The Year of Living Shamelessly (6 page)
Read The Year of Living Shamelessly Online
Authors: Susanna Carr
Tags: #Fiction, #Romance, #Contemporary
But maybe the ties he had with her family weren’t enough to hold him. What was going on? Ryder had made it clear he was leaving immediately, but he wasn’t telling her why. There was an unbridge able gap between them, so different from the easy, teasing relationship they’d enjoyed when they were younger. His silence troubled her. She suddenly felt like she would never, ever see him again.
“Who’s going to look after me when you’re gone?” She didn’t care if she sounded pitiful. Ryder had always been so protective of her and she was going to use that to her full advantage.
“You have a big brother,” he reminded her.
“Puhleeze.” Katie rolled her eyes. “I need protection
from
Jake. The guy is a terror.”
from
Jake. The guy is a terror.”
Ryder stopped dancing but didn’t let her go. He looked deep into her eyes. “If you really need me, I’ll be there for you.”
Her heart did a double flip. On some level, she’d always known that, but he had never said those words. Now they felt more like a brush-off. “Thanks, but how is that going to work when you are thousands of miles away?”
“I’m not disappearing off the face of the earth,” he said with a hint of impatience.
“You might as well be.” She gave a deep sigh. “I’m going to miss you.”
“I know.”
She waited.
I know?
That’s all he had to say? She forgot how arrogant the man could be. Didn’t he realize that this was the part where he should repeat those words and mean them?
I know?
That’s all he had to say? She forgot how arrogant the man could be. Didn’t he realize that this was the part where he should repeat those words and mean them?
She wanted to look away so he wouldn’t see how she was handling this loss, but she also wanted to hold on to this moment. Katie needed to tell him how important he was to her. But they had practically grown up together—even if they weren’t as close as they used to be, shouldn’t he already know how much she needed him in her life? Saying it out loud would probably make it worse. But what did she have to lose?
Katie’s hand tightened on his shoulder, the soft cashmere bunching under her fingertips. She didn’t even know if she could explain how she felt. Katie knew she wasn’t great with words. When she loved someone, she showed it by taking care of that person. Expressing it with words was much more difficult, and she usually mangled up the message. She couldn’t risk that now.
“And,” she strove to keep her tone light, “believe it or not, you’re going to miss me.”
Ryder gave a solemn nod. “I’ll miss your bratty ways.”
Katie’s jaw dropped with outrage. “I’m not a brat!”
He raised an eyebrow.
A jumble of fragmented memories flashed through her mind. Katie had followed him around like a shadow. No matter how hard Ryder and Jake had tried to get away, she would always find them and insist on tagging along for whatever they were doing.
Now that she thought about it, not much had changed. She’d like to think she was more clever and subtle in getting Ryder’s attention. If not that, at least more successful. “Well, not anymore. I’ve grown up.”
“That’s true,” he replied, his voice neutral. “You’re no longer Jake’s kid sister.”
Katie smiled. Finally! It was as if the clouds parted and the sun shone down as the angels played the trumpets. It had taken him nearly a decade to realize that.
Her smile slowly drifted down as she wondered if there was a hidden meaning in those words.
You’re no longer Jake’s kid sister.
You’re no longer Jake’s kid sister.
Did that mean he no longer felt the need to protect her? As many times as his big-brother act irritated her, there were times when it pleased her. Her parents were big on freedom—at times a little too much—and she found the security she needed from Ryder.
Or did his comment mean something else? Maybe he didn’t see her as too innocent anymore.
She suddenly looked up at Ryder and he cast his gaze to the floor, but he wasn’t fast enough. She saw the sexual hunger in his dark brown eyes. Her body clenched as the heat poured through her.
Her breath caught in her throat. Was she imagining this heat between them or was it real? If there was ever a time to take action, this was the moment. All she had to do was step a little closer.
The move seemed monumental, and her legs shook, but she did it. Ryder’s hand tightened around hers, but he didn’t hold her back. Instead, he watched her silently, the flare in his eyes brightening.
Oh . . . wow. . . .
Was Ryder letting her make a move? Now all she had to do was tilt her head just so. The stupid stiletto heels finally came into good use, lifting her to just the right height to kiss Ryder Scott. She could brush her lips against his and get the kiss she had longed for all these years.
Was Ryder letting her make a move? Now all she had to do was tilt her head just so. The stupid stiletto heels finally came into good use, lifting her to just the right height to kiss Ryder Scott. She could brush her lips against his and get the kiss she had longed for all these years.
But she couldn’t do it. Katie felt the pulse at the base of her neck beating wildly. She was too scared. Not of him, not of getting one step closer to her fantasy.
She was afraid of ruining it. This moment. This friendship she enjoyed with Ryder. What if all she got was a kiss and had nothing—no friendship, no Ryder—to fall back on?
Those fears were already coming true, Katie reminded herself. It didn’t matter what she did. In a week there would be no Ryder and their friendship would be something that belonged in the past. And if she didn’t do something—anything—right now, she wouldn’t even get the kiss!
Something close to panic washed over her. She had to make the first move. She quickly tilted her head up and brushed her mouth against his cheek.
Ryder’s jaw felt rough against her lips and he smelled so good. Warm and masculine. He tensed but he didn’t push her away. That had to be a good sign.
Her heart pounding in her chest, Katie grazed her soft mouth against his. She pressed her lips gently against Ryder’s, waiting for him to take over.
But he seemed content with the gentle, almost chaste touch. That wasn’t enough for Katie. She needed more. Darting the tip of her tongue past her lips, she outlined Ryder’s bottom lip, silently asking for entry.
Ryder’s mouth remained closed.
Katie slowly nibbled at Ryder’s bottom lip. She felt, rather than heard, the groan vibrate deep in his chest. Encouraged, she slid her arms up his chest and linked her hands behind his neck, deepening the kiss.
She wanted to burrow into his heat and let it envelop her. His scent triggered something elemental inside. She needed to thrust her tongue deep in his mouth and devour him.
But Ryder wasn’t gathering her closer. His hands were firmly on her waist. He wasn’t pushing her away, but he wasn’t drawing her in, either.
He might be letting her kiss him, but he wasn’t allowing it to go any further. Impatience and something darker swept through Katie. She wanted, needed,
deserved
more. She sank her teeth into his bottom lip.
deserved
more. She sank her teeth into his bottom lip.
Ryder jerked back. Katie dropped her arms and tried to step away, but his hands clamped against her waist. Ryder didn’t look mad, but a dangerous glow had leapt into his eyes. He slowly dragged his tongue along the swollen flesh of his bottom lip.
Katie realized she may have pushed her luck. How could she explain her actions? She tried to pull away, but Ryder contained her. His fingers dug into her hips as he stared at her.
“What the hell was that for?” he asked in a low tone.
She needed to brazen this out. “Ryder, I’m sure you know how to kiss. . . .”
“Katie, you’re playing with fire,” he warned.
He raised a hand and Katie didn’t flinch. She knew he wouldn’t hurt her, but she was surprised when he rubbed his thumb hard against her bottom lip. She noticed the slight tremor in his hand. His touch wasn’t tender, but she could tell he was fighting hard to rein in what he really wanted to do. Katie felt breathless as she waited for his next move.
“You’re still a brat, aren’t you?”
Had she just ruined everything with that one action? She hoped not. “I’m not a brat, and I’m not an innocent little girl.”
Ryder dropped his hold on her. “Wanna bet?”
He sounded almost regretful. “Yeah, I do.” She poked a finger at his chest. “In fact, I have eight days to prove you wrong.”
He caught her hand, his move fast as lightning. She should have known better—she was trapped.
Ryder leaned in close, his mouth right against her ear. “What are you planning? Whatever it is, I’m telling you right now to forget it.”
“You can’t tell me what to do.” She wrestled for her release. “You have no claims on me.” At least, not yet.
Ryder suddenly let go, as if he couldn’t be bothered anymore. “I’m warning you, Katie.”
“And I’m giving you some advance notice.” Katie took a sharp breath, her body trembling with nervousness. “On New Year’s Day, you are going to wake up in my bed.”
Ryder held himself very, very still as she walked away, leaving him on the dance floor. Every primal instinct screamed through his body, begging him to chase Katie, haul her against him and kiss her senseless.
That would be a very stupid idea. Satisfying, but stupid. He shouldn’t have let things get this far. He had weakened at that one crucial moment. He had truly believed his lack of response was the best defense against Katie’s attentions, and would kill any fantasy she might have about them. Who would have thought Katie had a rough side? Damn, if that bite didn’t give him a charge.
Ryder darted the tip of his tongue along his bottom lip. If he wasn’t careful, he was going to wind up in bed with Katie
way
before New Year’s Day. Once that happened, he wouldn’t let her out until he had explored every fantasy he had about her. And she was way too innocent for that, so he had to make sure bedding her was never even a possibility.
way
before New Year’s Day. Once that happened, he wouldn’t let her out until he had explored every fantasy he had about her. And she was way too innocent for that, so he had to make sure bedding her was never even a possibility.
CHAPTER THREE
December 25
“Mom.” Katie held the cordless phone between her ear and her shoulder as she set the tray of crudités on the serving table, wondering if she had made too much food for a crowd of people who were probably already stuffed with Christmas dinner. She loved to cook and bake and sometimes she went overboard. “Did you know Ryder is leaving town?”
Katie had realized her strategic error the moment she had left the dance floor the night before. She shouldn’t have informed Ryder of her intention. Now she had lost the element of surprise. Not that she was going to kamikaze the guy into bed, but she would have liked to keep her options open.
It had taken all of her self-control to make a retreat and leave Ryder after the dance. No doubt he was immediately caught in Tatum’s clutches, but Katie couldn’t spare the time to arm wrestle for Ryder.
Well, that’s what she had told her friends when they asked her why she left so abruptly. The truth was that she was embarrassed. The kiss she shared with Ryder was supposed to be perfect, loving, romantic. She’d never imagined
biting
him to get a response. Now she needed to come up with a failure-proof plan to unleash the sexual hunger she saw in Ryder’s eyes. But after tossing and turning in bed all night, she had come up with absolutely nothing.
biting
him to get a response. Now she needed to come up with a failure-proof plan to unleash the sexual hunger she saw in Ryder’s eyes. But after tossing and turning in bed all night, she had come up with absolutely nothing.
She heard her mother’s sigh on the other end of the phone. “I had a feeling he might leave one day.”
“Really?” It was official: Katie was the absolute last person to know about Ryder’s move. “What has he told you?”
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