The Witch Within (4 page)

Daniel’s deep devious laughter intensifies the fear that has ensnared my heart.

“I understand. She is too disgusting.”

The fear exchanged with anguish as soon as he pronounced those words. Until now I have imagined Daniel to be a tall fat man with an evil grin, but now I imagine him as a demonic creature. If demons exist, he is surely their king. I urge myself to stop feeling so humiliated, because I know it would only make him happy. In fact, I will gladly be disgusting, if it keeps his sleazy hands off me.

“Just go to sleep, Daniel.”

I can hear the strain of irritation in Nathaniel’s voice.

“I will keep guard tonight.”

Good. I feel safer under his guard. I believe that he won’t hurt me, because contrary to his brute brother, he hasn’t been aggressive or abusive towards me.

Daniel soon starts snoring and the tension in my body finally eases. I try to focus on Nathaniel through the rag, curious about how he looks and if I might know him. No luck. I can only hear him throwing more branches into the fire and then I hear some rustling on the ground, as if he was searching for something. Then I hear him gulping water. I urge a silent cry from my heart, begging him to help me.

He moves closer to me and I bring my knees once more to my face, since I can’t be sure if he was just waiting for Daniel to fall sleep and now, without being ridiculed by him, he will actually do what he pleases. I’m getting ready to fight, even though the fight would be just an act of pure despair. I feel his hand on my cheek and move away. He clasps my jaw and whispers:

“Don’t worry, trust me.”

Then he uncovers my mouth and I can feel the wineskin on my lips. He pours some water down my throat. I almost start coughing out of shock, but finally swallow it. He lets me drink some more, then quickly ties my mouth again. Before he moves away, he says softly:

“I’m sorry.”

I'm confused and surprised by the kind deed and honest words. Maybe he is, after all, the hero I have been waiting for my whole life? The sort of hero I know from tales and legends: A hero who saves women from danger, instead of causing it. There must be a man like that in the world, even though I haven’t stumbled upon one yet. Perhaps Nathaniel will be the one who saves me in the end. The quiet, mysterious man without a face. Before I can even finish the thought, exhausting fatigue comes over me and I drift off without even willing it.

*

In the morning the men caught a faster pace. My headache has been gone since I woke up, but my body still aches and is tired from all the stumbling, falling and crashing into trees, branches or the worst – into the back of my enemy. I feel like a rag doll, dragged around with no more will or power to fight. There is no way I could win anyway. Nothing will save me now, perhaps only a miracle. Nathaniel is not my hero and I won’t allow myself to ever be so foolish to think that again. His kick woke me up this morning and he said:

“Get up, woman!”

At least he didn’t call me a witch. I still don’t understand how my misery will help their father? Is it possible that they were promised a lot of money for me? It makes no sense. My family is poor and in no need to have me back. I doubt they would be so cruel as to pay a fortune only to see me suffer. And who else would pay the two men to hunt me down? The town? Why? They have plenty of other, and probably far worse, criminals on whom to satisfy their cruel desires. Daniel starts his verbal abuse again.

“How do you think they will kill her, Nathaniel? Burn her, stone her, maybe even skin her? They can do whatever they want to witches these days and the more pain caused, the more of a spectacle it becomes.”

If I'm to be tortured or burned at the stake, then I’d rather fight those two with all the power I have left, provoke them to kill me here and now, in the place where all the forest spirits soothe my soul and clear my mind.

“And I'm sure they shall humiliate her before she admits all the repulsive things she has done with her Lord Lucifer.”

It's obvious that he doesn’t know the truth about me and so he lets his mind fantasise whatever suits his twisted imagination.

“That she danced naked on the graves and that she woke up the dead to ride them all night long? That she licked Lucifer’s arse? Nothing is vulgar enough for you, ha?”

He harshly pokes my belly. The pain causes me to bend.

“Let it be, brother! Let’s go, we don’t have much time.”

There is a trace of nervousness in Nathaniel’s voice and I start to sense why. Daniel pokes me again as soon as I straighten up. I can’t take it anymore; his abuse is driving me mad. I despise him so much, I wish I could spit on him, smack him, twist his neck. If I was to ever truly harm someone, it would be him. The poke feels more like a punch the third time.

“Stop it!”

“But she enjoys it. She likes to be treated this way. I’m sure she begged Satan to do whatever he pleases with her, I’m sure she begged him to torture her, because that is the only way for her to feel something pleasant.”

As he finishes the sentence, a realisation spreads over me. He’s ill. No sane man would come up with such notions. I was about to forgive him because he’s just an ill man, but he sweeps the thought from my mind by grabbing my arm and pushing me against the nearest tree. The sharp pain from the injury on my arm makes me utter a roar full of anguish.

“Stop it!”

Hate, pity and disgust make space only for fear now, because I feel the clutch of his hands on my neck and his breath on my face. He lifts up my skirt. The coolness of his skin feels extremely odious.

“Get a hold of yourself, for Christ’s sake! You can’t do this!”

Nathaniel’s anger gives me hope, but only for a while. Daniel’s voice shakes, caught up in the thrill of his devious excitement:

“I know you enjoy pain and I hate giving you the pleasure, but I wouldn’t do it if I wasn’t so desperate.”

The sudden proximity of his face to mine makes me nauseous. I start kicking him, screaming through the chewed up piece of cloth that chokes me now. He struggles, but manages to continue pulling up my skirt. I can’t believe this is happening. This is the highest form of humiliation I have ever experienced. My whole body starts to tremble, my head is spinning, I feel like vomiting and after a while I can hardly keep fighting him, because I know that I'm powerless and he won’t stop.

“No!” utters Nathaniel, even more fiercely now, but Daniel does not listen. ‘Help me,’ my heart calls to him. ‘You must help me!’ Some force finally yanks Daniel away from me. My head starts to spin as extreme anxiety pumps through my chest.

I can hear punches. They are hitting hard. And at this very moment I can’t think of anything but that I need to run. My legs are shaking uncontrollably, still trapped with fear, yet feverishly eager to escape. I use my free fingers to uncover my eyes and seek the nearest path. Wherever, anywhere, I simply must run!

Finally, I awake the power in me and set off, occasionally turning to see them fighting on the ground like two beasts, unmercifully fisting each other. It’s a mess, I cannot differentiate who is who, but I'm awfully glad that I finally got the chance to escape. My hands are still bound by the rope, my head is woozy, I pray not to fall.

The cool breeze gets stuck in my throat and my heart becomes a church bell at noon, reverberating over the landscape. Oh deer, my dearest deer, please show up and tell me where to go now. Help me, please! In my despair I turn around only to find one of the men speeding after me. I quickly change my route, I don’t even know why, just to confuse him, I suppose. I cry to myself in distress, horrified by the vision of being ensnared again. I don’t even dare to turn any more, focused completely on my escape. Soon it begins to feel piercingly sharp when I inhale and the fear of suffocating causes me to run slower, panicking. In the last sharp exhale something crashes into me and I fall. I let out a pure beastly roar and dig my nails into the ground, trying to get back on my feet again, but the man pushes on my hands and his weight pulls down the rest of my body. I struggle to free myself, but I only manage to twist myself underneath him and his hands are quick to grab me again, making me fall on my back. I exhale. He lies over me, clutching my hands over my head and at that moment I realise I can finally see him. Our eyes meet in the wild fight and everything stops.

The maddening struggle, the terror, the animosity. His eyes are bright blue, hair dark and wavy, carelessly framing his face. I observe the big scar across his forehead and I recall that I have seen him before. He is from my town. Our eyes have met before as well, on the market square last summer. I remember I was thinking: that guy is much older than me so how come I like him?
And then when he turned away from me, I came to the conclusion that I didn’t like him, I merely found him interesting.

I focus now on his touch.
His hands are warm. This must be Nathaniel. He looks away, distressed by the intense connection we have experienced. He pulls me up and drags me back to where we separated. He does not peer back at me, yet I can’t stop watching him. I’m drawn to him, although he is my enemy. For some strange reason I resist believing that he would ever hurt me. He’s in a hurry and I soon understand why. We reach Daniel, who lies on the ground, unconscious. I was right to imagine him tall and chubby, but he does not seem devious now, he resembles a helpless child. One could hardly believe he pronounced such vulgar words and caused me so much pain. Nathaniel ties me to a nearby tree without even looking at me and walks over to him. He tries to wake Daniel up, but as soon as he lifts his head from the puddle of blood, he reveals a sharp stone underneath and we both realise that he must be dead.

The sky turns grey, sullen clouds of mist spread over the trees and everything becomes quiet. I can feel a cool breeze on my neck, but it is soon exchanged by a strong sensation of feverish warmth. I can sense that someone is near me, but see nothing but the shadow of my fear. My heart stops beating as the thought enters my mind.

Daniel. His spirit.

I discard the strange notion and allow my heartbeat to disturb the awful quiet. He is gone. Never coming back. Never going to hurt me again. In a faint tone, I can hear the march of the deceased again, the spirits of the warriors, my ancestors who fell on the fields by the forest. Are they coming to get him? No. It’s all nonsense! I have got to focus on what is real. Nathaniel. Ashen, dazed, the anguish in his face. He killed his brother. It strikes me now. We are in the same boat. Innocent brother killers. Panic pours over me and then is abruptly exchanged for the sensation of an odd contentment. My mind receives a few more words before I faint: He is my fate.

Chapter 4 – Nathaniel

I find myself not pulled, but guided, yet still experiencing the painful tightness of the rope. Nathaniel has been subdued, obviously still in shock, trapped in guilt. He has left my eyes uncovered, but my mouth is still tied, probably because he needed some peace and quiet to compose himself. I bet there are too many voices in his head right now, I know the feeling myself. How unfortunate that I can’t express my compassion, tell him that I understand what he is going through and that I know he is not to be blamed, that he did not mean to kill his brother. I also wish I could express my gratitude to him for saving my dignity, my soul. It feels weird being his prisoner, because I feel as though he is not my enemy, but an accomplice in some way.

All of a sudden he stops and looks around confused. He seems even more troubled now. I’m trying to guess what is going on. He turns to me and for the first time since we left Daniel’s body buried under a pile of mud, leaves, and stones—adorned with a simple cross bound with a piece of leather on top—he speaks:

“I suppose you won’t advise me which way leads back home?”

He forces a wry smile. I can’t bring myself to react. He gets nervous, pacing back and forth, trying to decide on the right path. Then he squats and gazes at the ground. He remains there for some time, contemplating his options, I suppose. Then he pulls himself together and rises. He decides on a direction and I'm forced to follow quickly to avoid a painful tug. The rope has almost cut into my flesh by now, but I’m sure it's nothing compared to the pain in Nathaniel’s heart. I find myself confused by ambiguous thoughts that keep twisting and turning in my mind. Should I hate him or should I honour him? Should I forgive him or forsake him? I suppose it depends on the choices he makes from now on.

After quite a while of tiresome walking, Nathaniel slows down again and skims the area with his eyes, most probably still not recognising it. I can’t tell where we are either, because since I lost my deer, I have lost my path as well. This forest is vast and wild, almost immaculate.

Humans could hardly orientate themselves in this ancient kingdom. It's not a place one would visit for a Sunday walk, but a wonderful hideout for lost souls and outcasts like us. I watch the branches of oaks and birches creaking in the wind and I become aware of how the trees lead a quiet dialogue while we focus on our ridiculous problems, deaf to their wisdom. I wish I could understand them one day. I wish I could find my grandmother and learn about all the ancient mysteries of our ancestors. I wish I had more time to live and experience this exciting miraculous world that has finally opened up to me during my sixteenth, and most probably last, autumn.

Nathaniel decides to follow the sun, but I get a hunch that this might not be the right way either. Good for me. Time is my only weapon, along with the only asset I have – my eyes.

My little brother used to say that he adored the depth of my eyes; one could drown in them he would say. One boy from my village told me he felt as though I had something very good and pure in my eyes, but then another used to say that my intense gaze bothered him. It's true that eyes have a certain power. Isn’t that why they say women bewitch men? I have witnessed it. My sister knows how to use her beautiful green eyes to attract men. That is why she has so many suitors. Now I need to know the secret of the eye connection more than ever, because I could use it to manipulate Nathaniel, make him rescue me. As soon as he turns my direction, I try to hold his attention, but he intentionally ignores me. He is certainly not mesmerised by me and I don’t blame him. I’m all dirty, dishevelled and most probably don’t smell very nice either. But still, I have decided not to give up, but wait until he checks on me again.