Thinking in Pictures: My Life with Autism (10 page)

Here I am as a toddler. At that time, my retreat from touch was the only obvious sign of autism.

At two and a half, I had no speech and no interest in people. I appeared to be deaf, and often threw tantrums out of frustration at not being able to talk. Like many autistic children, I looked normal.

In high school, my life revolved around 4-H and showing horses. A deep connection with animals has been a constant in my life.

One of my mentors, Aunt Brecheen, helped me channel my fixations. This picture was taken in front of her ranch house in Arizona, where I first observed the cattle chute and made the connection between its calming pressure and my own hyperaroused nervous system.

Here is an example of the kind of cattle chute used for holding animals during veterinary procedures. Two panels apply pressure to the animal's body, and its head is restrained by a stanchion closed around its neck.

I constructed my first makeshift version of the squeeze machine out of used plywood. Here I am in the current version of the machine, which I also constructed. By manipulating the lever, I can precisely control the amount of pressure applied to my body. (Photograph copyright © by Rosalie Winard)

This is a commercially available squeeze machine manufactured by the Therafin Corporation, based on my design and used in the treatment of people with autism. (Photograph copyright © by Rosalie Winard)

One of my first designs for a curved lane leads into the dip vat at John Wayne's Red River feed yard. I figured out that cattle would move more easily through a curved lane because it makes use of their natural circling behavior.

I later applied the curved-lane design to systems for meatpacking plants. When I designed this chute, I was able to visualize the whole system in my imagination.

Here is one of my blueprints for a curved-chute system. As I draw, I visualize how each part will operate from every angle in my imagination. Many autistics share these intense visualization skills.

Even though I had little experience with drawing in perspective, I was able to come up with this blueprint in one try. Drawing skills often appear in young autistic children, perhaps as a compensation for their lack of verbal skills.

I call this my ground sculpture. In fact it is a truck loading and sorting facility in Nevada.