Through the Dark (A Darkest Minds Collection) (A Darkest Minds Novel) (45 page)

It startles me how much I love this idea—how it does feel like striking back against a world that’s quickly trying to erase the evidence of what we’ve been through.

“Are you serious? Do you think kids would want to tell me their stories, and I could help them record it in some way?”

“Definitely,” Liam says. “Sometimes people need help putting what they’ve been through into words. They can’t articulate how they feel.”

I feel so bright hearing this, like a star has just formed in the center of my ribs and is blasting out for all the world to see; this small idea spirals into a thousand little ones about how I could make this work. My monster will eat the pain of others. It will devour their hurt as it pours out of them.

“Thank you for trying to help my brother,” I say. “I’m really sorry about what happened to Cole….I can’t…” I don’t finish my thought, because I
can
imagine how it would feel to lose Lucas. I am right on the edge of that gulf of pain.

“Do you think the memory of someone should dictate how we live going forward?” he asks, threading and unthreading his fingers together.

“It depends,” I say. “I think you can probably honor someone’s memory, but you can’t live for them, because that means living in the past. Does this have to do with Ruby wanting to help the other Reds? She knew your brother too, right?”

He nods. “If Cole couldn’t help them, then isn’t it my responsibility to finish the job for him, make sure those kids are safe and treated right? But then I start to think…isn’t it time to let someone else take care of things? Does it always have to be Ruby?” Liam messes up the hair he’s just smoothed down. “I know I don’t have the right to make the decision for her, but I can’t get the thoughts out of my head every time we take a risk. What happens if we go, and something happens to Ruby—God, what happens if I lose her, too? What happens if the government tries to punish her, and I’m not fast enough or strong enough to help her?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “But what’s the alternative? You two run off and go into hiding for the rest of your lives? You have a little herd of kids and build tree houses for them?”

He lets out a choked laugh. “Sounds nice.”

“Sounds kind of boring,” I say. “But I guess what I mean is, being afraid can’t be a reason for us
not
to do something now. It’s going to be dangerous anywhere we go, and all those people in Washington are trying to establish rules and laws, and we have to make sure that we’re part of shaping that, too.”

“Our voice will only get louder the more of us we bring together,” Liam agrees.

“So I guess our role now is to do the best we can to make sure we don’t lose anyone else,” I finish. “No matter what.”

“We’ll take care of our own.” Liam reaches over and puts a hand on top of my head affectionately, the way Lucas used to. “You know, I did come out here to comfort
you
.”

“You did,” I say, looking over at the entrance to the tree house. Talking to him has helped me clarify what I want. It’s made me realize that, no matter what happens to Lucas, I can’t be afraid, either.

“Do you really think Ruby can help Lucas?”

His smile is so warm, so genuine, I find myself returning it. “Of course. My girl? She’s incredible.”

“Mia?” someone calls.

Liam and I both lean over the entrance. Sam is standing below, one hand braced on the old tree’s trunk. She looks as amazed as I felt to find it still standing.

“What’s wrong?” I ask. “Is Lucas…?”

Sam shakes off whatever feeling had gripped her. “Are the notebooks up there?”

“Yeah,” I call back. “I’ll bring them down.”

“Okay, good,” Sam says softly. “Good. Ruby’s ready when we are.”

“I’m ready now,” I tell her, and start the climb down.

It’s fully morning now, eight o’clock; the sun has crept up on us, combing its fingers through the last fading traces of night. I can still smell the smoke as I step through the door. The burnt photo is gone, and all that’s left is a large smudge of black and a gaping hole in the plaster, where the house’s old bones show through. My eyes find Lucas immediately, stretched out across the couch. Ruby is sitting in a chair beside him, one hand over where his hands are resting on his stomach, her eyes closed. Behind me Liam tenses, takes a step toward her, but stops himself and turns to where Vida and Charlie are pulling food out of a bag I saw earlier in the trunk of their big SUV. He never takes his eyes off her, but he lets her work.

It takes Sam and I a few minutes to find the right story in the right notebook—at least, I hope it’s the right story. My blood feels like it’s throbbing inside my veins as Sam passes it over to me and says, “Why don’t you read it?”

I’m clutching the notebook so tightly, I’m afraid it’s going to rip in half. The years have made it delicate, just as they’ve made me stronger.

I glance back. Liam is leaning back against the kitchen island, his arms crossed over his chest. He gives me another one of his smiles, and nods. “Give it a whirl, buddy. What do you have to lose?”

Our last chance, best chance? Because if this doesn’t work…

It will work.

I sit down beside Ruby, trying to mimic how relaxed she seems as I lay the notebook across my lap. There is so much here—witches, princes, storms, curses, knights—and it feels like a secret history of our childhood, the real one that no one could steal. I wonder if I’m betraying him by reading it aloud for everyone else to hear.

“It’s okay,” Sam promises, sitting next to me. Of course she understands.

My chest tightens at the sight of Lucas’s messy handwriting. I clear my throat.

“‘There once was a prince who loved to roam through his kingdom, even though his parents, the king and queen, warned him of all the dangers that lurked in the woods. But he was brave, and he was curious, and he wanted to know not just what was in the trees, but what lay beyond them. So one morning the prince woke early, packed food and a blanket, and he went to see for himself.’”

I look up, but my hope is stomped out a second later when I see that his eyes are still closed, that he’s barely moving at all.

“Keep going,” Sam says, putting a hand on my shoulder. “He hears you. Keep going.”

“‘The prince rode his horse for hours, until he had gone farther than he ever imagined possible. The woods were like a maze, but every now and then a tree would lift its roots from the ground and point them in the direction he was meant to head. The trees would shake down a curtain of leaves if he turned the wrong way. But he soon realized that he should not have listened to them, that they had tricked him, because the path they led him on was treacherous, and at the first shriek of a hawk, his horse threw him. He lay there, hurt, until a woman dressed in robes of white and gold stepped into his path.’”

Still nothing
. I don’t need to glance at him to know. Sam’s breathing becomes harsher, pained.

“‘This was no ordinary woman. Her beauty was unearthly, and the trees, the forest, were hers to command. She was the queen of them all, a witch. In revenge for her banishment by the prince’s father, she cast a spell on the prince. His hands became claws, his skin fur, his ears horns, his mouth a snout filled with razor-sharp teeth. The witch laughed and laughed, telling him that he’d never be free—that the only way to reverse the spell was to find the one person brave enough to face him.

“‘The prince ran back through the forest. Brave hunters saw him and ran away. Villagers screamed as he passed by them on the road. And he knew he could not go home, not as he was; so he returned to the forest, to the trees that rustled their leaves in laughter, to the other animals, who fled at the sight of him. He lived in this place for years, alone.’”

I don’t want to cry, but I do. He is not moving. This is not working. I look over at Ruby. Her brows are drawn together, and her hand seems to be shaking. I don’t know if it’s good or bad, but she is still working. I need to give her more time.

Keep going.

“‘One day, his friend the stable girl begged to be allowed to look for the prince. As the years passed, stories of the beast in the woods had spread far and wide. Many believed the prince had been devoured by it; even his parents began to mourn him. They told her she would not survive alone in the thick of the trickster trees, that the witch would find her and turn her into stew. But she did not believe them. She wished only to find her friend. So one morning she packed her own food and blanket, and set out to find him.

“‘No sooner had she passed into the woods than she heard the beast’s roar. Her courage failed her, and she wanted to run back out onto the road, but she thought of her friend, how much she missed him, and kept going. Soon she realized the beast wasn’t angry, and his roars weren’t ones of hunger, but of pain. She followed the sound until she saw its hideous body stretched out beside a stream. Its teeth snapped at the air as it whirled toward her, and its roar nearly deafened her. But the girl saw what was wrong. Its foot was caught in an iron trap.
Let me help you,
she said to him, and to herself,
Do not be afraid.

“‘Using all of her strength, she pried open the iron trap and pulled its foot free. The beast did not attack her. It whimpered, its leg bleeding and ruined. So she tore up her blanket into bandages and wrapped it in them. And when the beast still cried, she found herself reaching around it, holding it. And then something extraordinary happened, and at her touch, the beast turned into a lion; but still she did not let go. It became a serpent, but still she did not let go….And at last it became…’” I press my hand to my face, my throat too tight to finish. I need a moment. I need just a second to…breathe…to be brave again….

“‘…a boy.’”

Sam’s fingers dig into my shoulder so hard, it’s the only reason I know I didn’t imagine the voice. She and I both stand, leaning over him, holding each other up.

“You…gotta tell it right, Mia….”

“Luc?” I say, too shocked to move. “Lucas?”

It’s a struggle for him to open his eyes, but he does, looking between us. His forehead wrinkles. “Had…the strangest dream…but you’re both…” He turns to Sam, terror raining down through his expression. “We didn’t make it….”

She takes his hand, presses it against her cheek. “We did. We’re okay now.”

Ruby slips out of her chair, and in the second before her dark hair falls around her face, I see that her cheeks are wet with tears. Liam is there to meet her, to wrap an arm around her shoulders, kiss her forehead, lead her outside. I can see their outlines, the way their two shapes have become one. I don’t know if she is crying for Lucas, if she is as relieved and caught in wonder as we are, or if she’s crying for the Red, the one she lost. I think it’s all of these things.

“Mia…
Mia
.” Lucas’s voice cracks on my name.

“Let me get you some water—some—” I start to rise, shaking. Every one of my senses is overwhelmed.

His arm comes up, pulls me forward as he struggles to sit up. Sam is there to lift him the rest of the way, and suddenly I’m in his arms, and it’s familiar and strange and wonderful and unbelievable. He is here. He’s come back.

“I found you,” he’s saying, over and over, “I found you….”

“We found
you
,” I inform him. “Well, actually, Sam found both of us.”

“Of course she did.” Lucas chuckles, and I think,
That is the best sound
. “Still taking care of us, aren’t you, Sunshine?”

Sam closes her eyes, her face pink with the force of holding back her tears. “Always.”

But then he stiffens, tensing with a sharp breath. I look back as Charlie comes up behind us, plates of food in his hands. Vida trails behind him a step, arms full of water bottles. They hang back, but I can read the curiosity in their faces.

“They’re our friends,” I tell him. “And we have a story to tell you.”

I sit beside my brother, in a circle of kids who laugh and talk and joke and even sing; we are sharing food between us, making plans, seeing a future that didn’t exist before.

And I am not surprised, not in the least, when Lucas says suddenly, “I want to help you. With the others.”

The conversation skids into silence. Liam turns to Ruby for her take at the same moment she turns to him. We’ve propped Lucas up against the back of the couch, and every now and then he has to lean his head back onto the cushion, like it’s too heavy to keep upright for long. His features are still sunken, and he has these shadows around his eyes, but I feel the parts of the brother I knew surfacing, bit by bit, as time rolls on around us.

“Lucas,” Ruby begins, “are you sure? There’s a chance this could explode in our faces—Cruz might not let me have access to the Reds, and even if she does, she might insist that you have to stay at the facility with the others.”

I’m grateful she’s giving him the truth, but fear still has the power to electrify my every last nerve, until I have to bite my tongue to keep from telling him no.

“Seriously?” Sam asks, looking between them. “Lucas—”

He gives her a weak smile. “I know I’m still a little pathetic to look at, but I’m willing to take that risk, and I will. You don’t—well, I guess you
do
understand what they went through,” he says to Ruby. “After seeing all of it, you don’t think I’d want to be there for them on the other side of this? Help them ease back into the world?”

She looks a little sick at that, but nods all the same. “We would appreciate any help—you wouldn’t have to come with us, not if you don’t feel up to it.”

“What if it’s the same facility they kept you in before?” Sam presses. “It could be overwhelming—”

“The difference is, this time I’m myself again,” Lucas says softly. “If the Trainers are gone, it won’t be so bad. I lived there for almost as long as I lived in this house.”

“No,” Sam says sharply, “you shouldn’t have to live through all of that—you shouldn’t have to
see
it again—”

He reaches over, locking his hand over hers, weaving their fingers together. She quiets, but the panic in her face is as obvious as my own heart thundering in my ears. This is too much. He shouldn’t have to.