Three Sisters (19 page)

But then one day Yuxiu met Little Tang's son and she could hardly believe her eyes. He was a head taller than she and muscular, yet possessed a shy nature that belied his appearance. Since Little Tang had always referred to him as Little Wei, Yuxiu had expected to see a middle school student. In fact, he worked in the rice mill and was a core member of the local militia. Little Tang called him over using his full name—Gao Wei—and introduced him to her guest: "This is Yuxiu."

At that moment she no longer sounded like Little Tang the government clerk but spoke with the propriety and authority of a mother. Then she reverted to her normal tone as she said to Yuxiu, "This is my slow-witted son." The immediate change in tone put Yuxiu out of sorts since it seemed to imply that she and Little Tang were of the same generation, the one ahead of Gao Wei. Quickly recovering from her discomfort, Yuxiu said, "You shouldn't say that, Aunty. He doesn't look slow-witted to me."

Taking that as a cue, Little Tang turned to her son. "Yuxiu has been saying all sorts of nice things about you, Little Wei."

By calling attention to what was best left unsaid, Little Tang had Yuxiu looking for a hole to crawl into. Obviously uncomfortable around girls, Gao Wei was ill at ease; he blushed but didn't dare walk away. Yuxiu's face also reddened, and the thought struck her that Little Tang was a different person at work than she was at home, where she ran the house in all affairs, big and small. No wonder the boy was the way he was. Yuxiu now saw her friend in a different light.

While it could be said that Little Tang was a capable, resourceful worker—although her motives were not always transparent—it was clear to Yuxiu that Gao Wei's mother had plans for the two youngsters. Yuxiu had thought that she was being clever by secretly learning how to use an abacus from Little Tang, all the while Little Tang was throwing her net far wider and luring Yuxiu into it. It was Yuxiu who had fallen into a trap, not Little Tang.
That's what living in town can do for you,
Yuxiu thought admiringly.

Gao Wei's looks seemed all right to Yuxiu, but the crucial factor was that he worked in a factory. Pairing up with a worker was something she'd always thought was beyond her reach. Not that she wasn't a good catch. But there was always the unpleasant fact that she had been raped. That was something Aunty Little Tang did not know, and if she ever found out, any match with her son would be brought to a screeching halt. That would be an enormous loss of face for Yuxiu, and that thought brought bitter disappointment.
At my age, I can't avoid the troubling fact that people will try to get me married.
Panic set in, and her thoughts grew confused.

She slept badly that night. As the night wore on, Broken Bridge was as quiet as a deep, bottomless well. The puffing of the mill generator seemed louder now. Unlike kerosene generators, the steam noises were not continuous, but were more like the beat of a hammer, with pauses between each
pop.
Up till now, Yuxiu had enjoyed that noise, since it sounded distant and not at all annoying; the muted
pop
s were friendly and usually induced a deep, untroubled sleep.

But not on this night; instead, they pounded against her eardrums. Better, she thought, to tell Little Tang the truth. She couldn't keep it hidden all her life, could she? But a second later she cursed herself for such idiotic thoughts. Once the word was out, there would be no hope for her. Not only would this match become impossible, but she would have given people something to use against her forever. She mustn't let that happen. She had suffered enough over that in Wang Family Village and had learned her lesson. Besides, while a match may be what Aunty Little Tang had in mind, nothing definite had been said, so why jump the gun?

Yuxiu climbed out of bed in the morning feeling sluggish. She'd decided to stop going to the bookkeeping office. But on second thought, that was a bad idea. No, she'd keep going. Little Tang hadn't actually broached the subject, though she'd hinted at it, so if Yuxiu put on a bashful act, that would show that she knew what was going on. Wouldn't that be the same as a voluntary confession? No point in doing that. If she revealed what she knew, she'd be stuck with no exit strategy, and that would only make things more difficult. Feigning ignorance was still her best option. Given her current situation, how could she even think that this might work out? It was a mismatch from the very beginning. Where could you find anyone willing to eat sugarcane that someone else had already chewed on?

Yuxiu suddenly had a clear picture of exactly who she was. As a female, her value had dropped to virtually nothing. This brutal fact made her sadder than any self-inflicted humiliation ever could. For her, the future held only despair and misery with no tears to shed. At that point she cocked her head and said to herself,
Don't give it any more thought.

So Yuxiu went back to the bookkeeping office, willing to gamble, to take a chance. No matter how she looked at it, an opportunity had presented itself, and she'd be crazy not to grab it. Before setting out for the office, she took pains to make herself up nicely, going so far as to secretly borrow a pair of Qiaoqiao's red hair ornaments and pin one above each ear. Feeling fetchingly pretty, she quietly went up to Aunty Little Tang, trying to act as if everything were perfectly normal, though Yuxiu was not without a sense that she might be overdoing it. It was an awkward moment.

Her smile came quickly and left just as quickly. She said very little before lowering her head and concentrating on the abacus—on which she made one mistake after another. When Little Tang noticed the ornaments in Yuxiu's hair, she understood that the girl had caught on, that she knew everything.

She's no fool,
she said to herself.
No need to beat a drum.
Little Tang laughed derisively to herself.
You foolish girl, what good does it do to make yourself up for me?
Her plans for Little Wei appeared to be a foregone conclusion. That was not to say there was nothing to worry about—the girl's rural residence registration, for instance. No matter how you looked at it, marrying someone from the countryside was a step down. On the other hand, if Little Wei married the sister-in-law of Director Guo, that would form a welcome bond between Little Tang and the director. Nothing wrong with that. But then her thoughts took another turn:
I'd actually belong to an older generation than Director Guo.
That thought raised her spirits and brought on a case of nerves at the same time.
So what now? How is this going to work out?

Not much happened over the next few days. Other than Yuxiu's progress in her study of the abacus, there were no substantial developments in the personal realm. But, eager to get things started with Little Wei and Yuxiu, Little Tang began looking for the right time and the right place. Once that was settled, she could remove herself from the picture.

Children have to make their own happiness. It is important for them to go public on their own. Boys and girls can't always play games of hide-and-seek. Strike while the iron is hot. That's the line in "The Internationale": "We will succeed if we strike while the iron is hot," which can only mean that all people advocate exactly that. So Little Tang invited Yuxiu back to the house, to which she reacted with a look of reluctance. Yuxiu knew what was coming and was not sure how to deal with it. But Little Tang took her by the hand and, without waiting for a response, set out for home. Given her experience in such things, Little Tang knew what she was doing. Since shyness is expected of a girl in such circumstances, a little arm-twisting is called for. The more you twist, the better your chance of getting her to go along. This time, instead of taking the long way around, Little Tang headed straight to the rice mill compound, half of which was taken up by red and green brick buildings that served as rice storehouses. As she gazed at the buildings with their red or green roof tiles, Yuxiu was impressed by the imposing size of the government mill.

"This is where Old Gao works," Little Tang said. Yuxiu knew that Old Gao was Gao Wei's father, Little Tang's husband.

"He isn't the head of his section," Little Tang commented as if she were talking to herself, "but his word carries as much weight as the best worker." Yuxiu tensed when she heard this. She knew Little Tang well enough to guess that she was hinting at something directly related to Yuxiu and her future. What she heard in the comment that Old Gao's word carried weight was that Little Tang's word carried more weight than his and that her fate was in Little Tang's hands.

There is something extraordinary about a government office, Yuxiu mused. Whoever works in one can make decisions that determine other people's futures.

Yuxiu's breathing quickened and her mind worked at warp speed, all because of her prospects there at the mill. With growing confusion, she walked into Little Tang's house. Gao Wei was waiting for them, just as Yuxiu had expected. That saved her from a case of nerves. He'd apparently been waiting for some time and seemed anxious, but he was trying to hold it in—the embarrassed look on his face bordered on anguish. Yuxiu, poised by comparison, was in control of her emotions. They sat in the living room, Gao Wei facing south, Yuxiu facing north. Little Tang, facing east, kept them company by engaging in meaningless small talk. The atmosphere was both casual and strangely tense. They sat like that for a short while before Little Tang stood up as if something had just occurred to her and said, "I was going to buy a watermelon, but it slipped my mind." Yuxiu quickly got to her feet, but Little Tang gently pushed her back down.

"You sit there. Just sit and talk," Little Tang said, picking up a nylon mesh bag on her way to the door. She'd barely stepped outside before she came back to shut the door behind her. Yuxiu turned her head, and their eyes met just as Little Tang smiled at Gao Wei, a special, proud smile unique to mothers who are happy for their sons. "You two have a nice chat, I'll be right back."

Yuxiu and Gao Wei were alone in the room; the steam generator supplied the only sound. The silence, which had arrived abruptly, had a special, almost threatening quality. It was immediately apparent that neither Yuxiu nor Gao Wei had been prepared for that silence as they looked in vain for a way to dispel it. They were both being sternly tested by the somber atmosphere—this showed especially in Gao Wei's face, although Yuxiu was not doing much better. Wanting to say something, she all but forgot where her mouth was. Fear began to register on the face of Gao Wei, who abruptly stood up. "I ... I," he stammered. That's all that emerged as his breath came in labored spurts. Poor Yuxiu didn't know what to do, and she was suddenly reminded of the heavy breathing around the haystack the night she was raped.

Gao Wei took a step, but it wasn't clear if he was going over to open the door or walk toward Yuxiu. Terror engulfed Yuxiu. She jumped to her feet, her palms jutting out in front, and she cried, "Don't come any closer! Stay where you are!" The suddenness shocked Gao Wei, who did not know what to do. His only thought was to flee. But Yuxiu beat him to it. She bounded to the door, jerked it open, and ran for all she was worth. In her state of alarm, she missed the gate and was stopped by the wall. She pounded her fists on it. "Let me out of here!" she screamed.

Little Tang, who had not gone far, heard the scream and rushed back to see Yuxiu pounding on the wall.

Wondering what was going on, she took Yuxiu by the arm and led her to the gate, where the girl broke free and fled, leaving Gao Wei and his mother standing in the yard. Gao Wei stared blankly at his mother for a long moment before he could speak. "I didn't do anything," he pleaded in his defense, looking deeply ashamed. "I didn't touch her."

Little Tang dragged him into the house and surveyed the living room carefully. There was no sign of anything amiss. She was sure that her almost pathologically shy son would never have laid a finger on the girl. She'd have been happy if he were bold enough to do something like that. So what went wrong?

She sat down, crossed her legs, and tossed her nylon bag onto the table. "Forget about her," she said. "I knew all along that she was the hysterical type. What nerve! A girl from the countryside trying to pass herself off as something special in my house!"

Yuxiu hated herself.

How could I have done something like that? Everything was going fine until I ruined it. Now I won't even be able to master the abacus.

She was crestfallen.

Aunty Little Tang had been so good to her, but after botching things so badly, Yuxiu wouldn't be able to face her again, let alone talk to her. She shuddered at the thought of seeing Aunty Little Tang. Imagine her surprise when Yuxiu ran into her the next day in the market. If she hadn't known better she'd have thought that Aunty Little Tang had planned the encounter. It was too pat to be a coincidence. All Yuxiu wanted was to get away, but it was too late. Little Tang stopped her. Thinking she wanted to talk about what had happened the day before, Yuxiu decided to say something to avoid the subject, but Little Tang was the first to speak. "Yuxiu," she said with a ready smile, "what are you fixing for lunch?" Before Yuxiu had a chance to reply, Little Tang pulled her basket over to look inside. It was empty. "On a hot day like today, the leeks will be tough. You don't want any of those for Director Guo. His teeth are bad."

Yuxiu conjured up an image of her brother-in-law brushing his teeth in the morning, and how he first took something out of his mouth. Probably false teeth. "Ah," Yuxiu murmured as she nodded and smiled.

Little Tang acted as if there'd been no incident the day before—as if it had never happened. Apparently, she was not going to talk about yesterday—not now, not ever. This was good news to Yuxiu, although she could tell that Little Tang's speech was a bit crisper than usual and her smile broader. Even the crow's-feet by her eyes stood out more than usual. Yuxiu knew that the smile was intended to inform her that their friendship had run its course. It was over.

All Yuxiu could do was smile, no matter how much effort it took and how much it pained her. Then she said good-bye to Little Tang and stood in front of the leek-seller's stand in a daze. And as she stood there with all of the confusion of the marketplace around her, she heard the steam generator. It sounded far, far away and sort of unreal. A hard-to-describe sadness and feeling of regret washed over her. As she forced back the tears, she wondered what had come over her the day before.
What got into me? What was I thinking? I must have been out of my mind! I ruined the best chance I'll ever have. And I didn't even learn how to use an abacus.