Thin Love (66 page)

He is exhausted by the day, by the heartache that never seems to be more than a reach away from him. Would this always be the way of things? Would their lives always be so consumed with guilt? With anger?

The stinging in his eyes is sharp, brutal, but Kona does blink, doesn’t try to make it disappear.

“You still here?” his son says, still holding his mother, covering her face so that Kona cannot see her expression. He understands the lingering anger. He certainly knows where that need to protect Keira comes from and even though his son’s voice is bitter, his frown hard, Kona is grateful that Keira has Ransom. That she finally has someone protecting her.

“I don’t run.” Kona’s steps are slow, tentative, but he will not retreat. It’s not in him. “I don’t ever run.”

His voice seems to bring Keira out of her heartache and she stands, pulling herself up against Ransom’s arms so she can look at Kona. “Why?”

It’s all she needs to ask. That look, that hurt, angry look she gives him is explanation enough. Last night he touched her, loved her and it had been the first time Kona had felt himself, had felt at ease in sixteen years. He draws on that sensation, the thrill and pleasure Keira moved in him, to calm his voice, to keep his heart from racing out of his chest.

“You know I didn’t do this.” Another step and Keira’s chin stops wobbling. “I would never do this.”

“Then how?” Ransom asks, holding his mother’s arm as though he’s ready to move in front of her, maybe hold her back if she decides to attack Kona.

But his answer is for Keira. In one look—hooded eyes, mouth pinched tight—Kona stares at Keira, silently begging her to understand. Silently asking her to forgive him yet again. That drop of his stomach only dips lower when her features shift, eyebrows rising, and Kona knows Keira realizes who is responsible.

She wins every time, Kona.

“It was his mother. Your grandmother.”

Her tone, that harsh inflection has Kona sick. He knows this will mean more than distance between him and his son. It will mean that the promises he made last night, the bridge he began to rebuild was burnt to embers by his mother’s one phone call.

His skin is slick with sweat, his forehead is clammy when he rubs the spot between his eyebrows.

“She’s never met me, she doesn’t know me. Why would she care?” Ransom asks Keira.

“Because she doesn’t want him involved with us. That’s what she does. She interferes, she always interferes and it’s not ever going to stop.”

Kona snaps his head up, eyes her carefully. “Keira…”

He has no argument; can say nothing that would convince her he would protect them from his mother. But Keira is right. His mother would never stop interrupting his life, or trying to keep Keira out of it. Not unless Kona breaks all ties to her. He has a choice and for him, it’s easy: His mother or his family.

“I’m going to end this.” He tells them. He is just feet from them and he wants to touch them, to hold them, make them believe him. “I’m going to fix it all.”

Keira looks away, head shaking, but Ransom’s expression is calmer and Kona sees the flicker of hope on his son’s face. “How?”

“I’ll handle it.” Ransom’s mouth twitches and Kona thinks he wants to smile, wants to believe that he isn’t the weak asshole his son thinks he is. Kona had missed everything; lost all those possible memories to his mother’s deception, to his own weakness. He will not lose more and he wants his boy to know that, to understand that he would do anything to repair the damage done today.

Before Ransom can stop him, Kona is in front of him, his hand on the back of the boy’s neck, pulling him close. “I would never do anything like this to you. You’re my blood.” Palm easy, soft on his boy’s face, Kona lowers his voice, hopes his tone is sincere enough, honest enough. “You’re my boy and I love you. I’d kill for you, understand that. I’m your father and it’s my job to protect you and that’s what I’m going to do.” To his right, Kona sees the packed bags sitting next to the door and the thought of them leaving, either of them running, makes him sick. “Please don’t leave.” He chances a look at Keira, feels gutted at her frown, at that hopeless, defeated expression on her face. “Either one of you. Please. Let me fix this.”

“Can I go with you?” Ransom’s question comes out of nowhere and Kona can only stare at him, mouth open, shocked.

Keira is immediately worried, and she pulls on her son’s sleeve, making him step away from Kona. “Ransom… no, you don’t want to meet that woman.”

And just then, Kona thinks he sees a flicker of his twin; that slow smile, that easy grin, right there in his son’s features. “I think I have to.”

Kona stares at him, jaw working. It would be a shock to his mother to see this remarkable boy, to see the face of the life she tried to destroy. It would level her to see how she hadn’t broken him, how strong he is. In Ransom’s face, Kona sees determination, a fierceness he knows doesn’t come from him and he realizes that there isn’t much he can refuse his son. A quick nod and then Ransom smiles.

“No,” Keira says, giving up on convincing Ransom as he smiles, she takes Kona’s arm, pulling, pleading with those worried eyes. “No, I don’t want…”

“Keira, you’ve been handling things for a long time.” A small graze of his hand against hers and she retreats. Kona buries his disappointment, pushing aside the need to grab her. “You don’t have to anymore. Please, let me carry this. It’s mine anyway.” When he tries touching her, she recoils and that disappointment swells, has his shoulders sagging. “Let’s go,” he tells his son. “I wanna get this over with. We have to stop off at the bank first.”

He needs to leave before Keira’s frown stops him. He wants this over with, this betrayal buried so he can start to rebuild whatever is left with Keira again. He waits by the door as Ransom whispers to his mother, as he kisses her forehead.

He is on the walkway, nearing Kona’s rental when Ransom catches up to him. “You sure about this, Kona?”

He’d never been surer of anything more in his life, but Kona stops, looks down at his son with a grin pulling the side of his mouth. “Think they’ll ever be a day when you call me Dad?”

A small flicker of anger sticks in Ransom’s features; it is softening and Kona thinks his boy is waiting to see how this visit to his mother’s will go. Those familiar features are guarded, gaze considering as Ransom eyes him. Then, his boy shrugs, continues down the walkway with Kona trailing after him. “Maybe. But you gotta earn it.”

“You sure, man? They want an exclusive.”

Kona rolls his eyes. His agent wasn’t thinking about Kona’s choices or the direction of his career. The man was worried about his commission and how much he’d lose once Kona walked away from the NFL.

“I’m sure. I said what I needed to. It’s done.”

There is a pause on the line and Kona pops his neck, waiting for whatever tactic his manager will try to use to convince him to change his mind. Finally, Devon’s sigh echoes in the phone and he clears his throat. “Kona, look, I had no idea that she’d done anything. I told you, she just called with a statement she said you wanted to make. Shit, I didn’t even know you had a kid. You were supposed to be training with the Steamers.”

“And I was. But damn, dude, you’ve know me what, ten, twelve years and you thought I’d say shit like that about my own blood?” Next to him in the passenger’s seat, Ransom scans through his phone, his frown deepening with every message his reads.

“I was shocked. Like I said, I didn’t know you had a kid so we were all kind leveled by that video and then your statement.”

“Doesn’t matter. I’m done. It’s over. I said what I needed to and have this last thing to handle.” Ransom’s frown only worsens and Kona taps his son on the arm, pulling his phone away from his mouth when his boy looks up at him. “Stop reading that shit. It’s only gonna piss you off.”

“Kona?”

“I’m here, Devon.” He looks up at the Victorian, shaking his head when he sees his mother looking out of the front window. “I gotta go, man. You take care.”

The phone rattles against the cup holder when Kona throws it down and he grips the steering wheel, knuckles white as he takes a breath.

“You alright?” Ransom asks him.

“Yeah.” Another glance at the window and Kona bites his lip, relaxing a little when he doesn’t see anyone looking outside. “What about you?”

A quick shrug and Ransom silences his phone. “Just people talking smack. Fuck em, right?”

“You really need to watch your mouth.”

Ransom’s eyebrows lift and then a pull of his mouth has that familiar grin surfacing. “Seriously?”

“Seriously,” he says, unbuckling his seatbelt. The radio changes to a news brief and Kona hears his own voice through the speakers. ““You didn’t listen?” Kona moves his chin toward the knob when Ransom turns up the volume.

“I didn’t need to, man. You did this for me, trying to smooth this shit…” Kona lifts an eyebrow and Ransom grins, “this crap over. Still, I wanna know how smooth you were.”

“I’m not taking any questions,”
Kona’s recorded voice is stern.
“I’m gonna tell you guys what’s on my mind and then I’m heading out.”
Ransom’s gaze shifts to Kona, but it is just a glance before the boy stares down at the radio.

“Sixteen years ago I did something stupid.”
A quick look at his son and Kona relaxes. That grin again, the one that is so familiar, makes the tension in his chest fade.
“I got involved in things that I had no business being around. It cost me a lot. It was my mistake that got my twin brother Luka killed.”
Eyes closing, Kona breathes, not wanting to see the disappointment he’s sure is on his son’s face. But in the darkness, something worse comes to him—Luka’s body in the middle of the street, his blood on Keira’s seats, on Kona’s hand when he reached for his twin.
“I was very angry for a very long time at myself and I pushed everyone away.

“A few months ago, I discovered that I had a son.”
He doesn’t realize he’s started to bounce his knee, making his seat move, until Ransom taps his leg, brings Kona’s eyes back up to that grin.

“You good?” Ransom’s smile comes easier, somewhat guarded as he stares at Kona, but he has relaxed.

“Yeah. Sorry.”

“I discovered that I had been blessed to have a son that is talented, gifted, who had been raised by a woman I stupidly pushed away. That woman has raised an exceptional young man all on her own. It wasn’t easy for them. They’ve struggled. They’ve struggled more than anyone could possibly understand.”

Ransom’s smile is ridiculous, wide and when a brief blush moves over his cheeks, Kona looks away from him, giving his boy an excuse to return his attention to his phone.

“I am proud of my son. I’m honored to be his father. There have been people in my life that have twisted the facts of mistakes that have been made and lead you all to believe that I think my bright, extraordinary son is somehow damaged. He is not. Let me repeat that, just so we’re clear. He. Is. Not.”

It was the truth. Kona knew it, he wanted the world to know it. Elbows on the steering wheel, he stares at his hands, hoping that his efforts would make a difference, that he hadn’t allowed his mother to completely dismantle the work Keira had done to keep Ransom even, calm.

“The statement that was released earlier today did not come from me but from individuals who I am no longer associated with. Individuals that I will no longer be associated with ever again. I’ve had a wonderful career. I got to do what I love for a long time and I am thankful for the blessings and opportunities I’ve been given. But what I want today, isn’t a career in the NFL. I want to spend the rest of my life getting to know my son and taking part in the brilliant, remarkable man he will become. Effective immediately, I am retiring. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring or where I go from here professionally. I only know that I’ve got a lot of catching up to do. I’ve got a lot of mistakes to make up for. That starts right now. Thank you.”

Next to him, Ransom snorts, that same grin is heavy, shifting into a full blown smile and Kona looks up at him, eyebrows raised. “Dude. You got a man crush on me or something?”

Kona doesn’t care that his laugh is loud. He only cares that his son is smiling, that his joke has calmed Kona and he believes that Ransom’s anger at him is gone. “Please, brah. I know you idolize me.”

His boy rolls his eyes, deflecting the small emotional peak between them by returning to his phone. Ransom’s smile falls, drops completely before he throws his cell into his bag at his feet.

He won’t ask the boy what happened, figures it was more shit his friends were giving him online, but when Ransom kicks the glove compartment, Kona reacts, tugs on his arm to get his attention. One eyebrow up is all the question he asks.

Ransom tries deflection, but Kona’s expression doesn’t change and he stares at the boy, telling him with a look that he wants an explanation.

“Emily’s dad won’t let her talk to me.”

“Because of all that shit?” Kona asks, nodding toward the radio.

The quick flash of his temper dies at Kona’s question and Ransom’s seat squeaks as he moves around in it, uncomfortable. “Uh. No. That’s not it. He, um, found some texts I sent her. Some she sent me.” His voice is low, whisper soft and Kona doesn’t get it. Doesn’t understand the need for secrecy.