The World's Awesomest Air-Barf
Read The World's Awesomest Air-Barf Online
Authors: Steve Hartley
Steve Hartley is a sensible man. He has a sensible job, a sensible family, lives in a sensible house and drives a sensible car. But underneath it all, he longs to be silly.
There have been occasional forays into silliness: Steve has been a football mascot called Desmond Dragon, and has tasted World Record success himself – taking part in both a mass yodel and
a mass yo-yo. But he wanted more, and so his alter ego – Danny Baker Record Breaker – was created. Steve lives in Lancashire with his wife and teenage daughter.
Also by Steve Hartley
DANNY BAKER RECORD BREAKER
The World’s Biggest Bogey
Coming soon
DANNY BAKER RECORD BREAKER
The World’s Loudest Armpit Fart
DANNY BAKER RECORD BREAKER
The World’s Stickiest Earwax
First published 2010 by Macmillan Children’s Books
This electronic edition published 2010 by Macmillan Children’s Books
a division of Macmillan Publishers Limited
Pan Macmillan, 20 New Wharf Road, London N1 9RR
Basingstoke and Oxford
Associated companies throughout the world
www.panmacmillan.com
ISBN 978-0-330-52040-9 in Adobe Reader format
ISBN 978-0-330-52039-3 in Adobe Digital Editions format
ISBN 978-0-330-52041-6 in Mobipocket format
Text copyright © Steve Hartley 2010
Illustrations copyright © Kate Pankhurst 2010
The right of Steve Hartley and Kate Pankhurst to be identified as the author and illustrator of this work has been asserted by them in accordance with the Copyright, Designs
and Patents Act 1988.
You may not copy, store, distribute, transmit, reproduce or otherwise make available this publication (or any part of it) in any form, or by any means (electronic, digital,
optical, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise), without the prior written permission of the publisher. Any person who does any unauthorized act in relation to this publication may be
liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
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A Spot of Bother in the Vegetable Patch
The Worm Wranglers of Creepy-crawly Creek
For Rosie
This is entirely a work of fiction and any resemblance to the real world is purely coincidental.
To the Keeper of the Records
The Great Big Book of World Records
London
Dear Mr Bibby,
I flew to Spain yesterday and I filled thirteen sick-bags on the flight. Mum says it was all the cola and cheese and pickle sandwiches I
had at the airport. She’s right, they always make me barf. That’s why I had them!
Is this even close to breaking the record for filling sick-bags? If it’s not, I’ll try again on the way home. I can eat some
paella. That makes me barf even more!
Best wishes
Danny Baker
(Aged nine and a half)
PS We’re here because my dad has been offered a job as the Manager of Real Marisco.
PPS We’re staying at the Hotel La Langosta. It’s posh!
PPPS My best friend Matthew has come too, but I had to count the sick-bags myself.
This
time, Matt wouldn’t do the
maths!
Dear Danny,
Don’t even try for this one! You don’t stand a chance, even if you had cheese and pickle sandwiches
and
paella!
On a non–stop flight between Paris and Sydney, Marcel Pompidou of Quimper, France, managed to fill 144 standard–sized airline
sick–bags. Newspapers spread the rumour that Marcel had four stomachs, like a cow, which was why he was able to produce so much of the stuff.
The largest number of sick–bags filled on a single flight is 390, by the 263 contestants of the Miss Global Warming Beauty Queen
Competition. Halfway through a bumpy flight to Bongandanga, they had managed to fill every sick–bag on the plane. They were then forced to be sick into their posh hats and
handbags.