The Way to Yesterday (7 page)

When she looked to the left, all the air went out of her lungs in one
breath, as if she'd been punched in the stomach. An entire wardrobe of women's
dresses, blouses, skirts and slacks-and in her size were hanging on the rack.

Okay... so I'm dreaming in detail and color... and with sensation. So what?
I've already accepted the fact that I'm losing my mind.

She stepped out of the closet and then turned off the light. Immediately,
her gaze moved to the door Daniel had left open. She walked into the hallway
and then into the room where Hope was sleeping. For whatever reason and for
however long this fantasy would last, she not only had Daniel back, but she had
her daughter, too. The bond she'd had with the baby seemed nothing but a
distant memory as she stared down at the six-year-old girl in disbelief.

The longer she looked, the tighter the ache grew within her chest. Quietly,
she tiptoed to the side of the bed, smiling at the one-eared bunny tucked
beneath Hope's chin, and pulled the covers back over the little girl's shoulders.
Then, reluctant to lose the connection, she lifted a stray lock of hair away
from Hope's face, then leaned down and brushed her forehead with a kiss and as
she did, felt as if she'd done it countless times before. Her heart swelled as
she watched the little girl's eyelids fluttering in sleep.

This is my baby.

She watched her for only a few moments, then, afraid her presence would wake
Hope up, she went back to the bedroom she shared with Daniel. For a few
moments, she stood in the doorway, staring at the room and the feelings it
evoked. Finally, she took a deep breath and began taking off her clothes.
Seconds later, she was in the bathroom and stepping beneath the warm water
jetting from the showerhead. It could only be symbolic, but she had a sudden
urge to wash away every remnant of her old, sad life.

*

Daniel's heart sank when he saw the empty bed, then he heard the shower
running and smiled. With a quick glance over his shoulder to make sure the door
to Hope's room was still closed, he shut the door to their bedroom and then
turned the lock. Mary had strewn her clothes on the foot of the bed. He added
his to the pile and then headed for the bath. The water was warm on Mary's skin
as she closed her eyes and turned her face to the jets, but when she heard the
shower door open then close, her breath caught in the back of her throat.
Suddenly, Daniel's hands were tracing the length of her back, then around,
cupping her breasts and pulling her back against his body.

'I love you, Mary Faith."

Tears welled against Mary's eyelids. To hear these words and to feel her
husband's touch after all this time was staggering. Why and how this was happen
ing
was no longer of concern to her. If this was
madness, then so be it. God knew it was better than what she'd had.

She turned in his arms, her heart pounding, her body weak with longing. With
a soft, desperate moan, she threw her arms around his neck, relishing the
roughness in his kiss.

Reluctantly, Daniel stepped back and began touching her all over, as if to
assure himself that she was truly okay.

'You scared me today," he said softly. "When you went limp in my
arms, my heart almost stopped."

Mary didn't want to think or talk about anything that had to do with before.
All she wanted was Daniel.

'Make love to me, Daniel. I need to feel you on me...in me...I've been so
lost."

Daniel turned off the water and then pulled her out of the shower and into
their bed, his need to be with her driving caution completely out of his mind.
Mary had a few brief moments of cognizance as Daniel laid her down and then
took the phone off the hook. After that, there was nothing left in her head but
a series of mind-numbing images.

The slight drip of a faucet in the other room. The beads of water still on
Daniel's hair and the shuttered look on his face as he beheld the woman beneath
him.

The sound of her own heartbeat loud in her ears. The flare of Daniel's
nostrils as he slid inside her body.

The shattering of her thoughts when he began to move.

The curl of need deep in her belly.

The building heat.

And then ultimately, the blinding insanity of re lease.

They lay wrapped in each other's arms, their hearts still pounding, their
muscles weak and lax. But the unity that Mary had remembered was still there
even stronger than before.

Daniel had his arms around his wife, and when he rolled onto his back, he
took her with him. Now, Mary lay with her cheek against his chest, feeling the
strong, even heartbeat beneath his ear and closed her eyes.

Heaven. Sweet heaven to know this again.

'Love you, Danny."

He couldn't remember the last time Mary Faith had called him Danny, but the
sound of it on her lips made him smile.

'Ah, baby ...I love you, too," he said softly and held her a little bit
tighter.

She sighed with pleasure.

Somewhere within the next few minutes, Daniel felt her go limp and knew that
she slept. Carefully, he slipped out from under her and covered her with a
sheet. Aware that Hope's nap wouldn't last much longer, he hurried into the
bathroom and cleaned up the mess that they'd made, then dressed. Pausing be
side their bed to look at his sleeping wife, he felt a familiar tightening in
his chest. For all these years, it was still the same feeling he'd had the
first time he'd seen her. She was the anchor to his world.

As he watched, a slight frown creased the middle of her forehead.
Impulsively, he leaned down and brushed a kiss across her lips and as he did,
the frown disappeared.

'Yeah, baby ...I know. That's what you do to me, too," he said softly,
and then closed the door behind him as he left.

It wasn't until much later that he remembered what she'd said just before
he'd taken her to bed-something about being lost. But it didn't make sense.
There hadn't been a day in the almost seven years of their married life that he
hadn't known where she was.

Mary woke with a start, her heart pounding, her body covered in a sweat of
panic.

Alone. She was alone.

'No," she moaned, and bolted from the bed.

She didn't want to be awake. She wanted back in the dream.

Yanking on her clothes with shaking hands, she tore out of the room. It
wasn't until she reached the head of the staircase that she realized she was
still in the house from the dream.

She stood, her legs shaking, trying to still a racing heart as the sounds of
childish laughter floated up the stairs.

Hope? Was that Hope?

Without caution, she bounded down the stairs, following the sounds of her
daughter's laughter and then found both Hope and Daniel in the kitchen having
cookies and milk.

The moment Daniel saw her, he got up from the chair and went to her.

'Hey... look who woke up," he said, and then nuzzled her neck,
whispering a more intimate
wel
come that only she
could hear. "Ooh, lady, you look like a woman who's been had."

Mary went limp with relief, clinging to his embrace and trying not to weep.

'I wonder why," she said, cherishing the hard, hungry kiss that he
slanted across her lips. Then she stepped out of his arms and peeked around at
the table. "Hey, you! Did you save me any cookies?"

Hope giggled and pointed to the neat pile of raisins on her plate.

'Only the raisins."

Mary stared at the plate. "You don't eat raisins?"

Hope rolled her eyes. "Mommy... we never eat the raisins,
remember?"

Mary stumbled to the table and then slid into a chair beside her daughter.
She knew her voice was shaking, but there wasn't a damn thing she could do to
hide what she was feeling.

'Yes ... I do remember. We always give them to Daddy, don't we?"

Hope giggled. "Yes, and we pretend that-"

'... they are pills to grow hair on his chest," Mary added.

Daniel gave a pretend growl, popped the handful of raisins into his mouth,
then thumped his chest with both fists. Hope shrieked with laughter and Daniel
loped around the kitchen like a monkey on the run. Mary watched the pair's
antics without comment, making sure that she was nodding and smiling in all the
right places, while she struggled to understand. This was nothing like a dream.
She distinctly smelled oatmeal and raisins and the scent of fresh-brewed
coffee, and there was something else about the moment that she couldn't get
past. The longer she sat, the stronger her sense of
deja
vu.

The vague scent of meatloaf was still in the air as Mary hung up the
dishtowel and then dried her hands. At first, it had been awkward, delving into
cabinets in search of bowls and pans, looking for spices, trying to find dishes
with which to set the table for a meal. But the longer she'd worked, the more
comfortable she'd become. By the time the food was cooked and ready to serve,
she was on a roll. More than once during the meal, she felt a little like she'd
felt as a child playing house, pretending that everything was real. But she'd
never tasted pretend meatloaf as good as what had come out of the oven, or felt
as much joy from the dolls that would join her for tea parties as she did with
this man and this child. She felt like Alice, who'd fallen down the rabbit
hole. For some reason, up was down, and down was up, and the faster she ran,
the later it got. But confusion paled in comparison to the love on Daniel's
face and the sound of her daughter's laugh ter. Even now, the faint sounds of
their voices in the other room made her want to cry. She couldn't count the
number of times she had dreamed of such an evening. Giving the kitchen a last,
satisfied glance, she decided that beggars should not be choosers and moved
toward the other room where her family waited.

'Mommy!" Hope cried, and bounced up from the sofa where she'd been
sitting to launch herself at

Mary's legs. "I want to watch 101 Dalmatians... please, please!"

Mary braced herself for the impact and then laughed when Hope's arms wrapped
around her knees.

'You're going to be watching Mommy fall if you don't turn me loose,"
she said.

Hope giggled, then started dancing around in a lit
tle
circle, still pleading her case.

Mary's first instinct was to never say no to the child that she'd lost, then
looked to Daniel for sup port.

'Hey, kiddo," Daniel said. "Tomorrow is a school day. You need to
get a bath and get in bed.

You know the rules."

Hope's lower lip jutted, but she didn't argue.

Mary knew that a crisis had been averted and breathed a small sigh of
relief.

'Come on, honey... you can use some of my bubble bath," she said, and
then took a deep, shaky breath as an image flashed through her mind.
Herin
the boutique section of Savannah Square-buying
freesia-scented bubble bath and body powder.

God... how did this keep happening?

'Yea!" Hope squealed, and headed for the stairs. Daniel stood, then
circled the sofa and took Mary in his arms.

'You sure you're up to this?" he asked. "You insisted on making
dinner and doing the dishes, even after what you went through this
afternoon."

Mary leaned against him, remembering the power of their lovemaking and
suddenly shivered.

'Cold?" he asked.

She made herself smile. "No...just an unexpected case of goose
bumps."

Daniel scooped her up in his arms and buried his nose beneath the nape of
her neck.

'You like goose bumps? I can give you goose bumps."

She clung to him, thrusting her fingers through his hair and offering her
mouth to his kiss. Again, the touch of flesh to flesh was like
lightning-shocking and heated.

'Those will do for starters," Mary whispered. "I'd better hurry or
Hope will have dumped the whole bottle of bubbles into the tub like last time."
Daniel rolled his eyes and then grinned. "Yeah ...I remember. I smelled
like flowers for a whole damned week."

'No, you didn't," Mary said. "It was only more like two
days." The hair on the back of her neck suddenly rose. The line between
reality and fantasy was blurring more with every passing hour.

'I stand corrected," he said, and then razed her mouth with one last
kiss as he cupped her backside and pulled her hard against the juncture of his
thighs.

'Feel that?"

Mary closed her eyes, giving herself up to the pure animal attraction
between them.

Reluctantly, Daniel finally turned her loose, then lifted a stray lock of
her hair from the corner of her eyes.

'You sure you don't want me to help Hope with her bath?"

'I'm sure," Mary said.

'Okay ...but later, you have to help me with mine."

She laughed. "We've already done that once today."

Daniel smirked. "Cleanliness is next to godliness, Mary Faith. Would
you have me become a heathen?"

'You already are," she said, and then headed up the stairs to find her daughter.

Chapter Five

It was twenty minutes after three in the morning and Mary had yet to fall
asleep. Her eyes were burning with fatigue, her body trembling from the strain
of trying to stay awake. Daniel's arm was across her shoulders, holding her
firmly in place against the curve of his body. It would have been so easy to
just close her eyes and let go, but the fear of losing what she had was too
strong. This had become her reality.

Going back to the emptiness of her other life would kill her, and that's
what she feared would happen if she let herself sleep in this one.

Daniel shifted where he lay and then sighed. She felt his breath against her
cheek and clung to him in desperation. Moments passed. Moments in which she remembered
the scent of her freesia bubble bath emanating from Hope's skin as she helped
her into her nightgown, and the heartbreaking sweetness of her daughter's
good-night kiss on her cheek.