The "What If" Guy (17 page)

Once the roads had become drivable, Elliott had ecstatically rejoined the after school strings program. Instead of waiting for his grandpa to leave before dragging his cello out, he’d finally started practicing in the open. The sound of his cello filled the house at night and, surprisingly, my dad didn’t complain. We were a family again. My days became a flurry of carpooling, dusting shelves of junk jewelry at the pharmacy, managing my father’s at-home care, cooking, and cleaning. At times, I longed for Seattle, but I was becoming accustomed to life in Fairfield.

“I don’t feel so cute.” Holly sat across from me at her kitchen table—the familiar sound of her brood of boys watching a Disney movie in the background—and plunked down a plate of oversized muffins. “Ty just started sleeping through the night, but Thomas has been wetting the bed. So between that, and Tanner’s incessant need to climb into my bed in the middle of the night, I haven’t been getting much rest.”

“I’m sorry, Holl.” I looked at her with envy. “At least pregnancy suits you.”

She blushed. “It better. I’ve been pregnant, giving birth, or nursing a baby for the better part of the last decade.”

“Does Cody help out at night?”

Holly chewed on a bite of muffin. “Yes. Sometimes. But he’s sort of a wimp about changing stinky diapers, so I usually have to handle those myself.”

“You are such a trooper. I was alone after I had Elliott, and I resented it the whole time.”“Cody helps in other ways, he—”

Baby Ty let out a wail.

“Hold on.” She disappeared, leaving me alone with the muffins.

The crying quieted within moments, and she returned.

“Let’s talk about Henry.” She gave me a wicked smile.

“Ugh, there’s nothing to talk about.”

“Of course there is.” She refilled our coffee mugs. “You are completely hung up on him.”

“Am not.”

“Oh, give it up. You are too. The other day, when I came to see you at the pharmacy, he walked past the store, and you practically jumped out of your skin.”

“I did not.”

“You did so. And Doris said he came in a week or so ago, and you tripped over an umbrella rack.”

My face went red. “It was out of place.”

“Right.” She gave me a skeptical look. “When we were in Fisk’s yesterday, you nearly peed your pants when Henry’s truck went by.”

I groaned and put my head in my hands. “You’re totally right.”

Holly patted my shoulder. “I don’t know why you bother denying it.”

“I just wish I understood what was going on,” I said, loudly enough to disturb the baby. “Sorry,” I whispered. “It’s just that the last three times we’ve seen each other, we’ve wound up kissing.”

“And you loved it.” She grinned.

“Yes. Good lord, yes.” I closed my eyes. “I forgot how well he could kiss.”

Her eyes shone. “Do tell.”

“It’s those damned whiskers. He’s the perfect mix of rough and soft. And he has this way about him. Strong, yet so incredibly gentle. It makes me want…” I searched for the words.

“Don’t stop there.”

“It makes me want more. Makes me crazy. I want him to throw me down and ravage me.”

Holly giggled. “Why don’t you throw him down and ravage him?”

I shook my head. “Because he keeps pushing me away. I don’t understand it.”

“I don’t either.” She furrowed her brow. “I thought all men jumped at the chance of making out with a woman. I didn’t know it was physically possible to turn it down.”

I took a long sip of coffee. “Exactly. Part of me thinks he doesn’t like me that way anymore.”

“Then why would he keep kissing you?”

“I have no idea. And it isn’t like I’m throwing myself at him. Not entirely. He’s kissing me right back.”

Holly thought for a moment, then snapped her fingers. “When is his divorce final?”

“No idea.” Discouraged, I took a big bite out of my muffin.

“Perhaps it’s not final, and he’s holding off of getting involved with you until it is.”

“Maybe.” I said. “Maybe he’s still in love with his wife, and when we kiss it brings back painful memories.”

She shook her head. “No. That’s not it.”

“How do you know?” I raised an eyebrow.

“I don’t know. I just don’t think he would have moved all the way out here if he still loved her.”

“Then why would kissing me bother him? I don’t think he’s attracted to me anymore.”

“Then why kiss you at all?” Holly buttered her muffin.

“Men do rash things when they’re horny.”

She snorted. “Be serious.”

“I am serious. Men are predictable creatures. If they get hard-up enough, they’ll make out with a tree.”

Holly’s bright eyes narrowed. “Please.”

“I think I’m really on to something. Henry’s been in Fairfield for what? Seven months? And according to Helen and Doris, who know all the hot gossip, he hasn’t been seeing anyone. Not even
Lay-a-lot
Deberaux. I’ll bet he’s completely desperate by now.” I held my hands out at my sides. “I’m the tree.”

“You’re not a tree.” Holly smiled. “Look at you. You’re gorgeous. He isn’t making out with you out of desperation.”

“Then what’s his problem?”

“I think you should ask him.”

“Ask him?”

“Exactly.”

“Just walk up to him and ask him why he keeps kissing me?”

“Sure, why not?” Holly said. “After all, you dated once. You’ve seen each other naked, for Pete’s sake.”

“I, well, we…” I cleared my throat self-consciously. “We didn’t exactly see each other naked. I mean, not completely.”

“Oh, right. Okay, you can ask him, since you’ve seen each other partially naked.”

I chewed my muffin, the banana-nut goodness warm in my mouth.

“What did he look like?” Holly sipped her coffee.

I tried to stifle my smile. “Whatever do you mean?”

Her cup hit the table with a thud. “Spill it, Cole. I want details.”

Heat crept up my neck. “You’re a married woman.”

“I’m married but not dead.” She laughed.

“He was sexy.” I giggled. “Every time his shirt came off, I got lightheaded.”

“Nice.” Holly’s eyes widened.

“Yeah.” I grinned at the memory of Henry, shirtless, kissing me silly against a wall in his loft so many years ago.

“Mm-mmm,” Holly mused. “I wonder if he still looks that good?”

“He’s different now,” I sighed. “His body is thicker than it was in college, but it suits him. He’s gruff and so incredibly masculine.”

She nodded. “That’s what drives me crazy about Cody. He’s so strong and manly. It thrills me, even after all these years.”

She rose from the table. “I say you go to Henry and ask him why he keeps pushing you away.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Why not? What makes it complex?”

“We have a history, that’s what. We were really in love.”

She turned and faced me. “That is especially why you need to ask him. This is your second chance. You owe it to yourself to see it through.”

Holly was right. I needed to ask Henry what was brewing between us. Were we friends that occasionally made out, or were we more? And if we were more, then why weren’t we going on dates like normal people?

Holly patted my head. “There, there, little one. This won’t kill you.” She bent and scooped the muffin plate and mugs off of the table. “But the sexual frustration might.”

§

“Haven’t you learned to keep off of ladders by now?”

I teetered on the ladder, but didn’t fall.

I didn’t need to look down to know who had spoken. Only one voice on earth made me shiver that way—a shimmying tickle that went from my toes to my head and back again.

“Hey you,” I said, carefully climbing down the ladder. “Long time, no see.”

Henry’s mouth tugged upward. “I saw you four days ago. I waved at you from my truck while you were walking out of the post office.”

I shook my head. “That doesn’t count. You didn’t speak.”

“Well then, you should have said long time, no speak.” He grinned.

I gave him a haughty look. “I’m not even going to indulge that with a reply.”

He laughed. “That so?”

Keep it together, Autumn. Be strong. Don’t give in to the power of
the voice
.

“You can’t keep doing this,” I told him in a hushed tone.

“Doing what?” he whispered.

I led him to the front counter, where I’d been doodling on scraps of paper earlier. I wanted to speak to Henry away from Doris and Helen’s curious ears. “You can’t kiss me one day, and then not speak to me for weeks.”

“Oh, that.” He frowned.

“Try not to sound so enthusiastic.”

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

“How, exactly, did you mean it?”

“I just knew you would bring that up eventually.”

I fumed. “You knew?”

“Yeah.” He shrugged. “I just didn’t know what I was going to say when you did.”

I put my hand on my hip. “Am I the tree?”

He smiled. “The what?”

“Forget that.” I shook my head. “Am I just scratching an itch for you?”

“What?” He looked confused.

“You’re newly single, living in a new town, not dating anyone—that I know of.” I searched his eyes for a hint. “You’re bound to be horny—”

“Geez, shh.” He glanced back at Doris and Helen.

“Well, I’m sure you are,” I said. The wheels were in motion—no stopping me. “And I’m here. And single. It’s just logical to assume that you’re using me.”

Henry’s mouth pulled into a line. “You think I’m using you?”

“Well, aren’t you?” I willed my stomach to stop turning cartwheels.

“Of course not. I can’t believe you would think that.”

“What else am I supposed to think? We keep sticking our tongues down each other’s throats, but we never go on a date, or even talk. I’m beginning to feel like a tramp.”

“Don’t call yourself that. We’re not sleeping together.”

My eyes flashed. “But if we were, that would make me a tramp, right?”

“That’s not what I’m saying,” Henry said. “Would you stop putting words in my mouth?”

“I can’t help it. You’re giving me nothing to go on.”

He took a deep breath. “I never meant to make you feel bad. At all. In fact, I was trying to avoid that.”

“Are you seeing someone?”

Henry’s eyes narrowed. “No.”

“Are you sure? You’re a good-looking guy. Dozens of women would love to go out with you. You should consider dating someone.” I pressed my lips together, hoping he would pick up on the hint. I wanted him to ask me out. We could dress up and go to dinner in a real restaurant with waiters and candles and filet mignon.

“There’s no one here I want to date. Are you
dating anyone?”

“Around here? Are you kidding? Maybe when I get back to Seattle, but certainly not here.” I waved my hand dismissively.

Henry’s brows pinched together. “Got it.”

We stared at each other for a few seconds. I didn’t know what to say. I wanted him to ask me out on a date—not the other way around. It was petty and childish, but I couldn’t help it. I was too chicken to ask. What if he said no? After all, I’d hurt him pretty badly.

“How come I always catch you two together?” Layla Deberaux’s voice oozed from behind me. I bristled.

I’d been so engrossed in my argument with Henry that I’d missed the sound of the bell above the door ringing when she’d sauntered in. Layla sashayed toward us, wearing black leggings and a cropped denim jacket that hugged her Barbie-doll figure. Her hair cascaded down her back in a glossy waterfall of gold.

I glanced at my mustard-colored smock, brushed off some dust bunnies, and forced myself to smile. “Layla. How are you?”

“Better than you, apparently. Gosh, I heard about your father. Such a sad story.”

My heart lurched. “Well, thanks. I—”

“I mean, it’s not like we didn’t see it coming,” she said. “Talk about a train wreck, you know? But I’m sure it’s hard on you.”

I balled my hands into fists. “That’s my father you’re—”

“Say, Layla, what brings you in today?” Henry interrupted. “I came in for some cold medicine. I can’t seem to shake this congestion I’ve had all winter.”

Layla turned and put her hand on his chest. “You don’t say. You poor California boy. You’re not acclimated to our seasons yet, are you?”

Henry took a step backwards. “Not yet, I’m afraid.”

Layla followed. “You’re welcome to come over for a dip in my hot tub. That would clear your congestion in a heartbeat.”

“Is that so? Interesting. I’ll have to Google it.”

He’ll have to Google it?
I giggled, then covered my mouth and played it off like a cough.

Layla jerked her head toward me and glared, her blonde mane whipping Henry across the face. “Something to add?”

“Nope. I have a bit of congestion myself. Mind if I come up and use your hot tub, too?”

She lowered her expertly waxed eyebrows. “It’s a two-person hot tub. There won’t be enough room once Henry and I get in.”

Beyond Layla’s shoulder, Henry’s eyes grew wide. I couldn’t tell if he was repulsed or intrigued.

“That’s too bad,” I said, unnerved. Was Henry actually considering submerging himself in Layla’s petri dish of sin? I swallowed hard and scooped my drawings off the counter.

One of the drawings floated to the floor. “Whoops,” I said.

“You’re still spending your time doodling?” Layla looked down at my pictures.

Henry frowned. “Actually, she’s very talented.”

Layla looked like she wanted to claw my eyes out. “How do you two know each other, anyway?”

Henry’s gaze met mine. The corner of his mouth twitched. “We dated.”

Layla’s eyes grew to the size of half-dollars. “
You
dated
her
?”

Was that really so hard to believe? Was I so unattractive that someone like Henry wouldn’t want me? I looked in the mirror next to the lip gloss display. Bad idea. Mustard really wasn’t
my color.

“It was a long time ago,” I explained.

Layla looked me up and down, then shifted her gaze to Henry’s perfectly chiseled face. “And now?”

“And now…” He held my gaze and waited for me to respond.

Back off, bitch. He’s taken.
But I couldn’t say that out loud. Henry wasn’t taken. In fact, he’d basically just told me that he didn’t want to date me. I’d been all but rejected, right here in the pharmacy.