The Wavering of Haruhi Suzumiya (11 page)

It sounded like something a cut-rate psychoanalyst would say. There was a limit to what you could say about other people’s lives, I thought. I could think of all kinds of things to say, as long as I didn’t actually have to take any responsibility for them. What was he, a bogus fortune-teller?

“However—”

Koizumi smiled again.

“He certainly is bold, composing a letter like this. And you’re a good person, too, for writing it down. I’m afraid my fingers would’ve refused to do it.”

Was that a roundabout way of giving me a hard time? Well, unlike you, I actually care about my friends. At least enough to play part-time Cupid, even when I knew what the outcome would be.

I shrugged and gave Koizumi my reply.

“Nagato told me her response before you guys got here.”

I spoke for Nagato, who was paying equal amounts of attention to Haruhi and Koizumi.

“Ten years is too long, she says. I mean, of course it is, right? That’s what I’d say too.”

Then, after having been silent the entire time, Nagato spoke.

“Let me see.”

She reached out with slender fingers.

Now that was unusual, I thought. Haruhi seemed to think so too.

“Oh yeah? So you’re interested, are you?” she said, peering past the unevenly cut bangs of the sole member of the literature club. “Kyon’s the one who wrote it down, but you should hang on to it anyway, as a memento. You don’t see this kind of half-direct, half-roundabout love confession much nowadays.”

“Here you go.”

Koizumi took the wrinkled paper from Haruhi and passed it to Nagato.

“…”

Nagato lowered her eyes and read the words I had written, over and over, her eyes flicking up and down over the same lines, as if silently digesting their contents.

“I cannot wait.”

Well, of course.

But Nagato continued.

“I will see him.”

The room fell silent at her statement, and then, as if to deliver a final blow to my slackened jaw:

“I am interested,” she said, looking at me. Her eyes looked the way they always did.

I knew those eyes well—honest, pure, like handcrafted glass pieces.

The big cleaning day wound up being a normal cleaning day. When I suggested we dispose of the books on the bookshelves, Nagato didn’t give me a straight “yes” or “no,” but just stared at me with a vague sadness that left me unable to say anything more, and the only game from Koizumi’s collection we threw away was a cheap dice game from a magazine that we’d played only once anyway.

Asahina didn’t have any personal items save her tea set. And the disposal of anything that Haruhi had brought in was met with a flat “No!”

“Now listen here, Kyon. I don’t ever waste anything I can use. If it can be reused, it should be, and so long as it’s holding together, I won’t throw it away. That’s the spirit of environmentalism!”

I wondered if this was how hoarders got started on their hoarding. If you wanted to be an environmentalist, you shouldn’t do anything but the minimum for survival, I thought.

Haruhi tied a kerchief over her hair and had Nagato and Asahina do likewise, giving them a mop and a duster, while Koizumi and I got buckets and washcloths along with orders to wash the windows.

“This will be the last time we’re here this year, so in order to face the new year with a nice, clean feeling, we’re going home with the place sparkling.”

Thus ordered, Koizumi and I got to work on the windows. After a while, I glanced at the trio of girls, wondering whether they were cleaning the room or just spreading dust around, when my cleaning partner spoke quietly.

“This is just between you and me, but there are other organizations besides the Agency trying to get close to Nagato. Right now she’s every bit as important as you and Suzumiya. Nagato is in a unique position even among her fellow humanoid interfaces, which is probably a recent development.”

I sat on the windowsill and breathed on my wet hand to warm
it up while washing with the other hand; the winter chill robbed them of warmth all too quickly.

What the hell was this—

It was easy to play dumb. Recently I’d had experiences with both Nagato and Asahina that had nothing to do with Haruhi or Koizumi, and as a result I was still here, so I couldn’t just ignore this.

“I’ll figure something out,” I answered casually.

This whole situation had been caused by me. I’d have to be the one to fix it.

“Indeed. I’m counting on you. I have my hands quite full with planning the SOS Brigade’s winter mountain trip. And may I just say that while you can release stress by quarreling with Suzumiya, I have no such sparring partner.”

Who was the tomcat now?

But the handsome smile on Koizumi’s face twisted.

“Isn’t it about time for me to take off this harmless-looking mask and change the character I’ve been playing for so long? It’s quite tiring being so polite to my classmates all the time.”

If it was so tiring, he should’ve just stopped. I have no desire to control how he talked, I told him.

“That won’t do at all. My current self fits with the image Suzumiya wishes. I’m quite a specialist in her psychology.”

Koizumi gave an exaggerated sigh.

“On that count, I am rather envious of Asahina. After all, she needn’t change a single thing about herself.”

Didn’t he once say that Asahina’s manner might be an act? I asked him.

“Oh, did you really believe what I said? If I’ve actually won your trust, perhaps there’s been some value in all this effort.”

As evasive as ever. His untrustworthy speech patterns hadn’t changed all year. Even Nagato had undergone some internal changes, but Koizumi was the same as always. For Asahina’s part,
she didn’t need to change. I’d met the other Asahina, so I knew for certain that she’d mature both physically and psychologically.

“If I were to change somehow…”

Koizumi wiped more vigorously.

“… that would not be a good sign. The status quo is my duty. I can’t imagine you’d want to see me look serious.”

You’re right, I wouldn’t, I told him. His grinning face was perfectly suited to cleaning up Haruhi’s messes or setting things up for her in advance. I was really looking forward to whatever play waited for us in the snowy mountains. That is enough, right? I said.

“I can’t imagine a finer compliment. I’ll accept that.”

I didn’t know whether he meant it or not, but in any case his words ended up as white condensation on the window.

Later that evening.

Shamisen was curled up on my bed, and I looked at his sleeping face, feeling warm and pleasant. I wondered where this pleasant feeling came from and pondered the particular distinctions between love and lust. Just as I felt I was upon an answer—

“Kyon, telephone! The boy from yesterday!”

Once again my sister opened the door to my room, holding the receiver.

She handed me the receiver, which was playing some easy listening version of a famous classical tune, then she sat on the edge of the bed and began tugging at Shamisen’s whiskers.

“Shami, Shami, Shami’s so furry, Mommy’s gonna…”

I watched Shamisen open his eyes slightly to glare at, then ignore, my sister, then watched my happily singing sister as I put the phone to my ear. What had I been thinking about earlier? I wondered.

“Hello?”

“It’s me.”

My junior high classmate Nakagawa couldn’t hide the urgency he was feeling.

“How did it go? What was her answer? You gotta tell me. I don’t care what it was; I’m ready to hear it. C’mon, Kyon, out with it…!”

He sounded like a politician up for reelection, desperately listening to the news of the results.

“Unfortunately, I couldn’t get a favorable answer.”

I looked to my sister and shushed her as I tried to sound grim.

“She said she won’t wait. She said that she can’t imagine what will happen in ten years, that there are no guarantees.”

Since I was just relaying the facts, the words came smoothly. But just as I was wondering what to do about Nagato’s problematic statement that she would see him—

“I see.”

Nakagawa’s voice was surprisingly calm.

“I guess I’m not surprised. I didn’t think she would agree that easily either.”

I kept waving my head, and my strangely singing sister groaned her irritation before hauling Shamisen off the bed and leaving the room. She was probably going to go sleep with him in her own room, but give it an hour and Shamisen would probably come slinking back to my room. Cats didn’t like being given too much attention.

Once my sister left, I put my question to the phone.

“That’s all you have to say after making me read out that humiliating letter?”

If he had anticipated that reply, he shouldn’t have asked me to deliver the message.

“I realize that getting a heartfelt declaration of love from a complete stranger is bound to be difficult,” he said.

If you realized that, then don’t do it! You had to have a pretty obscure hobby indeed to go around knowingly stepping on land mines.

“But this should have at least piqued her interest a bit.”

You have to be at least a little impressed at Nakagawa’s plan. It was true that he was the first one to get Nagato to say she was interested. His message had had enough power to do that much, anyway. It’s enough to make me want to guarantee that he’s currently the most shameless guy on the planet.

“So about that, Kyon. I have another favor to ask.”

What was it now? My spirit of community service was at low ebb.

“Did you know I joined the football team when I started high school? I mean American football, not soccer.”

“That is the first I’ve heard of it,” I said.

“Ah. Well, I did. And that’s the favor I need. My team is going to host another school’s team for a game. I want you to bring Nagato to watch. I’m a first-stringer, of course.”

“When?”

“Tomorrow.”

I really didn’t need another person like Haruhi in my life. Why were their schedules always so cramped?

“If Nagato won’t wait ten years for me, there’s nothing I can do about that. If it’s come to this, I’ll have to show off some heroics and get her attention that way.”

Such a simplistic notion. He could’ve given a little thought to my position, at least—or at least thought about how busy the end of the year was.

“Is it not convenient for you?”

It wasn’t inconvenient. I had no plans tomorrow at all. Nagato probably didn’t either. It wasn’t inconvenient at all, so at this rate I was probably going to get sucked into watching his “heroics” or whatever. I told him as much.

“Great. Please come. It’s a friendly game, but we’re going to play for keeps. Our football team plays the school from the next town over every year. The outcome of the game is going to
determine whether or not we have a pleasant new year. If we lose, it’s going to be the winter vacation from hell. There won’t be a break for New Year’s Eve or New Year’s Day. It’ll just be more practice.”

Nakagawa sounded serious, even pathetic, but it wasn’t my problem. I told him that there was a pile of annoying things I needed to take care of by the end of the year. There weren’t many days before the mountain trip, after all.

“Kyon, I don’t care about whatever plans you have. What’s important is Nagato. Please, just ask her. If she refuses, then I’ll give up. But so long as there’s even one chance in a thousand, I’ll take that chance. Dreams will always stay mere dreams without action.”

That sounded like a load of nonsense to me, but I couldn’t bring myself to say it—my old weakness.

“Fine,” I said.

I flopped down on the bed and sighed.

“I’ll call Nagato after this.”

I had a premonition. Nagato would not refuse.

“Where was your school again? If Nagato says okay, I’ll bring her over.”

I’d probably bring some other people too—that was all right, wasn’t it?

“You’re a great matchmaker! I’ll be calling on you again for the wedding—no, perhaps I’ll name our first child for you—”

“Bye,” I said coldly, then hung up. If I let Nakagawa go on, I felt like worms would start coming out of my brain.

I put the cordless phone receiver on the shelf and got out my cell phone, then looked up Nagato’s number and gave her a call.

The next day came very quickly.

“You’re late! You’re the one who called us out here, and you’re the last to arrive? Do you even care about this?”

Haruhi smiled and pointed at me. We were at the station where the SOS Brigade always met. Three others were also waiting for me—Nagato, Koizumi, and Asahina.

My original idea had been to just bring the silent android along with me, but going to the game with just the two of us simply wasn’t possible. I didn’t even want to think about what punishment awaited us if the brigade chief found out we’d done something without her. Everyone would have to come along. After I’d called Nagato to get her answer, I called up the other three to invite them along as well. The fact that everybody had come said a lot about how much free time we all had, thanks to winter vacation. Or maybe they just wanted to see what kind of guy would fall in love with Nagato at first sight.

Owing to the midwinter chill, everyone had bundled up. Asahina’s outfit was particularly notable—the fluffy furriness of her white synthetic fur coat made her look as lovely as an innocent white bunny rabbit hopping through the mountain snow. She was the one people should be falling in love with.

Nagato wore a simple duffle coat over her school uniform, the hood drawn over her head. Unsurprisingly, the pseudo-alien was able to handle our Earth’s chill.

“…”

Her face was so expressionless you’d never have guessed she was going to see the guy who’d confessed his love for her.

“All right, let’s go! I can’t wait to see what this guy looks like. Also, it’ll be my first time watching a football game!”

Haruhi wasn’t the only one who seemed like she was up for a picnic. Asahina and Koizumi were both smiling. My own face was hollow, and Nagato’s was blank.

“I checked the bus map in advance. It’s about thirty minutes to the boys’ school from here. Here’s the entrance.”