This Man Confessed (32 page)

Following him into the villa, I find him standing in the middle of the room. I’m quiet as I approach behind him, but he doesn’t flinch when I slide my hand into his. He knew I was close, as he always does. I lead him into the bedroom and start to unbutton his shirt. There is no sexual tension ricocheting between us, or heavy desperate breaths. I’m just looking after him.

His head is dropped, he’s completely despondent, but he lets me undress him until he’s standing before me naked and quiet. I go to direct him to the bed, but he stands firm and turns me back to face him, then sets about unzipping my dress and pulling it over my head, encouraging me to lift my arms. I let him do his thing, anything to drag him from his melancholy state. I stand quietly while he sees through his task, unhooking my bra before kneeling and taking my knickers down my legs. I’m lifted to his body, my legs finding their place around his hips, and he positions himself on the bed, back against the headboard so I’m sitting on his lap, pressed against his chest. He’s not prepared to have any space between us, which is fine by me. His arms are completely encasing me, his nose is in my hair, and his heartbeat is slow and steady under my ear. This is all I can do, and if need be, I’ll do it until the day I die.

I
feel different this morning. I’m on my back, but I’m not sprawled across the bed with a light breeze tickling my naked skin, and I’m unable to stretch. It takes a few seconds to register why. I’m cocooned beneath Jesse, who is half laying on me, half off, so he isn’t putting pressure on my tummy. His face is nuzzled in the space between my jaw and my shoulder, his palm is flat on my abdomen, and his hot, minty breath is heating my neck. My rousing brain speedily kicks into gear, reminding me of the events of last night, the pain, the anguish, and the shock. Paradise was turned upside down.

My fingers slip into his hair as I gaze up at the ceiling and massage gently. This man has a troubled history, but I’m fixing all of that hurt and suffering. I’m his little piece of heaven, and I’ll never allow him to fall back into his hellish, hollow past.

As I lay there giving myself a little mental pep talk, I feel the slight flicker of his long lashes against my neck, but I remain quiet, allowing him to have his thinking space, my fingers keeping up the gentle twisting of his hair.

“I would never have brought you here if I had known.” His raspy voice breaks the silence. “I never wanted my life with you to be stained by my past.”

“It hasn’t affected us,” I assure him. “So please don’t let it.”

“They have no place in my life, Ava. Not before, and even less now.” His hand starts a slow movement across my stomach.

His babies will not replace Jake. They will not ease Jesse’s parents’ guilt. And I know for sure they’ll never be reason for reconciliation. Some things are unforgivable, and your parents doing anything other than loving and supporting you are just a few of them. My dad has always said that he could never tell me what to do, only advise me. He has said he would never force my hand in anything, knowing it would make me unhappy. He said he would always be there, despite my choices and he would make things better if it was the wrong choice. And he did. Many times. That’s what parents do.

“You don’t need to explain anything to me. You and me.” I repeat his words to enforce my own.

He rolls onto his back and pulls at me, encouraging me to crawl onto his chest. I find my way and start my slow, light trailing of his scar. “This place was Carmichael’s,” he says quietly. “It was part of his estate, as was the boat.”

“I know.” I smile to myself.

“How did you know?”

“Why else would you have a villa so close to where your parents live?”

I can’t see him, but I know he’s smiling. “My beautiful girl is frightening me.”

“Why?” I ask, frowning into his chest.

“Because she’s usually so demanding for information.”

I have to agree, but I’ve found out more since I convinced myself to keep my trap shut than I ever did when I was stamping and screaming. “There can’t be anything else you could tell me that would convince me to run away from you again.”

“I’m glad you’ve said that.”

If there was anything he could say that would make me stiffen and wish I could retract my words, then that would be it. I know I’m not going to like what I’m about hear. It’s like I’m unintentionally pulling confessions from this man.

“Ava?” he says quietly.

“What?”

“I need to tell you something.” He goes to move, but I make myself a dead weight, ensuring optimum difficulty for him, not that it makes a blind bit of difference. I’m removed from his chest with minimal effort and turned onto my back. He straddles my waist, but doesn’t rest himself fully on me, and chews his lip for a few moments while I look up at him, a skeptical expression plastered all over my face. I know knowledge is power is the sensible option, but given what Jesse has presented me with in the knowledge department, it scares the fucking life out of me.

He takes my hands and holds them tightly. “I’ve had Sarah at The Manor while we’ve been gone.”

“
What
?
” My head lifts and my throat is instantly hoarse.

“She’s dealing with things while I’m gone. John can’t do it on his own, Ava.”

“But Sarah? You said she was gone, end of!” I’m livid. My blood is instantly boiling and it’s heating my face, all thoughts of absconded parents and painful histories eradicated at the mention of
her
name. “Why after everything she’s done would you allow that?” I snatch my hands from his and try to push him away. “Get off!”

“Ava, will you calm down!”

“Why? Worried I might injure your babies?” I spit at him.

Those words just changed his concerned look to one of displeasure. He’s scowling at me, but I couldn’t give a toss. “Don’t talk fucking shit.” He manages to seize my flailing hands and secure them above my head.

“You think it!” I yell in his face. “Your constant monitoring and overprotectiveness tells me all I need to know.”

“I’ve always been overprotective, so don’t brandish that card, lady!”

He’s right, he has, but I’m pissed and I’ll use anything against him, which reminds me that we’ve steered off course a bit. “She goes, or I do!”

He actually rolls his eyes. I don’t appreciate it. I buck myself, and he releases me, but it’s only because he doesn’t want me to hurt his babies. It makes me madder. “Ava, I was in a mess. You refuse to work for me, and I need someone who knows what they’re doing.”

I stop and swing round. “So she’s working for you again?” I don’t believe this. Her compassionate little speech at the coffeehouse stood for shit. She’s probably delighting in this.

He gets up and walks toward me.

“Stop where you are, Ward!” I point my finger in his face. “Don’t try to placate me or convince me that this is all fine because it fucking isn’t!”

“Watch your fucking mouth!”

“No! She’s in love with you. Do you know that? Everything she has done really is because she wants to take you away from me, so don’t even
think
about trying to convince me that this is a good idea.”

“I know.”

I snap my mouth shut and retreat a little. “What do you mean, you know?”

“I know she’s in love with me.”

“You do?”

“Of course I do, Ava. I’m not fucking stupid.”

I scoff. “You obviously are! You’ll trample anyone who tries to take me away from you, yet right under your nose, she’s doing the best job and you’re choosing to ignore it!” I swing around and stamp my way into the kitchen. I need some water to soothe my scratchy throat.

“I didn’t just let it go unsaid, Ava. I had it out with her and she admitted and regretted it all.”

“Of course she regrets it. She failed! She’s probably regretting not doing a better job!” I slam my glass down on the worktop. “And you may as well have let it go unsaid. Did you offer burial or cremation?”

His face screws up. “What?”

“The usual option you give people who hurt me. Did you offer it to Sarah?”

“No, I offered her a job in return for her word that she’ll never interfere again. I told her that if you say so, she’s out.”

“I say so!” I shout. “I say she’s out!”

“But she hasn’t done anything.”

I look at the thick-skinned idiot across the worktop in disbelief. “She’s not done anything?”

His eyes close and he exhales long and wearily. “I mean she’s not done anything since I reinstated her. And you rewarded her with a tidy crack to the jaw for the stuff that came before.”

“Why are you doing this? You know how I feel, Jesse.”

“Because she’s desperate, Ava. She has no life past The Manor.”

“You feel sorry for her?” I ask more calmly. I love everything about this man, except his sudden empathy for all of these women who are trying to sabotage our relationship.

“Ava, first of all, I want you to calm down because it’s not good for you or the babies.”

“I am calm!” I screech, lifting my glass with wobbly hands.

He sighs and cocks his head to crack his neck, almost like he’s alleviating some stress. I have no idea what he’s so stressed about. Let me tell him that I’ll continue to work for Mikael and see what reaction that sparks. It’s the same principle, kind of.

He walks over to me, takes the glass from my hand, and picks me up, placing me on the worktop. My jaw is seized and pulled up to meet his face. I maintain my scowl, looking at him through pissed-off eyes.

“Sarah has nothing. I kicked her out when she came clean and thought no more of it.” He takes a deep breath. “Until John spoke with her and she was saying all kinds of fucked-up shit, the most worrying part mentioning death being better than living her life without me.”

My suspicious mind instantly makes me think that it’s another ploy to nab him. I can’t help it. “Attention seeker,” I snipe, still scowling. Her past actions are a clear indication to what lengths she’ll go to.

“I thought so, too, but John wasn’t so sure. He found her. She’d slashed her wrists and taken a pile of painkillers.” He raises his eyebrows as I recoil. “It was no cry for help, Ava. There was no attention-seeking about it. John only just got her to the hospital in time. She wanted to die.”

My brain is failing me on all counts. There are plenty of sensible questions that I should be asking, but nothing is coming to me. I’m blank.

“I don’t want another death on my conscience, baby. I live with Jake’s every single day. I can’t do it.”

I choke on sympathy. “She came to see me,” I say. I don’t know where it comes from.

“She told me.” He reaches up and cups my cheek. “But I’m surprised you never mentioned this before.”

What can I say? That Sarah’s words were, in fact, the reason for my clarity? That she was the reason I turned up at The Manor in such a state and confessed my pregnancy? “I didn’t think it was important,” I answer feebly.

“It was Sarah who told Matt about my drinking.” He starts biting his lip.

I recoil further, and his hand drops from my face. That’s how Matt found out? “Is that how you knew I was collecting my clothes from Matt’s, too?”

He nods. “She said she’d overheard you on the phone, telling someone you were intending to pick your stuff up. I was too mad to piece it together. I saw red, acted on impulse, and asked questions later.”

So her list of misdemeanors goes further. I desperately do not want to feel sorry for her. “She said she couldn’t work for you anymore,” I tell him. “So how come she is?”

“I asked her. I’ll never find someone else to do the job, which means I’ll have to do it, and I’m not prepared to give up my time with you. And you should know, she only accepted on the condition that you were okay with it.”

So the future of Sarah has been placed in my hands? If I say no, will she try to top herself again? And if I agree, will I be facing another round of Sarah trying to split us up? “You’re not giving me much of a choice,” I mutter. I’m trying and failing to be logical here. I don’t want to lose Jesse to The Manor’s demands at the best of times, not least to piles of paperwork that will stress him out. I’ll never see him, but if I accept this, then I’m accepting what she has done to us, and I don’t think I can do that, not even when she’s tried to kill herself. But Jesse’s words keep running on repeat in my head.

I live with Jake’s every single day. I can’t do it.

And I can’t do it to him. My anxieties are justified, but Jesse’s guilt isn’t, and I can’t put him through any more than he’s already dealt with. It would be cruel and selfish. I love him too much.

He recups my cheeks and pierces me with green eyes full of sincerity. “I’ll tell her it’s a no-go. I’m not prepared to see you so unhappy.”

I crumble on the inside. He’s prepared to live with the potential of further blood on his hands, even though none of this is his fault, just to keep me happy? I shake my head in his grasp. “No, I want you with me more than I want her gone.”

“You do?” He sounds surprised.

“Of course I do, but you have to promise me something.”

“Anything. You know that.” He kisses my forehead.

This is not strictly true because he wouldn’t ask this of me. I’m trying to disregard the mitigating circumstances, but it’s hard to ignore a woman who has attempted suicide because my husband doesn’t want her. “When the babies arrive, you won’t be at The Manor day and night. You’ll be with me as often as you can. I don’t know if I can do this.” The fear of being alone with twins is scaring me. One baby was frightening enough. Two babies? I’m terrified, and he needs to know.

His lips curve at the edges. He finds my panic funny? “Ava, you’ll have to bury me six feet under before I have it any other way. You can do it because you have me.” He wraps me in his arms and pulls me off the counter so I’m left little choice but to cling onto him with my legs around his naked hips and my arms around his naked shoulders. “We’re going to be okay.”

“I know,” I admit. I’m feeling needy, like I’m seeking constant reassurance. He’ll always give it to me, but he must be slightly concerned by my anxiousness. I’m hardly showing any motherly tendencies. Shouldn’t it be the woman reading the books and buying folic acid?

“Let’s not fight. It makes my heart split in pain, and I don’t want you stressing out. We have to watch your blood pressure.” He paces back to the bedroom.

I link my fingers at the nape of his neck and lean back so I can see him. “I’m confiscating that book.”

He grins at me. “That’s
my
book, and I’m keeping it.”

“We need to make friends.” I straighten my back, pulling my body into his so my nipple is at his mouth. “Did you read the part of the book that says a husband should service his wife as she demands?”

He bites down gently and swirls his tongue in a deliciously slow rotation, spiking a moan from me and a chuckle from him. “I did, but our plane is scheduled for takeoff in two hours. I need more time, so I’ll service you when we get home. Deal?”

“No deal,” I retort, thrusting my chest to his mouth again. “I want to stay in Paradise.”

“You’re incorrigible, and I love it.” I’m lowered to the bed on a disgusted snort. “But we need to catch that flight.”

“I need you.” I grasp his cock loosely, teasingly, and he jumps away.

“Ava, when I have you, I like to take my time.” He plants a chaste kiss on my lips. “Pack.”