The Year I Almost Drowned (25 page)

him.

He stopped scouring the grill and smiled at me. I think my heart dropped to my

stomach when he did. His smile always made me feel that way, but on a day like

this, it was a double whammy. “You’re welcome. I’m off tomorrow. I could come

in

again,”

he

said.

“No.

You’ve

done

enough.”

He shrugged. “It’s not a big deal. It was fun today,” he said. “Like old times.”

Like “old times” with my grandfather, or “old times” with me, I wondered? Yearning

for the past is an unhealthy way to live, but I really wanted to rekindle that part of

my

life–for

plenty

of

reasons.

“I’m hoping I can get my dad to come around.” I had no idea when that would be:

months,

years,

decades.

“I don’t mind, Finn,” he said and began to scrub the grill again. I could see the

definition in his muscles as he moved his arms back and forth. Being a firefighter

had

made

him

ripped.

“Okay,” I agreed. If he wanted to come in, then I would let him. “But you get paid

for

this,”

I

added.

He quit scrubbing and said while looking into my eyes, “Whatever you want, Finn.”

“That’s what I want,” I said and so much more, but I didn’t say that. I blew my

bangs out of my face, a few strands still fell in front of my eyes.

He pushed the loose strands behind my ear. Right there and then it felt like we

were a couple, like the break up never happened. It was the way he looked at

me, the shortness in both of our breaths, the sheer magnitude–all of it. But then,

his expression changed, like he realized what he was doing and the moment

disappeared within a blink of an eye. I almost wondered if I had imagined it.

“Agreed.”

He

smiled

and

started

to

scrub

again.

I left him to finish cleaning and went to the front to close the blinds and help

Hannah finish up. A police car pulled up, and Everett stepped out. “Hannah.

Everett’s

here.”

He knocked on the door. I opened it and he came inside. “Hey, Finn.” I had only

seen him once since I had been back in Graceville and that was at the funeral.

He

was

the

police

officer

that

escorted

us

to

the

cemetery.

“Hi,

Everett.

Can

I

get

you

something?”

“Coffee would be good. I’ve got a long shift tonight,” he said.

“Hey

cuz.”

Hannah

swatted

him

with

her

wet

wash

cloth.

He

brushed

his

shoulder

and

said,

“Not

the

uniform.”

“Such

a

baby,”

she

teased.

He sat down at the counter. I poured the hot liquid into a large Styrofoam cup and

put a lid on it. “Here you go,” I said. He fumbled through his pocket searching for

some

change.

“It’s

on

the

house.”

“At least let me give you a tip,” he said, handing me several one dollar bills.

“That’s

too

much.”

I

handed

some

of them back

to

him.

His

hand

touched

mine.

“Just

keep

the

bills,

Finn.”

“I’ll

take

them

if

she

won’t,”

Hannah

interrupted.

We both laughed and then got quiet. “So, are you holding up okay?” he asked

me.

“Yeah.”

I

breathed.

“I’m

good.

Thanks

for

asking.”

“Is the diner doing something for the Movie in the Park night?” he asked.

“What

‘Movie

in

the

Park’?”

I

asked.

“They’re showing one of those old 80’s summer flicks. People sprawl out on the

lawn, watch a movie, drink, eat, hang out. It’ll be fun. I’m on duty for it.”

“When

is

it?”

“In a couple of weeks.” He sipped his coffee. “Black.” He smiled. “You

remembered.”

“I

remembered

your

bad

taste,”

I

teased.

“Oh come on. My taste isn’t so bad. I can recognize beauty when I see it.”

Okay, he was definitely flirting with me. Sidney would probably say he was

coming on to me. My radar for this type of things was usually poor, but not this

time.

My face turned a slight shade of red. “I need to get my Nana to make some of her

pies. There’s no way we can lose out on a chance to make all that extra money,”

I said more to myself, but it was loud enough for him to hear.

He

laughed.

“You’re

quite

the

entrepreneur,

aren’t

you?”

“Huh, no. Just trying to think of ways to make a profit.”

“Like I said... entrepreneur,” he said and smiled. “Thanks for the coffee.” He laid

down two one dollar bills. “Here’s the rest of the tip money you wouldn’t take from

me.” He got up and walked toward the door. “Bye, Hannah.”

“See

ya

later,

Ev,”

she

said.

“I

guess

I’ll

see

you

at

the

movies,”

I

said

to

him.

“It’s

a

date.”

He

smiled

and

walked

out

the

door.

I placed the rest of the tip money in my pocket and turned around, bumping into

Jesse.

“Sorry,”

I

said.

“Everything is done in the kitchen. I’m gonna go,” he said.

“Thank you, Jesse. I would’ve drowned today if it weren’t for you,” I said.

His brows were furrowed. His lips were semi-pursed. “I’ll be here tomorrow,” he

said with a tinge of agitation. “Bye, Hannah.” He shoved the door open and left.

“He

seemed

upset,”

I

said.

“Probably because he witnessed the whole swoon fest between you and Ev.”

“Swoon

fest?”

I

repeated.

She rolled her eyes. “The flirting, Finn. It was obvious to Jesse and me that you

guys

were

flirting.”

“I

wasn’t

flirting,”

I

said

defensively.

“Um, yeah, you were,” she said tersely. “Next time, do it when he’s not around.

The guy worked a twenty-four hour shift and just worked another eight hours for

you. And how do you thank him? You flirt with my cousin.”

I had no idea that Jesse had worked such a long shift and then topped another

eight hours onto his day. But I didn’t ask him. I just let him work without question.

I selfishly allowed him to save me because I was too afraid of failure. I folded my

arms against my chest and said in a defensive tone, “I don’t think Jesse cares

who

I

flirt

with.”

“For someone with your smarts, you sure are a dummy sometimes.” She huffed.

I

frowned.

“Ouch,”

I

replied.

“That

hurt.”

“Wake up, Finn.” She grabbed her purse and stalked out the door. We had never

had words like that; Hannah was rarely angry. But this had made her mad, in fact,

she

was

fuming.

I didn’t understand why she was reacting the way that she was. Jesse and I had

broken up. He let me go, not the other way around. He said it was because I had

doubts, but what that meant to me was “we’re through.” And now, here he was,

sending me mixed signals. Was it to honor my grandfather? Because I was sure

it

had

nothing

to

do

with

me.

***

Nana sat on the front porch, her red Keds touching the top step. She was waiting

for me and didn’t look happy. More unhappy people, more people mad at me. I

slowly approached the steps, standing on the grass. Go ahead and yell at me, I

thought.

“Finn,”

she

said.

“We

need

to

talk.”

This was not going to be good. “Okay,” I said, standing a few feet away from her.

“I had to take your father home today. He was a wreck. It was too much for him.

I

knew

this

wasn’t

going

to

work.”

What she said really angered me. When did she become so pessimistic and why

was she the only one allowed to grieve? That’s what we were all doing, weren’t

we, just in different ways? She stopped baking. I was trying to run the diner

without an idea of what I was doing. Dad had become even more of a recluse.

We

were

all

missing

my

grandfather,

all

of

us.

“I’m going to sell it to Mike Wyatt. He’s made a decent offer,” she said.

Whoa. That threw me for a loop. I felt like I had been punched in the gut.

“Nana, you can’t sell the diner to him! What are you thinking?” I shouted.

“Excuse

me,

young

lady,

but

this

is

my

decision.”

“Well, you’re wrong, completely wrong, and Grandpa is turning over in his grave

right

now!”

I

yelled.

A look of pain shot across her face. “That’s not fair, Finn.”

“It’s the truth and you know it. You gave me one day and just gave up on me.

When did you stop believing in me? I know you’re hurting, but Nana, I am, too.”

Tears

were

starting

to

fill

in

my

eyes.

“I’m doing the best I can,” she recoiled. “I miss him so much.”

I sat down next to her. “I know you do, Nana. I do, too. Each and every second

of each and every single day. He was too young to die.”

“He was, Finn. But his heart was just too weak. I knew it. He knew it.”

“It’s

not

fair.

I

wanted

more

time

with

him.”

“I hate to use the cliché that life isn’t fair, but it isn’t honey.” She wiped a tear from

her eye and continued, “You can’t have life without loss. You can’t have love

without sorrow. You have to take the bad with the good, otherwise the good won’t

feel as special.” She wrapped her arm around me and brought me closer to her.

“But why?” I asked, even though I knew she didn’t have all of life’s answers.

“I don’t know, honey. I wish I did. All I know is that he loved you and he knew you

loved him. That can’t be taken away. You’ll always have that love to cherish.”

“He wouldn’t want you to sell it to Mike Wyatt, and you know it,” I said quietly. I

wiped the tears away from my eyes with my arm. It smelled like bacon grease

and for some reason, that brought me comfort on this horrible day.

She scratched her head and puckered her lips. A few tears trickled down her

face. “You’re right,” she finally said and then took a deep, long breath.

I didn’t respond. I let her dictate where the conversation went next.

“He couldn’t stand Mike, neither can I for that matter.” She twisted her lips into a

frown. “He wears too much cologne and always chews gum like a horse.”

I

tried

to

stifle

my

laugh.

“I guess we can hold out a little while longer and see if we get a better offer.” She

patted my hand, her hand was warm and soft. Being close to her, touching her,

always brought me comfort. “Did you end up doing the cooking once your dad

left?”

she

asked.

“No.

Jesse

did.”

“Sweet boy.” She smiled to herself. “That was awfully nice of him.”

“Yeah,” I answered, and she looked at me. “What?” I said to her.

“Nothing. It was nice of him to help out. That’s all.” But there was more to it, and

I wasn’t about to have that conversation with her. I knew she was dying to ask

but wouldn’t. She hadn’t trespassed into that forbidden discussion. “So, what are

we going to do about your dad?” she asked, killing the silence.

“I don’t know. He can’t keep hiding, Nana. That’s what he’s been doing and we’ve

allowed it, all of us–you, me, Grandpa. We just let him pass through life.”

“Well... we can’t make him come around. I know he felt bad about what happened

today,” she said with a frowned expression. “Give it time, honey. We’ll get it

figured out.”

Jesse still had a key to the diner. I guess he never got rid of it, and Grandpa had