The Way to Her Heart (9 page)

She smiled slightly and shook her head. “I’m fine, Josh. I’m almost back to normal.”

“‘Almost’ being the key word here. Let me go with you, Bernie. I’m just gonna sit around here and worry about you if you don’t. Please?” He flashed her the smile that usually got him what he wanted.

“I need to visit my mom. Trust me, it’s nothing you need to see.”

“Come on, Bernie. Let me drive you.” He held her gaze, trying to let her see how much he cared.

She broke eye contact and carried her plate to the sink. “Okay. Fine. It’ll probably be good for you to see where I live.”

He took his own plate to the sink and reached around to take hers out of her hands. He rinsed both and stacked them in the dishwasher. He turned her to face him and brushed her crazy hair down with his fingers. “Where you used to live. This is your home now.”

***

“Can we stop by Walmart, please? I want to pick up some groceries for her.” Bernie seemed nervous, twisting her fingers in her lap.

“Sure. No problem.” He steered his truck toward the discount store he usually avoided at all costs. He followed her through the grocery aisles while she loaded her basket with a loaf of store-brand white bread, assorted cold cuts, sliced American cheese, a few apples, and a bag of baby carrots. She finished with a small jug of milk and led him toward the checkout lanes. While they waited behind four other customers, Josh wondered why there were over twenty lanes when he’d ever only seen two or three open. When it was finally their turn, while Bernie was fishing in her purse for cash, Josh simply swiped his debit card to pay for the pitifully small amount of groceries.

“You didn’t have to do that!” she complained as she stalked toward his truck. “I am perfectly capable of paying for my mom’s groceries!”

He’d known he would most likely have to face her wrath, but he’d done it anyway. “Bernie, you’re saving for an apartment. And you haven’t been able to work for almost a week, so I know you’re probably stressing about money. Can we please not make a big deal about it?”

“Money is a big deal, Josh! I know you probably don’t think so since you’ve always had plenty. I’m not a freaking charity case, okay? I’m having a hard enough time accepting free room and board. Don’t try to pay for my stuff too.”

“I’m sorry. You’re right. I was just trying to help. I won’t do it again.” He probably would, but he’d wait a while. He realized it wounded her pride to accept what she considered handouts, but he sincerely wanted to help her.

She didn’t respond but directed him to the trailer park where her mother lived. Josh cringed as he drove the truck through the entrance of the Bella Vista Mobile Home Park.
Bella Vista?
There was absolutely nothing beautiful about the view or anything else as far as he could tell. He pulled in the driveway of a peeling yellow single-wide.
God, what a dump! How did something as beautiful as Bernie come from such a place?

“Home sweet home.” Bernie gathered her grocery bags and got out of the truck.

“Not anymore,” Josh muttered as he slammed his door. She would never live here again if he had any say in the matter.

Bernie used her key in the front door and led the way into a tiny, cluttered living room. Josh’s eyes widened as he took in the nearly empty bottles of liquor and drug paraphernalia on the coffee table.

“You’re not in Kansas anymore. Welcome to my world.” Bernie set the grocery bags on the counter and walked to the hallway. “Ma! You here?”

“Stop yelling, goddammit!” A rail-thin woman pushed Bernie out of the way and stumbled to the tattered sofa. Josh could see very little resemblance between mother and daughter. “My head is killing me! So, you decided to show up again, huh? Well, la-di-da! What do you want?” She lit a foul-smelling cigarette and poured a small amount of vodka into the filthy drinking glass on the coffee table.

“Nothing, Ma. I just wanted to check on you. I brought you some food. Are you hungry?” Bernie turned to take the food out of the grocery bags.

“I got it.” Josh stilled her hand and set about making a sandwich for the repulsive woman. He found a plate in the cupboard and rinsed a knife in the sink.

“Thanks.” She gave him a small, tight smile. “I’m going to get a few things from my room.”

“Bernie, I need you here, baby.” Her mom was now whining and crying.

Josh sliced an apple to go with the sandwich, placed a few of the baby carrots next to it, and delivered it to Bernie’s mother.

“Who the hell are you?”

“I’m a friend of Bernie’s.” He returned to the kitchen to put away the rest of the groceries.

“A friend, huh? You think I don’t know what that means? If you knock her up you better be able to pay for the abortion. I ain’t got no money for that.”

Josh ground his teeth as he poured a glass of milk and took it in to her.

“So enjoy the little slut while you can, but be careful you don’t get more than you bargained for.” She took a deep drag on her cigarette.

He was appalled a mother could say such things. He set the glass on the table so hard the milk sloshed out. “
Don’t
talk about her like that! She’s your daughter, for God’s sake!”

“Josh.” Bernie stood at the entrance to the living room. “Leave it alone. It’s not worth it.” She turned back to her bedroom, then stopped and turned back briefly. “Can you help me with a box?”

He stared at her mother for a long moment. Her mother wouldn’t meet his eyes but pushed the milk away and grabbed her glass of vodka again. “Sure, Bernie. I’ll be right there.”

Bernie returned to her bedroom.

“She’s a handful.” Her mother took a long sip of vodka. “Always has been.”

He shook his head, disgusted. “You have no idea what she is.”

He carried the box she indicated to the back of his truck. She followed with a smaller box, which he took from her, loaded in the truck, and shut the tailgate. She stood with her hands in her jeans pockets, biting her lip.

“She’s always like that. I’m used to it.”

“Bullshit. Nobody gets used to that.”

“What do you know about it?”

He was about to argue back, but he saw a tear trace down her cheek and his heart melted. He swallowed his angry retort and pulled her into his arms. She resisted, standing stiffly with her hands still in her pockets. He pulled her head to rest against his neck and rubbed his hands up and down her back. “It’s okay, Bernie. I’m here.”

She gave a huge sob and threw her arms around his chest. He let her cry for several minutes until she began to quiet. “Come on.” He guided her to the passenger side and opened the door. “Let’s get you home.”

“I need to stop at Gabby’s trailer. It won’t take but a minute, I promise. Do you have any tissues? I’m a mess.”

He reached across and handed her a packet of tissues from the glove compartment. “Here. And I’m at your disposal this afternoon, so we go wherever you need.”

“Thanks. Sorry about…you know.”

He simply smiled and asked where to drive.

Gabby’s father answered the door after a second knock. “Hey, Bernie! Good to see you. I was in the back and didn’t hear. Come on in.”

“Hi, Mr. Rodriguez. I just wanted to stop by and see if you need anything. Oh, this is my friend, Josh.”

Josh shook hands with the middle-aged Hispanic man, wondering who he was. “Nice to meet you, sir. I’m Josh Harris.”

“I’ve got coffee made. Come in and visit for a few minutes.” He led the way into the trailer, leaving Josh and Bernie little choice but to follow.

“Wow, the house looks great, Mr. Rodriguez. You’ve been busy.” Bernie sat in the chair the man indicated and added vast amounts of cream and sugar to the coffee he placed in front of her.

“Yeah, I’ve been cleaning. When Gabby comes home I don’t want her to think I can’t take care of myself.”

Josh saw the look of pity on Bernie’s face before she schooled her features into a blank look. Who was Gabby?

“That’s great, Mr. Rodriguez. She’s gonna be real proud of you. How are you doing? You’ve gone back to work, haven’t you?”

“Oh, yeah. It’s the only thing that keeps me sane.” He paused to take a slurp of coffee. “I got a promotion. I’m assistant manager now.”

“Congratulations. That’s wonderful.” Bernie continued to engage him in small talk for a few minutes as she finished about half of her coffee. Josh made a mental note that she didn’t seem to care for it. She finally stood and carried her mug to the sink, which Josh took as their cue to leave.

“Thanks for the coffee, sir. Nice to meet you.” He shook hands with the man and ushered Bernie out the door and to the truck.

“So, who’s Gabby?” He started the truck as she leaned her head back and sighed heavily.

“She was my friend.”

“Was?”

“She disappeared last summer. Nobody’s heard anything from her since July fifth.”

“Oh.” He seemed to vaguely remember a news report about a missing teen, but he couldn’t remember much. “Did she run away?”

“No!”

“Okay. Sorry.”

She sighed again. “No. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you. It’s just…that’s what the police think, but I know she didn’t run away!”

“Talk to me, Bernie. Why are you so sure?”

She flashed him a quick look but seemed to decide he was serious and truly wanted to know. “She had nothing to run away from. You met her dad. He’s a total sweetheart, and they had a great relationship. Plus, she left a bunch of stuff in her room, stuff like her contact solution, which she would have taken if she’d run away.”

“So, what do you think happened to her?”

“I think she’s dead.”

Chapter Six

“
So
, how long will your dad be gone?” Gabby handed her a box of tissue.

“He got a fifteen-year sentence.” She blew her nose and tried to stop the hiccups she always got when she cried hard.

“That sucks. I’m really sorry.”

“My mom is totally freaking out. She got drunk again last night. I’m scared, Gabby.”

“It’ll be okay. You can come over whenever you want. Me and my dad will always be here for you.”

Bernie

Josh
drove her home and helped her carry the boxes into her bedroom. It was probably silly, but now that she had a place to stay, she wanted her photos and knickknacks. She arranged them on the dresser in the guest room and felt more at home than she had in years. But God, it had been hard to let Josh see what her home life was like. He had this perfect home and his perfect mom; how could he ever understand what her life was like? She’d thanked him for his help and then told him she needed some time alone, shutting the bedroom door in his worried face. She was so embarrassed by what he’d seen at her trailer and the horrible things her mother had said to him.

Her blood boiled when she thought about her mom. Why in the hell did she keep going by to check on her? It was always the same. Her mom yelled and cursed, then pleaded with her to come back, then finished with more yelling and cursing when Bernie refused. How was it possible to hate and love someone at the same time?

She lay back on her bed, exhausted from her outing. She was due for another dose of antibiotics and the cough syrup, which would put her to sleep, but she was too tired to walk to the kitchen.

The knock on her bedroom door startled her out of her near-slumber. “Bernie?” Josh’s voice was muffled. “Can I come in? I’ve got your medicine. It’s time for your next dose.”

She smiled sleepily and sat up. “Come in. Thanks for remembering.”

“My mom called to remind me. Here.” He handed her a glass of water and her pills. Then he measured out the cough syrup into the small plastic cup and made her drink it.

“Ugh! So nasty!” She lay back on the bed, unable to stay awake much longer.

“Baby.” He said it with a smile. “What do you want for dinner?” He tucked the afghan from the end of her bed around her shoulders.

“I don’t know. I like mac ‘n’ cheese. Can you make that?”

“You insult me. Of course I can make macaroni and cheese. Have a good nap.” He shut her door softly.

As she drifted off, she wondered how in the world she had lucked into meeting him. She dreamed about Gabby; she ran into her at the laundromat and asked her why she disappeared and where she’d been all this time. Gabby acted like she didn’t know what Bernie was talking about.

“Gabby, everyone’s been worried about you! Your poor dad has been freaking out!”

“Chill, Bernie! I was never gone! I’ve been here the whole time.” She bent to pull clothes out of a dryer, and when she straightened, her face was covered with blood.

Bernie gasped and stepped back so fast she tripped, which caused her to wake. She waited until her heart stopped pounding to get out of bed and then followed the delicious aroma to the kitchen. Josh and Claire were sitting at the bar, talking softly.

“Oh, Bernie, you look so much better! Sorry if we woke you.” Claire set her glass of white wine down and came to feel Bernie’s forehead.

“You didn’t. It smells great, Josh. I’m starving.”

“Well, if you’ve got your appetite back, you’re on the mend. And it feels like your fever is down too.” Claire kissed her on the forehead before she returned to her seat.

Bernie was stunned and had no idea what to think. She tried to remember the last time her own mother had kissed her. She gulped and looked up to see Josh watching her. He gave her a half-smile and shrugged as he set a plate in front of her. She looked down to see a helping of macaroni and cheese and salad greens. The mac ‘n’ cheese looked completely different than what came out of the box, and she was dubious. She put a forkful into her mouth.

“It’s good, huh?” Claire smiled at her through a mouthful of food.

“It’s amazing! So this is how it’s supposed to be? God, Josh! Do you ever cook anything that sucks?”

“Thanks. It’s my grandma’s recipe. And yes, I sometimes cook things that suck. Just last week Maurice had me try a soufflé, which was absolutely wretched. He just about laughed himself to death.”

“Well, that wasn’t very nice! I don’t think your mentor should be laughing at you! Maybe I need to talk to him.” Bernie could practically see Claire’s feathers ruffling.

“No, Mom. Don’t say anything to him, please. I’m a big boy and it was pretty funny. It keeps me humble.”

They sat in the living room later that evening, watching television while both Josh and Bernie finished homework, which was due the next morning. Bernie worried she had fallen behind while she was sick and was pushing herself to finish before she fell asleep again. She needed to keep her grades up if she had any chance for the lottery scholarship, the only way she was going to be able to afford college.

“Is that calculus?” Josh leaned over to check out what she was working on.

“Yeah.”

“So, you’re a brain, huh?”

“No. Why would you think that?”

“Because I can barely handle business math. What do you want to study in college?”

She shrugged, embarrassed he thought she was smart. “I don’t know. Maybe engineering. I like math, so I’d like to do something with it. What about you?”

“Business degree and then culinary school. Shocking, huh?”

She smiled at him. “Makes sense. What did I miss in econ?”

He gave her the copy of his notes he’d made and then brought her a mug of herbal tea along with her medicine and a glass of water. “Are you sure you’re feeling well enough to go to school tomorrow?”

“Oh, yeah. I’m much better. I can’t afford to miss any more. I’ll be fine.”

“Will you let me drive you in the morning? It’ll make me feel better. Please?”

He was
such
a nice guy. She nodded, feeling uncomfortable about the secret she was keeping from him. Kayleigh seriously needed to get her butt in gear and talk to him. She couldn’t stand the thought of keeping something like this from him, especially when he’d been so incredibly nice to her. She made up her mind to find time to confront his girlfriend tomorrow and make sure she did what she needed to do. Why in the world would Kayleigh prefer someone else when she had Josh? Bernie simply couldn’t understand. If she ever…
stop right there, girl! Don’t even entertain that thought.

***

“
Kayleigh
?”

“Aagh! Oh my God, Bernie! You scared the crap out of me!” Kayleigh leaned against the wall by the locker room where Bernie had been waiting for her.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I just wanted to talk to you for a minute.”

“Okay, yeah. Hey, are you feeling better? Josh said you were really sick.”

Why did she have to be such a caring person? Bernie wanted to lay into her about the fact she hadn’t talked to Josh yet, but then Kayleigh went and asked about her illness. Bernie hardened her heart and stepped close to her.

“You haven’t talked to him yet.”

Kayleigh shook her head miserably.

“So, have you changed your mind? Are you going to forget about that girl?” Bernie would not be swayed by the pathetic look on the other girl’s face.

Kayleigh couldn’t seem to decide whether she should nod or shake her head. She shrugged, and then her face crumpled as she dissolved into tears. Bernie crossed her arms and stared at her impatiently, finally fishing in her backpack for a tissue, which she stuffed into Kayleigh’s hand. Kayleigh blew her nose and gave a huge sniff before straightening and facing Bernie.

“Thanks. I’m, uh, still really confused. I don’t know what I want right now.”

“You’re cheating on him. I know about it and I can’t just let it slide. He’s been really good to me, and I can’t just face him every day knowing his girlfriend is cheating on him with another girl! Kayleigh, you know what he’s been through!”

“I know, I know! He said you’re staying with him and Claire for a while.”

“Do you have a problem with that?” Bernie crossed her arms again.

“Should I have a problem with it?” She stared at Bernie for a moment, then groaned and put her face in her hands. “I guess I really don’t have any right to ask, huh?”

Bernie softened slightly. “We’re friends. That’s all. He’d never think of me as…whatever.”

Kayleigh lifted her face and stared at Bernie, a look of confusion evident on her features. “Maybe you don’t know him as well as you think.” She sniffed and wiped her nose again. “Okay, listen. I need some time. Just a couple more days. I promise. I’ll talk to him this weekend. Please.”

She didn’t like it, but what choice did she have? “Fine. This weekend.” She turned to leave, then thought of something and turned back. “I’m not being judgmental, you know. Personally, I don’t care which way you swing. You’re a really nice person, Kayleigh, but so is Josh. You both deserve to be happy, whether that happens together or not. Make up your mind. Soon.” She left her by the locker room and made her way to first period.

Her badass feeling lasted well into second period, which might have explained her actions. She watched Diego and his friends act like complete asses and again wondered what Gabby had ever seen in him. But he was the last person to admit having seen her, so he was important. Bernie was sick to death of no one listening to her when she said Gabby did not run away. The police were useless, and she knew it was time to take action if they were ever going to find Gabby.

“Hey, Diego,” she called to him as she packed her bag. “Do you have a sec?”

He smiled in his smarmy way and sidled up to her, his gaze never rising above the level of her boobs. “For you, angel, I have a whole minute.”

Ugh! She wasn’t sure she could do this. “So, I was wondering if you, uh, still wanted to get together sometime?” She tried not to wince.

He grinned and stepped even closer. “Yeah, sure. Of course. What about Friday night?”

“Okay. Fine. Yeah, that would be great.” She gulped.

“Well, we’ve got a date, Bernie.” He reached to run his fingers down her arm and took her hand. “I’m gonna be thinking about you all week.” He winked, dropped her hand, and sauntered down the hall.

What have I done?

By lunchtime she was starting to fade. The virus had really taken it out of her, and she wanted nothing more than to curl up on the comfortable bed in Josh’s guest room, sleep through until morning, and forget she had agreed to go out with Diego Saiz.

“Hey, how are you feeling? You don’t look so good.” Josh plopped down next to her at the lunch table.

“Thanks. Really.”

“You know what I mean, so don’t get cranky. You’re not eating?”

She shook her head and leaned forward to rest it on her arms. “I’m not hungry. I just need to rest for a few minutes.”

“Josh, you should take her home.” Kayleigh set her tray next to them. “She looks terrible.”

“Yeah, man.” Tony’s voice came from her other side. “I’ve never seen a brown girl look so pale.”

“I can hear you. I’m not dead, you know.” Bernie sat up.

“You look kinda dead,
chica
. No offense.” Tony mussed her hair as he said it.

“As soon as I feel better, I’m going to think of a really good comeback. I’ll be fine. I only have a few classes left.” She tried to instill her words with a bit of enthusiasm.

“Let me run you home.” Josh handed her the bottle of water he’d bought for himself. “You need to be in bed.”

“No. I need to stay and go to class.”

The other three exchanged disbelieving glances. Tony and Kayleigh shrugged and focused on their lunches.

“Fine.” Josh didn’t sound happy. “But if you start looking any worse, I’m taking you home.”

She noticed he watched her closely during the rest of lunch period. He pushed his fries in front of her, and she managed to eat a few to please him. She couldn’t decide if she was annoyed with him or flattered by his concern. She’d been on her own for so long; having someone take care of her felt foreign, and she wasn’t sure how to react.

She caught Kayleigh’s eye and raised her eyebrows and angled her head toward Josh.

Kayleigh got the hint. “So, Josh. Are you busy Friday after school? Do you have to work?”

He looked startled for a moment but recovered quickly. “I can make sure I’m free. What’s up?”

“I, uh, just thought we could spend some time together, that’s all.” She fidgeted with her food.