Things You Should Know (3 page)

BOOK: Things You Should Know
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I pick up the extension in the kitchen and hope neither of them notices the click.

“Where did she get the feet?”

“I think he's helping her.”

“Who?”

“Geordie.”

“Why?”

“He hates me.”

I hang up.

When I was young my mother made cupcakes for my birthday and brought them to school. The teacher had us all write her thank-you notes in thick pencil on wide-lined paper.
Dear Mrs. Harris, thank you for the delicious cupcakes. We enjoyed them very much. Sincerely, Geordie.

“Dear Mrs. Harris, Sincerely Geordie, what kind of letter is that to send a mother?” She still talks about how funny it was. When she telephones and I answer she says, “It's Mrs. Harris, your mother.”

 

We are in bed. Susan is reading. I look over her shoulder, page 297 of
In Cold Blood,
a description of Perry Smith, one of the murderers. “He seems to have grown up without direction, without love.”

“I'm lonely,” I tell her.

“Read something,” she says, turning the page.

I go downstairs and fix a bowl of ice cream for Susan.

“I'm not your enemy,” I tell her when the ice cream is gone, when I have helped her finish it, when I am licking the bowl.

“I don't know that,” she says, taking the bowl away from me and putting it on the floor. “You act like you're on her side.”

“And what side is that?”

“The side of the dead, of things past.”

“Oh, please,” I say, and yet there is something in what Susan is saying; I am on the side of things lost, I am in the past, remembering. “You're scaring me,” I say. “You're turning into some weird minimalist monster from hell.”

“This is me,” Susan says. “This is my life. You're intruding.”

“This is our family,” I say, horrified.

“I can't be Chinese,” Susan tells me. “I've spent my whole life trying not to be Chinese.”

“Kate is half Chinese and she likes it,” I say, trying to make Susan feel better.

“I don't like that half of Kate,” Susan says.

 

Something summons me from my sleep. I listen—on alert, heart racing. The extreme silence of night is blasting full volume. Moon pours into the room like a gigantic night light. Outside, the trees are still—it is haunting, romantic, deeply autumnal. Night.

And there it is, far away, catching me, a kind of bleating, a baleful wail.

I go down the hall, each step amplified, the quieter I try to go the louder I become.

I check Kate—she is fast asleep.

It becomes more of a moan—deep, inconsolable, hollow. There is no echo, each beatified bellow is here and then gone, evaporating into the night.

Downstairs, Mrs. Ha is crouched in the corner of the living room, like a new end table. She is next to the sofa, squatting, her hands at her ears, crying. She is naked.

“Mrs. Ha?”

She doesn't answer.

Her cry, heartbreaking, definitive, filled with horror, with grief, with fear, comes from someplace far away, from somewhere long ago.

I touch her shoulder. “It's Geordie. Is there something I can do? Are you all right?”

I step on the foot switch for the lamp; the halogen torch floods the room. Susan's Corbusier chairs sit bolt upright—tight black leather boxes, a Prouve table from France lies flat, waiting, the modernist edge, dissonant, vibrating against the Tudor, the stone, the old casement windows, and Mrs. Ha, my Chinese mother-in-law, sobbing at my feet. I turn the light off.

“Mrs. Ha?” I lift her up, I put my hands under her arms and pull. She is compact like a panda, she is made of heavy
metal. Her skin is at once papery thin and thick like hide. She clings to me, digging in.

I carry her back to her bed. She cries. I find her nightgown and slip it over her head. When she cries, her mouth drops open, her lips roll back, her chin tilts up and her teeth and jaws flash, like a horse's head. It is as though someone has just told her the most horrible thing; her face contorts. Her expression is like an anthropological find—at eighty-nine she is a living skeleton.

I touch her hair.

“I want to go home,” she wails.

“You are home.”

“I want to go home,” she repeats.

I sit on the edge of her bed, I put my arms around her. “Maybe it was the soup, maybe the dinner didn't agree with you.”

“No,” she says, “I always have the soup. It is not the soup that does not agree with me, it is me that does not agree with me.” She stops crying. “They are going to flood my home, I read it in the
New York Times,
they build the three gorges, the dam, and everything goes underwater.”

“I don't know who they are,” I say.

“You are who they are,” she says. I don't know what she is talking about.

Mrs. Ha reaches to scratch her back, between her shoulder blades. “There is something there,” she says. “I just can't reach it.”

I imagine the little green blip on the tracking device, wobbling. “It's OK. Everything is all right now.”

“You have no idea,” she tells me as she is drifting off. “I am an old woman but I am not stupid.”

And when she is asleep, I go back to bed. I am drenched in sweat. Susan turns toward me. “Everything all right?”

“Mrs. Ha was crying.”

“Don't call her Mrs. Ha.”

I take off my shirt, thinking I must smell like Mrs. Ha. I
smell like Mrs. Ha and sweat and fear. “What would you like me to call her—Ma Ha?”

“She has a name,” Susan says angrily. “Call her Lillian.”

 

I cannot sleep. I am thinking we have to take Mrs. Ha home. I am imagining a family trip reuniting Mrs. Ha with her country, Susan with her roots, Kate with her ancestry. I am thinking that I need to know more. I once read a story in a travel magazine about a man who went on a bike ride in China. I pictured a long open road, a rural landscape. In the story the man falls off his bike, breaks his hip, and lies on the side of the road until he realizes no help is going to come, and then he fashions his broken bike into a cane, raises himself up, and hobbles back to town.

She is lying on a raft in water. Floating. Every day when she comes home from school, she puts on her bikini and lies in the pool—it stops her from snacking.

“Appearances are everything,” she tells him when he comes crashing through the foliage, arriving at the edge of the yard in his combat pants, thorns stuck to his shirt.

“Next time they change the code to the service gate, remember to tell me,” he says. “I had to come in through the Eisenstadts' and under the wire.”

He blots his face with the sleeve of his shirt. “There's some sort of warning—I can't remember if it's heat or air.”

“I might evaporate,” she says, then pauses. “I might spontaneously combust. Do you ever worry about things like that?”

“You can't explode in water,” he says.

Her raft drifts to the edge.

He sits by the side of the pool, leaning over, his nose pressed into her belly, sniffing. “You smell like swimming. You smell clean, you smell white, like bleach. When I smell you, my nostrils dilate, my eyes open.”

“Take off your shirt,” she says.

“I'm not wearing any sunblock,” he says.

“Take off your shirt.”

He does, pulling it over his head, flashing twin woolly birds' nests under his arms.

He rocks her raft. His combat pants tent. He puts one hand inside her bathing suit and the other down his pants.

She stares at him.

He closes his eyes, his lashes flicker. When he's done, he dips his hand in the pool, splashing it back and forth as though checking the water, taking the temperature. He wipes it on his pants.

“Do you like me for who I am?” she asks.

“Do you want something to eat?” he replies.

“Help yourself.”

He gets cookies for himself and a bowl of baby carrots from the fridge for her. The bowl is cold, clear glass, filled with orange stumps. “Butt plugs,” he calls them.

The raft is a silver tray, a reflective surface—it holds the heat.

“Do you have any idea what's eating me?”

“You're eating yourself,” he says.

A chunk of a Chips Ahoy! falls into the water. It sinks.

She pulls on her snorkel and mask and stares at the sky. The sound of her breath through the tube is amplified, a raspy, watery gurgle. “Mallory, my malady, you are my Mallomar, my favorite cookie,” he intones. “Chocolate-dipped, squishy…You were made for me.”

She flips off the raft and into the water. She swims.

“I'm going,” she hears him say. “Going, going, gone.”

 

At twilight an odd electrical surge causes the doorbells all up and down the block to ring. An intercom chorus of faceless voices sings a round of “Hi, hello. Can I help you? Is anybody out there?”

She climbs out of the pool, wet feet padding across the flagstone. Behind her is a Japanese rock garden, a retaining wall holding the earth in place like a restraining order. She sits on the warm stones. Dripping. Watering the rocks. In school, when she was little, she was given a can of water and a paintbrush—she remembers painting the playground
fence, watching it turn dark and then light again as the water evaporated.

She watches her footprints disappear.

The dog comes out of the house. He puts his nose in her crotch. “Exactly who do you think you are?” she asks, pushing him away.

There is the outline of hills in the distance; they are perched on a cliff, always in danger of falling, breaking away, sliding.

Inside, there is a noise, a flash of light.

“Shit!” her mother yells.

She gets up. She opens the sliding glass door. “What happened?”

“I flicked the switch and the bulb blew.”

She steps inside—cool white, goose bumps.

“I dropped the plant,” her mother says. She has dropped an African violet on its head. “I couldn't see where I was going.” She has a blue gel pack strapped to her face. “Headache.”

There is dark soil on the carpet. She goes to get the Dust-buster. The television in the kitchen is on, even though no one is watching: “People often have the feeling there is something wrong, that they are not where they should be….”

The dirt is in a small heap, a tiny hill on the powder-blue carpet. In her white crocheted bathing suit, she gets down on her hands and knees and sucks it up. Her mother watches. And then her mother gets down and brushes the carpet back and forth. “Did you get it?” she asks. “Did you get it all?”

“All gone,” she says.

“I dropped it on its head,” her mother says. “I can't bear it. I need to be reminded of beauty,” she says. “Beauty is a comfort, a reminder that good things are possible. And I killed it.”

“It's not dead,” she says. “It's just upside down.” Her mother is tall, like a long thin line, like a root going down.

 

In the front yard they hear men speaking Spanish, the sound of hedge trimmers and weed whackers, frantic scratching, a thousand long fingernails clawing to get in.

There is the feeling of a great divide: us and them. They rely on the cleaning lady and her son to bring them things—her mother claims to have forgotten how to grocery-shop. All they can do is open the refrigerator door and hope there is something inside. They live on the surface in some strange state of siege.

They are standing in the hallway outside her sister's bedroom door.

“You don't own me,” her sister says.

“Believe me, I wouldn't want to,” a male voice says.

“And why not, aren't I good enough?” her sister says.

“Is she fighting with him again?”

“On speakerphone,” her mother says. “I can't tell which one is which, they all sound the same.” She knocks on the door. “Did you take your medication, Julie?”

“You are in my way,” her sister says, talking louder now.

“What do you want to do about dinner?” her mother asks. “Your father is late—can you wait?”

“I had carrots.”

She goes into her parents' room and checks herself in the bathroom mirror—still there. Her eyes are green, her lips are chapped pink. Her skin is dry from the chlorine, a little irritated. She turns around and looks over her shoulder—she is pruny in the back, from lying on the wet raft.

She opens the cabinet—jars, tubes, throat cream and thigh cream, lotion, potion, bronze stick, cover-up, pancake, base. She piles it on.

“Make sure you get enough water—it's hot today,” her mother says. Her parents have one of those beds where each half does a different thing; right now her father's side is up, bent in two places. They both want what they want, they need what they need. Her mother is lying flat on her face.

She goes back out to the pool. She dives in with a splash. Her mother's potions run off, forming an oil slick around her.

Her father comes home. Through the glass she sees the
front door open. She sees him moving from room to room. “Is the air filter on?” His voice is muffled. “Is the air on?” he repeats. “I'm having it again—the not breathing.”

He turns on the bedroom light. It throws her parents into relief; the sliding glass doors are lit like a movie screen. IMAX Mom and Dad. She watches him unbutton his shirt. “I'm sweating,” she hears him say. Even from where she is, she can see that he is wet. Her father calls his sweat “proof of his suffering.” Under his shirt, a silk T-shirt is plastered to his body, the dark mat of the hair on his back showing through. There is something obscene about it—like an ape trying to look human. There is something embarrassing about it as well—it looks like lingerie, it makes him look more than naked. She feels as if she were seeing something she shouldn't, something too personal.

Her mother rolls over and sits up.

“Something is not right,” he says.

“It's the season,” she says.

“Unseasonable,” he says. “Ben got a call in the middle of the afternoon. They said his house was going downhill fast. He had to leave early.”

“It's an unpredictable place,” her mother says.

“It's not the same as it was, that's the thing,” her father says, putting on a dry shirt. “Now it's a place where everybody thinks he's somebody and nobody wants to be left out.”

She gets out of the pool and goes to the door, pressing her face against the glass. They don't notice her. Finally, she knocks. Her father opens the sliding glass door. “I didn't see you out there,” he says.

“I'm invisible,” she says. “Welcome home.”

 

She is back in the pool. Floating. The night is moist. Vaporous. It's hard to know if it's been raining or if the sprinkler system is acting up. The sky is charcoal, powdery black. Everything is a little fuzzy around the edges but sharp and clear in the center.

There is a coyote at the edge of the grass. She feels it staring at her. “What?” she says.

It lowers its head and pushes its neck forward, red eyes like red lights.

“What do you want?”

The coyote's legs grow long, its fur turns into an overcoat, it stands, its muzzle melts into a face—an old woman, smiling.

“Who are you?” the girl asks. “Are you friends with my sister?”

“Watch me,” the old woman says. She throws off the coyote coat—she is taller, she is younger, she is naked, and then she is a man.

She hears her mother and father in the house. Shouting.

“What am I to you?” her mother says.

“It's the same thing, always the same thing, blah, blah, blah,” her father says.

“Have you got anything to eat?” the coyote asks.

“Would you like a carrot?”

“I was thinking of something more like a sandwich or a slice of cheese pizza.”

“There are probably some waffles in the freezer. No one ever eats the waffles. Would you like me to make you one?”

“With butter and syrup?” he asks.

The girl nods.

He licks his lips, he turns his head and licks his shoulder and then his coyote paws. He begins grooming himself.

“Be right back,” she says. She goes into the kitchen, opens the freezer, and pulls out the box of waffles.

“I thought you were on a diet,” her mother says.

“I am,” the girl says, putting the waffles in the toaster, getting the butter, slicing a few strawberries.

“What's this called, breakfast for dinner?”

“Never mind,” the girl says, pouring syrup.

“That's all you ever say.”

She goes back outside. A naked young woman sits by the edge of the pool.

“Is it still you?” the girl asks.

“Yes,” the coyote says.

She hands the coyote the plate. “Usually we have better choices, but the housekeeper is on vacation.”

“Yum, Eggos. Want a bite?”

The girl shakes her head. “I'm on a diet,” she says, getting back onto her raft.

The coyote eats. When she's finished she licks the plate. Her tongue is incredibly long, it stretches out and out and out, lizardly licking.

“Delish,” she says.

The girl watches, eyes bulging at the sight of the tongue—hot pink. The coyote starts to change again, to shift. Her skin goes dark, it goes tan, deep like honey and then crisper brown, as if it is burning, and then darker still, toward black. Downy feathers start to appear, and then longer feathers, like quills. Her feet turn orange, fold in, and web. A duck, a big black duck, like a dog, but a duck. The duck jumps into the pool and paddles toward the girl, splashing noisily.

“These feet,” she says. “They're the opposite of high heels and still they're so hard to control.”

They float in silence.

She sees her sister come out of her room. She watches the three of them, her mother, father, and sister, through the glass.

She floats on the raft.

Relaxed, the duck extends her neck, her feathers bleach white, and she turns into a swan, circling gracefully.

Suddenly, she lifts her head, as if alerted. She pumps her wings. Her body is changing again, she is trading her feathers for fur, a black mask appears around her eyes, her bill becomes a snout. She is out of the water, standing on the flagstone, a raccoon with orange webbed feet. She waddles off into the night.

Below ground there is a shift, a fissure, a crack that ricochets. A tremor. The house lights flicker. The alarm goes off. In the pool the water rolls, a small domestic tidal wave sweeps from one end to the other, splashing onto the stones.

The sliding glass door opens, her father steps out, flashlight circling the water. He finds her holding onto the ladder.

“You all right?” he asks.

“Fine,” she says.

“Come on out now,” he says. “It's enough for one day. You're a growing girl—you need your beauty sleep.”

She climbs out of the pool.

Her father hands her a towel. “It's a wonder you don't just shrivel up and disappear.”

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