Three Letters (18 page)

Casey was through running, and when the older officer stooped to talk with him, he offered no resistance.

‘It’s all right, lad, we’ve come to take you home. Your granddad’s waiting for you. He’s been worried.’

When the officer led him to the car, Casey glanced back at Dolly, looking forlorn in her hat and coat, and the key still poised in her hand. There were tears in her eyes.

‘I’m not going without Dolly!’ In the short time he’d spent with her, Casey had come to trust and love her.

‘Mrs Pritchard, do you want to come with us?’ The officers could see how these two had formed a bond of friendship.

Greatly relieved, Dolly returned his smile and nodded; then she looked at the boy’s childish face and smiled encouragement to him as she walked to the car, where the officer carefully helped her inside.

To the boy the older officer said, ‘You’ve a lot to thank this lady for, my lad. We were just about to send out the search team for you.’

He saw how the boy held out a hand to make sure Dolly
was safely inside. He saw how the woman wrapped an arm about him the minute she was seated, and he was gratified to see how the boy leaned against her. And knowing what trauma the child must have suffered alone out there on the streets, the friendship between these two brought a swell of emotion to his throat.

G
RANDDAD
B
OB WAS
waiting at the window. These past hours, he had thought long and hard about what Tom had done. Slowly, he had come to see how tormented his son must have been, when learning the devastating news of his illness. He was deeply saddened, but he was also very angry.

‘Oh, Tom, lad … why couldn’t you have confided in your old father?’ Time and again he uttered those words.
Time and again he tried to persuade himself that Tom had taken what he believed to be the best and only option. But it was bad, and so wrong, and it would take his father some long time to forgive him. But forgive him he would. When you love someone with all your heart, that precious love will endure through thick and thin, good times and bad. To the end of time, and maybe even beyond.

Several
times he’d gone to the front door and looked out, hoping to see his grandson coming down the street, and each time he’d closed the door with a heavy heart.

In between, he’d paced up and down close to the window, and every other minute stopping to look out. But there was no sign of Casey. ‘Where are you, lad? Come ’ome to yer old granddad, eh?’ He had a yearning to wrap his arms about that little
bundle of humanity. He needed to keep him safe, and talk with him about what his father had done, and why.

He cast a sorry gaze at the other two letters lying face up on the sideboard. He wondered about the letter addressed to Ruth, and he hoped that in the harsh words that must be said, there might be a small gesture of forgiveness for the part she had played in hurting the ones who loved her.

As for Casey, he knew every word in that letter would be like a knife to his heart; as his own letter had been to himself.

The pain of losing a son, and in such a way, was the most unbearable thing.

After what seemed endless pacing up and down, he saw the police car draw up at the house, and he rushed to the front door as fast as his old legs would carry him.

When Casey climbed out of the car
and ran to him, the old man clasped him so tight to his chest, the boy could hardly breathe. ‘Oh, lad! I’ve been that worried. I didn’t know where you were, or whether you’d come back to me. Oh dear God, I’m so thankful you’re home.’ The tears he’d been holding back ran freely down his face. ‘Come inside, lad; come inside with yer old granddad, eh?’

Then the old man saw the police officer helping
Dolly out of the car. ‘Who’s this, then?’ He was pleasantly surprised to see this woman, with her warm, reassuring smile and kindly manner.

‘She’s my friend.’ Breaking loose, Casey ran to Dolly and, taking her by the hand, he told his granddad, ‘She took care of me. Her name’s Dolly. I know the police told you … how she saw …’ he trailed off, unable to actually say it.

Nervously, Dolly stepped
forward. ‘I found Casey on the bridge,’ she explained. ‘I took him home, and we talked a lot. Then he wanted you, his granddad Bob.’ She smiled. ‘I know he’ll be safe now, and I can rest easy.’

Behind her, the police officer stood by the open car door, waiting to take her home again. ‘Oh, no, thank you all the same,’ said Dolly, turning to him. ‘I’ve taken up enough of your time. You go about
your business. I’ll go back on the bus.’

‘Are you sure? It’s no trouble for us to run you back.’

‘Yes, of course. To tell you the truth, I don’t feel comfortable riding in a police car.’ She smiled again. ‘You never know what the neighbours might think.’

Bob thought he had never seen such a lovely smile; it lit her pretty blue eyes and warmed his heart. ‘I wouldn’t even hear of you going back
without a cup o’ tea and a kindly word. I’m grateful to you for looking out for my grandson.’ He gently ushered her along. ‘Come inside, won’t you?’

When Dolly hesitated, Casey took a firm hold of her hand. ‘I want you to come in,’ he told her. ‘I don’t want you to go yet. Please, Dolly?’

Secretly delighted, though feeling just a little jaded after everything that had happened, Dolly gave in
to his request. ‘All right then, child. Being as you’ve asked, and your granddad’s offered, I’ll stay awhile longer, only if it’s all right with your granddad. I’m not one to make a nuisance of meself.’

She thought the boy’s granddad to be a pleasant and caring soul, although the depth of sorrow etched in his face was a pitiful thing to see. Maybe her staying on for a while might be a blessed
thing for the old man. While he might not be able to open his mind to the boy, he’d perhaps feel easier talking to her.

Unwilling to let her go, Casey led Dolly through the door, and they both followed Granddad Bob along the passageway and into the back parlour.

The police officers drove away, their work done for now.

Inside the house, the three were at ease in each other’s company, although
recent events were not yet mentioned. But there would be time enough to talk about that.

Before Casey could see the three letters, the old man covered them with his newspaper. ‘Right! I’ll mek us a drink and yer can talk me through everything.’ He was eager to know exactly what Dolly had seen on that bridge.

And afterwards, he thought, it would be only right to give the boy the letter his father
had left for him.

A short time later, after Casey had finished off his glass of sarsaparilla, and his elders had drained their teacups, Dolly informed them of her fateful meeting with Tom on the bridge. She confessed how she felt guilty about not having suspected there was something wrong.

‘He smiled, but there was a kind of sadness in his face. It was as though, even when he spoke to me, his
mind seemed far away … like he had something more important to think about.’

Not wishing to add to their grief, she kept the detail to a minimum.

‘I blame myself,’ she confessed. ‘He told me he was waiting for a friend to arrive on the train, but deep down I don’t think I believed him. I should have talked with him a while longer. I should have asked if he was all right, but I just accepted
what he told me. Oh dearie me, what an old fool I am …’ Taking a folded handkerchief from her pocket, she dabbed at her tears. ‘I’ll never forgive myself for not staying with him.’

‘Don’t cry, Dolly.’ Running to sit on her knee, Casey squashed up against her, his small body trembling as he took hold of her hand and held it tight. ‘It’s not your fault.’ When his voice caught in a sob, he tried
so hard to be brave, but he could not stop his sorrow from spilling over.

Dolly held him close, rocking back and forth with him, while the old man looked on, his face smudged and raw with the tears he too had shed since hearing the news. He glanced across to the side table where the letters lay under the newspaper, and shook his head forlornly. Like Dolly, he wondered what he could have done
to prevent Tom from taking his own life.

Try as he might, he could not draw his attention away from the table. In his mind’s eye he could see the three letters that lay hidden; one opened and the others waiting to be delivered.

He knew every heartbreaking word in the letter addressed to himself, and his fear grew at how that young lad might receive such a letter.

When his thoughts turned to
Ruth, he felt a rush of hatred for the part she had played in Tom’s distress. He recalled how Tom had asked him not to turn against Ruth, but though he wanted to forgive her, he was not certain he ever could.

He shifted his gaze to Dolly and Casey. In a slow, rhythmic manner, she rocked back and forth, softly singing, eyes closed and her arms tight about the child. Comforted, the boy hid his
face in her shoulder and quietly sobbed. It was a beautiful yet harrowing scene, one that the old man thought would stay in his heart and mind for ever.

He desperately needed to ease the boy’s pain, but then he reminded himself of the one thing he must do before the healing might begin.

‘Casey?’ In a gentle, broken voice, he called the boy’s attention. ‘Come ’ere to yer granddad, there’s a good
lad.’ He wanted to collect the boy in his embrace, but when he tried to raise his arms, it was as though all the strength had gone from them.

Dolly released the boy, and watched him go to his granddad, her heart aching for them both.

When the boy came to him, the old man held him by the hands. ‘Listen to me, young Casey. There’s summat I need to tell yer,’ he informed him softly. ‘Summat that
might hurt you all over again, but it’s important. D’yer hear what I’m saying?’

Casey nodded. ‘Yes, Granddad. What is it you need to tell me?’

‘Well … it’s summat yer dad wanted you and me to know, only he never did tell us. So far as I’m aware he never told anyone, but now I know, and he wanted me to mek sure that you know as well.’

Taking a deep breath, he explained to the boy how his daddy
was very ill, and that the illness would have got much worse because there was little the doctors could do.

‘… So y’see, lad, your daddy knew he might end up being unable to care for himself. He would not be able to work any more, or pay his way, and it would only have been a matter of time afore he ended up in a wheelchair.’

As his cutting words unfolded, he saw the light go from the boy’s
eyes. He saw him physically cringe, and then the tears rose, to spill over.

Bob spoke softly, ‘Aw, lad, it grieves me to have to tell you these things, but I can’t imagine what terrible thoughts must have been going through your daddy’s head … knowing all that, and making the decision to take his own life. He didn’t want to live the rest of his life helpless. Nor did he want us to see him struck
down like that. Not able to stride down the street, or pick you up and swing you round, or play football with you. And mebbe not even have the strength in his fingers to play his beloved guitar.’

He went on, ‘Yes, it’s true your daddy did a terrible thing, but it was his decision and however hard it might be, we have to do our best to respect that. And d’you know what, lad, I’ve asked myself
how I might have dealt with such a terrible illness, and I can’t honestly say what I would have done in the circumstances.’

Drawing the boy closer, he explained. ‘I didn’t know about your daddy’s illness until this very morning. Y’see, when I woke up and your dad were gone, I found summat on the bedside cabinet. Summat very special. Summat yer dad left for us.’

Still reeling from what he’d been
told, Casey remained silent.

‘Hey!’ The old man placed his fingers under the boy’s chin and lifted his face in such a way that he could not avoid looking up at him. ‘D’yer want to see what yer daddy left for you?’

‘No!’

‘Why’s that then? Is it ’cause yer angry? Is that it?’

‘I would have looked after him, I would. I really would!’

‘I know you would, and yer daddy knew full well that you would
want to look after him – he knew we both would – and that’s the very reason why he did what he did. He had his pride and he did not want to become reliant on anyone to feed and clothe him, take him to the bathroom or clean his teeth. Oh, lad, try an’ understand if yer can. Because y’see, however hard it might be, we have to forgive what he did, because we love him.’

‘I … won’t ever forgive …
him,
I won’t
!’ With his heart breaking, Casey clung to his granddad while, nearby, Dolly felt for these two darling people, but was powerless to ease their pain.

After a while, Casey asked tentatively, ‘What did my dad want me to have?’

The old man was greatly relieved. ‘He left you a letter. In fact, there were three letters in all. There was one for me, and there was one for you … and …’ He
decided to leave the boy’s mother out of it for now.

‘What did the letters say?’

‘Well, o’ course it weren’t for me to open anyone’s letter but my own. In it, he told me about his illness, and how it were creeping up on him. He asked me to tell you before you read your letter, so it wouldn’t come as such a shock.’