Thirteen Roses Book One: Before: An Apocalyptic Zombie Saga (9 page)

She put her phone on the desk. Knowing it was stupid, she pressed the button and the screen lit up. Tanya smiled up at her and her mouth wobbled. With a growl she unlocked it, went into settings and changed her save screen to blank. With a sigh of satisfaction, she slammed the phone back on the desk and went for her mouse.
 

Elizabeth turned up ten minutes later and stuck her head through the door. 'Morning, Miss Frane, can I get you anything?'

Sam stared at her, wondering whether everyone who had chemo got the blurring around the edges of their eyes, and shook her head. The door was almost closed when she called her back.
 

'Sorry, Liz, actually, yeah. I need to cancel the morning meetings. Sorry, I'm just...'

Liz nodded, eyes sad. 'Yes, of course, no problem. Can I get you a drink or anything?'

'Is it too early for gin?'

'Probably just a bit. You could have coffee and pretend there's liqueur in there.'

'Couldn't you just put liqueur in there instead of me pretending?'

Lis smiled and pulled the door too. Sam stared at it, at the dark wooden panelling covered in shiny lacquer, and ever so slowly put her head on the desk. She sat up guiltily when the phone rang, sweeping imaginary sleep dust from the corners of her eyes. Had she been asleep?

Face flushing red, she answered the phone.
 

'Samantha Frane.'

'Hello Samantha, it's Doctor Islam. I'm sorry to bother you at work. Do you have a minute to talk?'

'Of course, why, what's up?'

There was a moment's silence and it was enough for her to know. She bit her lip and grabbed the table edge with one hand, squeezing until her fingers ached.
 

'We have all the results back now and I thought you would want to know immediately. The tumour is larger than we thought. Also, the cancer has spread into your lymph nodes. If we operate now, I think we can get it all, but I must warn you, it is a long procedure and will leave you out of action for some considerable time.'

He kept talking, but she didn't hear him. She didn't hear anything save the rushing in her ears. Her hand shook where it gripped the table and she stared in wonder at the whiteness of her knuckles. She'd never been that pale, so where did the whiteness come from?

'Samantha, are you there?'

His voice, always so damned soft, flooded back into her consciousness.
 

'Yes, yeah, I'm here.'

'Do you understand what I am saying?'

'Yeah, when will you operate?'

'I have booked it in for Tuesday. I will not be operating though, this isn't my area of expertise so I will pass you to a colleague of mine. She is outstanding, you will be in good hands. I need you to come in and see me today or tomorrow, can you do that?'

She organised things, autopilot taking over while her mind drifted up to the ceiling and stared down at her. She saw the straight, mousey-blonde hair brushing her shoulders. The thin, even face that would be pretty if it weren't so severe. She watched her lips wobble as she answered the questions and put the phone down. Then she slammed back into her body and heaved a great groan that doubled her over until she dropped from her chair and onto the floor.
 

'Miss Frane, are you alright?'

Liz's tremulous voice cut through her sobs and she looked up. Liz had never seen her cry and she knew what she must look like, but her PA came rushing around the table and wrapped her arms around her. It was probably the worst thing she could have done. Sam stiffened, drawing her shoulders in, tears drying up.
 

'I'm fine, really. Can you get me an appointment with Mr Edwards? Needs to be today.'

Liz backed away, hands out to her. 'Are you su--'

'NOW, please, sorry. Yes, now please, straight away if possible, thank you.'

Liz dashed out the office and Sam slumped back in her seat. She spun the chair so she could stare out the big window behind her. She could see the river and thousands of people, going about their lives like she wasn't this close to death.
 

She stood and sucked in a deep breath. She couldn't be in here. She couldn't talk to her boss and try and explain why her job didn't matter anymore, why nothing mattered. She grabbed her jacket and ran. Liz called after her and it was probably something caring, something that she needed to hear, but she couldn't hear it, not now.
 

Minutes later she burst out onto the street and sucked in a huge lungful of filthy London air. She could breathe again, as ludicrous as it sounded. Out here she was one among millions, and not one of them knew her, or what was happening to her. She didn't know why that was so important, but it was. She stamped past the yard and glanced at the van parked inside. It had been there when she left yesterday and it was still there. There was something creepy about it, with all the blacked out windows and nasty bumper stickers.
 

Sam set off for the river. It would be clearer there and she could pretend she was on holiday, cruising by the Thames. She used to come here with Tanya all the time. They'd hang out on the South Bank, or laze on the steps of St Paul's. She sniffed and rubbed her eye with the heel of her hand, then looked in horror at the mascara smeared across it.
 

She reached Embankment and headed straight for the railings. As she leaned against them, the phone rang. She stiffened, like the railings had electricity running through them. She struggled to breathe as she pulled her phone from her jacket pocket. She was too hot and she yanked the jacket off as well, not yet daring to look at the phone screen. She didn't need to.
 

She knew it was Tanya.
 

Sam Part Two

She'd only set one personal ring-tone on her phone and that had been for Tanya. And now it was ringing. Screwing up her nose, she looked at the screen and there she was, the photo they'd taken in Hamleys with the giant elephant staring her in the face. She lifted it to her ear and took a deep breath, then pressed answer.

Tanya was sobbing, mewing into the phone and the sound nearly sent Sam to her knees. Tanya didn't cry, same way she didn't talk about her feelings or admit to being scared of anything.
 

'Tany, was is it, what's wrong?'

'I miss you.'

It took a while to come out between the sobs but as it sunk in, Sam staggered back until she found a bench and sat. The tears were for her. The space on the other side of the bed was gaping, a gulf into which she fell every night.
 

'I miss you too.' The tears escaped as the words came out and for a while the only sound was the two of them sharing the one thing they'd never shared before. Sam got control first, horribly aware of the people staring at her and the likely state of her mascara. The last few months had necessitated the exploration of all sorts of waterproof mascara before she'd decided that description was a contradiction in terms.
 

'Where are you?'

'At the flat. Where are you?'

'In town. I just had to leave work for a while. There's--'

'Can you come and see me?'

'Of course, I mean, yeah, of course. I'll be there in a half hour.'

The sniffles were drying up and Tanya sounded more like her old self. 'Okay, see you soon.'

The phone went dead and Sam stared at it. Tanya never said bye when she hung up, but she'd almost forgotten the abruptness. It used to really bug her, not getting to say bye or I love you. As she tucked it into her jacket pocket, she realised she'd just spoken to Tanya for the first time in four months and she hadn't asked about the cancer. Probably just too upset.
 

She set off, ignoring the stitch that formed in her side and the shortness of breath that made her blink and pant as she walked. She was almost at the station when she stopped, distracted by the most amazing scents. The flower stall was in its usual place but it smelled better than usual today, and her feet carried her away from the station until she stood before a wondrous display of colours.
 

The flower seller came around the side of his stall and stood beside her.
 

'Can I interest you in anything today, madam?'

His voice made her smile. He reminded her of university and visiting her parents. He smiled back and she stared at him for a moment. He was odd, really. She'd only glanced at him before, but the voice and the sharp eyes were very different than the picture she'd built up in her mind. Funny how quickly we create an image of someone and how easily it can be wrong.
 

'Um, I don't know, maybe, yes?'

'Splendid. That's conclusive then. How about some roses?'

The smile took the sting from his gentle mockery and she found herself smiling again. It felt strange on her face and reminded her of the man on the train.
 

'I like roses.'

'A bunch of twelve perhaps. You could put them in your office, or maybe take them home to have in the kitchen.'

The way he said it made her think he knew what her kitchen looked like. He could see the empty glass vase that sat, unused on the windowsill. She shook her head.
 

'How do you know I work in an office?'

He chuckled and the sound slipped up her back and massaged her neck. 'Well, you're wearing a suit. You look stressed, I'm sorry to say, and you're here. One should never assume anything, but I thought it was probably a fair guess.'

She nodded. 'I look that good, then?'

He looked up at the sky for a moment, hands moving unceasingly as he cut and wrapped the roses. 'I am sorry, I didn't mean to offend.'

She waved it away. 'Not at all. It's not surprising really, I have cancer.' Her mouth snapped shut and she blushed deep red. 'God, I'm sorry, I don't know where that came from.'

'It's fine, really. Well, not the cancer, but telling me, it's fine. Sometimes it's nice to talk to a stranger. So long as your mother doesn't find out, of course.'

He said it with a wry grin that managed to banish the blood from her cheeks and make her smile. He didn't look surprised. In fact, he seemed matter of fact about it.
 

'Do you often have people telling you they have cancer?'

'Fortunately not. But I've... known people who suffered from it. I am sorry.'

He hoisted the roses up, obscuring his mouth. 'Will you keep these, then?'

She hesitated. But if she could tell him about the cancer, then… 'Actually, I'm just on my way to see my ex. I haven't seen her in four months. I think I might give them to her.'

The roses lowered and he stared her straight in the eyes. 'I think you should keep them. Here, I'll put an extra one in there and you can give her that one. One rose is far more romantic than twelve, after all.'

She took the bunch from him and breathed them in. The smell took her far away from London and Tanya and the impending operation that wasn't going to be successful. She was back at home at her parent's place. Funny how she still thought of it as home. She was in the garden, listening to Mum and Dad talk on the patio as the sun beat down.
 

She blinked away the memory and paid the man. As she was walking away, his voice followed her to the station. 'Remember, you just give her the thirteenth and keep the rest.'

She mulled it over as she got on the escalator down to the tube. She already knew she'd give them all to Tanya. She'd give her everything she owned if they got back together. She grabbed the last seat in her carriage and chewed on her knuckle. Was this a really stupid idea?

The smell filled the carriage and she noticed everyone smiling at her. She also saw more than one person rise, as though to get off at a station, then sit back down and relax. They rolled into Shepherd's Bush and she stood. Most of the carriage rose with her and got off. Some came with her to the exit, but most wandered aimlessly or headed for the opposite platform.
 

She got above ground and the smell drifted away, replaced by the scent of fried chicken and the market. It brought back more memories than she was willing to deal with and she stomped across the green, focusing on the steady beat of her feet on the pavement.
 

The flat was just as it had been four months ago. Why was that strange? What had she expected? The door was the same colour and every move she made felt choreographed, as though coming back here was destined to happen. Perhaps it was. Perhaps that was why it was only today she'd changed her screen saver.
 

Her hand shook when she reached for the bell and she hesitated, staring at the tiny white circle as though it could answer the hundreds of questions rattling around her brain. With the smallest of shrugs, she pressed the button. And waited.
 

Her palms were sweaty and she felt wobbly, ready to topple over. Footsteps approached the door and she took a deep breath. The door opened and the breath caught, stuck in her throat. It wasn't Tanya. It was a face she vaguely recognised. Was it an old friend of Tany's? It might be.
 

She coughed as her body caught up with her not breathing. It took control for a moment and she grabbed the door frame to stay upright as her body shook. When she finally stopped, she looked back at the woman who stood waiting, arms folded.

'Um, is Tanya there, please?'

The woman spared her another glance then turned and walked into the flat, leaving the door ajar. Sam pushed it open and put one foot inside. The familiar scent of jasmine incense filled her nose and mingled with the roses she clutched tight in one hand. Her eyes watered and she stepped back, back into the cool clear air of the street.
 

'Sweetheart, some woman's here to see you.'

'Who is it?'

'Dunno...' the rest of her words were too faint to hear, no matter how hard she strained. The roses were suddenly heavy, dragging her arm and she laid them carefully on the step. Who was the woman and what was she doing here? The word sweetheart bounced round and round her mind and with every revolution a little piece of her crumbled.