The Wolf in Her Heart (3 page)

Light cut into Sam’s eyes.

Soreness washed over her awareness, every part of her body seeming to be bruised or smarting. Joints felt broken, but they weren’t. All her flesh cried out as she fought to get up from the floor.

She was nude, and the strewn tatters of her clothing around her body told the tale of last night.

Oh god.
What did she do? Memory flooded back, and then the unreal transformation—all of it up to the point she blacked out.

A scent tickled at her nose, raw and strong, somewhere between rare steak and raw meat that was starting to turn, but she couldn’t smell it enough. Sam pulled herself in the direction of it, and fresh pain crashed through every cell of her body at the movement.

Samantha slumped to the floor of the cage, gasping for breath. Her face felt like it’d been beaten with a hammer, but probing it with fingers didn’t reveal any sign of injury. Nor did the rest of her body, when she checked all the pained spots out.

Whatever the turn did to her body, it apparently fixed afterwards, at least structurally.

A hangover would have been a mild comfort compared to this. Every bone in her body had a deep, throbbing ache simultaneously. Sam rubbed her face and got on her knees, focusing on the movement with great effort.

Lou lay on the floor, snoring, nude. Her clothes were still stuffed into one of the bookshelves, but Lou herself was a mess. Dried blood matted half her hair into a sticky-looking mass. Blood was also dried on her stomach, sides, arms, and face, as though a wide paintbrush had taken random strokes over her naked flesh. With the blissful look on her face, an unknowing observer would make little sense of the sight.

It made sense to Sam, somehow, on some level she was still learning to grasp. Lou had fought. Lou had won. Immediate danger was dealt with and things were as safe as they could be considering the circumstances. They weren’t, safe, of course, but the wolf didn’t know that when it fell asleep, exhausted, as near to its mate as it could be.

Samantha knew better. It wasn’t going to be long before someone would come to look for Rick, or some staff would show up. How much time they had, she had no idea. It just wasn’t enough.

“Lou! Lou, wake up!” Sam gripped a bar of the cage door and jostled it, trying to make more sound.

Lou slowly opened her eyes. “Sam?” Instant panic tore them open. “Jesus fuck! What happened?”

“That’s rhetorical, right? Because, y’know, I didn’t shred my clothes on purpose and lock myself in a cage.”

“You got turned.” Lou shut her eyes, her lips tightening, and rubbed her face. “Christ. This is exactly what I did not want to happen. Was it Rick?”

Samantha blinked. Lou didn’t remember what the wolf saw. The momentary impulse to tell a lie and save her a ton of guilt flitted through her mind, but she couldn’t make herself do it. “It was you, Lou.”

“What? How? You were in the cage!”

“I did it. I reached out. I took hold of your . . . paw. You were trying to reach for me, so it was in the cage.“

Lou’s face fell. “Samantha, jesus! What the fuck is wrong with you?! Sam, this is—this is—“

“This is how it is. It can’t be undone.” Samantha held out her hand, palm up, showing the scarred scratch along it. “Right?”

“It never has been, as far as I know.” Lou’s brow furrowed and fire raged in her eyes. “Why the fuck did you do it?”

Samantha swallowed. “Because I didn’t want you to have to die to save me next time something happens.”

Lou rolled her eyes. “Seriously?”

That wasn’t the only reason, but Sam wasn’t going to get into her insecurities at a time like this. “I love you. I don’t care. I knew you’d be mad and I did it anyway, because whether you like it or not I’m part of your life. For all I knew, I’d have to deal with some lackey of the Colbys by this point. I didn’t want to be defenseless.”

“You wouldn’t have been. I’d—“

“You poisoned yourself to save me. I don’t want it to happen again. For all I know, you’re still weak from the aconite. I don’t want anything bad to happen to you, ever. Period.”

“I am still weak from the aconite. That’s not the point.” Lou huffed and shook her head. “I wanted to protect you from this.”

“You did. You will. We’ll be together. We can protect each other.”

Lou raised a finger like she was about to say something, then opened her hand, palm facing Sam. “You know what? We don’t have time for this. Suffice to say I’m pissed. We have to get out of here.” Lou fished out the clothes jammed into the bookshelf and brought out a cheap, old flip phone. “Reggie? Reggie? Thank fuck. We’re at Brentwood.” Pause. “Yes, Brentwood.” Another little pause. “Great. Watch out, okay? I have no idea whether the Colbys or the cops know what happened here.”

“Lou?”

Lou closed the little flip phone, her back to Sam. “Don’t talk to me right now. I mean it. I’m—I can’t believe you did that.”

“Lou, are you going to let me out of the cage?” Sam’s stomach was growling and she really, really wanted to get away from Rick’s corpse before instincts tried to tell her to eat up.

Lou groaned. “Yes. Sorry. This is just—it’s a lot to take in.” She picked up the key in the corner and came over to the cage, unlocking it. She wouldn’t make eye contact with Sam. “We need to hurry.”

“I’m naked, and I don’t think that I can turn any of those shreds into a bikini, Lou.” Sam sighed and rubbed her face.

Lou hesitated. “Your suggested solution?”

“There’s laundry service and a courtesy shower for the hunters. We can get all the blood off and probably steal me some clothes. I won’t look as fantastic as usual, but I won’t be naked, either.”

Lou rolled her eyes. “The things rich people have. Well, what are we waiting for?” Lou ticked her head at the door. “C’mon.”

It took a bit of looking to find the courtesy shower. Ten minutes later, Sam got out of a hot, quick rinse, mostly to get the blood spatter off her body. Lou had gone first, and was already getting dressed by the time Samantha got out.

Lou gestured, a chill in her voice, at the hangars on the wall hook. Slacks and a blouse. “I already picked you out some clothes. We need to move.”

Perhaps ten minutes later, Sam and Lou made their way to the front door. Fresh air swept in through the opening, and on it Sam could catch drifting odors of oil, animals, grass that had been cut a week ago. There was a rainbow of strange scents, things that must have been there last night but were imperceptible to her senses at the time.

Lou gaped at the shattered glass.

“It’s where Rick saw me.”

“Yeah, I just—I got in one of the side doors. I didn’t know.” Lou took Sam’s hand, and finally met her eyes. “You must have been terrified. I’m sorry. I’m sorry about everything.”

“I’m sorry about Rick was such an asshole.” Sam pulled her hand away and wrapped around Lou. “I’m sorry that I almost got you killed.”

A beat-up sedan, one bumper ever so slightly cockeyed, pulled up in front of the shattered doors. Some stickers and smears were on the rear side windows, and in the front seat was Reggie, with a strained expression. “Get in the car. I’ll get yours somewhere safe.” He got out and went over to Samantha’s Spark.

Samantha got into the sedan, greeted by the stale odors of weed and beer. There were thinner  smears on the front side windows, and the stickers in the back were various unicorns and pegasi. “Lou, where did he get this car?” Definite scent of dog, no question, all the way through the thing.

Lou shrugged. “Stole it, maybe. Bought it off someone for a few hundred, more likely. It only needs to get us a few counties over.”

Sam nodded, shivering despite the warmth. She couldn’t help but think back to Rick’s corpse, the seemingly endless blood between his neck and his head after his body returned to normal, and the twisted look on his face.

And god, the smell.
Sam still couldn’t get it out of her nostrils, or maybe her lungs, or maybe just her brain. It spoke to her of nourishment and slaughter, of preparing for a fight, and kept her own blood pumping hard in her ears even now.

“Hey.
Hey
.”

“What?” Sam blinked, looking at Lou.

“Get some sleep, Samantha.” Lou’s brow was tugged up in the middle. “You’re going to need it. A change takes a lot out of you.”

“A change? What about you, Ms. Self-Poisoning?”

“I’m used to it,” Lou hedged with a shrug. “I’ve used aconite before. It doesn’t tickle, but it’s survivable.”

Sam put the seat all the way back and tried not to think.

When Lou’s hand stroked along her side, it was enough reassurance to let her drift off.

The car stopped, jolting Sam out of dreamless sleep.

“We’re here. Well, we’re here enough, anyway. We’re ditching this car and walking to the motel half a mile away.”

Sam yawned. “Okay. Hope you have something to pay with.”

“It’s owned by a member of a friendly pack. We can hole up for a day or two.” Lou turned off the car, wiped the steering wheel, wiped the keys, and stuck them in her pocket.

Sam started to question the activity, but thought better of it. She then looked around to gather her things up, but realized she had literally nothing to gather.

Everything she owned was at the apartment, and it wasn’t safe to be there right now. The thought of her comfortable bed and her kitchen wasn’t useful right now, though.

She got out of the car, hurrying to catch up to Lou.

Walking wasn’t the same. It was the same, but not exactly, not quite. There was an effortlessness to it. Sam wondered about this, then assumed the muscle changes were already taking place.

“You’re crazy, you know that?” Lou stopped and faced her. “You did something totally fucking crazy and I’m angry about it.”

“I had reasons.” Samantha bit her lip and looked Lou in the eyes. “If I had to do it again, I’d do it again. We’re stronger now.”

“We—“ Lou stared, then started walking again, then stopped again. “
We
shouldn’t have to be stronger. We shouldn’t have to be monsters. You had a normal life. You may have lost it forever.”

“I’d already lost it! Rick did what he did. I can’t change that. I can’t help that the Colbys are tied to me.”

“You could have kept me away. Rick was stable. Rick—“

“Was a controlling jackass.” Sam felt tension in her sinuses.

“You were innocent.” Lou muttered the words, her eyes casting down.

“I was never innocent, Lou. I haven’t been innocent since I was eight years old. The world doesn’t let it last long.”

“Well,
I
was innocent once! And now I’m—I’m this! The last thing I ever wanted was for you to end up like me. Now you are.”

“I chose it, Lou! I chose this. I chose you and I chose to turn.” Samantha’s cheeks felt wet. “Dammit, Lou, I love you and I don’t want to be apart from you. If what it takes to be by your side is being a wolf, then I’ll be a wolf.”

Lou sighed and shook her head. “You could have been with me without turning, Sam. That’s all. I’d have protected you.”

“I can protect myself, now.”

Lou turned and started walking. “I guess so.”

Sam blinked. Was that what it was, to her? Just protecting some silly plain human woman?

Samantha watched Lou trudging along the side of the road for a few moments, then started walking too, but didn’t bother trying to catch up.

When she got to the door, Lou was already inside, but had left the door open.

The motel room was a place to sleep and little else. Two beds, a perfunctory piece of art on the wall by the bathroom door, a dresser and a television. The blinds were closed, and stray light cut around and through them across the room.

Lou was flopped on one of the beds, still clothed. “In the morning we can get an idea of what’s going on with the Colbys.”

“Meaning?” Sam hesitated. Lou was in the center of the left bed, as if to suggest Sam should take the other one.
Did I fuck this all up?

“Meaning, they’re either going to sweep it under the rug, in which case, you’re probably off their Christmas card list but safe. Otherwise, I think they’re going to go on the warpath. In that case, we are going to have a hell of a time just—just surviving.”

Samantha walked over to the other bed and sat herself down on it. “I don’t care.”

“You should! You should fucking care!” Lou whirled over, glaring at her. “What the hell is wrong with you that you did this? Why are you taking this so calmly?”

Samantha blinked and shrugged. “Shock, I think. I mean, would you rather I was panicking?”

“Kind of, yeah.” Lou tilted her head, then sighed.

“Lou, were you only interested in me because I wasn’t a werewolf?”

Lou’s brow furrowed. “Are you seriously asking me that?”

Samantha felt warmth in her face. “Yeah. I am. You’re acting like I did something wrong. I didn’t. I just did something you didn’t want me to do. That’s not automatically wrong.”

“You used me to do it. Are you really wondering why that hurts? Were you only interested because of the wolf?”

Sam drew a long breath. “No. But—I couldn’t let it go. I couldn’t—“

“Couldn’t what?”

“I couldn’t not touch you. I was scared and alone and you were the only one there and I needed something so I could know I wasn’t holding you back. I was terrified.” Samantha clenched her teeth and shut her eyes, a leak of tears running down her cheek. “You’re strong, and you can do so much and you know so much and you have a
pack
and—“

Lou held her hand up. “Stop. None of it matters, because I took everything away from someone else.”

Sam knew what Lou meant. A few years back, Lou had woken from her change to find half a human corpse laying next to her, the other half in her gullet. “You mean the woman you killed while you were changed?”

“I took her existence away. There’s no way she was a threat to me, and I killed her out of pure instinct.” Lou shook her head.

“I met your wolf, Lou. It didn’t seem like a monster. It just seemed sad, like you get sometimes.”

Lou shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. I know it’s a killer, no matter what kind of puppy dog eyes it used trying to get to you.” Lou yawned and settled into the bed. “Get some sleep. You’re going to need it.”