Are Water, and Wishin' and Hopin' (31 page)

“Let me ask you something,” I said. “When you went in that day? Who were you subbing for?”

He shrugged. “Some English teacher. He had a death in the family. Name began with a Q, I think.”

CYNDI PIXLEY LISTED OUR HOUSE
at one eighty-nine, nine, but warned us we’d most likely have to come down. People with kids weren’t exactly champing at the bit to buy property in Littleton. She advertised it as “a charming cottage with warmth and flair–ideal for empty-nesters!”

The Paisleys—empty-nesters, sure enough—offered us one eighty-five, with two stipulations: that we leave behind our “window treatments” and postpone the closing until they could sell their home in Arkansas. We agreed. And they agreed to
our
only stipulation—Maureen’s, actually. For a year after they took occupancy, they were to post at both the front and back doors our new address and phone number. In the unlikely event Velvet returned to Littleton and came looking for us, Maureen wanted her to know where we could be found.

We quit our jobs, gave our plants to the Kirbys, and brought three carloads over to Goodwill. Dr. Cid called some East Coast colleagues, who called colleagues of theirs. At their fourth and final session, Maureen was given the names and numbers of doctors in Connecticut who could help her with her recovery. “Moving away won’t be enough,” Dr. Cid warned Mo. “The fear and the anger will travel right along with you. You have to keep working hard.” Maureen had been taking Zoloft for about a month by then—with little to no effect, she claimed. The Xanax had made her feel much better.

Three nights before we departed, Maureen’s father insisted on hosting a farewell dinner for his “little girl” at his and Evelyn’s favorite steak house in Denver. Cheryl, her husband Barry, and their daughter Amber were to have joined us, but they begged off at the last minute. Arthur was put out that Maureen ordered only salad and a cup of tea. “Every party needs a pooper, that’s why we invited you,” he sang, somewhere between his second and third Macallan. The Barracuda said it was “just plain silly” of us not to have consulted her before listing
our house; she did business with Denver-area realtors all the time and, as a professional courtesy, could have most likely saved us the realtor’s commission. “Which would be a bigger deal for you than it is for us,” I told her, more to knock her off her high horse than anything else. She whacked me right back, though—said she didn’t realize schoolteachers had so much money to burn. Arthur reminded us three different times that his travel agent, Misty, was standing by to hear from us about the Disney cruise. When we got up to leave, he took Mo’s hand in his and kissed it, as if he were some genteel country gentleman instead of the scumbag he really was.

“Well, that’s over with,” I said, in the car on the way home.

“Thank God,” she said, her voice full of tears. “I wish we’d never moved back here.”

Our vet gave Sophie and Chet treats, good-bye kisses, and dog-chew tranquilizers for the long ride home. We put the Rockies to our backs and left Littleton in the predawn darkness on a Monday morning during the third week of July. Drove across the flat green belly of Kansas and into Missouri, listening to country music, books on tape, evangelists’ warnings of coming doom. We stayed that first night in St. Louis, at a motel that allowed dogs. (If you’re ever at a restaurant there and see crab cakes on the menu? Take my advice: order something else, unless you want to get up close and personal with your Holiday Inn toilet bowl.) We got off to a later-than-expected start on the second day—made it as far as Cleveland. Mo and the dogs flopped back on the motel beds, and I hightailed it over to the Rock’n’Roll Hall of Fame. Got in an hour or so before they closed for the day. Next day, we drove horizonally across Pennsylvania and into upstate New York. We hit Springfield, Massachusetts, during the five o’clock rush hour. Stopped for supper at a Friendly’s in Hartford. It was a little before nine p.m. by the time I drove through downtown Three Rivers, crossed the viaduct, passed the casino, and took the right onto Ice House, the left onto Bride Lake. Great-Grandma’s prison was in silhouette, a blood orange sunset behind it.
Red sky
at morning, sailors take warning,
I heard Aunt Lolly say. Heard my mother, singing in church.
Praise the Holy Trinity, undivided unity
… Heard my father, in love or in ridicule :
Rosemary Kathleen Sullivan, my wild Irish rose.
I heard the smash of Great-Grandma’s soup tureen out in the kitchen and saw, again, from my post at the parlor window, my father storming away from us, Grandpa’s liquor bottle in hand. Why was it that I had loved him, the parent who’d cut me loose, more than her, the parent who’d stayed? It was a question I’d carried into middle age. Maybe now that I was back home again, I’d finally figure that one out. Or maybe I’d finally just let it go and get on with it.

I put my blinker on. Drove up the gravel driveway to the house and all its ghosts. The Rocky Mountains were far, far away now, and Columbine High School was part of our past. For better or worse, I had come back home, with my barking dogs in the backseat and my sleeping, stricken wife beside me.

BIOGRAPHY QUESTIONNAIRE—
SECTION A

Instructions: The following questions concern background information prior to your traumatic event. Please read each question carefully and answer as accurately as you can remember. Do not skip any questions.

Name:
Maureen Quirk

Present age:
41

Date of birth:
March 26, 1959

Place of birth:
Syracuse, N.Y.

City and State or Country

When did the traumatic event occur?

_____ Less than two weeks ago

_____ Two weeks to one month ago

_____ One to three months ago

_____ Three to six months ago

_____ Six months to one year ago

   X    
One year to eighteen months ago

_____ Eighteen months to two years ago

_____ Longer than two years ago

Race or ethnicity

_____ American Indian or Alaskan Native

_____ Asian or Pacific-Island American

_____ Mexican-American

_____ Black

   X    
White

How many brothers and sisters do you have?

_____ Brothers

   1     
Sisters
(half sister)

_____ None

Were you the oldest child, youngest child, or in between?

   X    
Oldest
(Never lived with my half sister—pretty much an only child)

The_____ oldest of_____

_____ Youngest

What was the size of the city or town in which you lived?

_____ Under 5,000

_____ 5,000–25,000

   X    
25,000–100,000
We lived in several places while I was growing up,

mostly suburbs of larger cities (father in business)

____249,999–One Million+

How much schooling have you had?

_____ Completed grade school or less

_____ Some high school

_____ Completed high school

_____ Some college

_____ Completed college

_____ Some post-graduate work

   X    
Completed postgraduate work
(Nursing administration)

_____ Completed Ph.D.

Through high school, how many different towns or cities did you live in?
6
or
7

What is your present employment status?

_____ Employed full-time

_____ Employed part-time (and want it this way)

_____ Employed part-time (but don’t like it this way)

_____ Unemployed (but actively looking for a job)

   X    
Unemployed (and not looking for a job)
Not yet—want to work

when I feel more in control and I’m not in so much physical pain

_____ Laid off

What is your approximate annual income before taxes?

_____ $0–$10,000

   X    
$10,000–$25,000
(was)

_____ $25,000–$50,000

_____ $50,000–$100,000

_____ More than $100,000

Were you married at the time of the traumatic event?

   X    
Yes

_____ No

If yes to the above, how long had you been married?
12 years

Did you have any children at the time the traumatic event occurred?

_____ Yes

   X    
No

What is your present marital status?

_____ Single

_____ Married (never divorced)

   X    
Married (previously divorced)

_____ Married (previously widowed)

_____ Separated

_____ Divorced and still single

_____ Divorced, living with partner

_____ Living with partner

_____ Common law marriage

Present number of children:
   o    

BIOGRAPHY QUESTIONNAIRE—
SECTION B

Instructions: Check those problems (if any) which happened to you
prior to
your having experienced the traumatic event.

_____ Sexual abuse

   
X
    
Physical abuse
(first husband—only twice)

   
X
    
Verbal abuse
first husband—when he was drinking

   
X
    
Truancy (“cut” school more than 5 days a year)

Ran away with boyfriend

_____ Expulsion or suspension from school

(senior yr. h.s. gone for l week)

_____ Delinquency (arrested or appeared in Juvenile Court)

_____ Running away from home on more than one occasion
(just that one time)

_____ Persistent lying

   
X
    
Frequent sexual intercourse in casual relationships
(In high school, college)

   
X
    
Getting drunk or using drugs regularly
in h.s.—much less in college

   
X
    
Thefts (stealing for fun)
freshman year of h.s. (shoplifting)

_____ Vandalism (for fun)

_____ Poor grades in school

_____ Frequent violation of rules at home, school, or work

_____ Initiation of fights

_____ Walking off jobs because you got angry

_____ Being negligent as a parent

_____ Engaging in illegal occupations

   
X
    
Being reckless and getting into trouble because of it
(somewhat in h.s.)

_____ Moving frequently without prior planning

_____ Persistent conning, manipulating, or exploiting others for personal gain

_____ Experiencing conflicts with authority figures (e.g., boss, teacher, police)

_____ Expectation of trickery or harm from others

_____ Continually being on the lookout for signs of threat

   
X
    
A need to be guarded or secretive in your affairs
(somewhat)

_____ Tendency to avoid accepting blame when warranted

   
X
      
Tendency to question the loyalty of others

_____ Tendency to be overly concerned with people’s hidden

_____ motives and the special meanings of their words

_____ Tendency to be overly jealous

_____ Tendency to be easily slighted and quick to take offense

_____ Tendency to exaggerate problems (“making mountains out of molehills”)

_____ Tendency to be ready to counterattack when threat was perceived

   
X
    
Often found yourself unable to relax

_____ Tendency to give the appearance to others of being “cold” (unemotional)

_____ Tendency to take pride in being objective, rational, unemotional

_____ Tendency to lack a sense of humor
(so I’ve been told)

_____ Found it hard to experience passive, soft, tender and sentimental feelings

_____ Feeling you were a person of unusual importance or uniqueness and capable of doing truly great things in life

_____ Feeling or thinking that you could achieve unlimited success, power, accomplishment, beauty, and wealth

   
X
    
Tendency to feel that your “looks” were especially important to your success with others
But never really satisfied with my appearance

_____ Tendency to find it “hard” or “stupid” to sympathize with others when they were in periods of distress

   
X
    
Tendency to feel it was okay to take advantage of others if it was in your interest in terms of personal gain
—To some extent in h.s. (with boys)

In the following list, please mark an
X
to show the degree to which you have experienced each item listed
following
the accident or traumatic incident. Also, please mark an
O
to show the degree to which you experienced that item
before
the accident or traumatic event.

Is there anything else you wish to add to this inventory?

I have pain (severe sometimes) in my back, knees, and on the top of my head. Have had MRIs done but doctors say there’S nothing physically wrong. I
strongly
disagree!