Thin Love (41 page)

“Not when I was talking to the scouts. I didn’t even see Luka leave and I damn sure didn’t see him touching you.”

Kona rarely paid attention to details. He didn’t usually remember what he ate at lunch or who he’d borrowed a pen from in his class, Keira knew that. He was about the big moments and details didn’t fit into big moments. So Keira knew he wouldn’t have remembered not seeing Luka. She knew he wouldn’t have paid attention to when his brother left or how long she and Luka sat next to each other as he practiced.

“Who is in your head, Kona?”

She knew he caught her meaning. She knew Kona understood what she was implying. But instead of coming to his mother’s defense, something he often did, Kona just glared down at her, both hands back in his pockets. “You got something you wanna tell me, Wildcat?”

“Yes,” she said, taking no pleasure in how he lifted his eyebrows, how that stupid surprise on his face had him dropping his mouth open. “I want to tell you that you’re a jealous, insane asshole.”

“That’s not funny.”

“You see me laughing?” Keira walked back to her bed, anxious and needing something to do with her hands. She didn’t want to slap him. She didn’t want her anger to flare up. She could feel him watching her as she busied herself with the trash on her bedside table, with how she closed her book and stuffed her pencils into her backpack.

“You and Luka, Keira? Is that what’s going on?”

Keira threw her bag to the floor. “Yes, Kona that’s it exactly. You know, in those half hour moments when I’m not with you or when I’m in class, that’s what’s going on. Me and Luka are all over each other in the middle of the hallway between classes or behind the cashier’s desk in the cafeteria when you leave to take a piss. Are you stupid?”

Two fast strides and Kona stood in front of her, but Keira didn’t cower away from him. She never did. He was a jackass with a temper, but so was she. She knew he hated being called stupid. It cut too close for Kona, that’s why she said it.

“You wanna say that again?”

Keira tiled her head, ignored the curl on his mouth. “You heard me fine. And you deserve being called stupid if you think for a second that I would do that to you.”

That curl grew tighter, shook his top lip and Keira’s eyes moved down to the fists at Kona’s side. They stared at each other for just a moment longer than was necessary to challenge and Kona stepped back, pacing around her room with his fingers moving through his hair.

“What happened to ‘yours/mine,’ Kona? What happened to us promising we were it for each other? You think that didn’t mean anything to me?”

She hated how he stopped short, how the stupid sneer on his face only got worse. “You tell me. You went with him to Lucy’s.”

“To find you!” Why was he dredging up the past? He was the one who told her to forget about it. “And what did I get for my trouble, Kona? You with your face in some redhead’s tits.”

“Yeah and I got clocked with a bottle.”

That stung. Every time Keira looked at that shiny scar on his face, she felt guilty. Kona knew that, would frequently tell her to “let that shit go.” Now he threw it back in her face because he was angry, because his bitch of a mother was whispering nonsense to him, playing on Kona’s insanely jealous nature and the still simmering anger he held against Luka.

Keira was trying, she had been trying, not to let her temper lead her into something she’d regret. And the past month had been nice, they’d grown closer, they rarely fought. She closed her eyes as he returned to his pacing, rubbing her face as a slow count moved in her thoughts. “He’s your brother.”

“And he’s fucked me over before.” Kona returned to the foot of her bed, hands hanging lightly on his hips as he waited for her reaction. He was goading her again, seeming to forget the peace they felt together; seeming to want that spark to flare between them. She knew he was pushing, trying to urge her to slip up. But there was nothing for her to admit. They only thing she hadn’t told him about was the brief conversations she’d had with Mark Burke the past few weeks and there was no way she’d mention them now. God knows the shit storm that would bring.

“He was protecting you because you put him in the middle of bullshit.” Keira knew her voice was loud, that a shout hinted behind each word she released, each lifted octave. “Besides, Luka may have hurt you, but I haven’t.”

One quick movement of his head and the scowl on his face changed, became a bitter smile that was forced. “Not yet.”

Keira wished he’d slapped her. She wish he’d told her he’d cheated on her. Somehow those things wouldn’t have cut as deep. Instead of lashing out, she sat on his bed, profile to him. She was still tired, still worn out from the flu and the week of inactivity. “Get out,” she finally told him, all the fight out of her voice. She didn’t flinch or pull away from him when he knelt down, when he wrapped his fingers around her arm.

“You fucking my brother, Keira?” Kona’s tone was soft, light, but Keira knew him. It was the calm before the storm. It was something they both did, quiet words that brewed hot, that steamed out with the escalating rage. When she closed her eyes, shaking her head, that grip on her arm tightened. “Are you?”

Keira moved her head slowly, knowing he’d see the warning in her eyes the second he looked at her. “Get out of my room.”

He jerked his hand away from her, standing as he moved to Leann’s side of the bed. “Here she goes, little coward running away.” Keira stood, shoulders set when Kona kicked one of Leann’s wedges across the room. “Just tell me the truth!” Keira watched him come undone, how his gaze went around the room, how his fists squeezed so tight his hands shook. He was looking for something to hit, something that would take away the tension, and Keira didn’t think, did nothing more than stand in front of him when he darted toward the bookshelf next to Keira’s desk.

“You wanna hit something, then come at me, Kona.”

“Keira, get out of my face.” He stepped away from her, nostrils flaring, breath coming faster when she didn’t move. “Back off!” And when Keira didn’t budge, when she followed him, Kona bent his elbow and slammed his fist into the drywall over her head. She felt the dust and chunks of the wall in her hair, against her neck. “He wouldn’t say anything, just like you. Why not, Keira? Why the hell not? If you aren’t doing anything, why wouldn’t he just tell me? Why won’t you?”

“Because you’re being ridiculous. Because you’re being insulting.” She watched him stomp around the room, shaking his hand to clear the dust and dirt from it. “Because you let that stupid bitch get into your head.”

“That stupid bitch loves me. She would never lie to me. She would never tell me something that was bullshit, especially not about my own brother!”

“Oh my God, Kona, of course she would.” Keira couldn’t believe how blind he was. He didn’t see how easily she manipulated him and part of her felt sorry for the big idiot. “She hates me, you know that and from everything you’ve told me, from little comments Luka’s made, she doesn’t like him either. If she wanted you away from me, why not focus on the other person in your life that she hates?”

“She does not hate him. You don’t… you don’t know…” and then Kona went for her guitar. Keira moved fast, tried wrestling it out of his massive hand, but he held her off.

She could only step back in shock, hands over her mouth, tears flooding her eyes as Kona held her father’s Hummingbird by the headstock. “Please. Oh God, Kona, please don’t—”she heard the crack and fell to her knees, catching the guitar before it fell to the floor.

Keira cradled it, held the loose strings in her hands, shuddering when she saw how the headstock dangled from the neck, the silver pegs loosened. Her father was in those strings; he was in every fret, every worn groove and Keira ran her fingers over each one, hopeless, vision blurred and foggy with the thick cluster of her tears. The first man she loved died all over again and no matter how much she tried to pull the strings back, no matter how she moved the headstock back into place, it was ruined.

Kona knelt beside her and Keira closed her eyes not wanting to see the tortured way he looked at her. His refrain of “baby, I’m sorry… I didn’t mean it” was a screech to her ears that made her sick and when he tried to touch her, Keira jerked his hand off her shoulder, pulled the broken guitar closer to her chest.

“Just go,” she said, bending her forehead to the cold neck. “Please just go.”

And for once, Kona didn’t argue. For once, he left Keira alone with her tears.

“There’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you for a few weeks.” Mark’s breath beat into the phone and Keira stopped on the first flight of stairs of her building. He was a friend, would never be anything more than that, but he kept calling her, kept up with whatever stupid thing she and Kona were arguing about on any given week and informed her of every drunken gripe her mother made to his. Those usually included more than one reference to Keira. But the way Mark hesitated, how he flirted around his words, had Keira worried that he was trying work up to something that made him anxious.

When only silence met her on the line, Keira sat down on the stairs, pulling her bag between her feet. “Mark? Whatever it is…”

“I know. Hell, I don’t know why I’m so nervous to tell you.” He laughed then, clearing his throat. “It’s not like you’ll judge me, I know that and it’s not like our mothers schemes are gonna work out.”

Keira smiled, the first time in the week since Kona broke her father’s guitar. “Okay then, so why are you nervous?”

“I’m kinda new at this shit. Hell, I um, wanted you to know that I have a date this weekend.”

Keira rolled her eyes, adding her own laugh to Mark’s. “Dude, that’s good. Did you think I was waiting for you to ask me out again?”

“No, that’s not… Keira, my date, well, I’m going out with Robert Miller on Saturday night.”

Robert was a kid Keira remembered from summer camp. He was nice, big brown eyes and thick blonde hair and he said “please” and “thank you” to everyone, even at eight. Then Keira blinked, realizing what Mark was really saying.

“Oh.” Her breath fogged against her phone and Keira rubbed it dry with her coat sleeve. “Oh,” she said again, trying to gather her thoughts. “Well, Mark, that’s good. I mean, I’m surprised. I had no idea…”

“I know and I’m sorry I didn’t mention it before.”

Keira scooted against the wall when two girls she recognized from the team house walked down the stairs. She didn’t bother watching to see if they glared at her. “It’s no big deal and, let’s be honest, we were sort of doomed as a couple to begin with, right?”

“I guess we were.” In the background on the phone Keira heard the noise of the hospital and she wondered if Mark would reveal anything to her stepfather. She doubted Steven would be welcoming or understanding. Knowing him, he’d likely fire Mark on the spot. A door closed and the sounds of the hospital went silent. “Sorry. I had to sneak into the break room. Listen, I don’t know why I’m telling you about this. I guess hearing my mom on the phone with yours the other day had me worried about you, but I didn’t want you to think I was trying to work up the nerve to ask you on another date.”

“It’s fine, Mark, really.” She didn’t like that her mother was gossiping about her, but really Keira didn’t care that much what she and her friends thought. “Listen, I’ve got to get back to my room. Finals are coming up and I’m gonna spend the weekend locked in my room studying, but thank you for telling me. I guess it can’t be easy, not even in New Orleans.”

“No, but I’m sort of getting to a point where giving a shit isn’t really important to me anymore.”

Keira admired Mark. She loved that he was fine with who he was and part of her was jealous at how he was embracing this discovery about himself. But it wouldn’t be easy, not with his parents, not with anyone they’d both grown up with. “Have you told your mom?”

“No. Not yet. I’ll do that after the holidays. My internship will be over by then. If I told her now, she’d go blabbing to your mom and we both know what will happen then.”

“God yes.” Three more girls ran up the stairs and Keira stood, making room for them on the landing. “Listen, I’ve gotta go, but you let me know if you need anything. if you just need to vent, or anything. And Mark?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m really proud of you.”

She disconnected the phone and for more than once that week dreaded going into her room. Leann had rehearsal, was rarely there and Keira had been spending much of her time alone. No Kona, no Leann. It had been confining, suffocating. She had no guitar. She had no keyboards, nothing that would ease the ache in her chest.